54. Astraea
Chapter fifty-four
Astraea
The portal takes us to the center of the massive crater within the next blink.
I take a deep breath of the earth-scented air and let it take me somewhere as close to relief as I can get.
Relief that is mirrored on the faces of those surrounding me as I look around at each person in our group.
Cole is wide-eyed as she takes in the place Kyros and the others often used for reprieve.
Similar to how I felt the first time I saw this place.
The sun is hiding behind a layer of Diemos clouds, but the day is bright enough that the center of the crater is well lit.
It was the right decision to come here. I don't know what came of Pravin but wouldn't be upset if the manticore disemboweled him.
I can already feel the tension ease throughout the group.
Mavros especially. He and Rowan immediately took to lounging in the dug out conversation pit carved into seats around a fire ring, while Shayd lingers nearby, but Cole—being Cole—is watching my every move.
“Why are you staring at me like that?” I ask hesitantly as I untangle my braid and let my waves fall around my shoulders.
My temples are aching from the heaviness of my hair and the tension of every thought rolling through my mind.
As if rallied by my worry, my stomach vibrates with a growl reminding me that I still need to eat and sleep like a human being.
“I’m just ready to be there when it happens.” We stare at each other at the edges of the shadows while the others quietly talk about a plan. Heat rushes behind my eyes under her knowing gaze, threatening to break the dam in my emotions.
“I can't break down this time, Cole. As much as I want to curl in on myself and cry, asking the divine, why me? I won't do it.” My hands drift to the blades I have holstered at my chest, one hand curling at the hilt and the other brushing against the ring on my finger. “He’s shown me that I am more than my past. No matter how many times I’ve been broken, the pieces are still me.
He loves me, and I don't want to be too late to tell him I love him too.”
“Oh, Astraea. You won't be too late.” She reels me into her and wraps me in her arms. I allow myself to bask in the familiar warmth that only she can give.
Even though I said I wouldn't, the tears find a way of escaping anyway.
Just a few drops of emotion roll down my face and stain her tunic where I lean on her shoulder.
I don't know how long we stay here, held in each other's embrace, but my tears finally dry.
I swallow the thickness in my throat, and I lean back and look at her.
She gives me a tight smile, but neither of us have to say anything else.
I just nod and twine my fingers through hers and make our way back to the others.
“I’m just saying, if we are going back to Eathian, I think we should at least go back to Diemos and gather the men.
” Rowan is saying as we approach. He crosses his arms over his chest, where he stands across from Mavros.
They all look up from the carved seating.
Mavros stands too, while silently turning and offering me his hand, helping us down to join them.
“And I'm just saying a more stealthy approach might be best.” Shayd counters.
Rowan is shaking his head already from where he's now leaning over the center of the pit arranging wood someone must have gathered from somewhere within The Pit.
His thumb slides across the pads of his fingers, and the fire flares along the wood, glowing back on his face in an amber haze.
His eyes flick to me through the flames. I accept his silent challenge.
“I don't want another massacre. The people of Eathian have already been through too much,” I say, uncaring that I am placing myself in the middle of their conversation. Eathian is my kingdom—Kyros’ kingdom, and its people, those in the castle included, are ours to protect.
I won't be the one to bring harm to them, and I know that's not what Kyros would want.
“Phaedra will have no such worry.” Rowan counters with flat lips.
“I am not Phaedra, and we will not attack our own Kingdom.” I am resolute as I stare at him, flames licking the muted air between us.
There has been such a different energy coming from Rowan since I first met him.
The information he’s come across has given him reason to believe I’m not who I claim to be.
I can understand his hesitancy. He doesn't trust me.
Fine. I will prove to him that I'm not what he thinks.
“So what is your plan, Astraea?” He asks condescendingly, with narrowed eyes.
“Cole and I know our way through every wall of that palace. We will get to Kyros. He is our main objective. How we do that once we get there will be determined as we go. But killing everyone in your path will never be an order I make,” I say, never wavering.
Mavros lets out a loud booming laugh, turning all of our attention toward him in surprise.
He’s shaking his head and looking at me with a tilted smirk.
“You are going to give my brother hell as his Queen.” He laughs loudly again, holding his belly and kicking his feet, bringing at least a half smile to everyone's faces. He smiles wide, trapping his bottom lip in his teeth and shaking his head again as he reaches over, pulling me under his arm.
“Good. He needs someone to challenge him.” I smile too, and that bolsters him to keep teasing.
“Yeaaa, but sometimes, I bet you still wonder what would have happened if you gave into the urge and took more than a look that first night I had you nake—Oof!” My elbow buries into his ribs hard enough to knock the wind from his lungs.
“Mavros!” I gape at him, and the others look at us confused. “Now I see why Zinya is always hitting you!” I shake my head as he just grins wider. “You are insufferable.” He winks, chuckling.
“Get comfortable, Princess. Everyone needs rest before we pop into Eathian for a visit. Rowan will take first watch, since he’s a grumpy prick today.
Shayd, you can come with me to find us some food.
” No one argues, and as Mavros stands, he looks around the space quietly assessing before he finally turns and smiles down at me.
It's smaller than his teasing grins I’ve grown accustomed to.
“I knew my brother had a sensitive side.
If he brought you here, it's proof that his soul truly resides with you.” Chills dance along my skin as warmth flares in my chest.
Opening my eyes feels like the desert sand has taken up residence beneath my eyelids.
They scratch the surface of my eye with every slow blink.
Dusk has fully settled over The Pit, letting the shadows along the walls stretch further to the center.
But the fire still crackles low in the ring to my right.
Pushing myself up on my elbow, I notice Cole first. She's still asleep where I cradle her head in my other hand.
My entire body aches from sleeping on the hard-packed soil.
As I try to move more, I notice Rowan asleep across from me.
His arms crossed and his head propped back on the carved stone wall.
Mavros is sleeping a step lower, one leg extended off the steps as the other is propped up and bent at the knee.
Shayd, though, is not. He sits idly still as he stares at me.
The silence stretches between us for a while before he finally sighs and breaks it.
“You look so much like her, you know?’ He offers, letting his eyes roam over my face and then looking away.
I know he’s speaking of my mother. As though the idea of me looking like her pains him.
He grabs a canvas bag and leans forward, handing it to me.
A water bladder and some cooked meat. I smile in thanks before nibbling on the small meal.
I must have been asleep for a while if they had time to hunt, cook, and find water.
“I don't remember her. Not really. I have only vague memories. I know we have a likeness in our looks.” The silence creeps back in as we both ponder that.
I look down at Colette running my fingers through her hair and think about how I wish I would have known my mother like she had known hers.
“You knew my mother. Can you tell me about her?” I sway quietly.
For a moment, I don't think he heard me, but then he takes a deep breath, letting it out in a heavy sigh before his gaze trails back to me.
“I could talk about your mother for days.” His brows drop a fraction.
“I could never stop talking about her.” He sighs again, dropping his elbows to his knees and leaning forward, cradling his head with his hands.
I could tell from the moment he started talking about her before that she meant a great deal to him.
I could see the grief in his eyes. He lifts those cold stone eyes to meet mine.
“She had this way about brightening any day, no matter how dreary the weather in Diemos could become. She was there like an undying sun.” He shakes his head, a scoff coming from his throat. Pain pulling his brows down in a scowl. “She was my best friend long before everything became complicated.”
“You loved her.” I say softly, and his eyes jump to mine. I see it then. He didn't just love her. He was in love with her, and like any eminence, that feeling has never faded. The way he was just looking at me? The pain that is always there in his eyes when he does… he sees her in me.