Chapter 14
Willow
I’m not saying that the ruined dinner with the empty places, serving dishes heaped high with food gone stone cold, and burned down candles resembles a sad dinner gone wrong from a sappy romcom, but shit. I’m not not saying it either.
I’m not mad.
Something must have happened.
Odin would never no-show me and not call.
I don’t want to sit here and worry, so I clear the dishes away from the table, popping the lemon chicken breasts and pasta into the fridge, there’s no way I’m wasting good food.
There’s not much left of the taper candles, but I blow them out anyway. The smoke undulates above the table, dancing under the brass chandelier above the round oak table.
I have a sink full of dishes to do, but I’m going to make some calls first. The dishes are busy work to occupy hands and minds that don’t want to be still.
I try calling Odin first, but there’s no answer.
I didn’t really expect one. If he had his phone with him, I know he would have called to say he’d be late, or that he was going to have to cancel.
Our discussion tonight was important, but it’s not like we can’t have the conversation another time.
There are plenty of things that could have come up that he would have had to deal with, and not necessarily because he wanted to.
I have the number for the clubhouse, because Odin insisted I put it into my phone in case of an emergency. I don’t really want to call there and be a bother, but I bring up the contact and try it anyway.
There’s no answer there either.
Worry tightens like a steel collar around my throat.
If the whole club is busy, it might be nothing, but it could also be a lot of things.
I don’t want to start guessing. I’m a child who lost her father.
My mind often skips to the worst case scenario no matter how hard I try to keep it from going there.
I don’t want to call Tarynn and bother her, so I set my phone on the small island.
The kitchen isn’t anything fancy. The building is on the older side, probably put up in the nineties.
With its low pile carpet, white panelboard on the walls, ceiling tiles, and oak cabinets and trims, it’s pretty telling.
Not that it looks bad. It’s all very clean and homey.
I forced Tarynn to take some money for my staying here until I find another place, even though Crow wouldn’t, but it wasn’t nearly enough.
An apartment like this would cost a fortune in LA.
I left cash on the chair at her salon and ran out the door before she noticed.
I work through the dishes, scrubbing hard at all the dirty pots. I forgot to soak them and they’re a pain, but I don’t mind the extra effort tonight.
I’m just finishing up, rinsing the suds out of the sink, when my phone rings.
I scramble for it, drying my hand on the front of my dress frantically before I pick it up.
“Hello?”
“Hey! It’s Tarynn.”
I close my eyes, my heart plummeting and my stomach spinning sickly. Straight to the worst. Yup. That’s exactly where my mind goes. “H-hey.” My voice wavers and nearly collapses, just like my legs. I grasp the counter so hard my fingers nearly crack.
“Don’t freak out, but Odin had a small accident on his bike.
It was nothing major. He just hit a tar snake and dumped it on its side.
He has some nasty scrapes, and he’ll be sore for a few days, but he’s okay.
The guys took him straight to their clinic.
He’s asked us repeatedly to call you, but no one wanted to do that until we were sure what we could tell you.
Calling without answers would only have made you worry, and you don’t need to be stressed like that right now. ”
I still just about throw up anyway. Thank goodness I didn’t eat any of that dinner.
“His phone was mangled so badly from the crash that it’s down and out. I’m sorry we didn’t call sooner. He said you were expecting him and that you’d be hurt and angry that he didn’t show.”
“No. Just horribly worried.”
“We were going to insist that Odin go to the clubhouse to rest, but do you want me to see if the guys will drive him over there?”
“No. That’s okay. We’ll talk when he’s feeling better.”
“What?” Tarynn shouts into the distance, her voice muffled. “Forget it! You’re not going to walk there, you crazy man.” She’s back a second later. “God. Sorry. He’s arguing with the guys, telling them that if they take him to the clubhouse, he’ll walk straight to the apartment.”
“Oh my god.”
“Do you want to come to him? I can come pick you up.”
“It’s okay. I can drive myself there.”
“You’re not too stressed out? Are you sure you’re okay to drive? I’d never forgive myself if something happened.”
“I’ll give myself a few minutes, but I’ll be fine. Now I know everything is okay. If he’s making threats, then I’m sure he’s banged up, but he’ll survive.”
“For sure. He’s in rowdy spirits, if not good ones. Odin’s as tough as they come.”
Even the toughest man is mortal, though. I know how much can change in a single moment. I’m not going to allow myself to start imagining how things could have been worse. They weren’t, thank goodness.
“I’ll wait half an hour to be sure I’m calm, and then I’ll be on my way.”
“Sounds good. We’ll be back there by then too, so that should work out perfect. The guys will watch for you and let you in.”
“Is it okay to stay overnight in the spare room there? Should I pack a bag?”
“I’ll talk to Tyrant, but I’m one hundred percent sure he’s not going to say no.”
“Okay. Thank you so much for calling and for everything.” A long breath of relief unspools from my lungs. “You’re the best friend I’ve ever had, even though we’ve just met. Is that weird?” I wince, even though she can’t see it. “I’m sorry if it’s too much.”
Tarynn’s soft laugh echoes like she’s in a big room, but it could just be the phone. “You’re not too much. I’m so happy that you’re going to be a part of our family, and around here, we take care of our own. And not our own too, but especially our own. Love you. See you soon.”
I echo a goodbye back and hang up. My hands are shaking, not just from worry and all the relief mingled up with it, but because it’s been a long time since anyone said they love me.
Preston. My mom.
God, it hits me hard. I don’t want to get weepy, but I don’t really have a choice about it.
The emotions are going to be felt whether I’d like to block them out for just a minute or not.
It’s all there, writhing in my gut, churning in my mind.
Losing my dad, all those hard years, convincing myself over and over again that my relationship with Preston wasn’t lacking anything, it was all just me not knowing how to love because I knew so much loss in my formative years, my mom’s betrayal after I spent years trying to look after us and parenting her for more than half that time.
For years, I’d been dreaming of a family and an epic love story. I tried to make it work. Tried to carefully plan for all of it.
Now, I’m pregnant by my ex’s dad, who happens to be twice my age, and the only thing I feel at the moment is sheer terror. Not about any of that.
About the fact that tonight, the world could have lost another good man.
I force myself to move through the small apartment.
I didn’t want to dress up for this dinner because we were staying in and that felt weird, but I still put on a pair of high-waisted, wide leg black pants, a gray sweater, and a white blouse with the collar sticking out over the top.
I realize how I’m-going-to-a-job-interview the outfit looks, and there’s no way I’m going to the clubhouse wearing it.
I swap the pants for black jeans, roll up the ankles, and stuff my feet into a comfy pair of black boots. I don’t have many heavy weight shirts, but I settle on a green plaid button up, and top it with my vintage, fringed black leather jacket.
My hair is already swept back in a high ponytail.
I was wearing minimal makeup, but I head to the bathroom and put on a thick layer of waterproof mascara, touch up the foundation I just cried streaks into, and opt for blush and soft pink lipstick.
I need something to hide how pale I am, and having the ritual of changing clothes and applying makeup helps to keep my mind off all the slippery slope of freaking out that it wants to slide down.
By the time I slide behind the wheel of my car, I’m not really calm, but I’m definitely calmer. I’m not going to spontaneously burst into tears.
Just to give myself a few more minutes to get myself under control, I pick up my phone and search for a Vietnamese restaurant close by. I find one with decent reviews, check their menu, then call in an order for pickup.
I drive over, more carefully than I usually would.
All I keep getting are flashes of Odin, pinned under a mangled motorcycle.
Tarynn made sure I knew that wasn’t the case and that it wasn’t anything major, but still.
It’s like getting a scare when you’re driving and for the next couple of days, taking far more care than you usually would.
I pick up the food in a giant paper bag.
I have no idea what Odin likes, or what he’d consider comfort food, but hot ginger beef with wonton soup sounds a lot better than microwaved pasta and chicken turned goopy and chewy.
I’ll eat that tomorrow and I’m okay with it because wasting food still makes me shudder, but it isn’t going to cut it tonight.