33. Maddy
Chapter 33
Maddy
I glance around furtively. I can't see Kain anywhere, but that doesn't mean he isn't out of sight and listening somewhere.
"Thanks, Henrik," I say, and hurry past him.
I have all the ship names.
I want to get back to the Bear Wing and store the names in the gallery as soon as I can. I'm not likely to forget them, but I'm not going to risk writing them down, and I won't take any chances.
I finally have everything I need to get into the vault.
But by the time I've stored the information, my elation is churning with deepening apprehension, making my mind foggy.
There are so many reasons I should not let Kain put those helm pieces back together. I search my gallery, looking for the words Helm of Embers —not for the first time—and nothing comes back.
It's a weapon, I'm reasonably confident of that much. He said it wouldn't help him with any of the aspects of his punishment curse, so it must be used to hurt.
Can I talk him out of his revenge?
I know he won't hurt me, and therefore I assume he wouldn't hurt my friends or those I love. But I know he wants to hurt the other Valkyrie.
I can't let him do that.
What if the helm's power allows him to go higher? To try to get revenge on Sigrun, or the gods themselves?
I shake my head and fall back into Thyrvi's soft fur.
"Kain is not stupid enough to try to take on the gods," I mutter.
"Kain is angry. Anger makes fae stupid," she tells me.
I stare at the ceiling. She's right.
"Do you think I should go through the next door in the vault?" I ask.
"What is in there that you need?" She almost sounds affronted, like I couldn't need anything more than what I have right now.
"I don't know. There are many powerful artifacts that I've seen already, but the gods only know what is beyond this next door." I roll against her so that I can see her face when she swings her huge head around. "Tell me you're not curious to find out?"
Her dark eyes flash as she twitches her nose. "I am curious," she admits.
"And Featherblade led me to the vault. I feel certain there's something in there for me."
"Then we must find out."
Thyrvi is the impulsive, brave part of me. I knew she would sanction this. That's probably why I asked her.
"If I go ahead without Kain, then I'll know what we're dealing with. I can see what is in there, and whether it is worth risking giving Kain his weapon. And it'll give me more time to try to get him to tell me what it is he is actually planning to do."
"You think he will tell you?"
"If I push him hard enough, perhaps. And if he doesn't, then I won't help him."
I check into the healing rooms after archery practice, but Erik says Sarra is still in and out of consciousness. He insists that she is improving and that I don't need to worry, but my stomach won't settle. It feels wrong. It's taking too long.
"Are you sure I can't see her? Even if she's asleep, I just want to look at her face, to hold her hand a moment," I plead.
But Erik is uncompromising. "She needs complete rest, Madivia. You will see her soon, I promise."
Formation fighting in the afternoon is just as somber as the feasting hall was. The loss of two more rooks has made our number feel much smaller than it should, even with the myriad animals roaming the sand.
Garda's little black bear is racing around the space, swiping at the only two wolves, Eldith's green Lauf and Roge's shimmering golden wolf. She admonishes it repeatedly, but the restlessness is infectious, and before long Valdis has given up on making us all move through a series of defensive maneuvers and tells us to train with our val-tivars , and to let them spar if they want to.
Nobody comes anywhere near me and Thyrvi, so we practice alone. She is insistent that I learn to shoot from between her huge front paws, so that she can shield me. I can shield myself with ice, but I go along with her, perfecting a move where I drop to a crouch and spin beneath her, drawing my bow.
Kain catches up with me on the way back to the feasting hall, and I hang back, letting everyone else go ahead. Nerves tingle along my body as he steps close to me. My desire to be in his presence wars with the knowledge that I'm going to have to lie to him.
"Have you found any more ship names?"
My stomach swoops. "Just one."
"We need to find out who broke into my rooms."
"We? That's your job," I tell him. "I have to train to become a Valkyrie, whilst endlessly searching memories. I'm busy enough." Guilt washes through me. I'm done searching memories. I'm ready.
"I have found nothing new. Can Thyrvi track any scents from my rooms?"
I look at the bear, who blinks. "His rooms are in the Wolf Wing, where the feasting hall is. There are far too many scents there."
I relay her statement to Kain, and he huffs an angry sound.
Thyrvi bristles at him. "I'd like to see his wolf do what I can," she grumbles in my head.
"Do you have any ideas at all?" I ask him.
"It must be one of the other Valkyrie."
"Why do you think that?"
"They've been here long enough that they are more likely to know about the vault. And none of the rooks here would risk breaking into my rooms." His gaze burns into me, and I know what we are both thinking.
I broke into his rooms. And saw him naked for the first time.
My cheeks heat, and I drop his gaze.
"I'll keep searching," I say quickly.
"Without the other half, the helm is useless. But we can assume the thief will come after the new piece when we have it, and that's when I'll catch them." Fire flares in his eyes. "And make them wish they'd never been born."
It's the middle of the night when I creep out of the Bear Wing. It took me more than an hour to convince Thyrvi to stay in the barn. Her opinion of her stealth skills didn't match mine, and I only won with bribery in the end.
It takes me an age to reach the catacombs, because I spend so much time making sure Kain is nowhere in sight. When I jog silently down the earthy tunnels toward the vault, I'm certain he's not tailing me.
Guilt is settling in as I near the door, my heart rate picking up the closer I get.
I told Kain I would do this with him, and he provided one of the five names.
But my earlier conversation with Kain has cemented my resolve. I have to see what else is down here, and I have to do it on my own.
And I know it's wrong, but I can't help the thought that I can always use the helm piece to blackmail Kain into telling me his plans if everything else goes wrong. He was right when he asked if I'd taken the first piece—it would give me the upper hand. For the first time, I might have some sort of control over him.
The thing is, though, he and I both know that all he has to do is growl my name and I'll do whatever he asked me to.
"Pathetic, Maddy," I whisper aloud to myself, shaking my head.
I have to get a grip. Take control. And as I reach the vault door, I tell myself that's exactly what I'm doing. Taking control.