Chapter 49
Chapter
Forty-Nine
Britta
T he bitter wind whipped off the Restless Sea, but I barely felt it as I paced along the craggy cliffs. Waves crashed against the dark rocks below, sending up plumes of white spray that caught the weak sunlight filtering through the iron-gray clouds. The academy loomed behind me, its obsidian walls stretching toward the sky while bridges connected the towers like spindly fingers.
I couldn't stay in there anymore. I couldn't bear the antiseptic smell of the surgery, or the helplessness of watching others give blood while I couldn't do a damn thing but sit and hope.
What if Kann died? The thought made my chest cave in.
He had lost so much blood. Even though he was Drexian, and the species was tougher and more resilient than humans, he wasn’t invincible.
No, I knew all too well that the Drexian was made of flesh and blood. I knew what his flesh felt like when it was warm and coated with sweat. I had felt his heart beat in time with mine. I knew what it was like to have him inside me.
I let out a rough sound as I tried to purge those memories from my mind. It didn’t help me to think about what had happened between us. Not if I might lose him. Not if that would be the only time I ran my fingers over his nodes and curled my legs around his waist.
“Stop it,” I told myself fiercely. “You can’t think like that. Kann is not going to die.”
But if he did live…
I wrapped my arms around myself as I walked faster, my boots crunching on the rocky ground. What then? Now that we were back in the real academy, everything that happened between us felt like a dream. Had it been real or was it as fabricated as every stone, torch, and Drexian in the simulation?
Even if it had been real, had it only happened because we were in a stressful situation? Had we been forced together because we were in danger and had to rely on each other to stay alive? Or was it like one of those passionate shipboard romances that burned hot and fast, but fizzled in the cold light of day?
Heat rushed to my cheeks as I remembered our time in the unknown cadet's quarters. Memories of how Kann's touch had set my skin on fire rushed unbidden to my mind. I had never experienced such passion, but I’d also never felt safer than when I'd been wrapped in his arms. He'd broken through every wall I'd built around my heart without even trying.
I pivoted on my heel and paced in the opposite direction, dragging my hand through my hair and welcoming the scrape of my nails on my scalp.
When had I become this person? When had I morphed into an emotional woman who was falling apart over a guy, who was agonizing over whether he even liked me? I'd always been the rational one, the one who kept her emotions locked down tight. The one who never needed anyone.
Until Kann.
As the sea churned below me, I sucked in a breath of salty air. I'd told him I loved him. The words had slipped out when I thought we might die, and part of me hoped he hadn't heard them. What were the chances that someone like him—notorious flirt, academy legend—would fall in love?
I kicked a loose stone, watching it tumble over the cliff edge. Part of me wished I could go back to being the old Britta. The one who wasn’t roiling with emotion. The one who didn’t get attached. The one who’d kept herself safe by keeping to herself.
I cursed under my breath. "This is what I get for letting someone in."
As I turned again, I heard shouts on the wind. My hair whipped across my face as I spotted two figures running toward me across the rocky ground.
Fiona and Jess.
Jess's voice reached me first. "It's Kann!"
My chest lurched as my world narrowed to those two words.