Chapter Ten
“Out with it, Travers. I know you’re fairly bursting to say something.” Barr wasn’t in any sort of mood that morning, for it was once again raining and due to Cate’s schedule at the lending library, he wouldn’t see her until teatime.
His valet remained partially hidden in the wardrobe, apparently trying to select a waistcoat. “Why do you suppose that?”
Barr snorted. “Because you have been the one to harangue me about putting myself back out into society. From his perch on a chair in his dressing room, he tugged on first one boot and then the other.
“Well, there is that.” Travers came away from the wardrobe with a silver satin waistcoat in hand, embroidered with black swirls. Yet a grin flirted about his mouth as held approached with the garment. “However, that doesn’t matter just now.”
“Oh?” He shoved himself to his feet then held out his arms for Travers to slip the waistcoat onto his frame. “Why?”
“Because there has been a shift in you.”
“Gammon.”
“There has been, and I can’t believe you haven’t seen it in yourself, or at the very least felt it.
” One of Travers’ blond eyebrows rose in challenge before he went behind Barr’s back to tighten the laces.
“And after we all took tea together yesterday while decorating the drawing room, one of the maids said you went into the library alone with Miss Pickwick. With the door closed.”
Well, damn.
Heat crept up the back of his neck. “That is true. I wanted to show her the rare first editions my father and I managed to collect. I closed the door to shield where I put them from prying eyes.”
“While I believe that, I also believe you and she shared something… else while in that room.” He brought out a jacket of sapphire superfine. “We have been friends for a long time, Your Grace. Tell me the truth. Have you finally bedded Miss Pickwick?”
If he didn’t answer the question, Travers would continue to harp on it until he finally broke.
With a sigh, Barr nodded. “I did, though there wasn’t a bed involved in the true sense of the word.
” As he spoke, he couldn’t help but offer a little grin.
“What began as a bit of teasing on the library ladder soon became so much more.” Now that he’d started confessing, he couldn’t stop.
“First on the sofa then against one of the bookshelves.”
The payoff was more than he could have hoped for as Travers gawked at him, the jacket dangling from his fingers. “I see.”
“It’s not often I’m able to render you speechless.” Feeling far too cheeky, Barr took the jacket from his valet and then shoved his arms into the sleeves. “Don’t you have a comment or advice?”
Travers cleared his throat. “I’m stunned you have advanced the relationship in that way.”
“Ah, because you didn’t think I had the courage?”
“That’s not it, but after what you’d shared with her before yesterday, I assumed that was all there would happen between you.” A slow grin spread across his face. “Did you, uh, enjoy yourself? You weren’t ridden with guilt?”
Another flood of heat went up his neck as he manipulated the buttons on his jacket. “I did enjoy myself, and no, guilt didn’t figure into any of it.”
“I’m impressed.” He held out a hand, and when Barr clasped it, they shook. “Do you think you might develop feelings for her eventually?”
“Over and above desire and lust?” He shrugged.
“I don’t know.” Then another thought occurred to him, and a gasp escaped him.
“Do you mean for marriage purposes?” After what they’d done together, should he at least consider it?
Was she even now pregnant? And if she was, did that necessitate marriage?
Of course he knew the answer, and he wasn’t the sort of man to leave her in scandal and shame. If she fell pregnant, he would find some way to convince the willful woman that they should wed, and that the child would be far better off with them both around than not.
Travers shrugged. “I wouldn’t know, but do you have any softer feelings for her?”
“Uh…” Though he admired how self-assured Cate was, how forthright, how her mind worked, how compassionate she was when caring for her father, did any of that mean he was in love with her?
No, it did not, but he trusted and respected her, and the heated connection between them was far too difficult to ignore.
He didn’t know all that much about her. However, he desperately wanted to.
“She certainly makes my life more interesting.”
“An understatement.” But Travers frowned. “And you look forward to seeing her each day? I mean, this morning, you’re fairly vibrating in your own skin with anticipation.”
Barr ignored his friend’s question in order to wander to a mirror mounted on the wall, in the same as the one that nearly fell on her in the library.
He adjusted the knot of his cravat and the folds of the fabric.
“As you’ve said before, I need to spend time with others.
Her translation of the Egyptian book is coming along.
I don’t wish to interrupt that work, but I also don’t want to miss out on each new passage she uncovers. ”
“I’ll wager that’s not all you wish to uncover of her,” the valet said with a cheeky wink.
“Do shut up, Travers.” Yet he couldn’t summon annoyance, for what he’d said was true. “You’re not wrong. I’ve yet to see her completely nude.” God, was he a cad for speaking that aloud?
The valet shared a knowing glance with him. “More’s the pity, hmm?” When Barr didn’t answer, Travers continued. “That must mean something.”
“Not necessarily.”
“Don’t speak gammon, Your Grace. It’s perfectly acceptable if you wish to pursue other things with the woman beyond the translation.”
“Oh, I know that. It just feels… different than my last relationship.” In fact, since her schedule wouldn’t align with his until the evening, the feeling of missing her persisted.
“Of course it will. She isn’t the same as Her Grace was, and there is nothing wrong with that.
” Travers brushed away some lint from one of Barr’s sleeves.
“Miss Pickwick was impressed when I showed her some of the renovations you’ve done.
I don’t think she could believe you did them yourself without help. ”
“No doubt you told her I was stubborn.”
“I’m sure she has already discerned that, You Grace.”
Barr pulled a face. “Regardless, I’m glad I made an impression.”
“In more than a few ways, eh?”
God, was everything an innuendo with him?
He shook his head and fought off the heat moving up his neck.
“That’s enough, Travers. Have some respect.
” Of course, if he’d followed his own advice, he wouldn’t have bedded her or trifled with her in any way.
“Regardless, I’m not sure how to go forward with her in any capacity, let alone continue with what we already have. ”
Did he want more? There was no way to untangle his thoughts just now.
Travers shrugged. “Perhaps you should share your hopes for the future with her.”
“I have, to a certain extent.” Except when they’d spoken yesterday of that very thing, most of the answers and talking had hinged on her answers…
He frowned as he peered at his friend. “Do I have dreams or goals for the future, though? I merely wish to live out the rest of my days in contentment; to do all the things I didn’t have time to do when rearing children and having all my focus on the title. ”
“Everyone has dreams, Your Grace. Even you.” Travers laid a comforting hand on Barr’s shoulder. “Consider that the difficult portion of your life is over. Now you’re coming into the time that you can court fun and excitement. After all, you’re not dead yet.”
“You keep telling me that.”
“It’s no less true.”
Slowly, Barr nodded. “Since the advent of Miss Pickwick, I’ve felt more alive than ever before.” The admission didn’t surprise him, for it had pressed upon his consciousness over the past couple of days.
“Then why shouldn’t you make your interest known? If she feels the same, even better.”
Shock went through his chest. “You are suggesting that I officially court her?”
“Or…” The valet shrugged. “You could straight out marry her.”
“I don’t know.” The thought of marrying again, of taking on that sort of responsibility when life was so fragile sent icy shivers down his spine. He shook his head. “It’s… complicated. Miss Pickwick is not of the beau monde or even the ton.”
“What difference does that make? You were married before. You have your heir, and soon your son will have children. The line is secure. Why not marry for pleasure this time, for joy, for the adventure of it?”
For long moments, Barr thought over those words. They danced in his mind, shimmering and glittering with tempting promise. The idea held a certain merit… or perhaps he was merely depraved after all. “Does that discount what I had with my wife, though?”
“Of course not, but that union was based in duty and responsibility even if you loved her.” Travers’ expression showed nothing but earnestness. “Now you can be free and enjoy your life without the stress of what you had with Her Grace.”
“I’ve never looked at it that way before.
” It was a bit… freeing. “However, I don’t know if Miss Pickwick wishes to marry.
She’s made it known she will only do so for love, yet the idea of only having her as a mistress doesn’t sit well with me.
” He frowned as his thoughts continued to swirl.
“Having a mistress isn’t as enticing as men make it seem, for Miss Pickwick could marry someone else despite what she and I get up to… ”
“And you’ll lose her.”