Chapter 9 Jashaun #2
“That’s why Nana bought me this.” She held her colorful cardboard box high.
Over Jussica’s head, I frowned at my mother. “Thought you were the nurse?”
“A little McDonald’s now and then isn’t going to hurt her.” Mama plopped down in the chair in front of my desk. Whenever she was in the city working, she picked up Jussica and dropped her off at home or my office if I had to work late.
Jussica climbed into my chair and swung it around. “It’s Friday, Daddy. Me and Mama always had hamburgers on Friday. Can we go to the park tomorrow?”
“Clean first,” Mama instructed. “Your room is a mess.”
Her pretty little forehead dipped. “It’s my room.”
“And you need to clean it.” Mama continued.
“What if I like my room messy?” She swung the chair in a circle, and I stopped it mid-spin.
“Little one, we don’t go back and forth with Nana.”
“I’m not going back and forth,” Jussica replied.
“You’re doing it now.” Anticipating Jussica’s intent to spin again, I held on to the chair.
“What am I doing?” Her forehead wrinkled in confusion, and my resolve to be firm loosened.
In a less firm tone, I explained, “When Nana or I tell you to do something, I need you to do it without saying anything besides, ‘okay’ or ‘yes, sir or ma’am’.”
“I’ll do what you ask without saying anything else if it makes sense.” She nodded, and I released the chair and smirked at my mother. I had the same logic. Hell, I still did that at work. I never went along with the orders from the top unless I understood how it could help the city and my staff.
“No, it’s whatever I say, you need to do,” My mother added. Something I heard countless times growing up.
“Then make sure whatever you need me to do makes sense to me.” Jussica started swirling the chair again.
Mama glared at her granddaughter before exchanging glances with me. “I can’t believe I have to help raise you all over again.”
I ducked my head to hide my laughter from Jussica.
She might have spent her first seven years with her mother, but she was all mine.
Most days, she and I were on the same page.
Living in harmony and peace. When we weren’t, we battled.
She would argue and yell, and I would raise my voice until she complied.
As much as I wanted her to toe the line with me, I also respected her sense of freedom and rebellion.
I didn’t want a daughter who would one day be a woman taking shit off people, especially men.
I wanted her to be like Soraya, who would rather be alone than accept nothing less than what she expected in her man. Damn. I love that woman.
“Nana, don’t be mad. I agree with most of what you say. Just not cleaning my room. But if that’s what I have to do before daddy takes me to the park, then I will.” She swung around again. “It’s just going to get messy again. I’m not neat like you.”
“Or me.” I chimed in.
She giggled. “Daddy, you’re messy like me.”
“Not true,” I argued. “I’m busy taking care of you, so I don’t have time to clean as I used to.”
“It’s okay that we’re both messy.” Jussica insisted.
“I’m not messy.” I pointed at her. “You don’t clean up after yourself.”
“You don’t make your bed either.” She pouted.
“Stop going back and forth with me.” I reminded her.
“I’m not. You didn’t ask me to do anything.” Jussica’s pretty face frowned. “I’m telling the truth about how we’re both in the messy club.”
“I’m – “
“I can’t today with you two,” Mama interrupted my protest with an amused smile. She opened her arms. “Give me a hug, Juss. I’m headed home.”
“Love you, Nana.” Jussica immediately brightened, hopped off the chair, and hugged my mother warmly while Mama kissed her cheek with a loud smack.
Mara’s mother died before Jussica was born, and her father remarried and moved to Vegas.
Although her grandfather called Jussica and checked on her, my mother was Jussica’s only grandparent, involved in her life as she was her only grandchild, and their bond had become unshakeable.
“Give me a sec, little one. Need to talk to your Nana.”
Jussica picked up my empty glass and frowned. “Stinks. How do you drink this?”
“Yep. It’s alcohol and for grown folks. I hope you always think it stinks.” I said as I ushered my mother into the hall away from listening ears. Most of the staff were gone for the day.
Mama pulled her leather cross bag over her head. “I already know what you’re going to ask. I need this trip with my friends.”
“Mama, can you please postpone your trip to next week? It’s just a road trip to Austin.
I know it’s a lot to ask, but I need you to keep Juss.
Soraya is about done with me because I can’t take her to her club’s event.
I swear I won’t ask you for anymore favors.
” I quickly amended at her warning gaze. “For at least a couple of months.”
“We both know that’s a lie.” Mama planted her hands on her hips. “You need to get a babysitter, Shaun.”
“I don’t trust people with my child. You never got a babysitter.” I reminded her.
“Maybe I should have. Some of my ways weren’t always the best. I made my life harder than it had to be.
You have friends with children around Jussie’s age who can babysit.
Elijah’s daughter is only a little older than Jussie who’s already more mature than most children her age.
They might get along. I’m also sure Soraya has friends or family who wouldn’t mind keeping Juss since she’s willing to break up with you over nothing. ” Mama’s lips curled.
I shook my head. “Mama, don’t do that. Soraya deserves to have what she wants. She has been patient with me, and I’ve pushed her too far. A date every so often isn’t cutting it, and tomorrow night is important to her.”
“Then be normal and get someone to keep Jussica. You can’t keep relying on me. I deserve to have a life too.” Mama’s neck slightly rolled.
Although I doubted Jussica could hear me, I still lowered my voice, “I don’t want Juss to feel like I’m throwing her away.
She’s still clingy and only wants to be around you or me.
I don’t know if I would enjoy myself if she doesn’t want to go to some stranger’s house or have a stranger watch her at my place. ”
Mama sighed, “Was it really that bad growing up with only me? I allowed my pride to interfere with telling family or my friends that I was drowning most of the time, and I swear you have all these hang-ups about everything because of the decisions I made. It takes a village, son.”
“A village that you trust.” I kissed her cheek.
“You did the best you could, which was pretty damn good with no help from anyone. Let’s not reinvent the truth.
The family refused to help since you didn’t want to move back to Charlotte.
” Mama was from North Carolina and moved to Houston with my father.
When he abandoned us, her pride and her holier-than-thou parents’ disdain for single mothers prevented her from returning home.
She squeezed my face. “Glad you feel that way, because I’m not changing my plans, and you should go out with your girlfriend. You can’t be held hostage to Jussica forever. You are still a man and not just a father.”
“If Mara hadn’t left with still no word if she’s coming back home, maybe I could forget I have a child as she did and live it up,” I retorted.
Mama tilted her head. “You know I don’t mean it like that.”
“How did you mean it?”
She narrowed her eyes and then waved her hand.
“Nothing. You do whatever you feel is best for your daughter. Let me go because when you get this way, I know you won’t listen.
All I can say is that if you believe your focus needs to be only on Jussica, then it’s best you let Soraya go.
Don’t keep her in limbo. Even if she says she’s done, she’s not.
I can see how crazy she is about you. She wants you to fight for her. ”
I sank against the wall beside my closed door. “I want to fight for her too.”
She tugged on my ear not so gently. “Then stop being stubborn and let the village expand to more than you and me.”
I scoffed lightly, “Easier said than done. Have fun this weekend. I’ll be fine.”
Mama sighed resignedly and hugged me. “I’ll call you when I get back on Monday.”
“Okay.” I headed back into my office to a twirling daughter. “How do you not get dizzy?”
She only spun faster while she giggled.
Oh, how I envied her innocence and carefreeness.
This was my third meeting. The first two I attended just to see if this men’s group stood on business and to learn from them.
I’d already told my frat brothers, Elijah and Marcus, about the Single Dad Society.
Today was the first time they were here with me.
The group, run by Jeffery Sommers, a single father and social worker, had twenty or so men in attendance who were open and vulnerable in ways I’d never experienced.
They spoke of their challenges and self-doubt about being a good father.
Some grew up with fathers, while others didn’t.
I always assumed that boys raised by their fathers would know how to be a parent and that only we, fatherless men, would flounder.
Clenching and unclenching my fists, I wondered if and when I would speak.
Everyone here hadn't been thrust into fatherhood, except Marcus.
Even the divorced Elijah knew about his child since his wife's pregnancy.
These were men who embraced fatherhood and still needed support from other men who struggled.
Would I be judged if I admitted that I never wanted to be a father and that my determination to be in my daughter's life is more about lessening the scars of an absent father that I still carried than wearing a badge of honor?
Jeffery smiled at the group. “We have time for one more brother to speak. I would love to hear from someone who hasn’t spoken today.”