3. Strange Friends
Chapter 3
Strange Friends
5 th Day of the Blood Moon
Níthianelle – Winter, Year 3081 After Doom
“Mam.” Ella stood in the void of Níthianelle, her voice echoing, her heart fluttering.
The woman that stood before her was not her mam, and what’s more, her body wasn’t wrought from white light as Ella’s was. A luminescent mist drifted from her clothes and skin, pulsing with every movement of her body, but she looked very much flesh and blood.
She was a little shorter than Ella, with a lean frame and dark hair tied into a single thick braid. A heavy leather coat adorned her shoulders, and two axes hung from loops at her belt.
“Who…” Ella subconsciously drifted closer to the woman. Her heart thumped, the panic still clawing at the back of her mind, the darkness closing in around her. “Who are you?”
“My name is Tamzin Aurielle.” The woman took a step closer. “I am an Aldruid, a daughter of Kaygan. I’ve been searching for you.”
Ella pulled back reflexively, hackles rising, the wolf bubbling to the surface, her nails hardening to claws. “How did you know to look for me in the first place? How do you even know who I am?” A growl crept into Ella’s voice. She trusted nothing in this place. “Answer me.”
The corner of Tamzin’s mouth twisted upwards, and she raised an open palm. “Calm yourself, Wolfchild. When you fragmented, it sent tremors through this plane, as it always does. I came to you as quickly as I could. Though in truth, I had feared I was too late.”
“Fragmented? What does that even mean? How… Why would you come to me? How are you…” Ella gestured at Tamzin, at her clothes, her skin and flesh – her body. Ella had too many questions for her mouth to process. “How are you like that in here ? We are in Níthianelle, are we not?”
Tamzin gave a downturn of her lips. “So you do know of this place. Good. That goes some way to explaining how you are still alive.” She reached out her hand, that white mist drifting from her fingers. “There is much for you to learn and little time to learn it. We are not safe here. Time itself is your enemy, one amongst many.”
In the short time Ella had spent in Níthianelle, she’d never once stopped to consider what dangers the place might hold. Ilyain had spoken to her of the Sea of Spirits, told her what he’d known. But he was not a druid. He only knew what Andras had told him. Ella looked down at Tamzin’s hand but didn’t take it. She knew nothing of this woman. “Do you know what happened? Why I’m here? Why I can’t remember how I got here? Why I can’t leave?”
A hint of sadness touched Tamzin’s eyes. She shook her head but kept her hand outstretched. “I don’t know what you did to fragment yourself, but I do have some theories. I can help you, but you need to come with me.”
“Fragment… Why do you keep saying that word?”
Tamzin reached her hand out further, visibly irritated, the muscles in her jaw clenching. “I will explain, but I need you to come with me.”
“And if I don’t?”
“Then you will die here. Your body will waste away and wither in the mortal plane while your soul drifts endlessly through the sea. You will lose your sentience and become a wraith, wandering without reason or purpose.”
The words sent a shiver through Ella, one that swept over her skin. Another thought set in: she couldn’t feel Faenir. The wolfpine had become an extension of her, a piece of her heart, and without him she felt strange and alone. She swallowed hard. “How can I trust you?”
“You can’t. But you don’t have a choice.”
Ella stared back at Tamzin. Even though her body was not her own, her mouth still felt dry, her throat tight. She hated the feeling of being helpless. That was how she had felt when Rhett had died, and it was something she never wanted to feel again. “Does the name ‘Andras’ mean anything to you?”
Tamzin didn’t shift her gaze from Ella’s, her hand still lingering in the air. She shook her head. “It does not.” She took another step closer. “We need to move.”
“He was a druid,” Ella continued, ignoring Tamzin’s words.
“There are others who may well know his name. If we can repair your mind, I will take you to them, but right now we’re out of time. I’m not the only one who felt you fragment, not the only thing looking for you.”
The wolf rumbled in the back of Ella’s mind, a sense of resignation within it. She didn’t trust this woman, but she had little choice. She tried to pull herself back to the waking world, just as Ilyain had said Andras had described: by closing her eyes and willing it so. But nothing happened. The only other time she’d left Níthianelle was when she had shifted with the owl… and that hadn’t ended particularly well. Besides, she couldn’t sense the spirits now like she had then.
Ella moved forwards, drawing a long breath and rolling back her shoulders. “Where will we go? There is nothing…” She looked around. “Anywhere.”
“Your eyes are closed, Wolfchild. I can open them.”
It seemed impossible to Ella that her lips could be dry considering they were made of light, but that was exactly how they felt. She nodded slowly, uncertain. The wolf within her bowed its head in acquiescence. “Do it.”
Tamzin reached out her hands, looking keenly into Ella’s eyes. The woman’s nails were strange, thick and tapered to a point, curling slightly, thin scars lining the skin at the centre of her fingertips.
“I am a daughter of Kaygan, one of his guardians.” Tamzin’s eyes flickered from deep brown to sapphire blue, her pupils stretching to slits. Her nails extended out, the scars on her fingertips opening, claws curling. “This continent hunted our kind to near extinction. Used us as weapons, as tools. But here we are, alive and free. You are not alone anymore, Ella. And you never will be again.”
Ella felt the wolf within her whimper, a strange sense of belonging radiating from it.
“Do not be afraid,” Tamzin said, a sincerity in her voice. Her pupils widened, rounding and growing larger as she looked at Ella. “Too many of our kind have died from being alone and afraid. We were never meant to be that way.”
Ella clenched her jaw and pressed her hands into Tamzin’s, wrapping her fingers around the woman’s wrists.
“Close your eyes.” Tamzin moved closer, the blue in her eyes seeming to shift and change like a raging storm.
Ella did as she was told, nodding more to herself than Tamzin.
“When a mind fragments,” Tamzin said, “it loses its grounding, loses its bond even to Níthianelle. Focus on your breathing. Feel your chest expand and contract. Feel the air enter your lungs. Listen to the sound it makes.”
Once again, Ella did as Tamzin commanded. The swelling of her lungs rushed in her ears, each breath like thunder against the silence around her.
“Now focus on your heartbeat. Not just how it thumps in your chest, but how each beat sends a pulse through your blood, how it feeds life to your body. Feel it, become conscious of how it flows in your veins.”
As Ella followed Tamzin’s words, a sense of calm came over her. The panic from earlier was gone. Each breath of air, each beat of her heart, settled her mind.
“Feel my hands on your skin. Feel the touch of my claws.”
Ella suddenly became aware of a warmth that flowed from Tamzin’s grip, of the sharpness of Tamzin’s claws pressing against her skin. It wasn’t that she hadn’t felt it before, but now it seemed clearer, more tangible.
“Níthianelle has many secrets, Ella, many layers, many truths, and many lies. It is a mirror of the mortal plane, a place where souls are tethered. This realm is as real as anything you’ve ever known. You are here, just as you are there. It will take many moons and many summers for you to understand the depths of what you can do here, but for now I need you to reach out with your mind, to feel the world around you.”
Ella wished people would stop saying that: ‘reach out with your mind’. It wouldn’t irritate her as much if someone actually explained how to do it. Her mind wasn’t a limb. She couldn’t extend it like she could her arm.
Letting out a sigh of frustration, Ella attempted to do what she was asked, despite still not quite knowing how. She drew a long breath, then tried to imagine the world around her, the real world, the waking world – the mortal plane.
All she could see were images, memories, things she had witnessed in the past. A dirt road. Plumes of grey smoke wafting from chimneys in The Glade. The white walls and red slate rooves of Midhaven. Calen’s face. Rhett’s eyes. The lines at the corners of her mam’s mouth whenever she laughed.
She stopped for a moment, a lump forming in her throat, but then she pushed forwards.
“Tell me what you feel, what you see.”
“Nothing.” Ella did little to hide the frustration in her voice.
Tamzin gave a short laugh, her hands pressing a little tighter against Ella’s. “You’re as iron headed as I was. Let go. Let your mind paint a picture of the world around you. Don’t force it, just set it free. Bind yourself to this place, find your feet. Your subconscious knows more than you realise.”
Ella sucked in her cheeks and nodded. It was easier said than done, but at least Tamzin had given her some actual instructions this time. Once more, Ella focused on her breathing and the beating of her heart, then looked outward and began to paint.
“There’s a forest,” she said after a moment, a sense of relief as the tall trees and broad leaves took shape in her mind. “And a stream. It’s rushing… I can hear it.”
With each piece that slotted into place, each leaf and rock and branch that formed in her mind’s eye, Ella’s excitement grew.
“Good. What else?”
“A mountain. I can see it through the canopy. And…” Ella allowed her voice to trail off as a doe appeared in her mind’s eye, lifting its head from the stream, its eyes watching her. The creature was as it would be in the waking world, its fur white and brown, its nose black, ears pricking up. But just like Tamzin, a glowing white mist drifted from its body.
“What is it?” Tamzin asked, urging Ella to continue.
“A doe… drinking from the stream.” Even as the words left Ella’s lips, she noticed more creatures trickle into life around her: birds darting among the trees, fish glinting in the river, bees swarming around a hive between two rocks. She didn’t just see them, she could feel them, their hearts and their souls.
“Open your eyes, Ella.”
For some reason, Ella felt something she hadn’t expected: fear. What would happen when she opened her eyes? What if nothing had changed and she was once again left floating in the vast emptiness.
Her pulse quickened.
“You’re not alone.” Tamzin squeezed Ella’s hands, repeating herself. “Open your eyes.”
Ella let out a long breath, feeling the wolf prowling in the back of her mind, rumbling in her blood. Whatever darkness they faced, they would face it together.
Ella opened her eyes. The darkness was gone, the emptiness eviscerated. Everything she had seen in her mind now stood before her. Both she and Tamzin were in an open forest with towering broad-leafed trees and a stream that rushed past behind them. The doe still stood by the water, its eyes fixed on her, two fawns at its side.
The world was not as it had been in the mortal plane, though. Pearly white mist drifted from every surface, light shifting as the leaves rustled and the water flowed.
“What is this?” Ella looked to Tamzin, finding the druid’s pupils now dominated the whites of her eyes. Ella’s gaze fell on her own hands, which still gripped firmly onto Tamzin’s wrists. The light that had comprised her body was now flesh, the same white mist wafting from her skin. “Even before, it was never like this. How?”
Tamzin’s lips curled into a broad smile, revealing two pairs of long fangs among her top and bottom teeth. “Like I said, this place holds more secrets than you could begin to imagine. Your eyes were closed, now they are not. Now, come with me. We must find somewhere safe. Then I will answer your questions.”
Ella made to step after Tamzin, then hesitated. “Why?”
“Why what?”
“Why are you helping me?”
“Because I’ve been you. Now come.”
Ella followed Tamzin through the woodland for hours. Every tree, every branch, every blade of grass moved with that same ethereal glow. The ground beneath her feet was as solid as anything, the bark of the trees felt as it should – rough and harsh. Even the wind felt right as it swept Ella’s hair back. It was the same as the world she knew, and yet it was not.
Not a moment passed where she wasn’t aware she walked through the Sea of Spirits. Every creature radiated their emotions and thoughts.
She could feel the single-minded determination of the spider weaving its web, the hunger of the young fox, the contentment of the kat curled in the high branches of a nearby tree. And at times, she felt darker things… eyes watching her, hungry and wanting. She thought she saw dark shapes floating amidst the trees, shifting and twisting like clouds of black smoke, their faces almost human. But as soon as she saw them, they were gone.
“This is not the Níthianelle I know,” Ella said, feeling the waxy texture of a leaf as she ran her fingers along its surface. “Before, all I could sense were the animals. They were nothing more than lights, spheres of energy. Is any of it real?”
“Oh, it’s real,” Tamzin said, springing onto the trunk of a fallen tree. She reached back and extended a hand to Ella, heaving her up and onto the trunk before dropping down on the other side. “Your eyes are simply open wider now than they were before. This is a reflection of the mortal plane.”
Ella jumped from the trunk, landing with a thud, her feet pressing into the soft earth. “I can sense things I couldn’t before… things that send a chill through me. They’re?—”
“Wraiths,” Tamzin said before Ella could finish. “Those who were lost here, their souls doomed to wander endlessly. Some simply drift… others hunger.” Tamzin pointed to the base of an enormous tree with gnarled roots that lifted from the ground. “We will rest here. We’ve moved far enough. Tiredness affects you here just as it does in the mortal plane, though you won’t have to worry about food.”
The woman turned and leaned against one of the thick roots, folding her arms and fixing her gaze on Ella. She pointed towards a rock nestled near the tree’s base. “Sit.”
“I’m fine standing.”
“Suit yourself.” Tamzin bit at her lip with a fang, drawing a long breath through her nose and exhaling slowly. “So, you’ve entered Níthianelle before?”
Ella nodded. “The first time, I shifted with an owl. Its ribs were crushed and I…”
“You died. That’s a rough first time, but you were lucky.”
“I didn’t feel lucky.”
“This isn’t a game,” Tamzin said, gesturing at the world around her. “If you shift with a creature’s soul and that creature dies in the mortal plane, it can harrow you, it can scar you, but it won’t kill you. But if your soul dies in here, your physical body will waste and wither like a hollow shell left to rot, your soul cut adrift, unable to sense or feel or touch. Time unending. There is no worse fate. Many of our kind have met their end this way. Without a guide, without someone to teach you, Níthianelle is the most dangerous place in existence.”
Tamzin looked towards the sky, then dropped to the ground, folding her legs beneath her in a single smooth motion. She gestured for Ella to sit across from her. This time, Ella obliged.
“What do you know of what you are?”
Ella looked at the dirt, shaking her head absently. “Nothing. Not truly. Until recently, all I’d heard of druids were stories. I still don’t know if that’s what I am, but?—”
“It is.” Tamzin leaned across and rested her hand on Ella’s knee. “You are what our kind call a Blooddancer. A druid of the warrior blood. In millennia past, we were the guardians of the gods – Fenryr, Kaygan, Dvalin, Bjorna, Vethnir… There were more once upon a time, so many more. And as our gods died, so did we.” She squeezed Ella’s knee. “You are a druid. Simply proved by the fact that you are here. But even if that were not so, I can feel it in your soul.”
She leaned back, once more staring up towards the canopy with a broad smile on her face. “There is so much to teach you. So much about our people, our history, our gods. It’s been many years since we’ve found new blood.” She opened her palms. “Where to start?”
“You can start with what happened to me and who else is looking for me.”
Tamzin nodded. She pressed her two hands together, leaning forward and resting her chin on her index fingers. After a moment of silence, she lowered her hands. “Your mind was fragmented. Split and shattered. It is something that happens to young Aldruids who run before they can walk or older ones whose arrogance outweighs their ability. You pushed yourself too hard, and now… now the tether between your body in the mortal plane and your soul in Níthianelle has been torn.”
That familiar drowning feeling washed over Ella, her lungs struggling to draw breath, her heartbeat faltering. “What does that even mean?”
“What’s the last thing you remember before this place.”
“The battle…”
“What battle? Where?”
Ella hesitated for a moment. “In the Darkwood. The Lorians were attacking the city.” Ella’s hands shook, and her voice trembled. “Calen needed me. He was going to die… I had to do something…”
Tamzin leaned forwards once more, clutching Ella’s hands between hers and looking into her eyes. “Ella, I need you to breathe slow. Look at me. Look into my eyes.” She slowed her voice, emphasising each word. “What did you do?”
“Calen needed me…” Ella repeated, staring into the whirling blue of Tamzin’s eyes, black slits staring back. “The dragons… I could feel them. I could feel the hollowness in their hearts. They were missing pieces. They wanted to fight. Every piece of them wanted to, but they couldn’t. It was like they were frozen. Afraid, alone, filled with rage…”
“You shifted with a dragon?”
The shock in Tamzin’s voice set a panic in Ella. “Five.”
“That’s not possible…” Tamzin let go of Ella’s hands and leaned back, staring at Ella as though she were Efialtír himself. “Even just one would have ripped your mind to pieces.”
In that moment, Ella realised how truly foolish she had been. She did not understand anything about Níthianelle, about her abilities, about who she was. She had reached into those dragons’ minds without understanding anything .
“Not even in the legends passed down have I heard of an Aldruid shifting with a dragon. There are tales of people who tried and of how the dragon’s spirit tore them apart. It’s no wonder you were fragmented…” She leaned forwards, eyes wide, curiosity in her voice. “How… how did it feel?”
“Terrifying.” Ella thought back to that moment. “They were broken somehow, damaged. They held so much sadness in their hearts it almost broke me too. But when they let me in, when our souls were joined, it was as though together we were almost whole. Not quite, but almost.”
“Incredible.” Tamzin stared at Ella, shaking her head, her shoulders slumping.
Ella thought back, remembering how it had felt when her mind had connected with those of the dragons. How she had seen through all their eyes at once, how she had felt the power in their muscles, the beating of their wings.
Memories flooded back. Dragons crashing against dragons. She remembered burying her talons into a dragon with shimmering silver scales, smashing its skull into the side of a cliff, ripping it to pieces, the smell of ash and char filling her nostrils, the iron tang of blood on her tongue. Then she remembered dying, again and again and again.
“I felt them die,” she whispered, just loud enough for Tamzin to hear. “Each one was like a bone snapping, like a shard of me splintering.”
Tamzin nodded slowly. “That’s how it happened. When a Blooddancer shifts and experiences too much trauma before they’re capable of handling it, their mind fragments and cracks. When that happens, their soul is sheared free from their body, connected by only the loosest of threads. You didn’t just run before you could walk, you flew.”
“How do I… How do I fix it?”
“Most druids who fragment can never centre themselves. You did. You brought yourself back, stopped your soul from drifting endlessly. That’s a start.”
“I heard my brother calling to me.”
“We can re-tether you,” Tamzin said, leaning forwards. “But we must get you back to Níthianelle’s counterpoint of where your body rests in the mortal plane. We can move much faster here. The distances are… different. But the Darkwood is still almost a week’s march.”
“A week? Where are we?”
“When I found you, your soul was drifting. We are about thirty miles east of Elmnest in Varsund – or at least its counterpoint. I will not be able to stay here. Even with Kerith guarding me, I will have to return to eat and drink.”
“What about me?”
“If you are still alive, that means there is someone tending to your body, likely a mage sustaining you with the Spark. But eventually your body will give out.”
“And what about leaving me alone here? You said there are people looking for me? Things looking for me?”
“So long as we keep moving, you’ll be all right. I promise, Ella, I’ll get you back.”
The next question was one Ella had been waiting to ask. One she had held back until Tamzin had answered the others. “How do you know my name?”
Tamzin’s pupils sharpened to thin lines, her body tensing.
That was all Ella needed. She lunged forwards, calling to the wolf in her blood. It answered with a howl as she slammed into Tamzin and pressed the woman down into the dirt, wisps of glowing white mist whooshing into the air. She wrapped a hand around Tamzin’s neck, her clawed nails pressing into the soft flesh, luminous white blood trickling. Tamzin just lay there, still as a board, eyes fixed on Ella.
“I never told you my name,” Ella growled, her voice low, the wolf snapping in the back of her mind. “Who are you, really? And who is looking for me? Remember, if you die here, your body dies there.”
“You truly are of Fenryr’s blood,” Tamzin said, dragging in a ragged breath through the pressure of Ella’s hand. “I did not lie to you. My name is Tamzin Aurielle. I am a Blooddancer of Kaygan. I was born in Carvahon thirty-four summers past, just outside Vaerleon. My druidic blood ignited when I was eleven. When your mind fragmented, it sent a pulse through this place. I was sent to come and find you – to save you if I could. With each passing year, our bloodlines grow thinner. There are so few of us already. If our kind is to survive, we must find each other. We must stand together.”
“Who sent you?” Ella leaned in, coming nose to nose with the woman, her top lip pulling up in a reflexive snarl, baring her teeth.
Tamzin stretched her neck out, her pupils shifting from thin to round, but she made no attempt to free herself. “There are some who never lost the old ways, who can trace their lineage for thousands of years, back to Terroncia and when the gods walked freely amongst us. They took me in on my fifteenth summer. They are rebuilding, readying for when the Lorian Empire falls. That is who sent me. I speak no lie. But we are not the only ones. There are others. Zealots of Bjorna still clinging to the old wars, purists who would see the other gods dead – see us dead. Vethnir Hunters and factions who would kill you just because I got to you first. And then there are those who would have us hide who we are until time itself crumbled.”
Ella loosened her grip, not much but just enough to allow Tamzin to breathe more comfortably. The fact the woman held no fear in her eyes despite Ella’s claws being wrapped around her neck was more than a little unsettling. “How do I trust you? How do I know anything you have said is true?”
“Because.” Tamzin’s lips curled into a half-smile, exposing her fangs. “Like I said already, you have no choice. Sleep well, Ella Bryer. I will return soon. Sleep in the tree, and if something comes for you, run. The wolf in your blood will keep you safe until I get back.”
Ella made to speak but instead fell forwards, her hand pressing into the earth as Tamzin evaporated in a mist of white light.