Chapter Twenty
Zoe
I can’t believe how different the world looks today. Yesterday Tangaroa ripped through the Bay of Islands with the fury of a thousand suns. Today, he’s laid back and chilled, and the bay looks like paradise. The sea is azure, the grass is green as emeralds, and the sun’s rays are like molten gold spreading across my skin.
Manu turns up shortly after we end our phone calls, and I’m touched to see him and Joel exchange a long bearhug. I know the two of them are highly competitive, but it’s clear they have affection for each other, too.
Soon we’re on the boat, heading back to the marina. Manu tells us that the Codfather’s anchor caught on the seabed and stopped it from landing on the Black Rocks, so it isn’t too badly damaged, which is good news. He and Joel discuss the Relentless and what damage the storm might have done to the wreck. I sit curled up to one side, wrapped up in Joel’s hoodie, leaning my head on the side of the cockpit while I watch them.
Joel sits with his arms outstretched along the side of the boat, relaxed and casual, one ankle resting on the opposite knee. The brisk sea breeze whips the longer hair on the top of his head around. He hasn’t shaved, of course, so his jaw bears a slight stubble. His T-shirt is stretched tight across his chest, and his swim shorts reveal his toned, tanned legs with their scattering of brown hair.
I picture last night, him lying on top of me, moving inside me, and I slide down the seat a little, burying my nose in the top of the hoodie. I shouldn’t have slept with him… but I can’t bring myself to regret it.
I think about him telling me he was in love with me. I said, I think I’m in love with you, too, and I remember the way his eyes lit up at that. I meant it at the time, at the height of the storm, after he’d rescued me and saved my life for the second time.
And now? Do I still feel that way?
I think I do.
I let that realization sink into me, slow and gradual, the way the Relentless must have descended to the seabed. I’m in love with Joel Bell. I think I have been for some time, and the events of the past few days have just cemented it.
So what does that mean, going forward? I look out across the water, not surprised to see a couple of dolphins swimming alongside the boat. I lean on the side of the boat to watch them, smiling as one leaps out, showing off for me.
Just because I’m in love with him, it doesn’t mean I have to act on it. I have to be very careful. He reacted well when I told him what happened when I was young, but he doesn’t know the worst of it, and he hasn’t really had time to think about it, either. It’s possible that when he has, it might change the way he feels about me. Last night we were caught up in the moment. But it’s strange how different you can feel in the cold light of day.
It’s not long before we arrive at the marina. There are lots of people waiting who all cheer as we pull up—the other members of the Bay of Islands office, including Hori, Emma, and Clive, who all give us a big hug, as well as plenty of others who were apparently going to join in the search and rescue operation. It takes a while to talk to them all and tell them what happened, but gradually the crowd dissipates as everyone heads to work.
“We’re going to the villa,” Joel says. “Then we’ll head for the airport. We were due to fly out tonight anyway—I’ll just move the flight forward to midday.”
Manu nods. “Shame we didn’t find the necklace. It was good to meet you, though.” He gives me a hug. “I’m so glad you’re okay.”
“Me too.”
He has another bearhug with Joel, and then he waves and heads off to his car.
Joel and I exchange smiles, then he throws the waterproof bag in the back of the car, and we get in. He reverses out of the parking spot, and we head up the hill.
“How were your parents?” he asks, turning onto the drive that leads to the hotel.
“Good. Relieved, obviously. Yours?”
“Yeah, same.”
“Does Elora know what happened?”
“No. She’s on the cruise with Linc, so I said not to tell her until he’s gone. She’s got enough on her plate.”
“Yeah.”
He pulls up in front of the hotel, we get out and he retrieves the bag, and we head for the villa. It doesn’t look as if much damage occurred here—the wind broke a few plant pots, and the rain flattened some of the taller plants, but other than that everything looks okay.
We get to our villa and go inside. Joel tosses the bag on the floor and stretches. I watch the T-shirt tighten on his shoulders and biceps, and observe the strip of tanned skin revealed as the bottom rises up.
He lowers his arms, his eyes meeting mine. “What?”
I shake my head, my body stirring with desire.
He studies me for a moment, frowning a little as if he’s trying to puzzle out what I’m thinking. I just stare back helplessly, unable to think about anything else except him kissing me, and taking off my clothes, and pressing me into the mattress as he moves on top of me.
Eventually, his brow clears, and his lips curve up a little. He holds out a hand. I slide mine into his, and he leads me toward the bedroom.
To my surprise, though, he takes me into the bathroom, opens the shower cubicle, and turns the hot water on. While he waits for it to heat up, he grasps the hem of my hoodie, peels it up my body, and drops it on the tiles. Then he takes off my T-shirt, shorts, and bikini bottoms, so I’m standing naked before him.
I help him off with his tee and shorts, and then he opens the cubicle door, and we go inside.
Hot water cascades over us, so different from the icy coldness of the ocean, and soon the cubicle is filled with steam. Joel turns me so I’m under the spray, and he wets my hair, then squeezes some shampoo onto his hand, spreads it onto my hair, and lathers it up. I sigh and tip my head back, enjoying the movement of his fingers through the strands, massaging the shampoo in. When he’s done, he rinses the suds out, then adds some conditioner and leaves it to sink in.
It’s my turn to wash his hair, and he bends his head and lets me rub in the shampoo, doing the same to him as he did to me, moving my fingers firmly over his scalp to really massage it in. He rinses it, wipes his face, then tips some shower gel into his hand. His eyes meet mine for a moment, amused, and then he places his hands on my shoulders and begins to rub the shower gel over my body.
I sigh as he washes me, enjoy the glide of his hands over my skin. He spreads the gel over my shoulders and down my arms, takes my hands in his and washes the palm and each finger carefully, then returns to my shoulders and draws the bubbles down over my breasts.
When he cups them with his hands, he moves up close to me, pinning me against the tiles, lowering his lips until they’re over mine. Once again we exchange breaths while he teases my nipples with his fingers, and it’s only when a moan escapes my lips that he finally kisses me, his mouth claiming mine as he slides his tongue inside. Oh wow… this guy really knows how to kiss, and my pulse picks up speed, my heart banging against my ribs as my body responds to his caresses.
While he continues to kiss me, he strokes down over my waist and hips, and then he tips another small circle of shower gel onto his hand. Keeping his gaze locked on mine, his blue eyes as hot as a Bunsen burner turned to max, he slides his hand down over my tummy, around to my butt and down to my thighs, washing the skin there, and then finally slips his fingers between my legs.
I close my eyes, concentrating on the sensation of him arousing me, and let out a muffled groan as he crushes his lips to mine. He circles his finger over my clit, slowly teasing it, and I splay my hands on the tiles, meeting each thrust of his tongue with one of my own.
His lips leave mine, and he kisses down my neck to my breast, licks over each nipple and sucks them into his mouth, and teases the tips for a while before eventually kissing down and dropping to his knees.
I hold my breath as he reaches my hysterectomy scar. He doesn’t stop, and he doesn’t say anything, but he does press light kisses over it from one side to the other before continuing down.
I steady myself as he lifts one of my legs over his shoulder then presses his lips up the inside of my thigh. I suck my bottom lip as he kisses the sensitive skin between my legs, and then I feel his tongue slide into me, and I tip my head back on the tiles with a groan.
He adds his fingers to the mix, and my breathing deepens as he strokes inside me. Mmm… he’s so good at this… He brings his other hand around to clasp my butt, squeezing the muscle there, and I feel myself spinning out of control like the steam that’s spiraling up to the roof of the cubicle. He flicks his tongue over my clit, teasing with the tip, trying different pressures and speeds, until the moment when I finally groan and murmur, “Mmm… right there…”
He continues on that spot, slow and relentless, and I sigh as pleasure begins to build deep inside me. “Don’t stop…” I whisper, and his hand tightens on my butt as he covers my clit with his mouth and sucks gently as he continues to swirl his tongue over it. The combination of pressures tips me over the edge, and my fingers clench in his hair as all my muscles contract, and then I cry out as the pulses begin, deep and intense.
When I’m done, he kisses up to my tummy, then gets to his feet and kisses all the way up to my mouth. I let him kiss my lips, trembling a little with the aftershocks of my orgasm, my eyes prickling a little, I’m not sure why. Maybe it’s finally relief that we made it ashore and we’re now safe, or maybe it’s just that I’m happy to be here with him, when for a while I thought I might lose whatever we had going between us.
He cups my face and deepens the kiss, and I sigh, tipping some shower gel onto my hands, then trailing them down his body. As I wash his muscles, they remind me of honed kauri wood—light brown, smooth, and hard, gleaming as the water runs over them. I brush over his pecs and down his abs, then sink lower, my fingers closing around his erection. He mumbles something against my mouth as I stroke him, the gel making my hand glide over his skin.
“Mmm,” I murmur, circling the head with my thumb and teasing the tip, then returning to stroke him firmly. He leans a hand on the tiles on either side of me, and I let my gaze caress his face, observing his fierce frown, and watching the way his lips part as I arouse him.
Wanting to drive him as crazy as he did me, I slide down the tiles to my knees, and he groans as I take him in my hand. Water pours over him, trickling down his body, and I stroke him for a bit, then close my mouth over the tip. Making sure to keep my teeth well out of the way, I start to arouse him with my lips and tongue, kissing down the shaft while I continue to stroke him. I lick and suck him, then take him deep into my mouth, feeling a sweep of pleasure as he slides a hand into my hair and holds my head, his hips thrusting automatically.
I slip a hand beneath him, teasing the sensitive skin there, gently massaging his balls while I continue to suck, and he groans and swells in my mouth. “Zoe…” he murmurs, “I’m close…”
I think he’s warning me in case I don’t want him to come in my mouth, but I’m more than happy to taste him, so I carry on, and he eventually says, “Fuck,” holds my head, and presses deep into my throat, almost reaching my limit before he shudders and comes. I drink him down, moaning my pleasure, only stopping when he gasps and releases me.
Licking my lips, I let him help me up, and he presses me up against the tiles and leans on them while he holds my face and kisses me, oh-so-tenderly.
“I’m turning into a prune,” I joke weakly when we eventually come up for air. “I’ve spent so long in the water this week.”
He chuckles, makes sure all the conditioner is out of my hair, then turns the spray off. “Sorry.”
We go out, retrieve a couple of towels, and wrap them around us. Then he pulls me into his arms, and we stand there like that for a long time.
“That was amazing,” he murmurs.
“Mmm.” I kiss his neck. “I suppose we should get ready for the day.”
He sighs and kisses my lips. “Yeah.”
As we dry ourselves off, I remember him saying how he wished we could stay at the cabin, so I’m sure he’s feeling the same way here. It would be nice not to have to return to the real world, and to just live here together, without a care. But of course life doesn’t work like that. You always have to face reality in the end.
He goes off to his room to find some clean clothes. I dry my hair, then put on a short summer dress, and take my time on my makeup, as I won’t be going back in the water today.
When I’m done, I go out into the kitchen and find him making coffee. “I’ve ordered some breakfast,” he says. “It’ll be here in a minute.” Sure enough, just a minute later there’s a knock at the door, and the waiter brings in a large tray with two huge, cooked breakfasts.
“Oh my God, Joel.” My eyes nearly fall out of my head. “How did you know this is exactly what I needed?”
“Sixth sense,” he says, seeing the waiter out.
I lift the two plates off the tray and set them on either side of the breakfast bar. He joins me there, and the two of us tuck in.
There are two perfectly cooked poached eggs, a pork-and-fennel sausage, a pile of crispy bacon, grilled tomatoes, sauteed mushrooms, a few small potato rosti, sourdough toast, a small pot of baked beans, and a dish of a spicy tomato salsa. It’s delicious, and for a few minutes we eat in silence, interspersing bites with mouthfuls of steaming hot coffee.
My hunger is just dying down when I look up from the breakfast and discover Joel watching me while he bites off a piece of toast and crunches it. “You okay?” he says eventually.
I nod. “Of course.”
He has another bite of toast. “I get the feeling you’re freaking out.”
I give him a wry look. “No… well, only a little bit.”
“You don’t have to,” he says softly. “We’re going to take this slowly, okay?”
I look down at my breakfast and pierce the last poached egg with my fork so it spills over the bacon.
“What are you doing over the weekend?” he asks.
I look up in surprise. “I need to go and see my parents. They want to make sure I’m all right.”
“Sure, I get that. But I was wondering if on Sunday you’d like to come to Hanmer Springs?”
My jaw drops. “You mean… to Greenfield?”
“Yeah.”
“And meet your parents?” My heart thuds. “Joel… We’re not even dating properly. I’m not sure I’m ready for that.”
“It’s not about meeting my parents. Well, not just about that. I want you to see where I grew up. And there’s something about the place that’s restful and healing. We can go for a walk in the forest, sit by the river… just spend time together, and talk about what’s next.”
“We can do that in Wellington,” I protest, feeling a mixture of fear and pleasure that he’s asked me. “You can come to the flat when I get back if you like.”
“Yeah… but as much as I want to get you into bed again, we need space and time to talk. I don’t want to get distracted by your naked form.” His eyes gleam as he sips his coffee.
“Talk?” I tease. “Look at you, embracing your inner femininity.”
He doesn’t laugh, though. Instead, he says, “Yeah. Look, I know you’re not telling me the whole story. I told you that I always get what I want, and I meant it. I want you, and I want to be with you, but I know you’re scared, and I want to understand why. So over the next day or so, think about how you’re going to tell me your secret, whatever it is. And then come and see me in Greenfield, and we’ll go for a long walk in the mountains or the forest, and you can tell me everything.”
I put down my knife and fork, my appetite disappearing. There’s no point in denying it anymore. He knows I’m hiding something. “And if I don’t want to?”
I meet his eyes, and we study each other for a long time.
“What are you so scared of?” he asks eventually, looking puzzled.
“I like the way you look at me,” I say honestly. “And I don’t want that to change.”
“It won’t.”
“That’s not been my experience.”
“Nothing you can tell me would change the way I feel about you.”
I look away, out at the sunshine beaming down on the courtyard. I know there’s no point in arguing with him.
“Is this about Charles?” he asks. “Did you tell him everything?”
I swallow hard and look back at him. “Yes.”
“And what did he say?”
“He told me it was over,” I say bitterly. “So forgive me for not believing that you won’t do the same.”
“I’m not like him, Zoe.”
But it doesn’t matter. Charles broke my heart, and the pain was enough to convince me that I can’t confide in a man like that again.
I look at my phone. “We’d better get to the airport.”
He nods. “Okay. But promise me you’ll think about coming to Greenfield.”
“I’ll think about it,” I say. But deep down, I wonder whether it’ll be better if, once we’re back in Wellington, I say it’s over. I’m a coward, and I can’t do it to his face because I know he’ll argue with me. But once we’re apart, it’ll be easier.
Somewhat guilty, I wonder whether I’ve ruined our friendship, and if it’s going to be awkward going forward when we all meet up. But there’s not much I can do about it now. It’ll be hard to be around him, knowing what we’ve shared, but I need to be an adult, lift my chin, and deal with it. We’ve had a kind of holiday romance while we’ve been away. Maybe when I get back to the real world, I won’t feel the same about him.
Yeah, Zoe. You keep telling yourself that.