Chapter 11 #2
Even with the embarrassment that now overlaid my bold actions, I couldn’t help re-living our kiss again and again. Alone in my room, I could feel the pressure of his arms around me and the fire of his lips on mine.
My family didn’t know Zak. And they didn’t know the strength of my feelings for him. Two weeks wasn’t close to enough. They hoped that heartbreak could still be averted, but it was too late for that.
But they had one thing right. Mages didn’t marry commonborns, whatever I had told myself about the gap between us shrinking.
The next morning, I rose without looking at myself in the mirror. I didn’t want to see the dark circles under my eyes that would proclaim my lack of rest.
I dressed hurriedly, creeping through the house and peering around corners to make sure I escaped the house unseen. I wasn’t sure if my family would stop me, but I couldn’t risk finding out.
The night before I had promised that I would end my studies with Zak, and even that I wouldn’t spend time with him outside the office of sealed affairs.
But I couldn’t just disappear. They didn’t know him like I did, and he would be deeply worried at any unexplained absence. He might even come to our house again.
I shivered at the prospect of that scene. I didn’t want my family confronting Zak. And that meant I needed to meet him one more time to explain that I couldn’t see him until we started at the University.
I scanned the streets as I jogged through the city, finally spotting him three streets away from the sandstone building.
He greeted me with concern, his eyes assessing my face, and his look of worry growing deeper.
I beckoned him down the cleanest-looking alley I could find, and he readily followed.
But now that the moment had come, it was hard to find the right words.
“I can’t study with you anymore,” I finally blurted out.
His brows drew together. “Why not? We still have two weeks before classes—”
“I promised my family,” I said miserably, unable to meet his eyes. “It’s only for two more weeks, so you shouldn’t be disadvantaged by it…” I trailed off, unable to think of any explanation that wouldn’t be insulting to him.
My family had misunderstood Zak’s nature, attributing ill intent toward him that I couldn’t speak out loud. And neither could I confess the humiliating truth about my own feelings or my understanding of the impossibility of his ever returning them in any serious way.
“Is this because I kissed you?” he asked. “Because I—”
“You mean I kissed you,” I said quickly, my cheeks warming. “I explained that to my brother. It wasn’t your fault.”
Zak’s brows rose. “Fault?”
“I don’t want to talk about it,” I said hurriedly, my face now flaming.
He stepped closer, reaching out a concerned hand. “Aria, I—”
I took a swift step back, and his hand dropped.
“I’ve made my family a promise. And like I said, we’re only missing two weeks.
I can read well enough to practice on my own now, and you’ve made a lot of progress, too.
I’m sure you’ll do fine once classes start.
And once we’re at the University, we can—” I hesitated.
“We can see each other again there. If we find we want to. I actually met Gina in the market yesterday—my old Robart friend who was sealed instead of me. She apologized, and she’s going to show me around the University and introduce me to her friends. ”
Zak continued to watch me with knit brows, but I needed him to know that I had other friends. I would be all right at the University, even without him. I didn’t want him to feel guilted into anything.
And there was something else I needed from him too.
“I need you to make me a promise,” I said, and he answered quickly.
“Anything.”
I swallowed. It was an alluring statement.
But I could see the concern in his eyes. He was worried about me, and I wasn’t going to take advantage of that. Except for one thing. Where one matter was concerned, I would take ruthless advantage of his opening.
“Good,” I said resolutely. “Then I’ll already take your promise as given. You have to stop looking for the Shrouded Mage.”
His eyes widened, but I held up my hand to forestall his words. “Or whatever you want to call him. You have to stop trying to lure him out and forget about him entirely. Now that we’re no longer meeting, you shouldn’t have any reason to even come into the lower city.”
“But Aria, he’s just killed again. It’s more important than ever that—”
“That the Reds track him down,” I said loudly over the top of him. “I quite agree.” I gave him my most steely look. “You said you would promise me anything.”
He slumped, the fight going out of him, and I wished I felt even a little victorious. But there was nothing in this situation to celebrate.
“Very well, then,” he said before looking back up with a spark of defiance. “For two weeks at least. Everything starts fresh when our University classes begin.”
I closed my eyes, breathing deeply. My track record of resisting Zak was low, but I would just have to find an inner reserve of strength before then. For now, I would take what I could.
I opened my eyes again, catching a flash of movement from deeper in the alley.
I peered after it but couldn’t make anything out.
If I was fortunate, it had only been a cat and there had been no one to overhear our embarrassing conversation.
If someone had heard, though…I shivered.
I needed to get away as quickly as possible before I ended up humiliating myself further.
Somehow I dredged up a smile. “Two weeks free of study. I hope you enjoy them.”
“Just two weeks,” Zak said, as if responding to something else entirely. “And then we make a fresh start.”
I nodded once and fled out of the alley, telling myself as I went that it was merely a strategic retreat.