107. Of Gods and Ashes
Chapter 107
Of Gods and Ashes
28 th Day of the Blood Moon
Temple of Achyron – Winter, Year 3081 After Doom
Haem found Kallinvar in the Soul Vault, staring at all the Sigils that had returned to their alcoves – staring at Brother Tarron’s.
“What is it, brother?” Kallinvar asked without turning his head, his voice steeped in loss.
“I want to speak to him.”
“To who?”
“Achyron. I want to speak to him.”
Kallinvar turned his gaze from the Sigils and looked into Haem’s eyes. “Why?”
“This cannot be it, Kallinvar.” Haem clenched his hand into a fist behind his back. “It can’t. You said you can hear his voice, that you talk to him.”
“Your brother is dead, Arden. You must accept that.”
“Why? Why must I accept it?”
“Because there are things in this life that just are. Calen is not the only one we lost this day. What has brought this on?”
“What has brought it on?” Haem’s throat tightened, and he clenched his jaw. “I woke with my little brother’s dead body in my arms.” That was the moment the tears flowed, rolling gently down his cheeks. There was nothing he could do to stop them. They were a symptom of a broken heart. “I watched him grow, Kallinvar. I watched him take his first step and speak his first word. I held him in my arms. He was mine to protect – mine . I promised our dad that I would watch over them both, that I would keep them safe. And this morning, as the sun rose, I held Calen’s cold body and I looked into his dead eyes… and I just cannot accept it. I will not.”
“Achyron cannot bring back the dead, Arden.”
“Look at us.” Haem said, opening his arms. “What are we ?”
“That is not the same.”
“How do you know?” Haem roared. “How do we know anything at all? I need to try!”
Kallinvar stared back at Haem, tilting his head slightly. He closed his eyes. A few moments passed, and he nodded. “Say what you must.”
Haem’s Sigil burned in his chest, ice flowing through his veins. The world flashed with a green light, and when the light faded, he stood atop a cliff, the wind blowing against him, the waves of a sparkling silver ocean stretching out before him.
He stood there in silence, watching in awe as the light from a sunless sky sparkled across the ocean. When he looked to one side, he found himself staring at a man with a head of thick black hair and dark beard. He wore a long purple cloak over a marble-white cuirass, his hands clasped behind his back.
Haem knew without speaking a word that this was not Achyron, but Varyn. The Father.
He wanted to speak, but his words clung to his throat. He stood before a god. The protector of all things, the giver of light, the Father of all.
The pair of them stood in silence for what felt like an eternity until Varyn finally spoke. “What is it you seek, Haem Bryer? I know it in your heart, but I must hear it on your lips.”
“I want my brother back.”
“The giving and taking of life is fundamental to the existence of the mortal world. What is born must die to make way for what comes after. Life cannot simply be given back. If it could, it would lose all value. And even if that were not the case, why, of all the souls that have been taken from the world, does this single one deserve it above all others?”
“Because it was you who set him on this path. I saw his light in your eyes – the world did. He is your champion.”
“And now he is dead.”
Haem stared at the god, who looked out at the sea of silver. His heart burned as though set aflame. “Why am I here if there is no chance? Why bother listening to me?”
“I never said that.”
Calen’s eyes opened to a glistening silver ocean. His last memory had been of falling, of pain burning in his chest, of Valerys screaming in his mind. Calen pressed a hand to his chest, an emptiness within him, a hollow that could never be filled.
“You are dead.”
Calen turned at the voice. The speaker stood a head taller than him and was garbed in white plate and purple robes, his hair and beard thick and black. He knew the man without thought or words. “You are Varyn.”
“I am. And this is the Aethersea. Where souls pass through the realms between the living and the dead. Normally it would be Heraya meeting you here.”
“What will happen to Valerys?” With every second that passed, Calen fought his body’s need to weep. He had never felt a thing like this. His soul was shattered. “He’s alone. He shouldn’t be alone. Please don’t leave him alone.”
Varyn gave Calen a soft, brittle smile. “There are many things that should not be. Are you happy with what you did in the time you had, Calen Bryer?”
“I’m not done.” Calen shook his head. “What of Haem? And of Vaeril and Dann and Tarmon and Erik? Do they live?”
“They do.” Varyn looked out over the silver ocean. “I chose you for the same reason Valerys did. Not for the man you are, but for the man you have the potential to be. And I created the dragons of Valacia for the same reason. When I tempered the fires of my creations in Epheria, I did so to limit their potential for destruction, to balance their lesser qualities with those of other souls. But what I did not see was that limiting a soul’s light limits everything that they are. Ignoring our lesser qualities, burying our rage and our fury, it does not make us stronger. We must learn to control the darker pieces of ourselves, not destroy them. And so you and Valerys are unique amongst my creations, the tethers of your potential unbound. Together you could have been something greater than anything that has come before.”
Varyn looked out at the ocean of silver as he spoke to Haem. “After we almost tore the mortal world apart, my kin and I swore oaths, oaths that forbid us from weaving our wills into your world. We did so for your sake. We were no longer mortal, and your world did not deserve to burn at our whims.”
“Then what am I except a manifestation of Achyron’s will? Has he not broken those oaths? Has not Efialtír?”
Varyn let out a long sigh. “We allowed Achyron some semblance of excess as a counter to Efialtír. A weight to keep the scales balanced. To give back life to the dead, Haem Bryer, that is not a feather on the scales, it is a rock. What meaning has death and life if it can be changed on a whim?”
“Not every death. Just one.”
“If you had another chance at life, Calen Bryer, what would you do with it?”
“What is it you want from me?” Calen asked. “Chances like that do not come without strings.”
“And you do not like strings.”
“No, not particularly.”
“Efialtír has crossed from our realm through the veil into the mortal plane. He has taken corporeal form.”
“How is that possible?”
“Much can change in a short time. Efialtír has broken every oath my kind have made. He claims to love the mortal world. But it is not the world he loves, rather control over it. The last time gods warred in your world, we almost tore it asunder. I would not have that happen a second time. If you had another chance, would you be the blade that strikes back? Would you stand against Efialtír, fight with all your strength? Would you do whatever was needed to keep your world from burning?”
“I would.”
“All life comes at a cost, Haem Bryer.” Varyn let out a long sigh.
“I will pay it.”
“You do not even know what it is.”
“I will pay it.”
“A god cannot simply grant life to the dead, no matter how powerful they are. It requires more. Shards of who we are.”
“I will pay it,” Haem repeated again.
“Shards of me… shards of you. To mend a shattered soul so it will stay as one… When things break, they do not go back together in the same way. New pieces are required to fill the cracks. I will be weakened. You will be…”
“Lost,” Haem finished.
Varyn nodded. “I need you to understand. My powers have limits. To do this is no simple thing. Not for either of us. I must break the oaths I swore, become the thing I stood against. But if I do not, Efialtír will tear that world into oblivion. And so I am faced with a choice.”
“I will pay the cost,” Haem said for a fourth time, his resolve strengthening. “Will you?”
Calen stared out at the silver ocean as Varyn stood in silence.
“I will,” the god said.
“You will what?”
Varyn rested a hand on Calen’s shoulder. “This is our last chance, Calen Bryer. If we fail now, Efialtír will hold eternal dominion over your world. He will burn the veil between worlds. To give a sliver of what I am, a piece of my soul, that is a sacrifice I never thought I would make. But if I cross the veil myself, I know the world will break beneath me.” He sighed once more, something that might have been a smile cracking across his lips. “What is a god, if they are not willing to give pieces of themselves for the world they created?” A resignation set into Varyn’s voice. “I will not be what we once were. I will pay the cost.”
“Calen?”
Calen’s heart stopped at the sound of his brother’s voice. He looked to the other side of Varyn, and Haem stepped forwards to seize Calen in the deepest of embraces.
“I’m sorry,” Calen whispered. “For everything. I… I’m sorry for arguing. I’m sorry for?—”
“Shhh…” Haem squeezed Calen tighter. “I love you, little brother. Please don’t be mad. This was always my purpose. I only ever took the Sigil so I could keep you safe. I love you so much, and I could never be prouder of the man you’ve become.”
“Haem? Haem, what’s wrong? Why would I be mad?”
“You were always stronger,” Haem said, pulling his arm inwards and pressing a fist to Calen’s heart. “In here. You never gave up. Not once. We would train for hours, and no matter how many times you went down, you stood right the fuck back up. Covered in mud, blood on your face. You always stood back up. And I was so gods damn proud of you every time. I need you to stand back up again, little brother.”
“Haem, why are you crying? You’re scaring me.”
“This is what I was made for, Calen. I would always give my life for you and Ella, always. This is my purpose. To protect you, to keep you safe. Tell her I’m sorry, I’m sorry we got so little time. Ask her to forgive me. She’s yours to keep safe now, and you’re hers.” Haem clasped his hands to the sides of Calen’s face. “You better protect her. I’ll come find you if you don’t.”
A sudden realisation dawned on Calen. “Haem, no…” Calen clutched at Haem and glared at Varyn. “I don’t want it. I won’t take it. I won’t pay this cost. I won’t!”
“It’s already been paid,” the god replied.
“No, no… Haem.”
“The sun will set, Calen,” Haem said, pulling Calen in close. “And it will rise again, and it will do so the next day and the next. The gods are in charge of such things, but it is by our own will that we pick ourselves up when we fall. I will always be there. A piece of me will always be there.”
“Haem, don’t do this, please… please don’t do this.”
Even as he said the words, a brilliant white light consumed everything, and a storm raged in Calen’s mind.
For a heartbeat everything was quiet, and then he woke with a gasp, dragging air into his lungs, his body stiff and aching, his chest burning.
He placed a hand over his chest, feeling four scars over his heart. A wave of fear, of agony and joy and hope and every emotion he could have imagined crashed into him with a weight that bore down on his soul, and he found himself staring up into pale lavender eyes.
Valerys’s heart beat so fast Calen thought the dragon would collapse. Valerys twisted and turned, hauling himself upright, his winged forelimbs pressing into the stone, his frills standing on end. The weight of the dragon’s heart consumed him, drowning him.
“I’m here. I’m here.” Calen wrapped his arms around the dragon’s snout as Valerys pushed against him, high-pitched shrieks in his throat. Calen held on and squeezed, closing his eyes, pulling their minds together and bathing in the warmth that flowed through them.
Something within them was different, harsher, more primal. But the bond was there, and that was all he cared about. Valerys wouldn’t be alone.
“Myia nithír til diar, Valerys. I denír vi?l ar altinua. Uvrín mír, myia’n?ra.”
My soul to yours, Valerys. In this life and always. Forgive me, my light.
In that moment, as their minds drifted together, as their heart beat and their soul savoured its bond, one thought flowed through them: Haem.
Calen broke into a run and vaulted down the steps of the plateau. He had no idea where he was. He’d never seen this place before. He grabbed a man in the short street. “Haem Bryer? Where is he?”
The man shoved Calen away and walked off, glaring back at him. Up high, Calen saw two statues garbed in the same armour Haem wore atop an enormous stone staircase. He sprinted through the city and up the stairs, his legs screaming at him, his lungs threatening to burst. When he reached the top and stepped through the small wicket gate set into the giant doors, he found himself staring at a familiar face.
“Ruon, where is Haem? Arden, where is he?”
“Calen…” Ruon stared at him wide-eyed, mouth ajar. Her skin went pale as snow. “You… you’re…”
“Ruon,” Calen snapped, cutting her off. “Where is Haem?”
The woman continued to stare at him as though she didn’t believe he was real. “He’s in the Soul Vault with Kallinvar. How are you alive?”
“Take me to him, please.”
Ruon led Calen through a series of enormous halls and down a wide staircase before leading him into a chamber with alcoves spread across the entire far wall.
Calen dropped to his knees the moment the door was opened, his legs collapsing beneath the weight of his shattered heart. He tried to stand, but his body ignored his commands, tears rolling down his cheeks. “No…” he whispered as he looked at Haem’s body lying on the floor at Kallinvar’s feet. “No, please, not again.”
“You’re alive,” Kallinvar whispered.
Calen planted one foot and dragged himself upright. He shook his head as he stumbled towards Haem.
He dropped to the ground once more, trembling as he slipped one arm behind Haem’s head and pulled his brother in close. “I said no…” Calen rocked back and forth, Valerys roaring in his mind. “I said no… I can’t do this again.”
He drew a long, settling breath, then lifted his brother into his arms and turned for the door. Calen’s leg gave way, but he gritted his teeth and pulled himself back to his feet, taking another step.
“Let me,” Kallinvar said, moving to stand next to Calen. To Calen’s surprise, tears rolled down the man’s cheeks and his eyes were raw and red.
Calen shook his head. “He’s my brother. He carried me all my life. I can carry him a little further.”
“Where are you taking him?”
“Home.”