Chapter 3
“You aren’t sealed.” Zakary’s voice held as much steel as the hand that still gripped my arm. “What are you doing with writing?”
“It isn’t mine,” I gasped out, my whole body frozen.
“You know that doesn’t matter,” he growled. “Unsealed commonborn are not permitted words.”
Terror filled me, more potent than what I had felt during the attack. It strengthened my spine and lent fire to my voice. I would have to be more brazen than I had ever been before if I had any hope of salvaging my future.
“I just saved your life. Are you telling me you’re going to hand me over to the Grays for a single sealed letter?”
His grip on my arm didn’t loosen, but his posture softened, his face twisting. Gratitude and personal obligation warred with his ingrained duty.
“Who taught you to read?” he asked. “And who has been foolhardy enough to write you a letter?”
He glanced down at the sealed missive, anger in his eyes although I wasn’t sure if it was directed at me or the letter’s unknown author. He must have wanted to break it open and look for a signature, but he couldn’t easily do so without relinquishing his hold on me.
At least he wasn’t making any attempt to drag me away. I had an opening, and I needed to push until it turned into a path forward.
“You don’t have to quote lectures at me about reading leading to writing,” I said with as much indignation as I could muster. “In my ten years of study, I’ve never attempted to read, not even once. I wouldn’t put my dreams and future at risk so foolishly.”
Both his brows shot up. “Excuse me if I find that a little hard to believe, given this.” He shook the letter slightly.
My heart beat fast, but I forced myself to meet his eyes. “You can see it has a seal. It isn’t for me, and I have no intention of reading it.”
“Just carrying it with you is a very serious crime. If you’re still studying, you must be hoping to win a place in a sealing ceremony. Having this in your possession alone means you would never be chosen—and worse consequences besides.”
“Only if someone catches me with it,” I said, but the words fell dully onto the cobblestones between us, my summoned fire sputtering and dying. Someone had caught me with it.
But as my hope died away, some of Zakary’s ire seemed to die with it. He looked between the folded letter and me, curiosity in his eyes.
“If the letter isn’t for you—if it’s true you can’t even read—why would you risk carrying it with you?”
I bit my lip. “I have to stay on my teacher’s good side,” I blurted out. “There’s another Robart two years below me.”
He leaned back a little, his grip slackening and his brow creased. “What?”
I sighed. “I know you’re a mage, but even you must have heard of the Robarts. They may be commonborn, but they’re a powerful merchant family.”
“Of course I’ve heard of them. But what do they have to do with this?”
I groaned. “Most of them live in this section of the city.”
“Is your teacher a Robart, then?” Zakary frowned. “And he gave you this? I still don’t understand.”
“No, he isn’t a Robart.” My voice dropped to a mutter. “He just wishes he was.” I took one look at Zakary’s confused expression and sighed again.
If it was going to make sense to him, I needed to tell him the whole story. It wasn’t something I liked to talk about, but I would tell Zakary my deepest childhood secrets if there was any chance they would extricate me from the situation.
They wouldn’t, of course. But if I could make him understand my position, maybe this tale could.
“I’ve been top of the class for the last four years,” I told him flatly, unable to muster any pride since the vast effort had so far gained me nothing. “The other students didn’t even resent me for it—much—since they knew I worked twice as hard as anyone else.”
“And yet…” Zakary’s eyes dropped to my unmarked wrist.
“You must know there haven’t been many sealing ceremonies in the last few years.” I tried to squash the defensive note in my voice. “There were several in my first year at the school, when I was still too young, but in the last four there has only been one.”
Zakary swallowed and nodded, unease in his face. “Two years ago. When a trainee failed the Academy.”
For a moment I was distracted by the incongruity of his emotion until it hit me once again how differently he saw the world. In the lower city, among the commonborn, an Academy failure was a matter of excitement—even rejoicing. Among the mages, it must be something both feared and dreaded.
“Yes, that’s the one,” I said, my voice softer. “The office for the management of sealed affairs requested a name from every school in the kingdom. Just one name. Each school was supposed to nominate their top student among those sixteen and older.”
“And that was you.” He watched my face intently, caught in my story as I had hoped.
“It was.” My voice held a fierce note despite myself. “It should have been me. My teacher knew it. Everyone knew it.”
“So what happened?” Zakary’s grip had slackened, although he didn’t entirely let go, the warm circle of his fingers now soft against my skin.
“We had a second Robart among us back then—my closest friend at the school, Gina. We were the same age, and she was great fun, but she didn’t have the same dedication to her studies as I did.
She didn’t want it as badly.” A lump formed in the back of my throat, and I pushed it away.
“She was the one to join me whenever I emerged from my studying to have a moment of fun.”
“Fun.” Zakary’s voice held the ghost of a chuckle, giving me a surge of hope. “Things like catapulting yourself into piles of crates and leaping on armed attackers? That sort of fun?”
I managed a grin. “You should chat with my mother some time. She’s always bemoaning that such a diligent student can also be so wild and reckless.
But she doesn’t understand how wearing it gets, acting with control and discipline all the time.
Sometimes I have to rebel and do something wild or I might explode. ”
Zakary’s eyes dropped to the letter in his hand, and his amusement dimmed. “So you did something reckless and got yourself overlooked two years ago?”
“No!”
I almost wished I had. If it had been my fault I wasn’t chosen, maybe it would have been easier to bear.
“I wasn’t reckless, I just got sick. Not even badly sick. I just got a poorly timed summer cold.”
Zakary frowned. “What difference did that make?”
“All the difference in the kingdom.” I drew a deep breath as I reached the painful part of the story.
“My head was so heavy and foggy for the last test of the year that I didn’t perform to my usual standard.
Gina, on the other hand, did unusually well.
She usually placed in the middle of the class, but she came first that time.
I thought she must have studied extra hard and even congratulated her on her success. ”
I dwelt darkly on that thought for a moment before forcing my mind onward.
“Then the news came about the failure of the mage trainee. I was so elated that I sprinted all the way to school, needing official confirmation that our teacher had been asked to nominate someone for the sealing.” My voice faltered at the memory of the devastation that had so taken me by surprise.
“You said Gina is a Robart.” Zakary said the words with grim understanding, proving the quickness of his mind.
I nodded miserably. “The teachers are supposed to nominate their top student, and everyone knew that was me. But that last test gave him the excuse he needed to choose Gina instead.”
“And you said she studied extra hard for that one test.” Zakary spoke the words levelly, but I caught a spark in his eyes.
I nodded again. “It’s obvious in retrospect. The Robarts are influential enough to know what’s happening among the mages. They must have known a failure was likely. I honestly thought Gina was my friend, but…”
“But she seized her chance when it came.” His voice turned gentle.
“She never even returned to the school. I haven’t seen her since.”
Zakary winced, and I pushed away the old pain. I had to focus on what was happening now if I wanted to avoid an even more devastating blow to my future than Gina’s betrayal.
“From that experience, I learned that it’s not enough to be top of the class.
I need to be in the teacher’s goodwill as well.
He received many marks of favor from the Robarts after Gina was sealed, and I know he has expectations of transferring to a position in their company in the next couple of years.
But that’s given me an opening. He’s grown increasingly resentful of the demands of his teaching role, and he’s always complaining about not having enough time.
So I do him small favors whenever I can, like delivering a letter for him. ”
“This isn’t a small favor!” Zakary let me go at last, and the sudden lack of contact left me feeling unmoored. I rubbed my palm against the filthy material of my clothes.
“He must know he could get in as much trouble as you!” Zakary strode a few paces away and then wheeled to come back. “What’s his name?”
I shook my head rapidly. “I’m not saying.”
He looked down at the letter in his hands, and I lunged forward, managing to take him by surprise and seize it back. “No, please. Don’t!”
We stood, eyes locked, my breath coming in ragged gasps.
“Please,” I whispered softly.
Zakary’s shoulders slumped as he rubbed a hand over his face and groaned. “You did save my life.” He looked at the letter in my hand with uncertainty before his eyes rose to my face. “You really can’t read? You weren’t going to open it?”
I nodded fervently, trying to look earnest and trustworthy. “I do not want to turn into a giant fireball.”