Chapter 8 Rose
ROSE
Cullen didn’t say a word during the whole ride home.
The taste of huckleberry still lingered on my tongue, bright and sweet, a reminder of the way his gaze had warmed over the candlelight.
Whatever happened at the bar had him white-knuckling the steering wheel and staring through the windshield with his jaw clenched tight enough to ground his molars into dust. An awkward end to an awkward evening.
I could still feel the heat of his hand at my waist in the crowd at Ace’s, the quick squeeze he probably didn’t know he’d given me. With Callie around, it was easy for both of us to focus on her. Without her, it was just us. Tiptoeing around each other like we were walking through a minefield.
Ozzy greeted us when we walked in. I’d saved some of my steak for him. He scarfed it down in a flash then scratched at the door to be let outside.
“Are you tired?” Cullen asked.
This was the first time we’d ever been alone in his cabin. I wasn’t sure how to act around him without Callie as a buffer. It was barely after nine. Too early to turn in for the night unless I wanted to be up at four.
“A little.”
“Too tired to talk for a few minutes?”
There it was. He’d been trying to say something all night. I had a feeling I knew what it was, and I didn’t want to hear it. But the longer I avoided the conversation, the worse it would be. “No.”
“Want to sit on the couch or out on the deck?”
“On the deck.” I’d never pass up the chance to soak in the sounds of Montana at night. Knowing I’d be leaving soon made me not take them for granted.
“After you.” He crossed to the back door and held it open.
I grabbed one of Callie’s blankets from the edge of the couch and stepped outside. The scent of pine and cedar hung in the air, and I took in a deep inhale as I settled into one of the chairs.
Cullen pulled his chair closer to mine, the legs scraping over the deck boards. Though he hadn’t turned on the light, I could still see the crease between his brows, like it might hurt him more to say the words on his mind than it would be for me to hear them.
“You know I’ve been looking for someone to take your place when you leave next week,” he started.
My damn heart jammed. It skipped a beat then shifted into fast forward. I put my palm on my chest to try to slow it down and waited for the worst. Leaving was the plan. Leaving had always been the plan. So why did I suddenly have second thoughts?
“I interviewed a couple of folks, and…”His voice trailed off, leaving my mind to fill in the rest of his sentence.
He’d found someone better qualified and couldn’t bring himself to tell me how stupid he felt for ever offering me the job in the first place…
or whoever it was wanted to start right away and he didn’t know how to ask me to move out early.
My shoulders tensed, and I shifted into self-preservation mode.
I rose from the chair and gripped Callie’s blanket like a shield.
Cullen got up too and towered over me. “I thought we were talking.”
“Just say it.” He didn’t need to let me down easy. His rejection would just be one in a long line of others that had come before it.
His hands went to my shoulders like he wanted to make sure I wouldn’t run. I stared up at him, my head tilted back in a challenge while I braced my heart for whatever happened next.
“None of them are you.” His eyes locked with mine. “I want you, Rose.”
That wasn’t what I’d expected. “What?”
“You make everything seem so easy. You’re so good with her. I don’t have to worry about anything when I know Callie is with you. Would you consider staying?”
“For how long?” I’d expected him to let me go, not ask me to stay. My brain hadn’t quite caught on to what he was saying.
“For however long you can. I know I’ll need help with her until she starts school.”
“So you’re doing this.” School was four or five years away. Up until that moment, it hadn’t been clear to me that he was going all in on being Callie’s dad. For her sake, I’d hoped he would. She needed him in ways he couldn’t even start to imagine yet.
“Yes. But I can’t do it without you.” He stared down at me. “Right now, you’re the glue holding everything together.”
A breathy, disbelieving laugh slipped out of me before I could stop it. No one had ever called me glue. Most days I felt like tape… temporary and removable. Seemed everywhere I went people were trying to figure out how to get rid of me, not how to make me stay.
“You shouldn’t say things like that.”
“Why not? It’s true.” His fingers brushed the hair away from my cheek.
Something inside me loosened. Safe wasn’t a word I trusted, but it settled over me like warmth, anyway. I wanted to nuzzle into him and listen to him tell me how much he needed me. I wanted to be wanted. The feeling was intoxicating, like downing a whole bottle of champagne.
“You want me.” I stared at the center of his chest. Maybe if I said it out loud enough times, I’d start to believe it could be true.
“Yes.” He cupped my chin and nudged my head back, encouraging me to meet his gaze.
We stared into each other’s eyes for what felt like forever.
Then he leaned forward, closing the space between us until his lips brushed mine.
I’d been trying to convince myself the kiss we’d shared before didn’t mean anything.
That I’d remembered it wrong and there wasn’t anything to it beyond us both being in the wrong place at the wrong time.
But this kiss couldn’t have been more perfect.
His lips were soft, but his hands were rough as he slid his fingers behind my neck.
I melted into him, telling myself I could stop anytime.
I didn’t want to. That was the part that scared me.
One kiss faded into the next until I wasn’t sure who was kissing who.
He tugged me down to sit on his lap without breaking contact. I didn’t want to think about all the lines we were crossing. The only thing that mattered was how his lips felt on mine. His hand slid into my hair. With one practiced movement, my clip was gone and dark waves fell around my shoulders.
“I love your hair. You should wear it down more.” His warm breath brushed my cheek as he pulled away just enough to form words.
“I love that you love anything about me,” I mumbled back.
Then his mouth found mine again. Heat pooled in my core as his pulse beat under my hand. There was nothing to distract us. Nothing but the sound of the breeze blowing through the trees and the rapid beat of my pulse pounding through my ears.
His hands wandered, and I let them. I gasped when he wrapped a hand around my calf.
Then his fingers slowly wandered higher, hiking my skirt up as they advanced to my thigh.
My body wanted things my mind hadn’t even considered yet.
Every beat of my heart needed more, more, more.
Every beat also urged me to run, the old reflex that had kept me whole. I ignored it.
“We can stop if you want,” Cullen mumbled against my mouth. “If this is too much, or—”
I cut him off with another kiss. Thinking wouldn’t get me anywhere. All I wanted to do was feel.
My fingers worked the buttons down the front of his shirt free.
He shrugged it from his shoulders, letting it fall to the deck.
The white tee he had on underneath followed.
His body was a work of art. With his chest bare, I ran my palms over his pecs.
His chest rose and fell hard under my touch.
Warm. Solid. The kind of steady I’d never had in my life.
“Rose…” My name came out rough, his hand tightening on my hip like he wasn’t sure if he should hold on or let go.
“I don’t want you to stop.” My words were quiet, but I meant them. I’d never trusted a man enough to say that out loud. With him, the fear took a back seat.
That was all it took. His mouth covered mine again, harder this time, like he’d been holding back for way too long.
The blanket slid out of my grip and landed somewhere on the deck.
I didn’t care. His hands slid up my sides, slow and careful, like he was testing every boundary.
My skin burned under his touch, but I didn’t pull away. I leaned into it. Wanted more of it.
He kissed me until my lungs burned, then pulled back just far enough to rest his forehead against mine. The world shrank to our shared breath and the steady thud of his heart against my chest. Simple. Terrifying. Right.
His breath was shaky. “I don’t want this to be a mistake.”
My heart slammed against my ribs. “It’s not.” The words were out before I could think better of them. And when I said them, I knew they were true.
He kissed me again, deep and certain, and the world tilted. His stubble scraped my chin. His chest pressed against mine. His hands gripped my waist, pulling me closer until I was straddling his lap.
I didn’t care that the night air was cool against my bare skin where my shirt had ridden up or that we were blowing past a line I swore I’d never cross.
All I cared about was him—his hands, his mouth, the sound of his low groan when I tugged at his hair.
My body arched into his, instinct taking over where my brain had stopped working.
Every line between us blurred—between want and need, fear and hope, temporary and forever.
The night wrapped around us, cool and quiet, but I was burning.
Every touch, every kiss, every whispered word pulled me deeper under until there was no pretending I didn’t want him. No pretending this wasn’t happening.
His hands roamed, tugging at the hem of my shirt until it was gone. The night air brushed over me, but his heat pulled me back in.
“You’re beautiful,” he said, like it was the simplest truth in the world.
I kissed him again before my heart could choke me. His mouth trailed down my neck, across my collarbone, lower, until I gasped and fisted my hands in his hair.
The blanket ended up under me as he laid me back on the deck, his body covering mine. His weight, his warmth, his steady breath—it was everything I hadn’t known I was craving.
“Tell me to stop if this is too much,” he whispered, lips brushing my ear.
“I don’t want you to stop.” My voice shook, but there wasn’t a trace of doubt.
Clothes disappeared between kisses and frantic touches, tossed aside and forgotten. When he finally pulled a condom out and rolled it down his cock, I was ready for him. He pushed into me, gentle at first. I cried out and clung to him. He held still, his forehead pressed to mine, his breath ragged.
“You okay?” His voice was tight, strained.
“Yes,” I whispered, wrapping my legs around him. “Please.”
He moved then, slow at first, steady and sure, like he was memorizing me. I held on, gasping his name, every nerve alive, every wall I’d built crumbling.
The rhythm built, rougher, faster, until I was lost in him—his weight, his heat, the sound of his groan against my neck. My body tightened, shattered, and I broke apart in his arms. He followed, his body tensing above me before he collapsed against me with a harsh, broken sound.
For a long moment, neither of us moved. Just the night air, the whisper of wind through the trees, and the thundering of our hearts.
He kissed me softly then, a sweet contrast to everything that had come before. “Not a mistake,” he murmured. I let the word settle inside me, as soft and warm as the blanket under my back.
“No,” I breathed back. My chest ached, not from fear, but from how much I wanted this to last.
Wrapped up with him under the stars, for the first time in my life, forever didn’t feel so impossible. Which made leaving feel impossible too. Tomorrow, I’d remember the reasons I ran. Tonight, I let myself stay.