Chapter 6 Sebastian #2
“Yes and no,” Starling says. “Now that I can look back on our relationship, it wasn’t great even before Sebastian and I met.
Mom is brilliant but useless at the same time.
I was the one paying the bills and working to cover the months where she didn’t earn enough to pay the mortgage payment.
Mom wasn’t really a parent; she was my roommate.
I guess that’s what made it so easy to get sucked into the strange world of excess that Harry and the others offered her.
I didn’t want to be noticed by Sebastian and his rich friends, but my mom was excited to be chosen.
To a certain degree, I get why she picked them over me.
But I don’t have to forgive her for that.
She’s never taken accountability for the way she dismissed my feelings and then chose to believe Sebastian’s narrative over mine.
I was sixteen and out of my depth. I needed her, and she didn’t pick me.
She picked Sebastian and Harry the big house and whatever else they have now.
I understand why she did it, but that doesn’t mean I have to forgive it.
I was her child, and she told me she’d cut me out of her life if I didn’t stay in a relationship with a boy who made me feel like I was drowning. What parent does that?”
“But you accepted Sebastian?” Dr. Sally questions.
“I fell in love with him.”
“Has he ever taken accountability for his behavior? Has he changed? Is he a fundamentally different person than he was when you met him in high school?”
“Sebastian isn’t the type of man who apologizes,” she says with a dry laugh.
Instead of speaking, Dr. Sally waits for Starling to continue.
“He knows he hurt me. He knows that as much as I love him, a part of me will always hate him.”
“Is that okay?”
“I love him more than I hate him. Most days.”
“How did it feel when he revealed that you’d be taking a full team of bodyguards to school with you?”
“Like I was drowning again,” she says, a single tear falling from her eye, rolling down her cheek, and dripping from her chin.
“You said this week had been a good week. So, what have you done to help you to move past the way he made you feel?” Dr. Sally asks.
Laughing, Starling’s cheeks turn pink. “We…our…our dynamic has changed.”
“Your dynamic?” Dr. Sally questions. “Your sexual dynamic?”
“After the security stuff, I freaked out. I went for a run down the beach.”
“You ran away from him?”
Shrugging, Starling nods. “Yes, I ran away from him. He knew where I was, though. I have a fucking tracker in my neck.”
“Have you considered having it removed?”
“No,” Starling admits.
“Why not?”
“I guess I see it as a necessary evil. Having it saved me from being raped in my freshman year. I don’t love feeling like I’m constantly being monitored, but knowing it’s there makes me feel safe too.”
“I think that’s understandable. You were attacked. I know you don’t think that has affected you, but trauma like that changes you. Did your and Sebastian’s relationship change after he used your tracker to find you and rescue you?”
“Yeah. I guess it did.”
“Do you feel like you were more willing to overlook some of his more concerning controlling behaviors afterward?”
“Yes,” Starling agrees. “Him being a control freak literally saved me from being raped. It’s hard not to feel a little differently after that.”
“I agree. But if you hadn’t been attacked, do you think you’d have felt the same?”
“I’m not sure,” Starling admits.
“For your homework this week, I want you to think about what your relationship would look like if that incident hadn’t happened and we’ll discuss it in our next session.”
“Okay.”
“Tell me about the new sexual dynamic.”
“I was a virgin before Sebastian. He’s my only sexual partner.”
“Were you feeling unsatisfied by your sexual relationship?” Dr. Sally asks.
“No,” Starling quickly responds. “No. Sex is where we’ve always been completely compatible.”
“In what way were you completely compatible?”
“Sebastian is controlling by nature. That extends into the bedroom. He likes to be in charge, and even though I don’t have experience of anything else, I don’t want to be the dominant one.”
“Having one partner take the lead in sexual interactions is perfectly normal. Although perhaps role-playing with you being in control could be an interesting experiment.”
Starling shakes her head. “I don’t want that.”
“That’s okay. So, what’s changed this week?”
“Sebastian has dialed up the intensity.”
“In what way?”
“He’s taken complete control of everything in that area. He decides when, how, and where.”
“So, he’s taken on an even more sexually dominant role?”
“It’s more than that. He’ll walk over to me and just take what he wants, and although I’m not sure I should, I love it.”
“That’s good. Sexual relationships develop and change, just like emotional ones do. It’s incredibly unlikely that you’ll like the same things you liked at eighteen at twenty-five or forty. I think it’s healthy to try new things and keep things fresh.”
“I don’t really get it, but the more controlling he’s gotten around sex, the less controlled he is about everything else.”
“Can you explain that a little more for me?” Dr. Sally asks.
“He graduated this summer, and he was supposed to start working at his family’s company, but instead we spent all of summer break together.
I actually don’t think we spent more than three hours apart.
But it wasn’t because we couldn’t bear to be away from each other, it was because he wouldn’t let me out of his sight.
He’d watch me like I was about to bolt if I got up to go to the bathroom.
He’d have the tracking app open watching me if I walked over to Sammy and Evan’s place.
It’s insane. They live on the same gated estate as us, which is surrounded by the sea on one side and thirty-foot walls on the other three.
But then this week, since we’ve changed our sexual dynamic, he’s spent three days at the office. ”
“And you think the change in your sexual dynamic is the reason?”
“I have no clue, but something between us feels different. Easier.”
“Are you suspicious of his sudden change of behavior?”
Laughing, Starling smiles. “With Sebastian, I’d be an idiot if I wasn’t suspicious.”
Dr. Sally asks Starling a few more questions before the session winds down and Starling leaves with her security at her side.
Turning off the camera, I save the video file, alongside the others, then log off from the remote server and make sure that Starling will never find them. Glancing around my home office, I smile to myself and decide where to take my beautiful wife for dinner.
I hear the front door open an hour later as I pretend to work. But instead I’m actually watching the tracking app map, the body cam footage from her security team, and the camera inside the car she’s being driven in, all at the same time.
“Sebastian,” she calls.
“In my office,” I call back, not bothering to try to hide the blatant stalking I’ve been doing from her.
“Hey,” she says, pausing in the open doorway.
Hooking my finger at her, I beckon her inside, reaching down to unfasten my belt and pants as she steps into the room. Her eyes go hooded as she watches me free my hard dick, fisting the length as she approaches.
She’s wearing her usual jean shorts and tank top, three inches of her belly visible between the waist of her shorts and the hem of her shirt.
“Strip,” I order.
Glancing back at the open door, she turns back to me questioningly.
“Strip, Little Bird.”
Pulling her shirt and bralette over her head, she pushes down her shorts, stepping out of them and her shoes, before moving toward me in just her panties.
“Everything,” I order.
Sighing, she glances at the door again, hooking her thumbs into the waist and pushing them down her legs, stepping out of them and closing the space between us completely naked.
“Sit,” I growl, holding my dick up as I point to my lap.
The moment she’s close enough to touch, I turn her so she’s facing the door, then pull her down onto my waiting cock, guiding my hardness into her heat until she’s in my lap, her legs spread wide astride mine, her cunt engulfing my cock.
“Sebastian,” she moans as she grips the edge of my desk.
Instead of fucking her, I hold her in place, sitting unmoving on my cock while I wait for her gaze to land on my computer screen, where the footage of her walking from the doctor’s office, in the car, and the tracker app are clearly visible.
“What the fuck?” she whispers.
“What’s the matter?”
“You’re watching me?”
“I’m always watching, Little Bird. I’ve been watching you since the day I saw you.
I watched you as you slept in your tiny single bed at your dad’s.
I watched you shower when you slept in the turret I made just for you.
I watched when you ran on the treadmill downstairs two days ago.
I’ve been watching you since the moment I realized you existed, and I’ll be watching you until I take my last breath.
I’m the stalker you married, the one you love, the one who loves to watch, to own, to control you.
I know you’ve changed, and I’ll try to allow you some of the freedom you need, but even then, I’ll never stop protecting you.
I’ll never look away, because I know how lucky I am, and I’m not stupid enough to ever give you up. ”
“Sebastian,” she gasps again, clenching and unclenching her internal muscles around me as her body starts to ache for more.
“What do you need, Little Bird? Tell me what you need and I’ll give it to you. I’ll always give you anything.”
“I need you to fuck me.”
“Then ride away. Use me, I’m yours.”
“What?” she questions, shock evident in her voice.
“Ride my dick, Starling, take what you need. Be selfish and use my dick to make yourself come. You’re in charge. You own me. I’m yours,” I tell her, releasing my hold on her and curling my fingers around the arms of my chair.
“I’ve never…” she starts.
“You’ve ridden my cock a thousand times. Just tell me what you want me to do, and I’ll do it.”
“I…no…I don’t understand.”
“I’m your puppet. You’re my master, wife. Control me.”
“No,” she splutters, looking at me over her shoulder, her brows furrowed in confusion.
“Why not? I thought you wanted this.”
“Why would I want this?” she asks.
“I’ve pissed you off this week. I’ve made you take a team of security guards with you every time you’ve left the house.
I changed you to an online student so I didn’t have to let you go to campus.
I’ve spent the morning stalking you. Punish me.
Ride my dick until you come all over it, but stop me from filling you. Take control, Little Bird.”
“That’s not what I want,” she admits, lifting herself off my dick, turning to face me, and sitting down on the edge of my desk.
“Why?”
“Because that’s not us.”
“But things are changing between us, Starling. I know you enjoyed me using you these last couple of days, but I see you pushing against my control, and I’m willing to do whatever it takes to keep you.
I’ll do anything to make you happy. Even let you treat me like your toy.
I’ll do anything you ask me to. I’ll eat your cunt until you tell me to stop.
I’ll save every drop of cum until you tell me where I’m allowed to spill it.
I don’t want my control to be the reason I lose you. ”
I know this isn’t what she wants. I heard her tell her therapist that an hour ago, but I want her to tell me.
I want her to admit that she needs me to control her.
That she loves the way I own her, that she needs me to protect her.
That she needs the control that I’ve spent the last four years manipulating her into thinking is just who I am.
“No,” she says, shaking her head. “I don’t want to be in charge.”
“Why not? I’ve been the one in control since the day we met. Isn’t it time to turn the tables? I’ll relinquish every ounce of control to you. I’ll be yours, as long as you promise to stay.”
Throwing herself into my lap, she cups my face in her hands, tipping my head back so I’m looking into her expressive eyes.
“I promise to stay, Sebastian. I love you. I’m frustrated and I’m angry and I have changed.
I am different now, and we both see that.
But I still need you. I know that underneath all of the crazy, everything you do is to keep me safe, to give me this unbelievable life.
I don’t want to be in charge. I don’t want to tell you what to do.
I want you to want me the same way you always have.
I want you to love me the way you always have.
I want you to claim me unapologetically, no matter how much it hurts.
And I want you to own my body the way you have this week.
When it comes to sex, I want you to control every inch of me the way you’ve been doing since Monday night.
I don’t want to be in charge. I don’t want to make the decisions or take the lead.
I want you to use me like I’m your little whore. ”
“You do?” I question, making my words sound soft and uncertain, even though she’s saying exactly what I planned for her to say.
“Yes. I’m yours, Sebastian. I’m your little bird and your whore and your wife and everything else in between. I’m just yours.”
“You’re mine?” I question, cupping her face with my hands, the same way she’s touching me.
“All yours.”
“You want me to take control?”
“Every inch.”
“Are you sure? I don’t want you to change your mind and be mad at me for this later.”
“I’m sure, but if I do, you can show me the camera footage from this moment to prove it to me.”
“You’re mine.”
She nods.
“My wife.”
Nod.
“My little bird.”
Nod.
“My whore.”
She nods once more, tugging her lip between her teeth.
“Okay.”
“Okay?”
I’m the one to nod this time, and she smiles at me like I’ve given her a gift, not manipulated her into doing exactly what I want.
“Then get on your knees and suck my dick until I fill your throat with cum, then sit on my cock until it’s hard enough to fuck you with.”