23. Torren
23
TORREN
PRESENT DAY
My dick is painfully hard as I make my way to the dressing room I share with Jonah.
The adrenaline of playing a sold-out show always amps me up, but the encounter with Callie backstage has sent me over the edge. I took it further than we’d planned, but I can’t bring myself to regret it. Not yet.
She’s so soft. She’s so hot.
I let myself indulge, and now my dick aches for relief.
And then I walk into my dressing room and find Jonah on the couch with another redhead. He wasted no time. I bet he had security pull her from the pit before we did the first encore, and she was waiting here for him.
The fucker really does suck at celibacy.
I roll my eyes but I still fold my arms across my chest and watch. When he sees me, he pulls his dick out of her throat and slaps his thigh.
“Climb up here, sweets.”
She does, and he grabs a condom from the strip on the couch before she slides down on him with a theatrical moan.
“It’s a nice one.” Jonah arches a brow, eyes on me, and then slaps her ass. “Already prepped.”
Then she turns and smiles at me, lipstick smeared and eyeliner smudged as she bounces on his dick. Jo’s already done a number on her, and from her blissed-out expression, she’s loving it.
“Ready when you are,” she says, dragging her eyes to my crotch.
I almost want to laugh because I feel nothing. My dick’s deflated. Nothing about this scene bothers me—I have no problem with consensual sex between adults—but it’s not getting me hard like it would have a few weeks ago. I have no desire to join in.
Not right away, anyway.
Not until Jonah wraps his hand around the woman’s throat and looks up at me with a lopsided grin.
“You think she’d like this? Because I think she would.”
He’s not talking about the woman riding him right now. I know it. And then, just like Jonah wanted, I see it.
The redhead is Callie.
Mossy green eyes and perfect tits and that round, full ass that I had my hands on just minutes ago. In an instant, I’m hard as a rock again.
“You can see it,” Jonah says, and then he groans and closes his eyes. “Fuck, I can see it.”
Jealousy mixes with my lust, a possessiveness I’ve only felt with one other person, and it’s dizzying. It’s confusing, and it’s fucking terrifying.
Without another word, I turn and storm out.
By the time I’m back in my bedroom in my hotel suite, though, I’ve managed to wrangle my jealousy into something more manageable. I strip and throw myself onto my bed, then take my hard cock in my hand. I squeeze and stroke and bring the image of Callie between Jonah and me back to the forefront of my mind. I force myself to enjoy it. I ignore the possessive feeling clawing its way up my throat and instead focus on the image of her face as I fuck her. As we fuck her. Her breasts. Her soft, hot, perfect body. Her sexy, breathy moans.
It only takes a few strokes before I’m coming all over my abdomen with a groan.
But it’s not enough.
It might never be.
“Hey.”
Mabel swings the door wide and lets me into the suite. She’s still in her pajamas, her pink hair standing up in all directions.
“Rough night?”
She grins at my question. “Yeah. And she’s still asleep, so keep it down.”
“Tell Kat I said hey.”
Kat’s a runway model. She and Mabel have been seeing each other for a few months, but they’ve been keeping it quiet at the request of Kat’s manager. He thinks that if she came out as a lesbian, it would hurt her marketability. We all think that’s bullshit, especially for Mabel’s sake, but there’s not much we can do about it. Mabes likes her, so I stay quiet.
“Have fun today.” Mabel turns and heads back toward her bedroom. “And be nice.”
I chuckle. “I’m always nice.”
She scoffs just before she disappears through the door, shutting it behind her. I contemplate knocking on Callie’s door even though I’m a little early, but then Sav’s door opens and she stumbles into the main room wearing a white T-shirt that’s a few sizes too big on her. It’s probably her boyfriend’s, because it falls just past her ass and brushes the top of her thighs. She’s definitely not wearing a bra, and knowing her, she probably doesn’t have pants on, either.
I clear my throat to get her attention, and she whips her head in my direction. When she sees me, her eyes flare wide, and she folds her arms over her chest. I smirk.
“Nothing I haven’t already seen.”
She narrows her eyes. “What are you doing here this early?”
“It’s almost ten, Savvy. Not everyone sleeps as late as you.”
“Do you see anyone else awake?” She arches a brow and gestures to the empty, quiet suite.
I shrug. She’s got me there. I don’t hear anything coming from Callie’s room, either. I should go knock, but I haven’t gotten to talk to Sav in a while. I close the distance between us and make sure to keep my eyes firmly on her face.
“How are you?” I ask, and her expression softens.
“Fine. How are you? ”
“Fine,” I say with a laugh. “Anything new with your biggest fan?”
“No.” She shakes her head, and her eyebrows slant downward. “But it kind of freaks me out. The investigative team doesn’t think it’s Fieldman anymore.”
“What? Who the fuck else would it be?”
Sav’s had trouble with Dennis Fieldman a few times in the past. He once broke into her hotel room, and he was caught masturbating in her shower. The label wouldn’t let her press charges, and then two months later, he ended up going to prison for attempted armed robbery of a sex shop. The guy is a fucking creep.
Sav sighs. “There’s no shortage of gross men out there, Tor. It could be anyone. Hell, it could even be a woman. We just don’t know, and now that they’ve disappeared, our ways of finding out are limited.”
Her hands tighten around her biceps and her lips purse as she stares at the carpet. I want to comfort her. I want to make this all go away. We’re not together anymore, but I still love her. I still want her to be safe and happy. Sav is my fucking family. She used to be my best friend. Seeing her like this and being able to do nothing to fix it? I fucking hate it.
“We’ll get him, Savvy. We will. It will be over soon.”
She sniffles, her eyes glossing over with a shimmer of tears before she frowns and blinks them away.
“I’m just scared,” she admits, her voice shaking slightly. “And I’m tired. And I miss Levi and Brynn. Everything feels so ominous. Like, sure, the stalking seems to have stopped for now, but what happens at the end of these three months? What happens when the PR relationship ends? Do I just wait around until it starts back up again? I fucking hate feeling like I’m in limbo. I just wish things could be fucking normal for once.”
I reach out and rest a hand on her shoulder. I squeeze gently and then rub, resisting the urge to pull her body against me in a comforting embrace. I wait until she makes eye contact before I speak.
“Sorry to break it to you, Sav Loveless, but this is your normal. You’re arguably one of the most famous celebrities in the world. You lost your opportunity for a boring life a long time ago.”
She laughs and shakes her head. “Do you ever wish we could rewind and undo it all? Sometimes I think boring sounds like it could be nice.”
“Sometimes,” I say honestly, then my lips turn up into a small smile. “But then we play a show and I’m reminded that there’s no way I could do anything else. If I wasn’t playing with the band—with you—I’d be worse than bored. I’d be purposeless. Chaos is a fair trade for purpose, Savannah. At least I think so, anyway.”
“Yeah. Yeah, I think you’re probably right.”
Sav sighs, then catches me off guard by wrapping her arms around my waist in a tight hug. I don’t hesitate to return it, but for a split second, I brace myself for a rush of something . Lust or longing or that deep, deep ache of unrequited love. I wait with bated breath, my muscles stiffening, my heart racing, prepping for any kind of unwelcomed emotional invasion. But when nothing happens, my shoulders relax, and I pull her tighter against me.
I feel no hunger or desire. I feel no loss or heartache. Nothing impure or unwanted.
I only feel comfort, the love you have for a close friend, and relief.
So much fucking relief that I almost sway on my feet from the rush of it.
“We’re going to be okay,” I say quietly, resting my chin gently atop her head, and I hear her laugh into my chest.
“Thank god. But fuck, man, it would be nice if someone stalked one of you for a change. I’d like to be left alone.”
I open my mouth to say something smart-assed, but the sound of a door opening behind me has me releasing Sav and turning around instead.
Sav lets out a low whistle. “Wow, smokeshow. You’re looking good. Very classy.”
Callie forces a stiff smile. “Thanks. It was in the closet.”
The simple green and white polka-dotted dress looks amazing on her. It has a sweetheart neckline, flares out at her waist, and reaches just below her knees. She looks gorgeous despite the uncomfortable rigidity of her spine.
“You look beautiful,” I tell her, closing the distance between us. “Perfect for what I have planned.”
“Well, you didn’t tell me what you have planned, so I had to guess. ”
“You guessed well.” I reach up and thread a strand of her hair through my fingers. “Except for this.”
She arches a challenging brow. “I wanted to wear it down.”
“Hmm.” I hum and fight my smile as I push her red hair over her shoulder, finding the bruise I left on her neck last night. I brush my thumb over it, loving the way her breath hitches. “I don’t know why not.”
Callie flicks her eyes over my shoulder to Sav before glaring back at me, lowering her voice to a hiss.
“Maybe because I don’t want pap photos looking like I was mauled by a vampire.”
“You’re the girlfriend of a rock star, Callie,” I say teasingly. “A few bite marks won’t shock anyone.”
I don’t bother lowering my voice, and Callie’s nostrils flare as a red flush creeps up her chest and colors her cheeks. Her jaw ticks with irritation and embarrassment as she flicks her eyes back to Sav once more.
“Your fake girlfriend.”
I smile wide and lean in closer, running her red hair through my fingers again.
“My fake girlfriend who enjoys having my mouth on her.”
Fuck, the way she blushes. The way her chest starts to rise and fall more quickly. It thrills me. Affecting her is an endorphin rush, and right now, I want it mainlined into my veins.
I turn to Sav. “We’re heading out. Let me know if you need anything.”
“Thanks, but I’m good.” She waves me off with a sleepy smile and heads back to her bedroom. “Have fun.”
For the first time in a long time, I feel like the ground under my feet regarding Sav isn’t quaking with uncertainty. It’s such a fucking relief. Heartless is my family. I don’t want to lose it again.
I turn back to Callie and offer my hand, smiling bigger when she takes it, then I lead her out of the room and through the lobby to the valet.
“Aren’t you going to ask me what we’re doing for our date?” I ask once we’re buckled into our seats.
She shrugs. “Wasn’t planning on it. ”
I glance at her again. She’s still stiff, her hands fisted together tightly in her lap with her jaw clenched. It’s the polar opposite of the woman I had in my arms last night. The woman who had her legs wrapped around my waist backstage. Lust swirls in my stomach at the memory, but ice forms in my veins as I take in her body language.
Ham confirmed this morning that the photos of our embrace after the show are already all over the internet. That could be why she’s uncomfortable, but I thought we’d started moving past that.
Seems I thought wrong.
The whole silent, uncomfortable ride, I remind myself that the chilling attitude coming from her is preferred. Sure, I like her warm and pliant, I like her burning under my palms and eager, but this is better.
This is safer .
More images from ArtFusion have been clearing in my mind. Details of each encounter coming back into focus. I waver back and forth between being pissed and wanting to replay each memory over and over. One minute, I want to win her over, and the next I want to shut her out. I need to choose one and fucking stick with it, and it’s not lost on me what the smarter choice would be.
I tamp down the excitement I’d let build for today. I tell myself I put thought into this date simply because it would look good. I didn’t do this for her. I didn’t do this for myself.
I did it for my fucking job. For my band.
That’s all that has ever mattered.