Chapter 8
Ihad to tell my family about the arrangement. There was no avoiding that. But thankfully none of them had yet gotten a glimpse of Zak, so I was able to present the whole thing as a simple business arrangement.
My mother was predictably overjoyed, saying that it would be worth something indeed for me to start at the University already having a mage acquaintance. My father only said that he was glad I had found a way to avoid the Robart puppet.
I smiled and agreed with everything both of them said, not wanting to encourage them to ask more questions.
If Zak and I were really going to study together all summer, one of my family members was bound to spot him eventually, and then the questions and suspicions would come.
It was inevitable when Zak looked…the way he looked.
But I was hoping to put that day off as long as possible.
My first concern had been where we would study—we needed access to books as well as parchment and pens, and we wouldn’t find those in many places in the lower city. Certainly nowhere where they weren’t secured.
But Zak had been ready with an answer, one I should have thought of for myself.
Nearly five years ago, after the sealing ceremonies began in earnest, the crown opened an office for the management of sealed affairs.
It was built on the outskirts of the city, near the outer wall, and had occasioned great excitement at the time.
All four of my brothers had found excuses to visit the area when the creator mages were razing the derelict building that had stood there previously and raising a new, sturdy public building of red sandstone in its place.
Even I had detoured past the building on occasion, thinking proudly of the day when my name would be on the lists kept within its walls.
“I already investigated,” Zak told me. “They have a small library that’s open for use by any sealed commonborns.
And they have a whole series of study rooms. You can even request a locker where you’ll be able to keep your parchment and pens stored between sessions, since you can’t take them home.
In the long term, you’ll want to set up a safe place in your house to secure them.
The office for the management of sealed affairs are also the ones to review and approve those arrangements.
But you might not be able to do that until after you graduate the University and get a home of your own.
And so we can use the lockers in the meantime. ”
When we actually stepped into the building for the first time, I buzzed with excitement, my arms bare and wrists on clear display. It still felt surreal that I had the right to freely enter a building that contained a library.
When an official bustled over to us, a frown on her face, I held out my hands hurriedly, words ready on my lips. But they died when I saw that her attention was fully focused on Zak, not me.
“We don’t take applications for being sealed here,” she said firmly. “You’ll need to apply through one of the usual channels. And in the meantime, I can’t permit you entry since we have—”
I laughed, unable to help myself. Zak had returned to his old way of dressing, and I had thought from the beginning that his choice of clothes made him blend in.
If he was wearing a mage robe, he wouldn’t confuse anyone, but presumably he wouldn’t have the right to wear a black University robe until he actually started there in the autumn.
The official turned her disapproving expression on me, and I tried to cut off my giggles. “He’s my tutor,” I said since it was close to the truth and by far the simplest explanation. “My mage tutor. He doesn’t have any need to be sealed.”
Her face immediately cleared. “That explains it. My apologies, My Lord.”
Her attitude was brisk rather than obsequious, but I still felt a shiver of discomfort at her use of the general honorific for mages. I had never once used it, given the unusual circumstances of our acquaintance, but I couldn’t afford to forget who Zak really was.
“I know the faces of all the usual tutors,” the woman continued. “But I don’t recognize you.”
“That’s because I only just graduated the Academy,” he said with an easy smile.
“Ah, I see.” She smiled a little more readily. “Do you need a tour of our facilities?”
Zak easily took charge, charming the woman even as he commandeered her to show us around. I watched him uneasily, reminded that he might only be two years older than me, but he had been born and bred for the kind of command I would never wield. It came all too naturally to him.
He organized a locker for our use, along with slate and chalk for me and a pile of parchment for him.
But when we finally stood on the threshold of the library, my legs shook so badly, I struggled to take the necessary step that would carry me inside.
After a lifetime of resisting the allure of books and words—of carefully avoiding them, no matter how much my curiosity burned—it seemed impossible that I was being allowed, even encouraged, to step into a room that contained whole shelves of books.
The official, who had largely forgotten me in the face of Zak’s charm offensive, looked back, her expression softening. “You were sealed in the recent ceremony?” she asked gently.
I nodded, my mouth too dry for speech.
“It will become normal soon, if you can believe it. It’s why I like showing the newcomers around. It’s good to remember what it felt like the first time.”
“Come on, Aria,” Zak said with a grin. “You won’t learn to read standing out there.”
I took a deep breath and stepped over the threshold.
We met at the office of sealed affairs most days after that. My initial awe was soon replaced with frustration as I developed a hatred for my slate. I might have been surrounded by books, but I was clearly a long way from being able to read any of them.
Thankfully, I knew how to work hard, and slowly I made progress.
Zak wasn’t equally dedicated to his own studies, but he showed endless patience with me and seemed to find satisfaction from my progress.
Privately, I thought he made a better teacher than a student.
If he failed to gain admittance to a discipline after his year at the University, I would suggest he consider tutoring.
It might not be prestigious, but it was possible to earn good coin from families like the Robarts.
I usually brought myself food from home to last me for the day, but at least once a week, Zak lured me out to a local food stall, or even to one of the markets to buy something hot and fresh.
He always dressed in the same manner, making it easy for the two of us to blend in with the crowds of commonborn in the lower city, and usually he seemed relaxed and natural, despite the setting.
When we walked, we talked of things beyond our studies—our families, our plans for the future, foolish pranks of our childhood, and anything that occurred to us.
But every now and then, he would insist we take a sudden detour, usually through a less frequented alley or street, and he didn’t like taking the same route too often.
I refrained from questioning his odd behavior because I could easily guess the reason for it.
Even mages sometimes had reasons to visit the lower city, and they certainly had servants.
It made sense that Zak would sometimes spot someone he knew.
His desire to keep our association secret wasn’t flattering, but I couldn’t be surprised that he didn’t want to be seen with me by anyone he knew.
He might be a tutor for the summer, but he still had hopes of joining a discipline and rising above the rank of mages who were reduced to such activities.
It helped that his odd, erratic behavior suited my purposes as well. His desire for novelty meant we rarely visited markets near my home, and even when we walked together, it was down less frequented routes. As far as I knew, no one in my family had yet laid eyes on Zak.
Some days I put aside my own progress to insist we focus on Zak’s studies, and he gradually grew more interested.
During our time walking the city, I had learned that his two favorite disciplines were the growers and the creators, since they were both focused around creation, although in different ways.
Zak had a fascination with how systems worked and seemed to have a natural instinct for how they could be improved.
Wanting to prove myself an equally good teacher, I directed his studies toward topics that would interest him, igniting his curiosity.
“I’ll admit that studying with you is more engaging than I expected,” he told me.
“And I liked the practical studies at the Academy, too. But at the University, the studies are much more academic. Even if I focus on one of my preferred disciplines, I’ll have to write endless essays on the discipline’s history, as well as cataloging the full breadth of Ardann’s knowledge on all relevant topics. ”
“What’s wrong with that?” I asked, and he laughed.
“You really are a true student, Aria. Unlike me, you’re going to love the University.”
“I hope so.” I fell silent for a minute imagining it.
I hadn’t visited the impressive University building yet, not even stepping inside its grounds.
I didn’t dare walk through the gates until I was officially a student.
But I was glad to have spent so many weeks growing accustomed to the sealed affairs’ office and its library.
I was much less likely to embarrass myself when I first arrived at the University now.
“I think you might be rubbing off on me, though,” he said. “When I see your joy at learning, I feel a sort of faint itch. Possibly a small twinge.”
I glared at him suspiciously. “You make it sound like you’re ill.”
“I think I might be,” he said gravely. “I feel the faintest echoes of…” He dropped his voice to a whisper. “Enjoyment at learning.”
I whacked him lightly on the arm as I laughed, glad we were alone in our study room. If any other students were in earshot, they would be giving us disapproving looks for disturbing their peace.
“You’re ridiculous,” I said. “I don’t know how you’ll last a month at the University.”
“Neither do I,” he said with exaggerated sadness. “Maybe, as my official tutor, you could drop a word in my parents’ ears?”
My amusement instantly dropped away. His parents didn’t want to hear anything I had to say, especially where their son was concerned.
Zak’s eyes also clouded for a brief moment, but he quickly turned the subject and soon had me laughing again.
Somehow he always managed to do that, no matter how tired I was or how frustrated at my progress.
And in all the hours we studied together, he also got lost sometimes in our camaraderie and forgot who I really was.
The first time I managed to read a whole sentence without faltering, I jumped to my feet in triumph. Zak whooped, leaping to his feet as well and seizing me. He swung me around in a wide circle, knocking over at least two chairs.
I grinned at him, giddy with triumph, until awareness of our position crashed over me.
His hold was little different from an embrace.
As soon as my face froze, realization hit him as well, and he must have remembered I wasn’t one of his Academy friends.
He dropped me, stepping back and clearing his throat awkwardly.
“It’s a start,” I said quickly, trying to be the one to cover over the awkwardness for once. Had he noticed the flush in my cheeks? “But I’m going to need to read much more complicated words at the University.”
“Sadly, that’s true.” He stooped to pick up the fallen chairs, hiding his face in the process. “But I have full confidence in you. Given the pace you’ve been learning so far, I’m convinced there’s nothing you couldn’t achieve if you put your mind to it.”
I smiled, but my heart wasn’t in it. It didn’t matter how hard I tried or how much I achieved, I could never make myself into a mage. Only bloodlines could do that. And without the ability to control power, I could never be more than tutor and student—or at a stretch, friend—with a mage.
But times are changing, whispered an insidious voice in my mind. The Spoken Mage has changed everything.
I tried to ignore the alluring words, but sometimes when I lay awake in the darkness, I couldn’t help turning them over in my mind. The gap between the sealed among the commonborns and the minor mages was closing. Everyone said so, even if they said it in whispers.
The changes had little effect on the great families—the powerful members of Devoras, Stantorn, Callinos, and even the Ellingtons—but it was different for the minor mage families. You only had to look at the power of commonborn families like the Robarts—and they’d never had a mage among them.
Maybe…just maybe, I wasn’t imagining the warmth in Zak’s eyes when they rested on me. Maybe he didn’t look at me and see nothing but a commonborn.
But the minor mage families weren’t happy about the changes happening in Ardann. They had the most to lose in this new social order, and Zak had already shown that he wouldn’t go against his parents’ wishes on matters of significance.
So, at the end of the day, it didn’t matter how Zak saw me. There was still an insuperable barrier between us.