Obsessions of the Heart (The Foedus: Ambros Brothers Duet #1)

1. Chapter 1 - Layrin

Chapter 1

T hey said dark, wild storms were heralds of death and destruction, the omen of bad things to come. What if what was coming was bad for everyone but you? Did that make you worse than the storm?

In a small coal mining town in Virginia, down some dingy, dirty back roads, I was wide awake as the violent pounding of the rain pelted the walls and windows of the broken-down house. I was used to the snores and whimpers from the other girls in the orphanage, but all of those normal sounds were engulfed by the storm. The constant rumble of thunder that rattled this decomposing home made it very apparent that this was the place for the unwanted and undesirable, but you wouldn't think that from a distance.

From far away, the large Victorian-style house seemed massive and elegant, giving off a sort of Southern charm. Butting up to the woods for an open backyard, it seemed like the perfect enchanting playground for kids, but that was all a facade. All it took was being within a few yards to see the broken shutters, overgrown vines, and chipped paint covering the house like it had the pox. There were holes and loose floorboards scattered around the large wrap-around patio, making it dangerous for anyone to walk on if you didn't have practice. The quaint, magical house turned into something eerie, depressing, and uninviting.

A damp, cool mist filled the room, and the howling wind echoed throughout the space amidst the steady plops of drops in buckets. My bed was shoved up against a thin window that seemed like it was going to shatter at any moment. I dragged myself up, knowing I wasn't getting any sleep, so why try? Staring into the pitch-black abyss outside, mesmerized by the patterns made by fat raindrops on the window, when a set of flashing lights turned the corner, coming my way.

As if in a trance, my feet went to the ground, and I stood up, taking a few steps closer. A frigid cold pressed against my palms against the glass, my eyes tracked the lights in the darkness. As the lights bobbed around, I squinted, making out a truck coming down the road. Who the hell is coming here now?

The truck screeched as it flung around, spraying mud, so the bed of the truck was facing the front of the house. Whoever it was, was not here for a social call; they were already prepared to leave.

Narrowing my eyes, I tried to make out what was in the back of the truck, only able to see three mound-like shapes beneath a tarp. I slumped forward, guessing it was just a rush delivery from Matt, the farmer, down the street. He was the only reason we had any vegetables and milk for supper since he had a bleeding heart for orphans, but it was odd for him to make a delivery this late and in a storm.

Miss Vaughn's cranky, harsh voice yelled against the wind, "Let's go! I ain't comin’ out to get ya in this weather. Get your asses moving."

To my surprise, the three mounds shifted. They moved like a synchronized unit, never missing a beat. One went to lower the bed while another hopped out, helping the third down. They were cloaked in black hoodies, which made it impossible to see anything more than short, dark figures.

There was something off about these beings, something otherworldly. So close my hot breath fogged up the glass, I searched for any small clue to tell me what or who they were. Almost like they sensed my eyes on them, they turned my way in unison. I gasped, my whole body frozen, captured by their attention, and for just a moment, my knees felt weak and my breathing came out short and choppy. Miss Vaughn shrieked again, breaking our moment, and the mysterious beings moved toward her voice, taking their attention with them.

No.

I wanted that attention back. I needed to know who they were and why they were here. My body now ripped from their spell, I burst into action. Legs and arms scrambled around the room, making sure my feet didn't hit the creaky spots that would bring about Miss Vaughn's ire if she heard them.

My hand connected with the cool metal of the door handle before I slowly pulled on the door, cracking it open to peek out into the hallway. I just needed to get a glimpse. My curiosity wouldn't let me do anything else until I did. Miss Vaughn's cranky voice floated up the stairs, grumbling about having three more mouths to feed and being forced to bring in hoodlums because of her god damn good heart.

I rolled my eyes. I’ll believe that when pigs fly.

The steady thud of Miss Vaughn’s steps signaled how close she was, the noise getting louder as she drew closer. A tubular light shone against the wall, creeping up the stairs before Miss Vaughn came into view followed by the three hooded figures. Until that point, they had been silent, but suddenly, one sassed, "That and the state's money."

I winced, clutching the door in my hands. I knew what was coming next. She snapped around fast, yanking down their hoods as she bent over and glared. "Oh, you think you know how this works? Then I guess I won't have to feed you until that ‘state money’ comes in, right?"

I would've felt bad for them if I weren’t so transfixed by how beautiful the three boys were. Light brown hair with streaks of golden rays weaving around their heads in the light, their chins held high and eyes sparkling with defiance. I could tell right away they didn't belong here. They were too beautiful, too strong. Someone, somewhere, had to love them.

The air almost swirled around them like they were long-lost princes from a distant land, like everyone else was beneath them, and from where I was standing, we were.

One of the boy’s fists tightened, his body vibrating as Miss Vaughn reamed into the one who’d sassed her. He looked like he was ready to explode, to make more mistakes with Miss Vaughn, and I couldn't have that. Not on their first night. I reacted before I thought it through, stepping out and slamming the door to get her attention.

All four of them turned to face me. Miss Vaughn glared and snapped at them to go into the boys’ room, pick a bed, and go to sleep, then she stomped my way. I gazed past her lumbering, menacing form and was met with three sets of color-changing eyes that sparkled with browns, blues, and greens. Their faces no longer obscured by the hoods, I realized their eyes weren’t the only matching thing about them.

They were staring back at me, none of them moving like she’d told them to. My mouth pinched before I redirected my gaze to Miss Vaughn, flicking my fingers toward the boys’ room in a signal for them to go. They hesitated when Miss Vaughn began to bellow, spit flying out of her mouth. “Layrin! What’re you doin’ up? You know you’re not to leave your room after lights out!” She grabbed me by the collar, and my small body jerked around as she hauled me away violently. “If you want to be awake, then you might as well do it all night!”

I looked back to find the princes were still frozen, watching me. I swallowed hard as I looked up at Miss Vaughn and back to them. My brows furrowed, I mouthed go . I had done all of this so they wouldn't get an even worse punishment on their first day, and it would ruin all my good work if she caught them. They’d already had food taken away, and no one should have to face double punishment on their first day.

The one that had sassed Miss Vaughn nodded, tugged on the others’ sleeves, and pulled them toward the door to the boys’ room, and I sighed in relief. As long as they stayed in the room, the princes would be fine for the night.

She took me down the hall, stopping in front of a tall, thin cleaning closet. “Nosy girls get punished, Layrin. I hope you learn that while you stand here all night.” She shoved me into the closet and slammed the door shut, drenching me in darkness before I heard the click of the lock.

I hated confined spaces. They made the air thick and hard to breathe. I turned and hit the wall. Instinct had me whirling around until I hit each one, feeling like they were closing in on me. Eyes closed, I mumbled to myself, “It's okay, Layrin. Just breathe. You’ll be fine. Just last until the morning.”

I counted sheep, sang a song, and even tried to close my eyes and envision a happy place, but as soon as my breathing sped up, my heart pounding in my chest, I knew I wasn't going to win this one. Dark thoughts began to swirl in my head.

Alone. All alone. Always alone. No one loves you. Stuck in the darkness forever. Alone. Alone. Discarded. Unwanted. A burden. Alone. Always and forever.

A coppery taste filled my mouth, bringing me back to reality. No amount of cries or screams were going to help me. All I could do was calm down enough to sleep, to escape the voice that had been with me all my life, tormenting me with thoughts that I knew were true. The one that spoke all of my deepest fears and insecurities.

I shook my head to help me refocus and toed my foot around, trying to find space, but it was too full to sit down. The smell of Clorox filled the space, and my head began to grow fuzzy. I sighed, leaning against the wall. This wasn't my first time here, and I was betting it wouldn’t be my last. I moved the scattered brooms and mops into one spot, making an inch of room, and closed my eyes, prepared for a sleepless night of standing.

Yep, it was going to be a long night.

It wasn't until the lock clicked, and I covered my eyes to protect them from the bright hot light that I knew it was around midday. She must’ve forgot I was in here.

“Rin, Miss V sent me to get you for chores.” I looked up to see Gabe, a boy a few years older than my nine years of age, looking down at me, his dark chocolate eyes laced with pity.

He stuck out his hand, his eyes pleading with me to take it, and I did. This wasn't the time for my usual stubborn I-can-do-it-myself attitude. My legs violently shook from standing all night, ready to collapse at a moment's notice, but then I would have to crawl my way back to the room. Nope. I would take this gangly boy's hand and save myself from further embarrassment.

I shuffled forward and tripped, almost falling to the ground before Gabe’s stick-like arms circled around me. He huffed into my hair, “I don't know why you get yourself into these situations. You know how to keep your head down by now. Being brave and caring is only going to cause more trouble for you.” I clenched my jaw as he looped my arm around his neck and helped me to the girls’ room.

He wasn't wrong. This place taught you that kindness and morality were illusions. Finding and exploiting someone's weakness made sure that you peacefully lived another day, but that always left a sour taste in my mouth. We had a few books that were donated to us, and I’d read every single one several times. In the books, the good guys always won, even if it was hard, even if it was painful, and even if they had to change themselves to make it happen. Afterwards, they would be happy with their family and friends, never having to be alone again.

That’s only in books, Layrin, that voice in my head scolded. Reality is cold and lonely.

But I didn't want it to be that way. Was it so wrong to not want to be alone?

Gabe opened the door to the girls’ room and shuffled forward, but I stopped him. “I can take it from here. I don't want you to get in trouble for coming in here.”

His eyes shifted around before settling back on me with determination. “No one is around. I can help you to your bed at least.” I shrugged. I had tried to help him, but if he wanted to risk it, who was I to refuse him?

As he pulled me forward, my curious tongue got in the way. “So… the new boys. How are they doing?”

His eyes narrowed for a second as he hesitated. Lips pressed into a hard line, he gently sat me down on my bed and spoke in a low, bored tone. “They're new, so Lennon and his buddies are showing them the ropes.”

I snapped my face toward him so fast that he jerked as I asked, “What? You don't mean…” He looked away, rubbing his hands on his pants in feigned indifference.

My hand snapped out, smacking him on the shoulder. “What the hell, Gabe?! You know they’re going to beat them up, then blame the whole thing on them, so Miss Vaughn gives them a nasty punishment!” Since they’d talked back to her last night, I was sure it would be worse than what she would normally do.

I surged to my feet, legs wobbling like a baby deer just learning to walk, but I knew I had to stop them. The princes must be saved.

Gabe grabbed my arm and yanked me back. “What are you doing? You know they’ll hurt you if you get between them!” Fear filled his eyes, and for a second I felt bad for Gabe. Even though he was older, he was scrawnier than the others and had felt the brunt of their torment before, but that wasn't me. I felt fear, sure, because I was a human, but I also couldn't stand by and do nothing. Those beautiful boys didn’t deserve that treatment; no one did.

My eyes landed on a wooden bat next to Kara’s bed, and I snatched it. This would have to do.

I grabbed the rail at the stairs, knowing they would’ve taken them out to the woods. Feeling was coming back into my legs, so I guessed I could be there in five minutes.

“Rin,” Gabe called out behind me, and I paused at his voice. I knew what that tone meant. He wasn't going to come with me. He couldn't. He was going to keep up with the rules of the house.

Blowing out a breath, I called over my shoulder, “I know. Don’t worry about it. I know it's every kid for themselves.”

“Then why are you going for them?” He had a point. To be honest, I really didn’t know. All I could think about was those color-changing eyes, and I knew with certainty that I was going to help them however I could. I wanted to be like the heroines in the books I’d read.

“You better start your chores before Miss Vaughn catches you,” I said as I took one step down, then another. Starting to run as soon as my legs could handle it, leaving Gabe and his fear behind.

It didn’t take long to find them since they always went to the same clearing near the creek. When the creek was overflowing, they would try to drown the new kid. In the summer, they liked to make them run laps until they threw up, refusing to give them water. During the winter, they would bury them in the snow, leaving them to freeze until Miss Vaughn came out to find them.

It was fall now, which meant they were going to round up as many boys as they could then beat the new kids up until they couldn't fight anymore.

As I got closer to the clearing, my legs began to feel normal. Voices came from over by the bushes. “Now, here’s how this is going to go. You're going to be good little bitches. Stay still, take your beatings like men, and we’ll be on our way.”

Lennon’s ugly voice continued. “And if you fight us, well…” His cruel smile came through loud and clear. “That would be my lucky day.” Some of the other boys chuckled, and my anger grew.

Fuck that.

I spied over the bushes, looking for the triplets. Now seeing them in the light, I noticed that even though they looked exactly alike, there were small differences in the way they held themselves. The one on the left wore a lazy smirk, his eyes flicking up like this was annoying. The one on the right was a little ball of anger—clenched hands and teeth, feet in a fight stance, ready to explode at a moment's notice. The center boy was the most interesting. His arms were crossed, eyes roaming each boy, searching. After he assessed the situation, he tilted his chin up. His mind seemingly made up, glaring at them like he was a king on his throne and they were the dirty peasants at his feet.

Lennon had about seven boys with him, enough to overpower the triplets if he needed to. Well, let's make this a little more even. Slowly, I moved around the clearing, silently making my way toward the princes.

“Yeah, we’re not going to take your shit, fuck face,” the angry prince sounded, and I smirked. Good for you.

Looking up, I noticed that there was a tree that had a long, sturdy-looking branch reaching toward the tree the three princes were beneath, and I had an idea. I backed up, going over to the tree next to theirs, shoving the bat into the side of my pants, and climbing up the tree.

“The hard way it is. That's what I like to hear.” Lennon motioned for the other boys to circle up, so I climbed faster, making it to the branch and hoisting myself up. “We’re gonna leave you all in a world of pain, but that can't be helped. You need to learn how it works ‘round here, and pain is the first stop on this hell train.”

I shimmied my way down the branch and carefully landed on the one above the boys. Seeing my opportunity, I took my bat out of my pants and went down, hopping from branch to branch. All of them looked up at the shaking leaves before I jumped to the ground, bat in hand, and faced Lennon with a sneer.

“Now, I don’t think this seems like a fair fight.” My legs were throbbing from all the work I’d just put them through, but I steeled my resolve and lifted my bat.

Lennon’s wide eyes turned into slits. “Stay out of this, Layrin. I don’t wanna fight you. You know this is how it goes.”

The angry ball behind me growled, “Hey, girl, leave. We don’t need your help.”

Licking my lips, I pointed the bat at Lennon. “Yeah, and I don’t like it. In fact, I decided to take these boys under my wing.”

Lennon’s hands fisted at his sides. “Layrin! Get out of the way!”

I turned halfway, looking back at the princes I’d just laid claim to. “I got this. Don’t worry your pretty little heads about it.”

“Get her!” Lennon motioned to the others, and I took a second to map it out.

Jason was the first to come at me, but instead of swinging the bat, like he thought, I shoved the head of it into his chest and knocked him down. Calvin was the second, trying to come at my back, but I swung around and clipped his shoulder. He cried out as he hit the ground.

Despite my legs feeling tired, my soul was on fire. I was scanning for my next victim when the angry prince jumped out, his fist landing a hard punch into Trevor’s face before he turned to me with his fiery eyes. “Stay out of this!”

We looked at each other for a second then went back to back. He could try to hide it all he wanted, but beneath that fire was a shred of respect, and that fueled me even more. The lazy prince slid up next to me, looking me up and down before he cooed, “I think I like you. I’ll let you save me.”

Over his head, one of the boys lifted and swung a baseball bat, giving only enough time for my eyes to fly open and a gasp to puff out. The lazy prince ducked just in time, and I smacked Bert’s ribs like they were a baseball. Hearing another one drop behind me, I knew we only had one more. The three of us were looking around for Lennon when I heard his cry by the creek.

The stoic prince had him in a headlock, a pocket knife held to his throat, as he whispered in Lennon’s ear. Lennon’s face paled, his body shaking, and the prince dug the knife in enough to make him bleed then threw Lennon to the ground. The boy scrambled up, tears in his eyes as he cried, “I’ll leave you alone! Just… don’t. I promise. I won’t bother you again.”

The stoic prince carefully closed his knife, walked over to me, and put his hand out. “It’s nice to meet you, Layrin.”

I immediately stuck out my own hand, meaning to shake his, but he turned my hand around and kissed it. “We are forever in your debt for helping us.”

My cheeks grew hot as I looked away from him and giggled. “Oh, that's fine. Don’t worry about it.” I shrugged. “Just didn’t want him to mess up your pretty faces.” That was the best you could come up with, Layrin? Damn it!

The lazy prince chuckled next to me. “Well, now we’re in double debt with you. For last night too. You got in trouble, right?”

Again, I looked away, not wanting to admit anything, and that was when my legs gave out. Before I hit the ground, the angry one's arms wrapped around me, whispering harshly in my ear, “You're going to be a pain in my ass, aren't you?”

My embarrassment went up two-fold when I asked him to lean me up against a tree, and he did, surprising me with how gentle he was.

That was the day the Ambros triplets and I became the best of friends. The lazy one was Ravi, the angry one was Roux, and the stoic one was Rion. Lennon didn’t bother the boys again. In fact, if we were walking one way, he would turn around and go the other.

From that day forward, we spent every single day together. I showed them around the woods, explained how to do chores the fastest, and taught them all the tricks and tips for living here. They told me that their parents had died on a trip and they were immediately taken from their home in New York and brought here.

They didn't like talking about what their life was like before they got here, and since I had finally made some friends, I didn't want to rock our friendship by pressing about it. Maybe it was sad or heartbreaking? I wasn't going to try to force them to reveal that to me, so I let it go and always laughed it off.

We spent the next year together, and I learned that Ravi loved chocolates and sweets, his favorite color was red, and he didn't like going to sleep alone. Roux was the simple one, who loved to fight about anything. His favorite foods were meat and potatoes, and he always had a sourpuss attitude, but deep down, that was because he cared. Rion was the difficult one. He always talked to me in a polite, calm tone, and although he never took my hand, he always liked to be right next to me, watching me. He was very intelligent; I would categorize him as the mastermind of the group if he didn't always default to whatever I wanted.

The best yet was that we were all the same age and born in the same month. They were born on October first, while I was born on October thirty-first. Some had said my birthday was the mark of a cursed child, but the three of them told me how perfect of a birthday it was. They thought it meant I was magical. I laughed it off, telling them to quit, but secretly elated that they thought that way.

It was the best year of my life. I finally felt like I had someone, or some ones . I wouldn't be left alone anymore.

We made plans for the future, all of us dreaming of living together or working together or traveling together. The three of them made it seem like it was a done deal, that our future was set in stone. It was going to be a “we” from then on and forever… until another stormy night came in and a rich man stole them away.

It was just like the night they’d arrived, with thunder crashing and rain smacking into the house. I was restlessly staring out the window, trying to think up what the boys and I should do the following day, when a fancy car pulled up in front of the house. Backpacks on, my three princes walked in its direction, their heads down.

I wanted to scream, to thrash, to call them back and tell them not to leave, but all I did was stay still and watch my salvation leave me behind.

Like they could feel my gaze, they each looked up as they got to the car, staring at me in the rain. They were too far away from me to see their faces, so I lifted a hand and waved goodbye. They didn't even wave back. They just stood there, staring at me, until a mean looking man barked at them to get in the car.

I watched my first and only true friends leave my life in a BMW as tears rolled down my face. Once again, that old voice worked its way back into my head.

You're alone. You’ll always be alone. You were nothing to them. Just someone to pass the time with. Everything they told you was a lie. Come back to reality. Your place in this world is to be unwanted, unloved. You're worthless and will always be alone. Forever and ever.