Chapter 19
CHAPTER NINETEEN
Maisie
I'm not sure what hurt more; knowing Matty was in town and not seeing him, or only getting to spend a few moments in his presence.
I know I wished for this but saying goodbye took more out of me than I wanted to admit. I couldn't think.
I went through the motions as Hendrix spoke to Janie about closing up the bakery for me. I didn’t remember the drive back to his house, aside from the silence.
At least I think that was the case. I was stuck in my head, so if he asked me anything, I can't say with any certainty that I responded.
Hendrix also undressed me at some point. I only know that because I was currently standing under the hot spray, with him standing at my back, as the water cascaded around us.
"I hate seeing you so sad, sweetheart."
I let him carry all my weight. It was too much at the moment. I wanted to crawl into bed and not come out for a few days. I had the same feeling the first time I was forced to leave my brother behind.
"How can he just walk away?” I mumbled. “I feel like a part of my heart has been ripped out of my chest and he just leaves, as if us being separated isn't that big of a deal."
I knew growing up we didn't have what most considered a typical sibling relationship. We rarely fought but that had more to do with the fact that if we did, then we would have no one. We were each other's person and that continued into adulthood. Some would consider it an unhealthy codependency, but we didn't know any better.
Walking away twelve years ago had nearly killed me, but somehow, today felt worse.
"I can't say for sure, but something tells me he feels the loss just as much as you do."
I didn't know how that could be possible when he was the one to pull away.
"I just want to lie down in bed."
Hendrix placed a soft kiss on my wet hair. "Okay, sweetheart. Let's get cleaned up and then we can go lie down."
There was nothing sexual about Hendrix washing my body. It felt almost clinical the way he moved across my hips, legs, arms, and chest. Deep down, where my body and soul weren’t numb, I felt sad about that. His touch always brought a spark. Set fire to my blood. This was just one more thing taken away from me. From us.
Hendrix towel-dried my body and my hair. He helped me step into a pair of panties and slipped one of his shirts over my head. The soft fabric felt better than any pair of pajamas I owned.
When he settled us in bed, with my back nestled into his front, I knew things would be okay as long as I had him by my side. He ran his fingers through my hair and traced lines across my belly with his other hand. I melted further into his touch.
"Will you tell me about him? Tell me about your life growing up?"
For the first time since my brother walked away, a small smile broke through.
"Matty was always the troublemaker. My parents used to call him the wild child. Even though we lived off the grid, away from any civilization, he always found a way to get into trouble. He loved pulling pranks more than anything."
"And let me guess, you were the perfect angel?"
I thought back to my childhood and how different of a person I was now compared to then.
"You could say that. I was the yin to his yang. While he was causing trouble, I was doing my best to smooth things over. Matty always thought if they were going to force us to live so far from other people, then we needed to make the most of everything while we could. I just wanted to survive until we got away. I always figured I would live my life after that."
Hendrix continued to draw circles on my stomach. "And now?"
A little of the sadness crept back in. "Now I wish I would've lived life to the fullest back then with him. We always said we would be together forever. I never had any reason to think differently. If I had known we would've been spending all these years apart, I would have caused a ruckus with him back then, rather than being the wet blanket."
Hendrix chuckled against my ear. "I can't picture you as a wet blanket. The tattoos, the piercings, the wardrobe. When I first met you, all I could think was this was a woman who enjoyed life and showing off her personality."
I traced my fingers along his and played with the leather band on his wrist. It was one of the first things that caught my eye when I met him.
"I did all of that after I was forced to go on the run. A little tribute to my brother, I guess. As kids we would talk about all the things we would do once we were old enough. All the things our parents were dead set against. The tattoos and piercings I used to joke about because they were the opposite of the good girl I was. They were the first thing I did as soon as I had money. The clothes came afterwards. I went through several phases before I finally discovered my style."
She laughed humorlessly. “Some of the phases I went through were downright hideous and even I can't believe I thought they were cool.”
"Well, I happen to like the person you've become."
The smile was back, this time just a little bigger. "You're not so bad yourself."
Hendrix laughed again. "We're getting off topic. Tonight is supposed to be about remembering the good times with your brother. So tell me about these pranks he used to pull."
And that was how we spent the rest of the evening. Me telling Hendrix about Matty and what a great brother he was to me and how he provided the comfort and support I needed.
By the time I fell into a peaceful sleep, I was sure that I was no longer falling but irrefutably in love with Hendrix.