Chapter 6
Savannah
Ican hardly look at Beau as we get dressed. I can’t believe I just made such a fool of myself. He’d already made me feel so amazing, and I wanted him so bad, I was aching for him.
And then I screwed up.
I just couldn’t stand the thought that this thing between us that felt so beautiful could turn into that ugly roaring and screaming I used to hear at the territory.
When I was a kid, it used to wake me up at night.
I’d jam a pillow against my ears, trying to block it out.
I didn’t know what it was, just that it was connected to the reason why the women always looked so miserable in their harems.
But Beau said he’d never hurt me, and I think I believe him. This man who’s strong enough to throw two bears out on their asses is so gentle with me.
But what if…what if things are different after we mate? What if some guys are kind until they possess you?
My mom’s parting words burn my ears again:
Don’t give your heart away to a man.
Beau slips outside ahead of me. I think he wants to give me some privacy. And I’m grateful for it. I take my time freshening up, brushing my hair which has gotten very mussed. Not a whole lot I can do about my drenched panties right now.
I take out a plastic bag from my backpack, full of the wet clothes I was wearing yesterday. I figure I’ll go wash them in the river, see if Beau has a drying rack I can use.
I wonder what he’s thinking about me now. He was treating me like I was a woman, but now he’s probably thinking I’m just a silly little girl. He proudly hooks up with girls every time he stops in a new town, brings them back to his bus. Drives them wild.
Bile rises up in my throat. I can’t stand the thought of him being with other women.
It’s dumb. He’s a decade older than me. Of course he’s been with a ton of women.
And of course he’s not the settling down kind, he’s made that clear.
He must have had women falling at his feet all his life.
Guess he’s a guy who doesn’t want to have a mate.
Just as well I didn’t let him fuck me, I think, as I step outside the van.
Beau has pulled a grill out of somewhere, and the coals are already glowing hot.
“Getting her cranked up for dinner.” He throws me a lazy grin when I emerge, like there’s not a single tense thought in his mind.
I wave the plastic bag awkwardly. “Going to go wash some clothes.”
He frowns. “In the river?”
“Yup. I’ve washed clothes in the river all my life,” I mutter. Now I feel even more ashamed.
“Okay.” He shrugs carelessly.
I head over to the riverbank. It’s near twilight, and the water is dark now. So different from the shimmering gold of the morning.
Did all of this happen in a single day? It’s so weird. I feel like Beau and I have known each other for a long time. For forever, really. But less than twenty-four hours ago, I couldn’t even have imagined meeting someone like him.
I scramble down the side of the bank and dunk my clothes in the flow of the water.
The mud is sticky, like it was on my skin.
I hold the clothes up, examine them critically in the fading light.
Maybe when I’ve done a few shifts at the bar, I’ll be able to go shopping, buy some less embarrassing stuff.
When I get back, Beau is hard at work at the grill. A bunch of meat is cooking and it smells all kinds of awesome. Guilt flows through me as I remember this is the second time he’s cooked for me today. “Let me take over,” I say.
“This?” He points his cooking tongs at the grill. “Nope. Barbecuing is guys’ work. I put out a clothes rack for you, on the other side of Bertha.” He tilts his head in the general direction. “And if you want something to do, go grab us a couple of beers from the fridge.”
I lay out my clothes, select two beers from a small but tidy fridge, dig out a couple of plates and some silverware, and bring everything outside.
It’s dark by the time dinner is ready. Beau turns on a light at the edge of the awning, and it casts a soft glow over the surroundings.
“One more thing.” He darts inside and returns with a candle in a jar, which he positions in the middle of the table.
“Like it?” The glance he throws me is tinged with uncertainty. “Only, I don’t normally have company.”
“It’s…it’s perfect,” I say, thinking it’s the most romantic thing I’ve seen in my life. My silly heart flutters as I sit down opposite him.
The beer is ice cold and the grilled meat is delicious. “Hunted it myself,” Beau tells me.
The first few sips of beer relax me, smooth over my sharp edges.
Beau asks me about the bar, and I tell him about Elinor. How she calls us The Jects.
“She sounds like fun,” he says.
“She is,” I agree. “She said this is a famous reject town. Guess that’s why my mom brought me here.”
Beau is looking at me with amusement. “Home for losers, misfits, and ne’er do wells.”
“Is that true?”
He shrugs. “I don’t know. I was just passing through for work.”
“You were looking for someone?”
“I received intelligence he might have blown through here.” He stretches his feet out in front of him, gazes at the darkening sky.
I study him while his attention is directed away from me. “I really screwed up your day, didn’t I?”
He jerks forward and lays his big hand on mine, his gaze intense. “No, honey. Not at all. Trust me, you were the best part of my day.”
A prickly kind of heat sweeps through me. “But don’t you need to find this guy?” I manage to say.
“Nope. If I don’t find him, someone else will. It’s no big deal.”
I frown, wondering if that’s true. Wondering what he gave up to help me.
I ask him all about his job. Sure sounds like fun tracking people down, hunting for obscure pieces of information. I can see it suits him well, this life on the road. He doesn’t seem like a guy to stay in a place for long, I think, and the thought tugs at me.
When we’re finished eating, I insist on clearing the plates away and washing up.
“Come out here,” Beau calls as I’m finishing.
There’s a ladder attached to the side of Bertha, and he’s waiting to hoist me up.
I clamber up, intrigued. He’s laid out some camping mats and a couple of blankets and pillows.
“I like to come up here in the evenings,” he says, throwing himself down carelessly.
I drop down beside him, wrap my arms around my knees, feeling a little awkward.
But when he reaches for me, I tumble into his embrace easily. He lays me down on the pillows and wraps the blankets around us.
I shiver against him in delight.
“Cold?” He pulls the blankets up beneath my chin.
“Not anymore,” I say. Hesitantly, I lift an arm and lay it across his chest. I’m shy to touch him like this. Despite everything we did this evening, we’re still strangers. But Beau lays his hand over mine and gives a sigh of contentment, and it just feels right. Like we fit together perfectly.
He’s so much bigger than me. So powerful and fierce, but I feel safe in his arms. I shuffle a little closer, Beau holds me more tightly, and I lay my head on his shoulder. Bliss. Pure bliss.
“Look up at the stars,” he growls in my ear.
They’re dazzling. It’s a perfect, clear night. No moon, no clouds. Just thousands and thousands of stars scattered across the sky. I feel like I can see deep into the galaxies.
He chuckles at my exclamations of awe, and his thumb chafes my palm. I feel him trace the hard calluses that sit at the base of each finger.
Then he lifts my hand up and examines it. “These hands have done a lot of hard work,” he comments.
“I was one of the launderers.”
He turns his head sharply. “Money launderers?”
I giggle. “You really have no idea how simple my pack is. No, as in, it was my job to wash everyone’s clothes.”
He raises an eyebrow. “You mean by hand?”
“Yup. In the river. Pounding them with stones.”
He tilts his head toward the little river tinkling in the distance. “That’s why you—” He gives a shudder. “No. Just no. That’s why god invented laundromats.”
“He did?” I play along.
“Yup, on the eighth day, along with a ton of other stuff, so folks could concentrate on more important things.”
“I’ve never even seen a laundromat. I’m ridiculous, aren’t I?”
His voice turns so serious, it startles me. “Don’t ever say that about yourself.” He presses my hand to his lips and kisses it. “You’re a princess. Don’t you know that? You were born to be cherished. Protected. Not forced to operate a stone-age laundry service.” His eyes are fierce, angry.
Princess? I can’t breathe. My own eyes prickle.
He looks worried. “What is it?”
“On the territory, I used to get called halfling or runt all the time. I was part of the serving class. The omegas. The farthest thing from a princess, believe me.”
A growl breaks from his throat. I whimper, pull away reflexively.
“Oh, I’m sorry.” He chuckles and draws me in again. “I get a little protective sometimes.” He strokes my hair, making soft, hushing sounds, until I calm.
“What happened, right before you left?” he asks gently.
I’m so embarrassed, but I tell him. All about the public nakedness and humiliation.
He looks even angrier than before, and he grits his teeth. I sense he’s struggling to keep his wolf down.
When I’m done, he says, “they didn’t deserve you, Little One. Thank goodness your mom brought you here, so you can start living the life you deserve.”
Does he mean with him? I can’t look at him.
Instead, I stare up at the starry sky, a sick, excitable lurch in my stomach.
I’m so confused. I already know I want to be with him, always.
But I don’t know what that means. I’m so ignorant of the world outside of the pack.
Does he have a harem somewhere, where he keeps his mates?
Is he going to let me fall for him, then abandon me when he gets tired of me?
Beau lays a gentle finger on my cheek. I turn my head to him again, and he’s right there, his soft, firm lips, seeking out my own.
He’s gentle at first. Holding me in his arms, while his lips draw my soul out from my body. I feel like we’re levitating together, wrapped in a blanket, but lifted up, up into the starry sky, racing toward eternity. My eyes are closed, but constellations sparkle behind my eyelids.
Soon, his kisses become more urgent, his velvety tongue plunging deeper into my mouth. I cling to him, yearning for him to possess me, to make me his.
With a growl, he flips me onto my back and arches over me.
His strong, muscular thighs push between mine, spreading my legs apart.
Instinctively, I lift them up, around him, and I feel his cock, already hard, pressing against my core.
That big, hard bulge, rubbing back and forth against my aching clit.
Already, I’m wet again. All I can think about is how much I want him inside me.
That big, beautiful cock taking my virginity.
But when I reach for it, he snatches my hand away. “Savannah,” he growls, low in his throat.
Confusion burns. “What? Y-you don’t really want me?”
He gives a tortured groan. “You don’t understand how much I want to take your virginity right now. Claim that sweet little pussy of yours. But I can’t.”
“I’m ready,” I tell him. “I want you to take me now. I don’t care what happens tomorrow. I just need you, right here.”
With a ragged sigh, he presses his hand against my pussy. “So wet, so ready for me,” he murmurs.
“So, what are you waiting for?”
“My wolf—” he breaks off, doesn’t finish the sentence.
“What?”
“I can’t take a mate,” he says at last.
I blink fast, trying to grasp his meaning. “You’ve never had a mate?”
“Nope.” He is looking down at me, tenderly, wistfully.
My heart beats fast. “In your whole life?”
“I thought I met my mate when I was young, younger than most. But it didn’t work out.”
“And now?”
“Oh, right now, I want to fuck you more than I’ve wanted anything in the whole world. But I’m scared my wolf will destroy us both.”
“B-but—” I stutter. “Why would it if you want this?”
“I was wrong before.” He looks so sad, it pierces my heart. “If I’m wrong again, I won’t make it out this time. Because there’s no knowing what my wolf would do.”
“Why would you be wrong?” Ridiculously, my lip trembles. I like him so much, and I can’t stand the thought that I might make him sick somehow.
“Because I don’t trust it anymore.”
I hardly dare speak the words. “What does it tell you?”
He gives a low growl. “It says you’re mine. It’s been saying that ever since you opened those beautiful green eyes of yours and looked at me.”
“I feel the same,” I manage to say.
“You do?”
“When you pulled me out of the riverbank, I felt like I’d been struck by lightning.”
“You’re mine, little wolf, I feel it deep in my bones,” he murmurs, his voice low and husky. “But I fear the fates. I fear I wasn’t destined to understand them.”
“What happened last time?” Jealousy burns inside me. I don’t want to hear about him being intimate with another female. But I have to know.
He sighs, draws away from me and lies on his back again, staring up at the sky.
“My wolf is a difficult one,” he says, after a pause so long I thought he wasn’t going to answer.
I close my eyes, buffeted by this torrent of fire and ice. His cock still hard, ready for me. And I sense his need, crackling through his body like electricity.
He’s into me, but he hates that he’s into me? I’m so confused.
“We’d better get you to bed,” he says.
I sit up, pushing off the blanket, and a breeze whips up, chilling me all the way through. I’m bone tired. It’s been a long, long day.
I follow Beau down from the roof. He helps me descend the steps, his hands warm on my hips. The way he touches me—it’s like his hands were made for me.
Inside the bus, he pulls on a handle on the wall, and a narrow bed springs down, set on some ingenious contraption. He lays a pillow and comforter on top.
“There you go,” he says. Then he rummages around in a cupboard and pulls out a bunch of canvas and poles. “I’ll be right outside if you need anything.”
“You’re not sleeping here?” I mumble, drowsy, confused.
He gives a dry laugh, as if that’s a crazy idea. Maybe it is. I’m not sure if I’d be able to sleep with him beside me. “No. I’ll be in my tent.”
“I can’t kick you out of your bed.”
“My wolf likes sleeping outside. Night, Savannah. Sweet dreams.”
He shuts the door, and I’m alone inside Bertha.
I wash up, then slide beneath the comforter. The pillow smells of him—his spicy, exciting masculine scent—and desire shudders through me yet again.
I turn onto my back. I don’t understand men. I wish my mom had told me about their complexities and contradictions, instead of just warning me about the ugliness and suffering under their brutal harems.