27. A Brave Coward
Chapter 27
A Brave Coward
T he air tasted of foul rot and dampened mold. Coughs spurted out of Elnok’s mouth, trails of red and black dripping from his tongue as he leaned his entire weight into Sylzenya. Despite her powers having run their course what must’ve been miles ago, she continued on, heaving him more and more onto her shoulder as they stepped over cracked roots and avoided dead trees.
He wanted to tell her to stop, that she needed to let him go, but he’d seen the look in her eyes—had felt the desperation in her tone.
She wasn’t going to abandon him.
Despite the poisoned chill that gripped his chest, a small light of warmth dipped into his stomach. Sylzenya was strategic, this he’d seen numerous times in the few days they’d spent together, and yet, she chose to take him with her—a risk that could cost her life.
Elnok thought back to their time at the inn. He’d assumed their groping and desire for one another had been nothing more than lust and heightened emotions.
Perhaps, at the time, it had been just that.
But this… this was different. Deliberate. Sylzenya cared for him, and he wanted her to know he felt the same before he died.
“Syl—”
But his voice gave out. If he could curse, he would.
Sylzenya studied the compass for what had to be the hundredth time, her ash-colored hair a tangle of braids and flyaways. Her dark ocean eyes glared at the object, her jaw flexing as she shoved it back in her pocket.
“Are we close?” Elnok managed to choke out, the trees blurring as his vision swam in and out of focus.
“Yes.”
A lie. They both knew it, but it felt good to hear it anyways.
Elnok couldn’t help but think this tree had only been a trick of the eye, a trivial pursuit made for dreamers. But Sylzenya bet her life on it. If she believed that this tree existed and could save both Orym and the continent, then he would follow her. There was little choice to do otherwise, but even if there were, Elnok had a sense he would follow Sylzenya to the end of the world if she asked it of him.
“This way,” a familiar voice echoed amongst the trees, “I see drag marks. One of them is injured.”
Elnok’s stomach dropped.
“ Kharis, ” Sylzenya whispered as she lifted Elnok’s legs into her arms. Elnok felt her knees buckle as she did so, and he wished beyond anything he wasn’t so fucking useless.
She stumbled through branches and in between trees, twisting and turning, still heading east. Twigs and branches bit at Elnok’s face, but there was no pain, his entire face numb as he fought to keep his breaths even despite this newfound panic.
“ There, ” Elnok wheezed, pointing to a hollowed-out tree.
Sylzenya gave a quick nod and rushed for the crooked tree. Rot and mildew assaulted his senses as she squeezed them through the narrow opening. They quickly assessed the hiding place; small insects crawled up and down while black, tar-like mold layered the tree.
“Don’t touch any of this,” Sylzenya warned as she placed him back on his feet, “It could be just as poisonous as the arachni.”
Elnok grunted in affirmation.
Slowly, she guided his numb body to the ground He wished he could feel the warmth of her touch against his aching skin, but all he felt was the steady sharpening pain splicing through his veins. She cradled his head in her arms.
They were in total darkness together, their only sword now sheathed and losing its glow. The poison continued to push into his feet, his eyes, his mind.
“They’re somewhere nearby,” Kharis’ voice echoed from somewhere off in the distance, “Set up camp here and search. We need rest, and they couldn’t have gotten far.”
Fucking Kharis.
First he fell in love with his brother, and now he was hunting him. While he knew the man was under the influence of Distrathrus’ blood, it—his brother’s lover sent out to kill him—still felt all too real. He should never have trusted Kharis.
His thoughts were brought back as he felt Sylzenya’s body shake. Despite the feeling of daggers slicing into his skin, he managed to lace his fingers with hers. Her breath caught as she squeezed back.
By the gods themselves.
He needed her. He had needed her since the moment he met her outside the temple. Life had slowly grown colorless over the years, more so than he’d realized. Waking up, scrounging for food, thieving for other necessities, and then doing it all over again the next day. And while he loved his crew, loved Orym so much he was willing to face an arachni and be poisoned to death, he’d never met someone who’d seen him so clearly as Sylzenya had.
There were parts of himself he’d always kept hidden, and yet she saw them; he wanted her to see them.
It comforted and terrified him.
“Syl,” he whispered, so low he wasn’t sure if she could hear him.
But he felt the lightest of touches on his jaw, running up his cheek, finding the lone tear that trailed down his face.
“It’s alright,” Sylzenya whispered back, “We’re going to get you to Aretta’s Willow. I need you to keep going. We’re so close.”
Elnok closed his eyes so tight another tear ran down his face.
“I already told you, you make a terrible liar.”
He felt her chest convulse as she replied, “I need you to stay strong.”
Elnok squeezed her hand tight, her chest convulsing again as he felt a hot tear fall onto his forehead.
“Don’t let the Dynameis find you,” he said.
“ Elnok. ”
“You know, all I used to want was to survive. I played it safe after I left Vutror, hiding in the shadows, masking myself behind aliases; a life unnoticed. And while Estea is where it’ll end for me, I’m glad I did it.” Elnok gulped as his voice threatened to fail, “I’m glad to have done something for once in my life, and I’m glad I met you.”
Her hands began to shake. He stayed steady, slowly rubbing his thumb across the soft skin on her knuckles, an ache ripping deep in his chest as he did.
“You’re going to live,” she said breathlessly into his ear, “I’m going to make sure of it.”
He ignored her pleas, because she knew just as well as he did that this was the end for him.
“I need you to get the medicine to Orym,” he said as he traced his hand up her forearm, her skin shivering from his touch, “In a world full of selfish people like myself, it’s people like Orym who deserve to live another day.”
Sylzenya wiped loose pieces of hair out of his face.
“Do it yourself,” she whispered.
He scoffed. “I’m dying and giving you my last wishes. That’s what needs to happen in times like this?—”
“No, I need you to stop talking and listen to me ,” she retorted, her lips brushing his ear, “Do you know the one thing that’s harder than dying?”
She waited in silence.
“What?” he asked.
“Living,” she said, “living is much harder, and I need you to choose to do the harder thing right now.”
Elnok’s lip quivered. “It’s poison, Syl. It’s not that I want to die.”
“Then stop talking like you’re giving up.”
“I’m not giving up, I’m being realistic.”
“You’re being a coward.”
“For fuck’s sake,” Elnok grunted, a cough laboring out of his chest. “I’m just a thief. A low life who steals from others to get what he wants. I’ve always been a coward.”
“No,” Sylzenya replied, leaning back, “No one is ever that simple, not even you. You came all this way to save your friend, knowing this kingdom had its secrets. You crossed Lhaal Forest and didn’t turn back despite its dangers. You risked telling me your plans so you could save your friend, knowing I might betray you.” She paused. “So don’t tell me you’re selfish or a coward, Elnok Rogdul. You’re the bravest person I’ve ever met.”
His heart leapt into his throat.
“But I swear to the gods, if you decide now of all times to be one, I’ll strangle you myself.”
A choked laugh left his mouth. “Will you now?”
“Yes, I will. So stop talking and focus on your breathing while I come up with a plan.”
Elnok fought every screaming muscle in his body as he lifted his head, gripping her face in between his hands as he brushed her hair behind her ears, whispering her name softly. Her nose brushed along his before she placed her chilled forehead against his own.
Elnok couldn’t find words, so he brought his lips to hers instead.
Her mouth was cold, but it was more likely he was feverishly warm. Her tongue found his—the only part of him that hadn’t turned completely numb yet—causing his body to shiver. This was nothing like the time in the inn. That had been all fire and heat and want. This was yearning and sorrow, shared tears dripping into their open mouths, tasting of salt.
Her silent sobs echoed into his chest. He pulled her closer, refusing to let this final moment with her end. Combing his fingers through her hair, he wondered what it would’ve been like to take her on a ship and journey through Druenia with her by his side; to hear her laugh around the nightly fires and have her share her own stories alongside his crew. And then, once the embers died out, he’d take her into their bed, and he’d taste her until her sweet whimpers sent him to a blissful sleep.
He wanted to live a life with her. Damn it , he really did, didn’t he? He wanted it more than anything in his short, sad life.
She whispered into his mouth, “This is all my fault.”
“You have nothing to be sorry for.”
“Yes I do.”
“Distrathrus tricked you.” He gripped her hip tight. “He betrayed everyone here and on this continent, and if you had known, he might’ve gotten rid of you. He would’ve killed you.”
“I would’ve deserved it,” she whispered.
“No,” Elnok growled, wishing he could see those dark eyes of hers. “You didn’t deserve anything that bastard did to you. Not the scar on your back, not the pain in your body, not anything else you were forced to do in order to serve this kingdom. You deserve all the joy and happiness this world can offer you.”
An aching silence spread between them, her fingers digging into his shoulders.
“You’re so much more than your cuts and bruises and pain,” Elnok said as he caressed her face, “You’re brave and courageous and compassionate. You of all people deserve a life where you can laugh to your heart’s content and create life without sacrifice—a life where you can be free. I’d do anything to give that to you.”
He slowly wiped the tears running down her face, his heart slowing down—dangerously so. He wanted to tell her he felt the same as her; he wanted to know what a life with her could be like outside of this hellish war they’d been caught in. But he felt the desperation in her touch and he wouldn’t dare cause her to do anything rash. It’d only make this parting worse than it needed to be.
A slice of pain ran up his neck, his grip tightening on her as a quiet groan escaped his lips. Air refused to enter his lungs, his throat feeling as if it was closing in on itself.
“I wish we had more time,” he whispered, his hands sliding to the ground.
All he could perceive was Sylzenya’s frantic breaths, her fingernails digging into his skin.
“Then I’ll get us more,” she whispered.
Dread gripped his throat.
“Syl,” Elnok weakly whispered, “there’s nothing that can be done.”
“You’re not going to die,” she seethed, rummaging through her leather pouch, “We need their help.”
“ Their help?” Elnok sputtered, “If you expose us, Distrathrus will take you. Torture you. Force you to become his weapon?—”
“If he wants me, he’s going to have to save you first.”
“ No, ” Elnok begged, “Sylzenya, you’re not thinking clearly right now. Please, don’t do this .”
“I have a plan,” she argued, “Trust me.”
But he didn’t trust her, not right now.
Glowing compass in her hand, he could finally see her clearly. Her eyes were wild and bloodshot, her face ragged and tired. Sleep had evaded them for an entire day. She’d lost an ample amount of blood, and she’d barely eaten anything besides a few nuts and berries. His body was failing him due to poison, but her mind was collapsing under over-exhaustion.
“Let’s face it, I won’t make it to the tree at this point either. We need help.” She fished out a vial of orodyte serum from her leather pouch. “You said Kharis told you about the tree. He was on your side before coming back to Estea and drinking Distrathrus’ wine, right?”
Sweat built along his neck. “The bastard had fallen in love with my brother, so yes, but he’s too far gone now.”
“Not if I get this in his blood.” She held the vial between her fingers, a faint laugh leaving her mouth. “Suppose I really am my father’s daughter after all. It’ll at least give him a chance to fight against Distrathrus’ blood. And if it works, he’ll help us get to the tree.”
“For gods’ sake.” Elnok coughed. “And how are you going to do this? He’s clearly brought reinforcements. You can’t risk getting caught.”
“And you can’t die.”
Her words silenced him. He’d had this conversation before, but it wasn’t with Sylzenya—it’d been with Orym. And he’d been the one to say Sylzenya’s exact words.
“Damn your high morals,” he whispered, Orym’s voice echoing along his bones, the poison sinking deeper.
All this effort to save his friend, only to die from his own sickness in the end.
“No more wasting time,” she whispered, gently settling his head on the ground. “I’ll be back with Kharis, alright? Just hang on a little longer.”
“ Sylzenya —”
“Promise me you’ll hang on,” she interrupted.
Her bloodshot eyes watered. Elnok knew the promise was futile, but she wasn’t looking for the truth.
She wanted hope.
“I promise,” he wheezed.
Wiping a tear from her cheek, she left to battle Kharis and his Dynameis, leaving Elnok to his own fight of filling his lungs one breath at a time.