Chapter Ten
B ellamy and I sat there in silence, both of us staring at the other. My power begged to burst free, sensing my desire to know what he was thinking. I watched his eyes move slowly down my body, the tension growing. My own eyes caught the flushed points of his ears again.
“I wish I had your ears,” I blurted.
The second the words left my mouth I felt foolish. I often chose to ignore my deformed ears, but with Bellamy it seemed I was prone to speaking without thought.
“I mean, I just wish mine were normal,” I clarified.
His smile quickly faded, turning into a tight line.
“Your ears are beautiful Asher, being different is not a bad thing,” he said. “Besides, are they not a sign of your resilience?”
“Being the sole survivor of a demon attack is not necessarily something I enjoy recalling, and my ears remind me of it every day,” I shared, surprised at my own vulnerability. “I often wonder if it bothers the king and queen as well. Seeing where the demons cut off the tips of my ears surely reminds them of the friends and child that were taken from them.”
Their son had the same thing done to his ears before they killed him, which was probably why Mia preferred my hair to be long and down, hiding the reminder. On special occasions, she would place golden cuffs atop them. They came to a point, replicating what mine surely would have looked like in a better world.
“What about your own feelings, do they not matter?” he asked, tilting his head to the side. In truth, I spoke of my feelings and thoughts so rarely that I doubted anyone knew to ask. Mia and Xavier both cared for me more dearly than I could have asked for. Everything I had and was came from their kindness, generosity, and love. If I made my feelings known, they would care. Right?
“I find it difficult to talk about how I feel, but I know if I expressed myself more, everyone around me would move mountains to help.” Even as I said the words, I was unsure if I believed them. Just a few nights ago I was telling Mia I did not want to marry Sterling, and she was willfully ignoring my reasoning. Did what I wanted and thought truly matter to her? It was not rare for someone to love you but not respect your independence.
Yet, I could not help but think of how selfish those desires I held were. Would I really risk the safety of my realm simply because I did not particularly enjoy my betrothed? I saw the way Xavier and Mia moved, their beautiful reliance in one another. No, they did not love, but they did find a way to make their marriage seamless, comforting. I could likely do that if I tried.
The problem was that I did not want to try.
“You seem to do just fine discussing your feelings with me,” Bellamy noted.
He was not wrong, though I wished he was less aware. Refreshing and easy, that was what Bellamy had been. He was a male I knew I could also find that comfort in that Mia had with Xavier. Without a doubt I knew I could also find love there, if I gave myself the time and freedom to do so. But I did not have that luxury.
“Tell me something,” he said.
“What?” I asked curiously.
“Why are you marrying that mortal?” he asked. His body leaned towards me in anticipation of my answer.
I thought over it, gauging if I should admit that I would do anything for Xavier and Mia. They raised me as their own, loved me despite my flaws, saved me from myself. And the realm, my kind, those were things worth sacrificing for.
There were times long ago when I thought the opposite, when I blamed the royals for losses that I did not want to accept fault for. Pain I put on them when really it was my own to bear. Never again would I do that to them. Even being here was a risk to it all.
“Why does that question take so much consideration?” he asked quietly, still standing across from me. I looked down, avoiding his eye contact which would surely cause me to say something ridiculous.
“I find it hard to believe that you would like what I share,” I answered honestly. No one ever did. It was my life to do with as I pleased, so no one’s approval but Xavier’s and Mia’s truly mattered. Yet, I found myself wanting Bellamy to accept my choices as well.
“Try me,” he countered. His thumb idly twisted one of the many rings adorning his fingers. This one was a gold band that had a symbol for each of the elements on it.
Twist. Fire. Twist. Air. Twist. Earth. Twist. Water. Around and around it spun. His eyes never left me, his interest radiating from him.
“I often feel as though I am no one,” I began instead, answering a question I had previously avoided. “Do you want to know why I liked this dress? It was because I would never get the chance to choose it any other time. Every part of me is a perfectly thought-out design made by everyone but myself. I eat, sleep, and dress according to what I am told. I do so out of guilt, but also for the betterment of the realm. I am the story of nightmares amongst our kind, and I wonder who I would become if I was left to my own devices. What I might morph into. Who I might hurt. My greatest fear, it is myself,” I finished, sucking in a deep breath.
Bellamy responded almost immediately, as if he needed no time to form the opinion.
“What if the being you are meant to be is far superior to the one others have crafted you into? A rendering will never be as beautiful as the original, as the life and flesh and breath of that which inspired it. I believe we all are afraid sometimes. Of others and ourselves. No one is completely sure of themself, but your doubt will prevent you from becoming what you were destined to be.” He spoke as if he somehow knew what my future held. A tangle of words that threatened to tear down everything I had ever been told. Everything I had ever believed.
“And what was I meant to be?” I asked, lifting my chin, challenging him.
Bellamy walked towards me, stopping just an arm’s length away. He looked at me intently for what felt like years, seemingly fighting an internal battle. It was clear whenever the war within him ended, because he answered, “A queen.”
Then he took the last step and crushed his lips to mine. His right hand tugged my hair, making my head tilt back. When I felt his tongue slide across my lips, begging for entry, I opened my mouth. Soft fingertips grazed my mutilated right ear, sending a shiver down my spine. I had never allowed anyone to touch my ears except for Mia. Even I avoided them at all costs. The way Bellamy caressed them though, it was electric.
Heat pooled low in my stomach, and I gripped his top to tug him closer. His body was solid under my fingers, so strange when paired with his soft facial features. The dimples and freckles living in constant contrast to the strong jaw, high cheekbones, and toned body. My grip tightened, eliciting a low growl from deep in his chest, and then he broke our kiss.
Before I could wonder what I did wrong, I saw him squat down and grip my thighs, lifting me off the ground. He maintained eye contact with me as he quickly took us back into the changing room, where I shut the curtain behind us. My back hit the wall with a thud, and Bellamy’s lips met my own again. There was nothing sweet about the way our mouths connected. It was pure savagery and need.
He ground his erection into me, causing me to let out a small cry. The male took that chance to drag his plump lips up my throat, giving a soft nibble to my chin. Then his mouth was at the crease between my shoulder and neck, sucking and biting. My vision was clouded with ecstasy at the feel of him all over me.
I wanted more. I wanted everything. Anything he would give me. There was an animalistic need to the way my body arched into his, a hunger that could only be satiated with more of him.
More. More. More.
“Do you want me, Princess?” Bellamy asked against my skin. What a stupid question, a ridiculous one. Of course I did. How could I not? With untamed fervor, I nodded. “I need to hear you say it, Asher.”
The way he said my name, like a prayer, should have been outlawed.
“I want you, Bellamy,” I said with a gasp. He moaned, one thumb hooking around the fabric above my breast.
“Ahem.” I heard from behind the curtain. I froze, embarrassment and shock flooding my mind, washing away the arousal Bellamy had brought forth within me. My attempt to push the male only resulted in him gripping me tighter. His face was stern, and I could see that he was not finished with me, and not at all happy with whoever was outside.
“What?” Bellamy snapped, his eyes still on mine.
“As much as I hate to ruin your fun, I am pretty sure Pino will kill you if he finds out you are attempting to have sex in his changing room. On top of that, I have been waiting for you for half an hour. Let’s go, chop chop,” the voice said, clapping in time with the last sentence.
Bellamy rolled his eyes, then leaned in and kissed me softly. The act itself was no more intimate than what had just occurred, but somehow it felt like a different kind. A kiss that said, we have all the time in the world. Though that was the opposite of what we truly had.
Just as I was beginning to come down from the high that was the taste and feel of him, he slowly lowered my body to the ground, making sure to let that bulge in his trousers rub between my legs. I moaned at the contact, my need returning in full force.
He rotated us, his back leaning against the wall now, arms snaked around my waist to keep me against him. We shared a look of mutual want. I could not deny the physical attraction, but there was something else there in his icy eyes. A different kind of want.
I pushed away then, not wanting to see whatever look he offered. Not wanting the vulnerability of his desires when I knew I could never fulfill them. This would be all we had. If we were truly stupid, we might even be able to sneak around together for years to come, and even that small choice could lead to his body hanging from the gallows. Or worse.
A brief image of a charred body and my piercing screams filled my mind, but just as quickly as the scene came, I had pushed it away. Once more numb to it all.
Bending over to pick up my clothes, I felt him. In that strange silent way he moved, Bellamy had come to me. He was there at my back when I jolted upright, mouth against my ear as he whispered, “You are magnificent, Asher. And you will be mine.”
I froze, not sure what to say to such a bold statement. There was no denying the butterflies that swarmed my chest and the fire that ignited in my core, but my mind knew what my body refused to acknowledge, we could never be.
Bellamy was living in a fantasy with a female that has been perfectly curated to be everything the realm desired. I would never live up to it, even if Sterling was not in the way. No part of me was safe or stable, and I knew that.
I moved my head, looking over my shoulder to find our lips only inches apart once more. He stared with a level of intensity that was nearly unsettling.
“I am no one’s but my own,” I said, finality and resolve seeping into the words.
With one last wistful look, I turned to head towards the curtain. Just as my fingertips grazed the cloth, Bellamy spoke.
“We shall see, Princess.”