CHAPTER FOURTEEN
A Debate of Women and Schemes
Where in Novella were you?” Roden demanded with a growl.
“How did you get kidnapped?” Faylorn asked. “I was sure everyone had stayed together, but when I turned back to check for you, you were gone, lass.”
“Highness, are you hurt? Do you need any ointments?” Polo asked, bouncing in place. “I don’t mind helping you in any sensitive areas.”
“Who did this to you?” Gair grabbed her hands, examining her for injuries.
Their questions and panic stirred about her. Em pulled free from the dragon mutant and fought to catch her breath. Beside her, Sasha picked at her fingernails, indifferent to the others’ existence.
The cursed, foggy forest groaned in the frigid winds around them.
Distant roars of orcs tugged at her nerves. They really needed to get moving before Kriqir tracked her down again.
“One at a damn time. For the love of Novella, shut up. Please.” Em protested to their interrogation. “Okay? I’m not hurt, and I should be the one asking you where the hell you went, not vice-versa. You all left me behind.”
“I apologize for my cluelessness, lass,” Faylorn hung his bearded wizard face in shame.
“It’s fine.” Em waved him off. “I’m fine.”
“Are you sure?” Gair pushed.
She rolled her eyes. “I wouldn’t be standing here if I weren’t.”
“Good point,” he blushed.
“Who is this?” Roden cut in before Polo could crack a useless joke. The half-elf pointed an accusatory finger at Sasha. “Why was she following us, and how did she know before we did that you were taken by Kriqir? And why is she still here?”
“I believe a thank you is in order,” Sasha said, scowling back at the brooding rogue. “And a little tip of appreciation in gold never hurts for my efforts.”
“Sasha saved me,” Em explained. “This whole quest owes itself to her.”
“She wouldn’t let us go in after you!” Roden argued.
“Like I said, I work alone,” the dryad flashed a thin smile.
“I don’t like this.” Roden shook his head, arms crossed. “Not one bit. I still don’t trust you, Em—not after our conversation last night. And I certainly don’t trust this random girl.”
“Distrust is cliché,” Em retorted. “And I trusted you to join our group when we set out for the dragon mountain, which, until then, you were also just a random guy. If you don’t like my choices, you can leave. But this is my story, and we are going to do things my way.”
“All you’ve done so far is lose the Heir Trials and get yourself kidnapped,” Roden snapped back. “And bring some stranger into our secret mission.”
“She’s not a stranger,” Em said. “I hired her from the guild.”
“Oh, because that’s so much better,” Roden growled.
“I’m in charge, Roden. Deal with it,” Em balled her hands, standing on her tiptoes to meet his sharp gaze. “It’s perfectly possible to have multiple women in the same party. I’m not about the stand for the single-girl syndrome trope. I can have whoever I want as my Side Characters.”
“Yeah!” Polo raised a fist to the sky. “Girl power! Nothing’s hotter than when the girls take the lead.”
Roden just growled again under his breath but averted his glare.
“I don’t want to hear another word against Em from any of you,” Faylorn snapped at the others.
Gair and Polo frowned like they wanted to blurt out their innocence.
“She’s the Chosen One. If the prophecy is to be fulfilled, Em must lead as the Almighty Queen of Stars, Princess of the White Rose Valley, and Heir to the Cursed-But-Once-Uncursed-Tower.
She has faced Kriqir the Living alone and escaped, thanks to Sasha. You should respect her bravery.”
“I like this guy,” Sasha said.
Em’s face warmed, and she squirmed. Her mind spun with Roden’s outburst. If she were to save this shitty plotline, she’d have to get his trust back.
The stereotypical loser in a love triangle sometimes turned evil or betrayed their Main Character.
He’d been through a lot as it was, so she couldn’t allow him to fall into becoming an antagonist.
“Now, as we planned this morning, we are going to Brolzross’ mountain,” Em cleared her throat to regain her dignity. “I want Roden and Sasha to come with me to wake the dragon…”
“Excuse me?” the half-elf practically exploded.
“Shut the hell up, Roden,” Em snapped at him, blood boiling. “If you can’t control yourself, then put your hand over your fucking mouth.”
“You promised the Musclewood Covert you wouldn’t wake Brolzross!” He disobeyed her.
“Well, I lied,” Em said. “I’m trying to be the hero this quest needs and make it worthwhile. So, if you’d kindly listen to the rest of my ideas, I might be able to surprise you in a manner worthy of your stupid worship.”
“You’re insane,” Roden growled.
“I sure aspire to be,” Em sniffed. “And I’m going to do this as chaotically and obnoxiously as I want. We need some damn originality in this shitty plotline.”
“I hope you’re planning on adding any dragon injuries to my compensation,” Sasha said, picking at her manicured fingernails indifferently.
“I will, but no one’s getting hurt,” Em assured.
“What do you propose?” Gair asked.
“Roden, Sasha, and I will wake the dragon. Gair, I want you to shoot Brolzross down when he leaves the mountain,” Em went on. “Polo will then sneak in to fetch the relic.”
“But the prophecy…” Faylorn tried to say.
“Nope,” Em cut the wizard off. “I want us all to be a part of this.”
“And what about Faylorn?” Roden scowled so hard the veins along his muscular neck bulged. “I noticed you adeptly left him out of this crazy plan.”
“I can’t have anyone die,” Em said. “The prophecy has already marked Faylorn for death, so if we bring him with us, he’ll likely be killed by Brolzross.
I don’t care that he’s willing to die for this questline; I’m not having it.
So instead, he can warn the nearby towns and cities of our attempt to awaken the dragon in case something goes haywire.
The goal is that no one is hurt and no one dies. ”
“You can’t save everyone, sweetheart,” Sasha said. “The Great Authors aren’t satisfied with tension without bloodshed.”
Facts.
“Well, I’ll damn well try my hardest to do everything I can to prevent it,” Em replied.
“Brolzross the Nocturnal resides in the Doomed Mountain. It lies on the outskirts of Tolk-Town and the GRRM Realm,” Faylorn contemplated. “I admire your ambition to protect them, so I will do as you ask—although I’m not thrilled at you trying to disrupt this very sacred prophecy.”
“Everyone in the GRRM Realm is too busy banging each other to care,” Sasha grinned. “Trust me, those nobles have a weird thing for incest and monster-kinks.”
“Sounds like a good time to me,” Polo said.
Em wrinkled her nose.
“No one has ever killed a dragon in this part of Novella,” Gair spoke up.
“How would you know?” Em asked, annoyed at all the interruptions and doubt.
“It’s the reason why Brolzross the Nocturnal chose to live near Tolk-Town,” Gair said. “None of the imps or halfings are brave or fast enough to be able to kill him. His scales are too strong.”
“You’re a dragon mutant, right?” She sighed.
“Yeah?
“What perks does it include for you, Gair?”
“Well…” He rubbed his scaled neck. “Smoke and fire don’t affect me…”
“So, if Brolzross launched a fireball at you, you’d be safe?”
“Yeah.”
Em snapped her fingers at him. “And that’s exactly why you’re going to shoot him from the sky and not me. Once he’s dead, the Wood Elves won’t even need to care that we woke him up either.”
“Yeah, I think this might just work.” Gair crossed his arms and nodded. “Some dragon species let off brain waves that only mutants or other dragons can detect, almost as a warning signal when they’re going to land. If I’m close enough, I could intercept those signals.”
Em blinked. “I didn’t know that.”
“Hey, gotta learn something new every day.” Gair shrugged.
“That’s what I want to hear, something new!” Sasha gave him a fist-bump. “Well done, bestie!”
“What about Polo?” Roden demanded. “You really trust an imp to retrieve the relic?”
“Racist,” Polo pouted.
“He’s the smallest, quickest, and most athletic,” Em said. “Can you do a cartwheel successfully underfoot of a parade of Elves? No? I didn’t think so. He’s also the most loyal to me, so I don’t doubt him bringing the relic back.”
“I’ll give you anything you ever want, Highness!” Polo exclaimed. “Even if it’s my left nut.
“Um…” Em cringed. “No. Thanks.”
She turned to Roden, sucking in a deep breath to brace herself for his doubts.
“Should anything happen to delay Gair’s shot, I need you to keep Destiny’s Song handy.
The best swordsman in our group should use the best sword.
It may catch Brolzross’ eye and make him think I lied about being the Chosen One. ”
“That’d be suicide for you, princess!” Roden exclaimed. “You’ll have nothing to protect yourself with!”
“I’m a Main Character,” Em grinned. “I can’t die.”
“According to the prophecy, only someone who wields Destiny’s Song, Reaver of Diligence, can steal the relic of Brolzross the Nocturnal,” Faylorn argued.
“I’ve used it a few times,” Em waved his words away. “Which means I’ve wielded it. The prophecy doesn’t say I absolutely need the sword to get the relic. If Roden has it, there’s a backup option to killing the dragon once he’s out of the lair…”
“Yeah, we’ve seen your combat skills,” Roden said. “You suck.”
“Exactly.”
“The dragon won’t expect a second Chosen One,” Sasha added. “It’ll give Gair a sure shot at the monster.”
“I gotta admit it to you—” Roden crossed his arms, smirking. “This sounds like a solid plan, princess.”
Finally. Em accepted a small vial of healing potion from Gair, a bright blue sticky-sweet concoction she had to choke down.
The syrup sent a surge of energy back into her exhausted body, soothing the ache in her head and the nausea in her gut.
As the others hurried and gathered their belongings into their inventories, she took a moment to catch her breath.
Once I defeat this damned dragon, I can put a quick end to this story.
How she intended to give the cliché quest an original ending, she had yet to plan, but she assumed the right feeling would arise in the moment.
After all, her Main Character’s Guidebook to Plots and Tropes encouraged spontaneity to preserve an aura of originality.
Couldn’t plan the entire plot too quickly, or she might miss more opportunities for originality.
“Let’s get this quest going!” Polo whooped as they began to hike through the foggy woods. “We don’t want to wait around all day and rot with Kriqir’s minions.”
“After all, we’ve got a dragon to kill,” Gair added, following the skipping imp.
“And a world to save,” Faylorn added, adjusting his wizardly hat.
“And a Chosen Queen to crown.” Roden shot Em a glare.
“And an Author to outwit,” Sasha whispered to Em as she slipped after the others.
And tropes to fight. Em trailed after her team, for once not dreading their company.