Chapter 32 Keelan #2
When the conversation slowed, I glanced over my mug and asked, “You mentioned someone before. Ayden?”
Declan blanched, and color rose to the tips of his ears.
“He’s a Ranger. We get paired up a lot, have since he showed up over the summer.”
I waited.
Atikus leaned in.
Declan’s eyes avoided us both.
He’s not ready to tell us whatever this is. Let’s not press, Atikus whispered in my mind.
I opened my mouth to object, but Atikus added, In good time. Be patient.
“So,” I struggled for a new line of questioning. “How do you like that fancy new cloak?”
Smooth, Keelan. Real smooth. Atikus smothered a grin.
Before Declan could answer, Sil and Ridley stood. “Lieutenant, would you like to meet here in the morning?”
“Guys, I’m sorry. You must be exhausted.” I stood. “Yes, that’s fine. We’ll eat a bite and make our plan for the day. Declan, can you join us tomorrow? It would be helpful to have a guide who knows the mountains.”
“I already cleared it with the Captain. He had a few ideas on where to start. I can go over it with the group tomorrow.”
As Sil and Ridley offered their goodnights, Declan suggested we move our discussion to a more comfortable setting and guided us to a small reading room next to the library.
We talked late into the night, recounting childhood adventures, most involving Declan terrorizing some Mage or staff member.
Declan peppered me with questions about my Guard training and subsequent cases.
Atikus grinned as he watched the two of us buzz back and forth.
The name Ayden came up more often than it didn’t, but Declan avoided questions about this mysterious Ranger.
“Kee, I still can’t believe you’re this bigwig Guard in the capital,” Declan said, swirling his tumbler of whiskey. “I mean, I can believe it. You were always gonna be in the Guard, and they all loved you for it. Everybody knew you were the rising star.”
The sharp edge that crept into Declan’s voice caught me off guard.
Atikus leaned in and gave Declan a pat on the knee. “That cloak seems to fit you pretty well, too, son. I’m proud you’ve found your way.”
“Found my way?” Declan stared into the fire. “I guess I have . . . I like being a Ranger, but I spend a lot of time wandering the mountains, trying to figure out what I’m doing up here. It’s almost as lonely as it was in the halls of the Mages’ Guild.”
“What are you talking about? You were the most popular kid in the guild. They fell all over themselves for adorable little Declan,” I said, now surprised by the bitterness seeping into my own voice.
“Yeah, right. I was right up there with the kitchen staff. The cute little Mute with the big hair that nobody thought would ever amount to anything.” Declan snorted.
“Declan, that’s not true,” Atikus said. “I’ve always believed in you, even if you never gave yourself much of a chance.”
“How was I supposed to give myself a chance when magic decided I wasn’t good enough?”
A fog of silence enveloped the room.
Declan finally rose and refilled his glass.
“Why did you come out here? Join the Rangers?” I broke the silence.
Declan flopped back into the chair, set his glass down, and leaned forward with his elbows on his legs.
When he spoke again, his voice was a whisper.
“I don’t know, Kee. I had to do something. You were the one that was good at everything. All I ever did was make people smile a little, make ’em laugh at me.”
He stared into the fire again. “Maybe I was just trying to fit into a world that didn’t make any sense. Maybe I was running away. Or running toward . . . I don’t know . . . to a place without all those damn collars. Somewhere I could figure things out.”
“Collars? You mean the Gifted collars?” Atikus asked, bewildered.
“Yeah.” Declan sucked in a deep breath. “You won’t get it. Nobody can. Well, Ayden does, but none of you can.”
“Perhaps it’s time you told us who this Ayden is.” Atikus leaned forward and put a hand on his shoulder. “Go on, son. I want to understand.”
Declan took in another breath, then sipped his drink, eyeing the ice cubes as if they would hop out and run away.
“Magic is everything, especially in a place like Saltstone where your collar doesn’t just represent your ability but your social status, too.
Keelan never even had to think about it.
You handed him a gold collar the day you found us, but no matter how much I wanted it, how much I tried or begged or prayed, magic never came.
Yes, I made people love me by acting out and being a character, but that’s not the same.
“Growing up, it wasn’t that big of a deal because there was always hope: hope magic would come, hope I’d one day make you proud when you put the collar around my neck, too. That day never came.”
Declan met my eyes. “People treat Mutes differently. Either they look down their noses and say we’re stupid or give us a look of pity, like we’re crippled or somehow broken. Like I’m broken.”
My throat was tight.
I wanted to try to argue with my brother but found the words wouldn’t come.
“To answer your question, Ayden is a Ranger, and was a cadet in my class. He’s the only other Mute in Grove’s Pass, and far as I know might be the only other one in the whole damn corps. He gets it.”
Moisture reflected in Declan’s eyes against the firelight.
“When I was sixteen, maybe seventeen—you’d left for the Guard by then—people started looking at me differently. They were afraid for me, for what I couldn’t do, for the life I wouldn’t have. I could see it in their eyes. Spirits, Kee, I could see it in your eyes when I was a lot younger than that.”
He snatched his glass off the table and downed the last of his drink in one large swallow.
The fire crackled for a long moment before Declan spoke again. “I had to get away from it all. I couldn’t take it anymore. Out here, at least there’s one other person like me, somebody who gets me and doesn’t look at me like . . . like that.”
I leaned back and ran a hand over my head, not believing what I was hearing. Declan had always been a little lost, never knowing what he wanted to be, but what kid didn’t feel that? What child didn’t wonder if the world was too big, of if his dreams were too small?
He’d been a cheerful boy.
Always happy.
The Mages had thrown every subject they could think of at him to spark his interest, but studying just wasn’t for Declan.
He was a free spirit who thrived on making everyone around him smile and laugh.
I couldn’t remember a time when Declan was ever down or sad.
To hear what he’d carried inside for so long, what he still carried . . .
“We need to get some rest before tomorrow. It’ll be a long day.” Declan set his glass down and, without another word, turned and walked out of the room, leaving Atikus and me staring at each other.
“It’s funny,” I finally said after a long moment and a few sips of whiskey.
“I was always jealous of Declan. Everybody loved him. No, they worshipped him. We would walk into a room together, and it was like I wasn’t even there. He’s several years younger, a lifetime apart when you’re a kid, and I looked up to him. I wanted to be that crazy and funny and . . . I don’t know .
. . free. Declan doesn’t get how tight these collars fit.”
“Keelan, give your brother a little time. He started talking tonight. Maybe this trip will do you two some good, get things out in the open so you can help each other.”
Atikus offered a fatherly smile. “You know, when I look at you two together, I can’t help but see those two scared little boys who walked into my office just yesterday. Well, maybe a few yesterdays ago.”