Chapter 22
Twenty-Two
Colt
It wasn’t until I was outside that I realized I have nowhere to go—and no way to get there.
I don’t know where Dash or the others live, and while I certainly have the skills and contacts to find out, that feels wrong given the way things are between us.
I don’t have any friends here in L.A. and Briar’s house is pretty much the only place I’ve felt comfortable since I got out of the hospital.
The one thing I do have is money, so I’m thankful for that as I call an Uber to take me to the one place I’m familiar with that might have a friendly face.
The Sapphire Room.
There are perks to the training I have, like being able to sneak in and out of almost anywhere, but that feels like too much work tonight. So, I march up to the front door like I belong there.
“You’re not on the list,” a big, burly bouncer announces.
“My friends own this place,” I say, hanging on to my patience by a thread. The last week or so has felt like an eternity. I just want to sit at a bar and drown my sorrow for a few hours. Is that too much to ask?
“I don’t care if your mother owns the place,” the bouncer replies with a shrug. “If you’re not a member, and you’re not on the list, you don’t come in.” He folds his arms across his massive chest, and it occurs to me I probably can’t take him. Not in my current condition.
Fuck.
“Look, could you just—” I start to pull a fifty out of my wallet but then I hear a quiet, familiar voice.
“It’s okay, Ernie. He’s with me.”
Aspen.
She has a soft, friendly if not curious, look on her face.
“Thanks,” I say, following her inside.
“What are you doing here?”
“It’s been a long…week.”
“Then I have just what the doctor ordered.” She walks behind the bar, and I can see by the bottles she grabs—she’s making a Gamebreaker.
Yes. Thank fuck for little things.
I settle at the bar while she expertly makes me a drink and slides it across the bar to me.
“Thank you.” I reach for some money, but she waves me off.
“Your money’s no good here.”
“I appreciate that.” I don’t know what else to say so I gulp down the drink and push it back toward her. “Am I good for another?”
“Absolutely.” Her eyes twinkle as she makes the second one. Then she picks up her phone and types something.
“Don’t bother calling in reinforcements,” I say dryly. “None of them want to talk to me.”
She chuckles. “Well, I can’t speak for all of them, but I know my husband does.”
Banks.
He’s a good man. Different from the others. He always was. Just a laid-back guy who only cared about two things—hockey and his brothers. Everything else was background noise to him.
Royal always had a dark, serious edge—the full-on rockstar long before he made it big. Focused and ambitious, there was no doubt he was going to be a star.
Dash was a tough guy, inside and out. Got in more fights than I did, which says a lot, and won every single one. He protected Briar like it was a full-time job, to the extent that even I was a little intimidated. I didn’t know how I would ever explain my feelings for her to him.
And there was Atlas. Closed-off, introverted, and academic. He was a hockey player like the rest of us, and could party hard on occasion, but his studies were important too. He had a plan and though I wasn’t around to see it come to fruition, I never doubted it would.
I guess I was an oddball too. I didn’t have a focus.
I loved hockey, but I didn’t harbor any illusions about the NHL.
The military was the next logical step, but I knew early on it wouldn’t be enough.
There was an itch, this wild need for adventure and righting the wrongs of the world that I couldn’t share with my brothers.
Deep down, I suspect that plays a part in why it’s been so hard to win them over. They knew I would leave them—certainly not the way I did—but they resent the fact that I did it without giving anyone a head’s up.
“I’m going to say a penny won’t cover the thoughts you’re having right now.” Banks settles onto the bar stool next to mine.
“Probably not,” I acknowledge. “Who’s watching Maisie?”
“Mrs. X.”
“Who’s Mrs. X?”
“She’s our adopted grandma. She was Aspen’s neighbor before we moved in together, looked out for her. So now we’re returning the favor. She lives with us as an unofficial nanny, housekeeper, grandma, or whatever else is needed. Mostly, we just love her.”
I smile.
Of course they do.
That’s who they are—Banks and the others.
“She sounds great,” I say a little wistfully.
“You’ll meet her soon enough. We want to have you over to the house.”
“You got a guest room for me?”
He arches a brow. “Sure. Why? You need a place to stay?”
“Briar and I had a fight. She kicked me out, and I realized I have nowhere to go. No one to turn to.”
“And you came here.” He smiles. “You know this is all for you, right?”
I turn my head curiously. “This? What’s this?”
“The Sapphire Room.”
I’m confused. “What do you mean?”
“I mean, we bought it so we would have a place to hang out and remember you. Briar came up with the name because people used to say your eyes looked like sapphires, so…The Sapphire Room. And there’s always a table reserved for you—” He swivels on his stool and points to the table where everyone was sitting the last time I was here.
For the first time, I notice the little placard that reads “Reserved for Colt.”
Now my eyes feel scratchy, and an all-too-familiar wave of guilt jolts through my system.
“Don’t.” Banks puts a hand on my arm when I drop my head. “You should have told us your plans but even if you had, we wouldn’t have known that your superiors lied about your death. That part isn’t on you.”
“It still feels like shit.”
“I just wish you’d trusted us.”
“It wasn’t about trust,” I respond, lifting my drink and guzzling what’s left. Almost like magic, another appears, and I nod at Aspen before turning back to Banks. “If Dash knew what I was going to do, he would have followed me—and I couldn’t allow it. Someone had to stay back, take care of Briar.”
Banks’s eyes darken. “The rest of us never would have let anything happen to her! We would have taken care of her.”
“Yeah, but how would she have dealt with losing both of us? The man she was in love with and her brother? I knew the danger—at that point in my life, I craved it as much as I craved her. But I knew I would never be able to settle down if I didn’t go out there and…
do it. Save the world or whatever the fuck I thought I needed to do. ”
“It didn’t occur to you that Briar would still be devastated by losing you?”
“Of course it did. That’s the part that’s hard to explain to her.
But Dash kept her on such a tight leash, by the time I got my head out of my ass and figured out that I was legit falling in love with her, I’d already signed.
I couldn’t back out. I wrote letters while I was in training.
A whole fucking year of letters… that those fuckers never sent. ”
Banks scowls.
“They were full of apologies to you guys and promises to Briar. All the ways I would make it up to her once I got through training. I guess in my head I compartmentalized…like, compared it to being in the military. Go to Russia, catch a bad guy, come home to my wife and family. Individual missions. They explained what it would be like, but I thought I knew better, that I could handle it, no matter what they said. Then my first mission went straight to hell in a hand basket. And now…” I down my third drink.
“You might want to slow down,” Banks says dryly. “I really don’t want to have to carry you home.”
I chuckle. “I’ll be fine. And I really need a numbing agent right now.”
“Must’ve been a doozy with Briar.”
“Yeah.” I absently drum my fingers on the bar. “She doesn’t want me.”
“You still have feelings for her?”
I turn to him, squinting slightly. “Loving her is the only reason I’m still alive.”
Banks is quiet. Watching my face. Waiting for me to continue.
But there’s nothing else to say.
I love her. She doesn’t love me back anymore. She’s in love with some fucking douchebag hockey player who’ll never love her as much as I do. He might treat her better, but no one will ever love Briar the way I do. It’s simply not possible.
My silence must reflect something about my state of mind because Banks finally cocks his head.
“So, what are you going to do? Are you staying or leaving again?”
“I’m not leaving my kid,” I say firmly. “I’ve missed too much already. I just don’t know if I can watch Briar with West. That’s a knife to my heart every fucking time I see them together.”
He frowns. “You know they…broke up, right?”
My head snaps to the side. “What are you talking about? She came home from her date and told me I was fucking up her relationship, her life. Then she told me I had a week to find another place to live. Normally, she backpedals after we calm down, but she didn’t. Not this time.”
Banks glances at me, squinting. “So… you packed your duffel and just walked out?”
“I couldn’t stay in the house with her that mad. I was bound to say or do something dumb. It was easier to just leave. I can get a hotel.”
“No way.” He shakes his head. “You’ll come home with us. Mrs. X will love having another lost soul to mother. Or grandmother as the case may be.”
But I’m not really listening.
I’m still focused on what he said a minute ago.
“How do you know they broke up?” I ask.
“Because we have a group text thread on the team and he sent out an SOS about an hour ago wanting to know if anyone wanted to go get wasted with him. Someone asked if Briar finally wised up and dumped him and he responded with ‘the details don’t matter. I just can’t compete with a dead man.
’” He’s reading off his phone and despite the alcohol swimming in my system and the buzz making it hard to concentrate, now I understand.
That’s why she was so upset.
West dumped her—what a dumbass.
But that’s okay.
Because I’m right here to pick up the necessary pieces to put both our lives back together.