Chapter 2 Sebastian
TWO
SEBASTIAN
Watching her sprint down the beach away from me makes my gut twist uncomfortably. The last time she ran away from me like that was when she first came to Kingsacre University and I revealed that I was the real reason she was there.
Back then I was angry and determined, now I’m terrified. My wife is backing further and further away from me, and the only way I know how to stop her from leaving is to cage her to me.
I know she still loves me, and I love her more than anything else in the entire world, but I’ve been forced to realize that I don’t really know her anymore.
In the last year, she hatched a plan and made one of my closest friend’s wives disappear from beneath our noses, while I had no idea she was plotting behind our backs.
One day Bunny was living in the house we all shared on campus, and the next she was gone, without a trace.
Even now, months later, we don’t know where she went or how she was able to disappear so seamlessly, but deep down I know that it’s because Starling planned everything for her own disappearance.
The thought that I could wake up one morning and find the spot beside me empty has plagued me ever since. I don’t know how to cope with the fear of her leaving me, other than to keep her close to me so she never has an opportunity.
When we lived on campus, it was easier. My brothers and I should have graduated over a year ago, but we prolonged our time in college because none of us were willing to leave the girls behind, knowing that they’d still be in school for a couple more years.
Honestly, we’d probably have dragged it out until they graduated if Sammy hadn’t announced her engagement to a guy none of us knew and her plan to leave us all behind and transfer to Harvard.
Starling always has been, and always will be mine, and although I’ll never admit it out loud, over the years I’ve enjoyed segregating her from everyone else.
Her closest and only friend in high school was an asshole that happily chose me and popularity over her friendship with my wife, and after Starling ran away to Maine, she never bothered to make new friends.
I’ve always believed that all Starling has ever needed is me, and when I first brought her to Kingsacre University, I wanted all of her time, all of her attention, and all of her focus.
So when Starling brought Sammy home, I instantly hated her.
She’s mouthy, opinionated, and she had the audacity to steal some of my little bird’s attention away from me.
Sammy was a threat to me, and I considered removing her from my little bird’s world, but I’m so glad that I didn’t.
Not that I think she would have allowed me to force her away.
But when I watched the woman I love laugh with her friend, when I’d forgotten what her happiness looked like, it shocked me.
Seeing her smile and learning how she looked when she was happy made me want to be the person who made her feel that way.
But beyond how much she meant to Starling, Sammy became one of us.
My brothers and I broke Starling. It was mostly me, but they helped, and we all feel some guilt for the things we did both before and after I claimed Starling as mine; so allowing her to keep the friend who was helping her was the least we could do.
Since Sammy became one of us, she’s become so much more than just Starling’s friend.
We all saw Evan fall for her. At the time I thought it was obvious to all of us except Sammy and Evan that they were perfect for each other.
But no matter how much their lives were entwined together, Evan kept denying he felt anything for her, when he should have just claimed her as his the first time she came to the house.
Of the four of us, Evan is the brother who has wrestled more than any of us with his guilt over the part he played in ruining Starling and her mom’s relationship.
We were the ones who suggested Evan’s dad, Harry, should ask Cassidy, Starling’s mom, out on a date.
We told him a little of our plan to bring Starling back to me, and he was on board with using Cassidy to manipulate her daughter.
We didn’t expect him to fall in love with her or marry her, and we never anticipated that Evan would gain a sister who not only hated him but also her mom and her new stepfather too.
When Sammy announced her engagement, Starling shocked us all by telling Evan to do whatever he needed to do to bring Sammy back to us.
Since the day I forced my way into Starling’s life, I’ve waited for her to truly accept my brothers.
After everything that happened with Hunter, I never expected it to happen, so I was elated when she offered Evan an olive branch.
She wanted her friend back, and he wanted to claim his woman.
Starling offered him absolution, and I was elated.
But none of us had any inkling that Sammy’s engagement and her decision to transfer to a new school was all just a plan orchestrated by Starling to give Evan the kick in the ass he needed to acknowledge his feelings for Sammy and stake a claim.
To be honest, when Sammy told us all the truth—that she and Starling had plotted and manipulated all of us—I was impressed. Once again Starling had shown me that she is truly one of us now. That she’s equally as conniving, ruthless, and manipulative as the rest of us.
I’m just not sure that this version of Starling is the one I fell in love with all those years ago.
She’s changed, and I know that’s mainly because of me.
I’ve never regretted claiming her or altering her life to fit into my world, and I’ll never let her go, no matter how much she might want me to.
She told me she’s not a broken little bird anymore, and that’s true.
She’s different now, but she’s still mine, and now I need to figure out how to bind her to me so tightly that I never have to fear her ever trying to leave me again.
All of my brothers have used different methods to bind their wives to them. Clay fell so deeply in love with January that he was willing to give her anything she wanted, even if that meant letting her go.
Hunter tried to blackmail and manipulate Bunny. I admire his efforts, and perhaps if Starling hadn’t interjected, it might have worked, but in the end, Bunny chose him despite all of his sins, and their marriage is stronger because of it.
Evan went a different route. He drugged Sammy and had a doctor remove her birth control and then he got her pregnant, ensuring that she’d always be his.
It worked, she’s chained to him for the rest of his life, but I’m not sure his sins would have been so easily forgiven, if Sammy and Starling hadn’t been the puppet masters orchestrating his and Sammy’s relationship in the first place.
You can’t hate the player when you’re both deviously playing the game.
Since it started to feel like Starling was slipping away, I’ve contemplated baby trapping my beautiful wife.
But I fear that if I were to do that to Starling, she’d end up resenting our child.
Until recently, I honestly didn’t believe there was a line I wouldn’t cross to keep her, but apparently that’s mine.
I refuse to make any child we create together be a weapon, and if I drugged her and took away that choice, I’m not sure she’d ever forgive me.
That’s not to say that I don’t plan on getting her pregnant. I absolutely do. But I want her to know I’m doing it. I want to watch her face as I fill her with my cum. I want to see the exact moment she realizes that I’m putting our baby in her.
Despite all of her messed-up history, Starling has always been right there with me when it comes to sex. She may pretend to hate me. She might pretend she doesn’t want me to fuck her, but she knows that if she asked me to stop, I would.
Look at that. There are two lines I won’t cross.
From the moment I saw Starling, on her first day of freshman year, I knew she was mine.
I knew that I was going to marry her and that I’d do whatever I needed to do to make that happen.
I planned everything, right up to the moment that I walked into the shitty diner she was working in and told her I was taking her home.
Back then I assumed she’d want me just as much as I wanted her, and when she didn’t, I just took her anyway. After she ran from me, I burned her world to the ground and then brought her back to me and built her a new life out of the ashes.
Despite everything that’s happened, I have always been sure that she belongs to me and that she understands that.
Discovering that she had a foolproof escape plan set up to leave me shocked me to my core. My wife, my little bird, had not just considered how she’d get free of me, but she’d orchestrated an entire plot to disappear like a ghost.
Since that day, I don’t remember the last time I slept a full night, because every time I close my eyes, I imagine waking up alone and realizing that she’s gone.
I don’t know how or if I’ll ever get past the fear that one day she might walk out of my life and never come back, and I don’t know how to stop that from happening, or even if I can.
After Bunny came home, Starling confessed to all of us that she’s not okay.
She told us that she thought she was over everything that happened in high school, but that she’s not.
I know that I’m the reason her life imploded.
I know I’m the reason that she can barely stand to be in the same room as her mom.
I know that I’m the reason that she’s fucked up.
But the dirty, ugly truth is that I like that she’s a mess.
I like knowing that I’m a part of all of her.
The good, the bad, and the ugly mean messy parts.
I want to own every inch of her. I want to be in every thought she has, every breath she takes, every choice she makes.