Chapter 25
Chapter Twenty-five
Jacinth
My sleep that night was troubled with nightmares once again. After realizing that my identity might not be as secret as I thought, I escaped Carnelian as soon as possible to return to my rooms, where I could panic in private.
I’d forced myself to sleep, knowing that the next challenge would dawn bright and early, but my dreams of the night my world was ripped away chased me through until morning.
My thoughts were a whirlwind, and I had no way to make sense of any of it. I finally resolved to put the whole thing aside until after the next trial. No matter what was going on, I still had to get through this, and having my mind in chaos would only result in mistakes being made.
Compartmentalizing used to be easier.
I got dressed and ready, meeting up with Amatista before heading down to begin the next trial. We discussed our thoughts on what it could be along the way, and I even tried teasing Alfrikr into spilling it, but he was typically tight-lipped.
We stepped into the room where most of the other ladies had already assembled. All except Zumra and Safira. When they finally walked in, Zumra’s eyes found mine immediately, narrowing in contempt.
I smiled back cheerfully at her, getting a sneer in return. Amatista laughed quietly from beside me, bumping me with her elbow. I shrugged in return, making her shake her head in amusement.
“Good morning, ladies,” Azurill said as he walked in the door, a smirk lining his face that I knew spelled trouble.
“This morning will mark the beginning of your next challenge. There are many facets to being my wife and queen, and one of these will, of course, include having children,” he continued, eyeing each of us in turn.
Something in my chest sank at the thought.
I wanted a family beyond measure, to feel that sense of warmth and comfort that having one brought, and that I lost too soon.
But I also knew that wasn’t in my future; it was just too dangerous.
And the idea that Azurill would go on to marry and have children with someone else…
I didn’t know why I cared; I shouldn’t care.
He was the entire reason I didn’t have any family left, why I could never have one myself.
And if I got my vengeance, he wouldn’t be around to marry anyone.
All my doubts practically screamed at me, everything converging and leaving me standing on a precipice.
Where it led, I had no idea. I only knew that the thought of Azurill having children with any of the other ladies left a raging storm within my heart.
“To ensure you’re up for the task of raising children, of raising the next high king, you’ll all be responsible for taking care of a child for the next few days,” Azurill revealed, his smirk widening as some of the ladies shifted uneasily.
It wasn’t a secret that many noble ladies overly relied on their staff to raise their children. My own mother had been one of the good ones who remained fully involved, and from what I could tell of the Queen Mother, she must have been the same.
“These children belong to some of my own staff, and you are to treat them as you would your own child. You’ll be watched and evaluated, so make sure you are taking the utmost care with them.” He warned, and I watched his eyes flit to Zumra and Safira.
A soft huff from Sania drew my attention for a moment, but her narrow-eyed look of concentration wasn’t enough for me to concern myself with. Zumra was the one who looked truly disturbed by our task. Something told me this might actually be worth watching.
The door opened, and a line of children walked in. A small smile I tried to bury appeared on my face, knowing this was probably as close as I’d ever get to raising a child.
The little boys and girls were swaying and bouncing, clearly fighting against their instructions to stay still. I remembered seeing kids on the street who drove their parents crazy with their inability to sit quietly; it seemed these weren’t any different.
Lady Arianell stepped forward and offered her hand to the first child, walking them over to Lady Allirea. She introduced the two and then continued with the next child. I was the last in line, so I watched Amatista be paired with a squirmy little boy with silvery-blue hair named Eirian.
Finally, there was only a little girl left, and my throat clenched as Arianell brought her over to me with a smile.
“Lady Jacinth, this is Fiala.” She introduced me, and I knelt before the shy little girl before me, hiding half behind Arianell’s legs while the curtain of her violet hair obstructed her eyes.
“Hi Fiala, you can call me Jac.” I smiled at her, spying a violet eye peeking at me. I offered her my hand, and she hesitantly put her own tiny one in it.
“Fia,” she replied quietly, and my smile grew.
“Well, it’s very nice to meet you, Fia.” I told her, before adopting a secretive look, whispering, “How do you feel about ice cream?”
Her wide eyes rounded further, and she looked up at Arianell before stepping out from behind her legs.
“I love ice cream,” she told me, with all the seriousness ice cream was due.
“Me too.” I widened my own eyes at her. “What do you say we get out of here and go get some?”
Her head nodded fast and hard, and she grabbed my hand to begin pulling me along, making me chuckle as she dragged me through the door.
My eyes cut over to Azurill before he disappeared from view, catching him watching us with a slight smile on his face. I forced myself to think only in terms of the competition, because this was good for that reason alone, and any others were firmly pushed to the back of my mind.
“What kind of ice cream do you like?” I asked Fiala as we exited the palace to head to one of the shops I spotted on our way back from the Forest of Discontent. That trudge had proved itself helpful in more ways than one.
“Cracked Diamond,” she responded, swinging our clasped hands back and forth. Cracked Diamond was a shiny silvery-blue ice cream that tasted of berries and sugar and was Diamond Court’s signature flavor.
“Oh, good choice!” I told her, smiling down at the little girl. “I like Pearlescent, myself.” It was a taste of home I rarely got, but the bubbly candy flavor always brought back sweet memories.
“Hmm.” Fiala wrinkled her nose in thought. “I’ve never tried it.”
“What?” I gasped dramatically, putting my hand over my heart. “You must try some! It’s soooo good.”
She giggled in response, pulling me faster, and I laughed as I followed obediently.
We got our ice creams, and I let her eat half of mine, stealing bites from her own that made her laugh each time.
By the time we returned to the palace, she was clearly on a sugar high, bouncing around and talking a mile a minute, while I watched her with fondness.
I brought her back to my rooms and was surprised to see that a little bed had been put in the den. I knew with her current energy, she wouldn’t settle down until she’d expunged some of it, so I instead knocked on Amatista’s door, and she opened it with a frazzled look on her face.
“This is not for me,” she whisper-shouted at me so the guards couldn’t hear. I tried to hide my laugh, but it was impossible, earning a narrow-eyed look from her.
“Why don’t we take the kids to run around in the playground out back?” I suggested, and she nodded quickly, looking like I’d handed her a life raft after being stranded at sea.
We brought the kids out to play, and we watched them run around and play games. We clearly weren’t the only ones with the idea, as Sania, Safira, and Zumra all showed up with their own assigned children and sent them to play.
I bit my tongue, aching to scream at Zumra. The way she ignored the little girl she’d been given to care for to gossip with Safira, who at least kept her eye on her kid, was infuriating. Sania watched her little boy intently, with the same intense concentration she seemingly gave to everything.
“There you two are,” Faiza said, and I turned my head to see her approaching us with a knowing smile.
“You caught us,” I smiled, only to be interrupted when Fiala ran up to us.
“Faiza! You know Jac?” Her wide violet eyes bounced between the two of us incredulously. She was completely blown away that two people she knew happened to know one another. My lips twitched, but I managed to keep from laughing,
“I do!” Faiza confirmed with bright, sparkling turquoise eyes. She kneeled down to Fiala’s level, whispering loudly like she was spilling a secret, “And you know what? She just loves to play.”
Fiala gasped as I tilted my head at Faiza, wondering what she was doing. Fiala quickly grabbed my hand and looked up at me, “Come play! Come play!”
I laughed, letting myself be dragged to the playground. She took us to the slide first, and I followed her down at her instruction. I could feel the gazes of the other ladies, and I knew they would find this disgraceful, despite it being hardly any different from our obstacle course.
I ended up following Fiala through several playground attractions before she decided she wanted to play tag.
She organized me and the children present to all play, so I ran back and forth, running from the kids and chasing them in turn.
I purposely slowed myself down, letting them catch me, or feigning that I was just about to reach them before allowing them to dart away from the tips of my fingers.
I couldn’t remember the last time I’d had so much fun, honestly. Children offered a simplicity and purity that adults just couldn’t manage. It was all so uncomplicated for them. And these children had yet to experience tragedy, as I had at their age.
It was my turn to tag this time, and I chased a laughing Fiala, grabbing her up into my arms and swinging her in the air as she shrieked with the force of her giggles.
I laughed as I finally set her back down, looking up and starting in shock when I found others had joined the crowd watching on.
Brokk was standing and chatting with Faiza, but it wasn’t that fact that grabbed my attention.
It was that Azurill was standing next to them, watching me with a smile and a soft look in his eyes that had my own smile softening into something else.
Taking Fiala’s hand, I brought her over with me, ignoring the emerald glare trying to burn me alive, along with the orange one critically dissecting the scene.
“Mister High King, sir.” Fiala greeted Azurill, giving a sloppy curtsy that had Zumra scoffing. I whipped my head around to glare her into submission. I looked back to see Azurill watching intently, before he greeted Fiala in return.
“Lady Fiala,” he bowed very low and kissed her hand, making her giggle. It was hard not to myself, watching a man who had to be over six feet tall bending to reach a tiny child’s hand.
“Lady Jacinth.” His teal eyes smoldered at me, twinkling with just as many facets as an actual diamond.
“Your Majesty.” I bowed my head with a slight curtsy before looking curiously at the man beside him.
“Lady Jacinth, forgive me for not introducing myself earlier. I’m Alwyn, though I go by Wyn, if you please.” The sapphire-haired man smiled winningly at me, kissing my hand.
“A pleasure to meet you, then.” I returned his smile, nodding my head. Azurill gave an annoyed glare at his friend, and his mouth opened to say something when a shout interrupted.
“Watch it!” Someone snapped, and I turned to see Zumra’s face screwed up with anger at one of the children. I narrowed my eyes, ready to intercede, when Faiza placed a hand on my arm. She shook her head, motioning to the king with a smug smile, and I turned to see that he was absolutely furious.
Oh.
That was when it all clicked. How quickly I’d forgotten that for all her differences, Faiza was still a creature of the court.
She’d absolutely brought Azurill out here to see us all with the children and how we interacted with them.
Even as Faiza returned to flirting subtly with Brokk, I watched her bring attention to different moments she wanted Azurill to see like a master.
I shook my head at her, but I had to admit that the help was appreciated.
“You’re good with her,” Azurill observed softly, watching as Fiala all but passed out with her head in my lap after running around for hours. I was smoothing back her hair as we watched the sun dip under the horizon.
“I’ve always liked kids,” I responded quietly, looking up at the fading light, the sun setting on my first day getting to experience this. The day passed too quickly, and I feared the others would do the same.
“You’ll make an amazing mother one day.” His words could have come out flirty and suggestive, but instead, the sincerity in them blew me away.
How could this man be the same one who’d had children killed?
The image of my cousin Peony sped through my mind, and I tried to think of a way to bring it up without exposing myself.
“For all I desperately want that, sometimes it seems like bringing children into this world is more cruel than kind.” I finally said, hoping this would go the way I wanted.
“What do you mean?” he asked, a lone teal brow rising, but his eyes became concerned.
“Just look at what happened to the children of Pearl Court.” I looked up through my lowered lashes as Azurill sucked in a surprised breath.
His eyes went to his lap, and I watched as he shuddered for a moment.
“They say that it was a robbery, but why kill everyone, even the children?” I pressed, the feeling in my gut forcing my hand.
“They say that,” he finally replied, his voice dull and flat to match his gaze.
“Was it not?” I asked him quietly, and his eyes shot to mine, before running over my hair and eyes with an intensity that took my breath away.
“What happened to Lady Linnea and her family was a tragedy.” Talk about taking my breath away, I was fairly sure I was going to die from loss of air. Hearing my true name from his lips sent my heart soaring and falling all at once.
“One that can never happen again.” Azurill’s dark tone surprised me, but he looked at Fiala, running a hand over her hair with a gentleness so at odds with what I’d once imagined. “Never again.”