Chapter 7 Jashaun
SEVEN
jashaun
“We need to put the baby in gymnastics,” Mama said from her perch on my sofa as soon as I walked through my front door on Friday afternoon.
I’d gone straight to Soraya’s place once we arrived home since Jussica was already in school.
We were both off and spent the day in bed, talking and getting to know each other better.
I reluctantly left when it was almost time to pick up Jussica from school and returned to my condo to a fussy mother.
“She isn’t involved in any activities. With her energy, she could run track or be a cheerleader.
She told me she wanted to do Girl Scouts.
You and her mama got to get her in something. Time is ticking.”
Being the only child of Jaquel Marie Howard wasn’t always easy.
She put all her hopes and abandoned dreams into me.
She worked hard as a nurse to put me in any imaginable activity.
I played all sports, learned Karate and the drums, and was in some sort of educational enrichment camp every summer.
Until she got sick, and my activities took a backseat for two years.
“Mama, how about I walk outside and come back in, and you sound happy to see me.” I went back outside and walked in. “Hey, my first favorite girl in the world.”
She played along and opened her arms wide, her long locs swaying. “Hey, my big baby.”
I bent to hug her tightly and kiss her cheek. “Thank you. And yes, I had a good trip, and yes, I’ll get her involved in something. We’re still trying to work out schedules first, and she’s seven.”
“And we’re already behind. We don’t know what that girl will grow up to be.”
“You're right, we don’t. Again, she’s seven.” I backed away and checked my mail on the counter. “You want to come with me to pick her up?”
“No, I only stayed here long enough to be sure that you would be back in time to get her, since you don’t know the meaning of call when you get in.” She looked around my place that had been tidied. “I cleaned up for you. You can’t let it get that bad again.”
“It’s been a lot.” I tossed the mail on the table and slouched against one of my barstools.
Mama placed her hands on her hips. “You have to learn to set limits. She’s old enough to clean up after herself and help you clean. Anytime I asked her to do anything, she would talk back and say, ‘My daddy doesn’t make me do that’. Hmph…she soon learned not to tell me that.”
“We’re not laying hands on her, Mama,” I said sternly. Maybe if I had a son, I would feel different. Just didn’t feel right to hit a girl. Never wanted her to get used to a man laying hands on her, including me.
“Oh, I didn’t touch her. I have my own ways to keep that little girl in line just like I did with you.
” She chuckled. “She is too much like you were. I learned when you were barely five that hitting you was a waste of time. Your negotiating skills made it hard to stay mad because I couldn’t hide my laughter. ”
I smiled. “Hey, can I help that I’m a firm believer that there’s always another side to a story or a good reason why people do what they do, even when it’s wrong.”
“Well, those genes are strong. Between her looks and personality, she is you all over again.” She added as she picked up her purse, “Have you heard from Mara?”
I shook my head. “I called her this morning and texted her a little while ago.”
“Well, at least she calls Jussica. I know when a woman is hurting because of a man.” She narrowed her eyes. “Who are you seeing now that you can’t give Mara a chance?”
Pushing down my guilt feelings that maybe I rejected Mara too harshly, I argued, “Mama, you don’t even know Mara. Just because she’s the mother of my child doesn’t mean we should be together.”
She sucked her teeth. “I also know my son. Commitment scares you. You're probably involved with someone who doesn’t have the expectations Mara naturally has.”
“That’s not true. The woman I’m with expects marriage and a family.” I smiled and headed for the door.
“Oh, so now you want to be married?” Mama looked at me skeptically. We were as close as any mother and son could be, and though she didn’t know every detail of my life, she knew enough of what I felt and believed about having a wife and children.
I tugged on my beard. “Soraya is the only woman I’ve ever been with that makes me pause…makes me rethink sharing my life.”
“Then why is this the first time I’m hearing about her?”
I glanced over my shoulder, “I told you about her Mama. She’s my neighbor.”
Her forehead dipped and rose. “Oh, you finally got her to go out with you?”
“Yeah, we’re new, but she’s different.” I touched the doorknob.
Mama walked closer to me. “That’s a lot of change in a short period of time.
Jussica and a new woman, a woman who isn’t going to tolerate your mess if she took all this time to go out with you.
And I can’t be here to help as much as I would like.
You were lucky I was in a position to come home and help this week.
It’s too soon to introduce Jussica to a woman that’s not Mara, and it’s too early in the relationship to keep this woman on hold while you figure this parenthood stuff out. ”
Though I could feel the truth in her words, I stubbornly resisted, “It’s going to work. Single parents have relationships, and sometimes love becomes a blended family.”
“Your situation is different, son.”
My cell rang, and a smiling pic of Jussica flashed. “Hey, little one, I’m home and on my way to get you. Are you sneaking your cell phone again?”
“Daddy,” she sniffed. “Mommy said she’s going out of town for a while and that I’m staying with you.”
Blood drained from my face, and I sagged against the door. “Did she tell you where?”
“No, she just told me to be good, and she’ll bring me back something special.” Her voice cracked. “Is she coming back?”
My heart squeezed painfully. “Of course, she is. She has to work on a few things, and then she’ll come back. In the meantime, we’ll have fun. I’m here, little one, I’m here.”
“Can you come now? The last time you picked me up, I was the last child here.” She reminded me. “Nana is never late.”
“Yes. On my way. I’m bringing your nana. Now get off the phone before the teacher takes it from you.” I don’t know if my mother had plans, but she would’ve jumped in the car while I was driving if I tried to tell her to stay.
Her voice lowered, “She doesn’t care. She’s on her phone too.”
Great. An inattentive second-grade teacher?
“Please, Daddy. Can I stay on the phone until you get here?”
“Okay.” I muted the phone. “I need you to text Mara for me. She’s not going to answer me.”
“What’s going on? Everything okay?” Mama dug for her cell in her bag.
“Mara apparently is up and leaving Jussica with me. Told Jussica she’s going away and upset her.”
Mama hissed, “What kind of mother does that?”
I quirked a brow. “The same one you think I should give a chance simply because we have a child.”
“Daddy, you still there?” Jussica asked.
I unmuted my cell. “Yeah, I’m here. I’ll stay on the phone, and if your teacher says anything, I’ll handle it. We’re leaving now.”
“What the fuck, Mara?” I yelled the moment she finally answered on my mother’s phone.
Nearing the end of my forty-minute drive, Jussica’s teacher finally noticed Jussica on the phone, and Jussica hung up the cell before I could explain. Then I heard Mara’s voice from my mother’s cell.
Mama grabbed my arm and shook her head. “Mara, this is Jaquel. Listen, excuse my son, we’re trying to understand what’s happening. Jussica said you were going away. It’s okay, if you need a break, we just need to know how long and the best way to reach you. Jussica is upset.”
“I need eight weeks. Going to basic training in Los Angeles. Always wanted to join the Reserves. Going into the Air Force. My ex didn’t allow it, and being a single mother wouldn’t allow it. Now, your son is involved.” She paused and said sarcastically, “You got this, right, Jashaun?”
“The Air Force? All this to make a point? You can’t just up and leave. Besides you’re talking about longer than eight weeks. You don’t just sign up today and be shipped off tomorrow.” I gritted my teeth. “Jussica doesn’t deserve this.”
“She’ll be fine. I’m coming back by the summer.
She lived without you for almost eight years and adjusted well to you.
She’ll adjust to my absence, too. I’ll call her as often as I can and make it up to her once I return.
” Her voice broke. “I’m doing this for me and to give Juss and me a better life. ”
“If it’s money, I can help.” The sadness in her voice released some of my anger. “Don’t do this to her.”
“It’s already done. She’s the most resilient child. Tell Jussica I love her and I’ll call her.” She clicked off.
I punched the center of my steering wheel twice.
“Hey…hey…it’s going to be fine. You and I have been through much worse.” Mama quietly reminded me.
My lungs burned from my rapid breathing. “Would you have ever left me even if my father was around?”
“No.” Mama’s prompt and stern answer lifted me while confirming my real fear, that despite my best efforts, my daughter would still feel the abandonment of a parent.
I glanced at my side mirror before merging onto the feeder road. “Mama, I swear to God, if Mara is serious, I’m getting custody. I’m not going to allow her to come in and out of her life.”
“It’s too soon for all that. Let’s focus on picking up Jussica and making sure we protect her as much as we can. For now, I’m going to believe Mara needed time and will be back. Being a parent, especially a single one, isn’t for the weak. Let’s give her a little grace.”
“The fu…” I cut myself off. “Why should I give her grace? When all I’ve done is include her and Jussica in my life when she never planned to tell me about my baby.”
“I don’t agree with how everything went down, but I am a woman.
A woman who’s been pregnant and scared to share the news with a man you know deep down won’t be around.
Her husband had already left her, and maybe she couldn’t take another rejection from a man she never thought she would see again.
All we can do is thank God for placing you in that car when He did.
Everything happens for a reason, and maybe it was time for you to know, so Mara can take the time to be a better mother. I’m here with you.”
I let out an angry, scared breath as I joined the car line of parents waiting for their pride and joys.
When Jussica spotted my car, she broke away from the teacher, and I jumped out of my car to meet her halfway and hold on to her.
She held me tight, and tears streamed down her face.
“Does this mean that it’s your turn to take care of me, and Mama is going to disappear for seven years, too? ”
“No, little one. She’ll be back because she loves you. For now, it’s you and me, okay? Daddy will always be here.” I picked her up, and she rested her head on my shoulder. I waved to the teachers, who looked concerned. I eased her into the backseat and buckled her in.
Mama greeted her with a pleasant smile. “Let’s pick up your favorite In and Out burgers and fries and sit by the pool.”
Jussica sniffed and wiped her tears that still slowly fell. “I’m not hungry. I just want to go to sleep. Mommy likes the pool. I don’t want to go without her.” She looked at my mother. “Can you spend the night, Nana? I don’t want you to go away, too.”
“Of course, baby.” Mama turned back around and covered her mouth to hide the sobs that shook her body.
The entire ride back, though my shoulder ached from the awkward position, I held my quietly crying daughter’s hand. I wouldn’t let her down. I couldn’t.
Just didn’t know how many more wrenches I could take.