Chapter Thirteen #2
“Perhaps.” What was more, she’d no idea that subject had been weighing so heavily upon her shoulders.
“Papa is always busy, weather it is with his research and paper writing, his own friends, or his work at Cambridge.” The touch of Barr’s fingers over her skin as he slowly drew his hand down to her neck threatened to see her undone.
“For a long time, I pursued my own interests since my mother died, and that distracted me for a while. But I suppose my ill-advised relationships with previous employers was only an extension of grief and loneliness.” Why was she telling him this?
And why the deuce was her throat tight as if she wanted to cry?
“It has never been more obvious to me that I should have chased marriage when I had the chance.”
Would showing such vulnerability trigger pity from him? That was certainly not what she wanted.
“Sometimes, when we don’t know how to grieve, we convince ourselves we don’t have the time or that we just don’t feel things that deeply.
” The rumble of his voice brought both comfort and need.
“But you can’t keep postponing it. Trust me, I know, for I fell apart a couple of years after my wife died.
” His fingers at her nape gently urged her closer to his body.
“Perhaps that was why you pursued men all wrong for you, as a way to release those pent-up emotions.”
It was startling in its simplicity, and she widened her eyes. “What if I’m still doing it by being here with you?”
“Only you can know for certain, but I would like to think there is a genuine connection between us, for knowing we’re each using the other for our own personal urges is rather a messy business.
” He slid the pad of his thumb over her trembling bottom lip.
“Truth be told? I don’t believe you are that sort of woman. ”
“And neither are you that sort of man,” she responded in a barely-there whisper. “How will I know the reason?”
“You shall either feel happiness after all is said and done, or you will still have an empty pit in your belly.”
She swallowed hard and nodded. “Is that what happened with you?”
“More or less. Thankfully, I had my children and my staff around me to help guide me back into the light. Then I found fulfillment in my renovations, but even then, I half suspect that is still a form of hiding.”
“Yet you seem to be waiting for something, for someone, perhaps permission to take up the reins of your life again. Why?”
“I don’t know.” The duke shook his head, but that hunger in his eyes didn’t dim. His gaze dropped to her mouth. “I’d like to think that the answer will reveal itself to me as soon as that piece of the puzzle is found.”
Was she that piece? Did he want her to be?
Cate rested a palm on his chest, felt the race of his heartbeat beneath her fingertips.
“What do we do in the meantime?” She deliberately left the statement open to interpretation, for she wanted him to definitively tell her that he wanted her… for more than a source of repletion.
Because I think I might be falling for you…
“Ah, Cate…” With a soft growl, Barrington crushed his lips to hers in a savage kiss that told her in no uncertain terms he wanted her and the momentary mess she represented. By the time they wrenched apart, they were both breathless. He sought her gaze with his. “What is this hold you have on me?”
“Whatever it is, I’m caught up in it too.
” Needing to touch him, she tugged his shirttail from his trousers and then shoved her hands beneath his shirt.
The heat of him seared her fingertips, lit fires in her blood.
Her body fairly hummed with need and was fueled by the stark want in his sapphire eyes.
“Don’t make me regret showing you how close to vulnerability I apparently am. ”
It was folly to give in. Surely, a mistake to couple with him again. Yet breaking away from his embrace was like trying to pin a cloud.
“Emotions are not a death knell, especially with someone who understands.”
“Careful, Your Grace. That charm will land you into trouble.”
Or her since they’d not been careful in any of their couplings.
A shiver went down her spine when he kissed her once more, kissed her hard so there were no doubts of how much he desired her.
Over and over, he devoured her mouth as if she’d be instantly ripped from his life.
She gave as good as she got, for she’d never been afraid of going after what she wanted in life, and soon they were panting, hands searching, fingers trailing over familiar skin, lost to the heat between them.
And oh, how she wanted this to last!
As desire overrode common sense, he wrenched his mouth from hers. “Where?”
The choices were varied and interesting. “The desk is most logical.”
“Hardly out of the erotic book.”
“If they’d had desks, I’m sure it would have been.” She squealed when he picked her up then carried her to the desk and deposited her arse upon it. Books and papers tumbled to the floor with flutters and thuds.
She tugged him closer. “How is it that you make me forget everything else in an instant? And at my age?”
“As if you are ancient.” His chuckle tickled through her chest. “You are the perfect age.” Then, with a grin, the duke settled between her naturally splayed legs. He put a hand at her back and proceeded to pleasure her breasts, sucking the rigid nubs of her nipples through the fabric of her dress.
“Oh, mercy…” Her soft cries of enjoyment sounded overly loud in the quiet of the room.
Instinctively, she knew this coupling would be frantic and fast, but she didn’t care, for she was nearly out of her mind with need.
By the time she reached for his front falls, his length was engorged and wonderfully hard.
As his thick member sprang from his breeches, he paused long enough to flick his gaze over her form. Appreciation was evident in his eyes.
“Why do you look at me like that?”
“Do you have any idea how lovely you are? How every man in London who passed on courting you are idiots of the first order?”
“Oh!” Her heart squeezed with an overabundance of emotion. “Such gammon.”
“Hardly, and in fact, I…” At the last second, he bit off whatever he’d been about to say, but she didn’t mind. It meant he might be thinking about the future.
With her in it.
“I rather doubt this coupling will go slowly. I’ve thought of nothing else this whole afternoon than ravishing you.
” Before she could respond, the duke shoved up yards of her skirting, and when she was bared to his gaze, he gripped her hips and brought her forward until she balanced on the edge of the desk.
“You are much like a rare book I want to horde all to myself.”
“Waxing poetic tonight, Scarborough,” she managed to gasp, but then he claimed her lips once more, and her ability to think was swept away on a hot tide of passion.
Shortly after, Barr found her center with the tip of his member, then thrust swiftly in until he was fully seated in her passage. “Oh, God,” he whispered against her lips. “Always amazing.”
“I quite concur.” Cate clutched at his forearms as she moaned. Need mirrored in his eyes. “Don’t hold back. Give me all of you… give me the man you wish to be.”
He nodded. “That feels right.” His thrusts were frantic, hard, and deep.
At one point, he paused to hold her gaze, but she wanted none of that.
Cate held his head between her hands, brought his forehead to hers, and kissed him like a woman desperate for the very air he breathed.
Perhaps she was; it was difficult to tell anymore.
The duke kissed her back. Never had the connection between them been so strong.
Did he feel it too? Would he eventually want something beyond the physical?
Then, he straightened as urgency drove his actions. He held her hips, the outside of her thighs in an effort to apparently go as deep as he could, stroking again and again into her while she held onto his arms and canted her hips to meet his thrusts.
Heat and pressure stacked low in her belly.
Pleasure rushed through her core, but Barr’s strokes grew quicker and faster.
When she broke with a cry upon her lips and tears in her eyes, tumbling over that glorious edge into bliss, he kissed her, taking most of the sound into himself as he came with her.
They shattered together, and it was one of the most intimately erotic things she’d ever experienced, for this joining was different.
When she opened her eyes and sought out his gaze, he grinned and ground his pelvis into hers.
“Woman, you wear me out in the best of ways. I’ve never had that in my life before.” Swiftly, he kissed her. “Hell, I’ve never been this man before either, so thank you for that.”
“I had nothing to do with it. You would have found your way eventually with a different lady.” Her limbs shook as she clung to him. “But I understand the sentiment.”
“Don’t discount what you’ve brought here.” With a slight frown, Barr removed them both to one of the leather, winged-back chairs. After he sank into, he cradled her on his lap, her legs on either side of him.
“At this rate, that book might not get translated until the new year.” As her heartbeat calmed and she slumped against him with her arms loosely looped about his shoulders, Cate was certain what she felt for the duke went far beyond lust and passion.
Stupidly, she’d given him her heart, as she’d done twice before when she’d had carnal relationships with her previous employers.
Would this one end in disaster as well? Absolutely, he wouldn’t make her an offer other than that of a mistress. And neither should he. Barr was a duke. She was… nothing special when seen by society’s eyes.
“I won’t complain if you don’t.” As he nuzzled his lips into the crook of her shoulder, he slipped his hands to the small of her back. “I guess we’ve worked up an appetite for dinner.”
“So it would seem, and let us hope none of your staff heard what we just did.” They couldn’t continue in this vein. It simply wasn’t sustainable, for that passion would eventually fade.
Wouldn’t it?
He snorted with laughter. “Well, my valet is quite nosy.” But he wasn’t apparently in a hurry to release her. “In all honesty, though, we should probably make ourselves presentable. My butler will no doubt come looking for me, and I need to remember where I left the other half of my clothing.”
Which reminded her, she’d still yet to see him naked.
“And I should tidy up this room.” After kissing his lips, Cate slipped from his lap.
“Christmas Eve is tomorrow. The lending library is closed, but I need to drop by a few shops before coming over here. Unless you don’t wish for me to work on the translation.
” Thank goodness her dress was a navy wool blend, for the wet marks from where he’d pleasured her nipples weren’t immediately noticeable, but the remembrance of that sent heat into her cheeks.
“No, absolutely come by. The staff likes to make the day a gay affair.” As he set his clothing to rights, he regarded her. “And honestly, I would like to share that with you. Invite your father to dinner tomorrow night. I don’t want him alone.”
Another piece of her heart flew into his keeping. “I will. Thank you.”
What am I going to do now?