30. Maddy
Chapter 30
Maddy
" P lease, tell me it will work."
Erik is holding the ugly feather up to his face, inspecting it with intense scrutiny.
His snake is reared up, its head right by Erik's. A shining, forked tongue flicks out toward the feather, barely ruffling the strands it as it makes contact.
Sarra mumbles something, and I look past him at her.
"She's coming around. I need to work on this. Return in a few hours," Erik says, still squinting at the feather.
"I want to stay."
"No." His tone brooks no argument, and I give in quickly. If he'll work faster without me, I'll go.
"I'll be back soon, Sarra," I tell her softly, then make my way out of the healing rooms. My legs are heavy and stiff, and my shoulders ache. The fatiguing aftereffects of adrenaline, I now know.
When I emerge from the building, I find my bear splashing in the water outside the Snake Wing, just beyond a Thyrvi-sized hole in the wooden railings that border the path. I stare for a beat before shaking my head.
"As long as you're not hurt," I mutter, watching her scooping her huge paws through the water, sending droplets everywhere. Some turn to mushy sleet before merging with the surface.
"I was too hot," she says in my head, without looking at me.
"I know what you mean," I answer, but she's too distracted to hear me. The blood that was drying on her fur is gone, and I sag a little. It's over. We're back in the safety of Featherblade's boundaries, and we've done everything we can for Sarra.
"Thyrvi won't find fish in there. They don't come this close to the buildings."
I turn to Kain. "She's cooling down," I say, and to my horror, my voice cracks.
He takes a step toward me, then seems to remember he shouldn't, and stops. "What happened?" he asks softly.
I find myself leaving nothing out. I tell him how scared I was for Thyrvi when the three birds attacked, how guilty I felt when I saw Navi's body, and how horrific playing dead next to her corpse was. My voice stays steady, until I tell him how terrified I am that it was too late to help Sarra.
"You've gone above and beyond to help her," he says tightly. "You have demonstrated loyalty the gods would be proud of." I open my mouth to tell him it's my own fault she's sick in the first place, but he cuts me off. "And don't start this guilt-ridden horseshit again."
I close my mouth. He takes a deep breath.
"Actions have consequences. Some good, some bad, some utterly unforeseeable. Intent is power, princess. Did you mean to hurt your friend? Or see Navi dead?"
I shake my head, hard enough to hurt. "Of course not."
"Then stop punishing yourself. Learn from this, and become stronger. Remember the lessons, and be better."
His words are like liquid strength. They flow through my body, tightening my muscles and straightening my back.
Do what you can. Ignore what you can't.
I can't change what happened.
I can do everything in my power to fix it.
"Erik will be able to heal her with the feather," I say, as resolutely as I can.
"Yes."
"Navi chose to separate herself from me. Even if I'd followed her, she would have snuck away." Saying the words aloud, I'm positive they are true. I think back to every conversation I have had with the strong-willed, pragmatic fae. I couldn't have controlled her.
"She never wished to fight by your side," Kain says. "Her clouded judgment got her killed. Not you."
I breathe in hard through my nose and let out a breath. A long shiver works through my body.
"You need to eat," Kain tells me. "And rest."
He's right, but I'm not hungry.
"There's something I need to do," I say.
It takes me about half an hour to find Staffan, filling a plate with ham in the feasting hall.
"Can I talk to you? Outside?" I ask awkwardly.
He puts down his plate and follows me out, concern on his handsome face. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing. I wanted to thank you."
"For what?"
"You're the reason me and Thyrvi are still alive."
He stares at me.
"If you hadn't told me about playing dead, I wouldn't have known to do the same. You saved my life."
Color tinges his deep brown cheeks. "Really?" he asks eventually.
"Yes. You should tell everyone. You could save more lives."
"They won't think it's cowardly?"
"To use knowledge to survive against a vicious monster? No."
"I'll… I'll think about it," he says. "Thanks."
"No, seriously. Thank you ."
I fill my own plate with bread and pick at it, forcing myself to try to replenish my lost energy. Harald harping on about warriors needing food and sleep to be at optimum strength fills my mind. Thyrvi has no such appetite issues, and wasted no time bounding into the bushes to find foxes after her swim.
Fae drift in and out of the feasting hall, and none of them come anywhere near me. I don't want to have to tell anyone what happened, so rather than feel offended, I'm grateful.
After I'm sure it's been a few hours, I return to the healing rooms. Erik doesn't let me into Sarra's room, but he gives me a reassuring smile. "I think she will be okay. I had a few lucid moments with her and I think I know what I need to do with the shriek feather now."
My knees feel weak as I lean against the doorframe. "Can I see her?"
"Tomorrow. You need to rest too."
"You're sure she's going to be okay?"
"Not completely sure, but she's got a good chance now."
After a fitful night of drifting in and out of sleep, I hurry from the Bear Wing to see Sarra. I'm starving now, my head a little light, but I'm not going anywhere near the feasting hall until I've checked she's okay.
I see a dark flash in my peripheral and know that Kain has risen early too. Perhaps he never left the Bear Wing all night. He can't see or enter it, but that wouldn't stop him from staying nearby.
Erik is bustling around in the main room of the Snake Wing when I get there, and he looks up sharply at my early entry.
"How is she?" I blurt.
He smiles, and I let out a breath. "I was able to extract enough magic from the feather to concoct a treatment. She's recovering."
"Oh, thank Freya for that," I say, pressing a hand to my chest. "Can I see her now?"
"No."
I frown, worry immediately returning. "Why not?"
"I need to treat her daily. The sickness has taken a deep hold, and it may be a week before she is conscious and properly lucid."
"A week?"
"Yes. And," he says, holding up a hand, "I must warn you. She's experienced some… changes."
"What kind of changes?"
"I believe just in her appearance. But Madivia, as you're her friend, I must ask you something. If you notice behavioral changes as you did before, you must tell me immediately."
I nod slowly. "Okay."
With mixed relief and apprehension, I remind myself repeatedly that a week is not so bad, nor is it bad if she looks a little different. The main thing is she's alive.
"Good. Now, go. Eat. Take it easy today."
I nod and turn to the door.
"I hope Featherblade rewarded you well for your trials."
I think of the gem I put in my pocket yesterday. Featherblade did reward me, but I've no idea with what yet.
I turn back. "When… when is Navi's memorial?"
His face sobers. "After the evening meal tonight."
I nod. "I'll see you then. And thank you, hersir , for helping my friend."