Chapter 10
Savannah
He’s gone. He’s really gone.
When I peel off the note he taped to the door of the bus, the words blur from the tears that spill from my eyes.
Because I know, deep in my heart that he hasn’t just gone away on a job.
He’s giving Bertha to me. And he’s not coming back.
This thing I’ve been fearing ever since Beau didn’t want to kiss me anymore has come true.
Darkness comes down over my vision, and I cling onto the side of the bus for support.
He’s left me, because somehow, being with me hurts him.
I can’t let this happen, I can’t.
I burst into the cabin and rush around, searching, searching for any kind of clue about his whereabouts.
But there’s nothing.
I tip my head back and howl.
And just like that, my wolf comes. I only have time to rip my jeans off, before she bursts out of me, tearing up every other thing I’m wearing.
Then she goes ballistic. Hurtling around the van, trashing the place, just like she did last time. She burns with anguish, calling for her mate again and again.
A long time passes before I can get her back under control.
And when I’m finally standing on two feet again, trembling, I discover she’s torn up half the upholstery. Her teeth and claws are damned sharp.
As I look around in dismay, I realize I can’t stay here. This lovely place that became a home to me. Yes, because it’s a beautiful little house, but mostly because Beau was in it. And every last thing reminds me of him.
I guess he thought he was showing me a kindness, leaving Bertha to me. But I can’t stand to see her. So, I grab a few things, lock up, and make my way back to the bar.
Meredith is waiting for me. “Come here, honey,” she says and enfolds me in her big, strong arms.
I won’t cry, I won’t cry, I tell myself as I lean into her embrace. She so soft, so enveloping. The mother I never had.
“He’s left me, hasn’t he?” I demand.
When she draws back, her brown eyes are bright with sympathy.
“That wolf of yours is a tortured soul. But he’s also a real good man. Maybe he just needs a little time to himself.”
“I’m not enough for him, am I?”
“Oh, honey, you’re more than enough for him. The first time I saw him, sloping around here by himself, before he met you, I thought to myself, there goes a lonely, wounded soul.”
I shake my head in disbelief.
She chuckles. “Oh, you don’t see him that way, do you? Because he’s all big and protective and tough. And he’s all that, in spades. But he’s also got a wound, a hole deep inside him, that goes all the way back to his early years.” She lays a hand on her chest. “I’ve got a sense for these things.”
“But how can I help him?” I almost laugh at my own words. Me, who’s so na?ve. So ignorant about the ways of the world. I’ve never even had sex before.
She shakes her head. “You’ve helped by being there. Ever since he brought you in that first day, he’s been different. More himself. Easier in his own skin.”
I blink fast, and my heart starts pounding like a jackhammer. Is that true? Have I really been good for him? “But he still left me—” I mutter.
“Guess he’s got something he needs to do first,” she says. “You want my advice?”
I nod eagerly.
“Give him a little time. But be ready for him when he’s done. You don’t want to let that one go.”
I go still, remembering that feeling I’d had—that we completed each other. In the last few days, I thought I’d lost it. But it’s still there, like a candle flame, fighting to stay lit in a breeze.
I hold up my bag. “Is there anywhere from me to crash here?”
She puffs out her cheeks. “I’m as full as ever, but I’m sure you can get Birdbrain to share a bunk with you.”
I break into a smile. My heart might be torn in two, but I’m lucky to have Meredith as a surrogate mother and a hectic little crow as a best friend.
Elinor isn’t just happy to share her bunk with me.
She insists on throwing a pajama party—the first one I’ve ever had.
She gives me one of her spare sets, and introduces me to all her roomies.
When the bar is closed, we sneak downstairs and make popcorn in the kitchen.
Then we stay up late, hiding under the comforter and gossiping.
I don’t hear from Beau that night, or the next. Every hour that passes without him turns another knot in my stomach. When I think of him, I sense his pain and grief. A darkness pulling him down. I feel it like it’s my own pain, and my soul cries out to him.
But my wolf is becoming unbearable, clawing at me, howling for me to go to my mate. She’s making things a ton worse. I need to forget that I ever thought Beau could be mine. It’s the only way I’ll survive.
The third day dawns stormy and gray, the rain pelting down outside. And something in me shifts.
He’s been gone long enough.
The thought arrives in my heart, fully formed.
I slip out of bed, trying not to wake Elinor, who’s snoring softly on the pillow beside me, and I creep downstairs.
I’ve got to go and get him.
The notion blazes in my brain like a neon sign, and it gets more and more dazzling as I leave the bar. Rain is falling heavily, bouncing off the sidewalk. I pull my jacket over my head and go faster, faster, until I’m sprinting across the deserted town all the way back to Bertha.
The plan wasn’t fully fleshed out, but now I’m here, I know there’s only one thing I can do.
Bertha sits there, waiting for me so patiently. Our little home.
I climb into the driver’s seat and put the key in the ignition.
She starts up immediately with a soft purr.
The engine works perfectly—of course, it does.
I scan the controls. I don’t have a license, but I used to drive a truck to the market and back.
I think I know what I’m doing. Of course, driving an old school bus is different from a pick-up.
But the brake and the gas and the gearstick seem to all work the same.
I steer a lap around the parking lot, checking I know what I’m doing, then off we go.
I drive alongside the river, heading north, purely because it feels right. Beau went off to fix himself, or lose his mind, I’m not sure which. Where would a shifter who’s struggling with their animal go?
After I’ve been driving for an hour or so, I see a turn off for Devil’s Den state forest. I take it. The only thing directing me is my instinct, but I feel it as true as an arrow in my heart. Just like I feel that I’m coming closer to Beau with every step.
I follow the signs to a parking lot. Trails continue past it, but I figure I can’t go any farther with a bulky school bus. Instead, I park up.
Then I strip off and shift—because that’s the only thing that will help me right now. My wolf springs out of me with a joyous bark. I don’t need to think any more, I just let her run.
And she’s off, galloping, her aim never faltering as she dashes among the endless trees. Her paws churn up the earth, and she pants with exhilaration, nose twitching, desperate to pick up his scent.
The forest gets darker, barely any daylight filtering through the dense canopy of trees.
It feels like a lonely, forlorn place. I understand why it’s called Devil’s Den.
But suddenly, there’s a man—coming through the trees.
Dark hair hanging loose around his face, a black beard covering his jaws. Tall, muscular, and gloriously naked.
With a yap of joy, my wolf hurtles toward him—
Then skids to a stop, inches away.
Because he looks feral, nothing like the Beau I know. His eyes are blazing with a strange light, and his face is drawn with torment.
My wolf yips in alarm, while my heart hurts for him.
He’s suffering.
He frowns, dipping his head among the shadows to see me better. “Savannah?”
I give an answering bark.
Damn. I need to regain my human form, but my wolf won’t relinquish it easily. I push hard at her, calling her back inside me.
There’s a series of cracks and crunches, and at last I stand naked in front of Beau in the middle of the forest.
“Here I am,” I say, and I hold my arms loose at my sides.
Not embarrassed or humiliated as I was before.
But ready for whatever will come. Because now I know I’m worthy of a good mate.
I understand that Beau has protected me all this time.
And that he didn’t run away because he didn’t like me enough.
“You came.” His white teeth flash in the dimness of the forest.
With a deep growl, he takes one more step towards me, and I’m in his arms. He draws me up, lifting me right off my feet, and he kisses me fiercely, his mouth crashing against mine. Relief sweeps through me and I open to him, welcoming him in. Wanting him to take all of me.
After a long time, he puts me down on the forest floor, but stays close, holding both my hands. “You came,” he says again.
“I couldn’t leave you alone out here,” I say simply.
“You were brave.” His thick brows knit together. “Thought I was going to lose control of my beast for good.”
“But why?”
“A long time ago, I went feral for two whole years. Lived in the wilderness, trapped inside my beast. All crazed and destructive. Felt like it was going to happen again.”
“What happened to you, Beau?” I say softly, knowing his words won’t come easily.
His massive chest rises, and I hear him take a ragged breath.
“I thought I met my mate when I was young. We grew up together. And I just assumed… thought that was enough. But when we came of age, she chose another. An enemy of mine. Just about drove my wolf insane. I almost destroyed my pack—” He breaks off, takes several more slow breaths.
“It’s been… difficult ever since. That’s why I’ve had to live alone all these years, never getting too close to anyone.
It took all my control to keep my wolf at bay, stop it from going feral. ”
I gather myself, sympathy and jealousy warring in my chest.
“But you’re not like that anymore—”
Something shifts in his eyes. They’re his usual cornflower blue again, but full of ferocity.
“No, I’m not. But I’ll be that and much more to protect you, Savannah. You’re mine, and nothing is going to get in the way of that again.”
Butterflies flutter in my stomach. “You want to be with me?”
He lets off a groan of anguish. “Of course. You’re my mate. I’ve known that since the first moment I saw you.”
I bite my lip. I can’t believe I’m about to ask such an egotistical question. “With your last mate, did you feel like…like you’d been struck by lightning around her?” My cheeks burn.
His gaze turns fierce again. “No, not once. I was na?ve then, still a kid. I had no idea how it’s supposed to feel when you meet the one. Then, that day, when I pulled you out of the riverbank, I finally got it. Lightning. Fireworks. Annihilation.”
I raise an eyebrow. “Still, you rejected me.”
“No, Savannah.” His voice cracks. “I’m so sorry I made you feel like that.
I was never going to let you go. But I thought holding back, not mating you was the right thing to do.
I didn’t understand that was exactly what was turning my animal feral again.
This is what I’ve figured out—after these crazy days in the forest—” He draws my hand against his chest and I feel his big heart beating, strong and slow beneath his massive ribcage.
“With you, my animal is calm. In harmony with yours. You’re my mate, and it’s no longer my enemy. ”
I close my eyes, feeling dizzy and overwhelmed. “But will you be mine and only mine?” I say, in a trembling voice.
He frowns. “What do you mean, Savannah?”
“I don’t want to be part of a harem.”
“W-what?” He laughs. “There’s not gonna be a harem. Where did you get that idea?”
“My pack.” I swallow hard. “All the alphas have a harem.”
He works his jaw back and forth, then shakes his head as if the thought is abhorrent to him. “Well, not this one. You’re mine and I’m yours. And that’s all there is. I want you all to myself.” His frown gets even deeper. “But you better understand what that means.”
I shake my head questioningly.
“I’m a possessive wolf—
I’ll barely let you out of my sight—
I’ll probably want to know where you’re going at all times—
Who you’re hanging out with—
Hell, I’ll probably vet them first, make sure they’re worthy company for you—
I might get bossy and demanding at times—
Yup. Especially, demanding.”
As each sentence growls from his lips, shivers run through me, and a deep ache starts up in my core. It’s delicious. I probably shouldn’t admit that to myself, but there it is. I absolutely love the idea of Beau protecting me. Being all bossy and growly and possessive.
“Maybe that’ll be too much,” he says.
It sounds like a question, but I see from the way his eyes are burning that he knows. He knows this is what I need from my mate.
“Not too much,” I say, and I lift my arms up, loop them around his neck.
“It’s because I’m besotted with you,” he growls, pressing his lips to my forehead.
“You are?” My heart bounds like a rabbit. A little bit of me still can’t believe this incredible, smart, sexy man feels like this about me.
“Totally fixated.” He dips his head so his eyes are blazing right into mine. “I love you, Little One. You know that, right?”
I give a little gasp. “No?”
“Of course. I’ve loved you for a long time.”
A grin tugs at my lips. “Then tell me.”
He grins. “I love you, Savannah. With all my heart.”
“Oh, I love you, too, Beau.”
We kiss, and kiss again, thrills chasing through me.
At last, he takes a step back and takes me in. And I let him look, let him get his fill of me. Knowing he sees me as a sexy, desirable woman.
“I’m going to mate you, claim you like I should have done days ago,” he growls. His gaze draws a trail of fire with it, instantly hardening my nipples, making a pulse beat between my thighs.
“Is that right?” I say nonchalantly, feeling myself begin to get wet. I still fear the sounds of mating I heard at my pack’s territory. But my desire for Beau is stronger than my fear.
He runs his hands over my body—my waist, my arms, my breasts—and unleashes a groan of pure need. “You don’t know what you do to me,” he mutters. “How hard it’s been to hold back all of these days.”
“Then show me,” I say.
He takes my hand and leads me through the forest. Anticipation surges in me. I can’t tear my eyes from his magnificent body. From his big, thick cock which juts out with his desire for me.