23. Kain
Chapter 23
Kain
I watch her, legs powering her curvy body around the Battleyard on her twelfth lap.
I don't know if she can see how much she has changed in just a few short weeks.
Freedom from fear is powerful.
To some she might be unrecognizable. Not to me.
I've known this was inside her since she invaded the flower garden behind the temple the first day she arrived here. The first day she stood up to me.
I'm seeing glimmers of more now. I could coax the desire for revenge out of her, I'm sure of it.
What I'm not sure of is whether I should.
She's powerful, and she's not even close to full strength yet. The gods rarely make mistakes, and there's no fucking way bringing her to Featherblade was one. She's something entirely special.
I could fuck with the gods. Whatever she is to them, I could try to twist her into a revenge seeking, pain-creating monster.
But something won't let me.
I knew this was dangerous. I knew she was dangerous.
More than anything else, I want her strong. Strong enough to withstand me.
The more I've thought about it, the more I see it's the only action I can take. I can't make her stay with me, stand by me, give up her life out in the world of Yggdrasil for me. But I can make it so that she has a choice.
A new, wild thought bursts into my head.
What if she becomes strong enough to demand the gods fix me?
I shake my head. Absurd. Her power will never rival that of the gods. Or even Sigrun, for that matter.
And all of this assumes that she would want to help me. So far, her assistance has been driven by curiosity and lust.
She put Orgid's flaming clothes out. There is no way in this life or the next I would have lifted a finger to help that worthless piece of shit. And she ended his pain voluntarily.
She would hate the life I have lived.
She would hate the version of herself she would become if I helped her give in to the violence I know she fights.
She's good. Simple as that.
I see her slow on the other side of the Battleyard. She turns, looking first at me then Thyrvi, who is rolling around in the dust in the middle of the ring, then slumps to the ground.
Thyrvi reaches her before I do, trying to lift Maddy from the dust with her huge nose.
"Fucking blackouts," Maddy mumbles, leaning her weight on the bear as she rights herself.
"You stopped counting," I say.
She looks at me, and I see the fuzziness clear from her shining blue eyes. "Out loud. In my head, six-hundred and eighty-two. Old habits die hard."
"Did you hurt yourself?"
"No. I'm fine." She casts a glance upward and frowns before looking back at me. "I wonder…"
I raise my brows in question, but she shakes her head.
"Why are you here?" she asks.
"Same reason I'm always here."
"Waiting for me to help you into the vault?"
"I'm ready when you are."
We both know that's not the only reason I watch her. Not anymore. After the last glima session, hours alone in my shower weren't enough to sate my desire. Every movement her beautiful body makes causes me to burn for her so painfully that the fact I still watch her should be classed as self-punishment.
"I… I need to check something. With my memory magic," she says.
I stop thinking about her naked, her boot up on my shoulder, and focus. "Fine."
"I'll look for ship names while I'm there." I know she's made this decision on impulse. I'm not going to discourage her.
"Now?"
She nods. "You'll make sure nobody comes?"
"Yes." She has Thyrvi to do that, so she's asking me for some other reason.
The huge bear prowls in a circle around her when she sits down cross-legged, as though there are suddenly predators all around the Battleyard that weren't there thirty seconds ago.
Taking what she's asked me to do seriously, even though it's unnecessary, I move to the main path leading to the Battleyard. I can turn anyone away from here.
To my surprise, as I watch her eyes close and body relax, a slight fear ripples though me.
What happens if she finds the ships' names?
Then I have to get the helm. And then I have to choose.
Her, or my revenge.