Chapter 30 Revision #2
Em moaned and covered her face in her hands. She was exhausted from the Dinniman Dungeon still, thirsty as anything, and tired of being cold. She tuned out the session around her as the other wards gave half-hearted advice to the clearly uninterested couple.
Who would want to be stuck in a shitty Fated Mates relationship anyway? It was so cliché. She didn’t blame the Elf or werewolf one bit for losing their spark.
Blanket Blob interrupted the various brainstorming ping-ponging aimlessly about the circle about how to restore a bland relationship.
It forced Em back into focus. “Very well. You all have posed many good ideas for our couple to experiment with. Let’s circle back to this in tomorrow’s session.
Now, to address our trio in the room. Our failed Love Triangle… ”
Em flinched as Gair’s and Roden’s faces filled her mind.
A trio of odd species perked upright close to her: a harpy, an orc, and a human male, who somehow had an untouched deli sandwich in his lap.
Their eyes darted between each other, sharing blushes as they fidgeted in their chairs.
Awkward uncertainty hung amongst them until the human cleared his throat.
“Um, yes, well.” He shrank into his chair as the other two glared daggers into him.
“We started as a polyamorous harem, but then we fell apart. Now we’re just an awkward friend group with bland dynamics.
But our plot won’t let us separate, no matter how we try to move on.
Plus… I’ve found someone else.” He patted the sandwich on his lap.
“That’s food, Gerald. Not a lover,” the harpy croaked, her wing feathers rustling with her simmering anger.
“You don’t get to judge who I love, Marv!” Gerald snapped, clinging to the sandwich like it was his lifeline.
“Wait, is the sandwich alive?” Em’s interest rose. This was some insane, original, broken, and downright amusing shit. Maybe she should’ve come here sooner for the entertainment.
“No.” The orc snorted. “He just apparently has a meat kink that doesn’t include mine.”
“I said, don’t judge me!” Gerald screamed.
“How can we judge you when we can’t even understand you?” the harpy retorted.
“Very well,” Blanket Blob barely raised its smooth voice, cutting in before the failed love triangle became more heated.
Steam practically sizzled out of their red ears.
“Let’s not allow our differences to come between us and create an opportunity for division.
Our very own Ms. Smith has experience with Love Triangles, according to her database.
Would you like to give us some input on how you’ve tried to work through your Love Triangle as a questline adventurer, Em? ”
Em let out a weak, heartless chuckle. “No.” She curled into a tighter ball in her stiff chair, shivering. “I don’t want to think about it.”
“See?” Gerald exclaimed. “I wasn’t meant for a harem. I’m completely monogamous!”
“Except, Sir Gerald,” Blanket Blob said, “your plotline was written by your Great Author to belong in the genres of LGBTQ+ Romantasy. It is why you three hail from the GRRM Realm; you were selected to be featured in Adult books and must continue that path to preserve your title as Main Characters.”
“I don’t care about that anymore; I just want to be with Hammy.” Gerald scowled, hugging his precious sandwich.
“Well, we care!” Marv snapped back.
“Let’s work through those Wants-and-Needs charts tonight during our private sessions,” Blanket Blob interrupted again before the argument boiled over. “Then, we can reevaluate your goals as Main Characters and work toward proper revisions within your personal arcs.”
A few grumbles were the only reply to the decision.
Em bit back her smirk. She didn’t belong in this session.
She was way beyond these struggling Main Character’s development.
This was a complete waste of her time. She didn’t need rehab to fix herself; she was already working through that on her own.
She just needed more time to rewrite her shitty plot the way she wanted it to be. Even if her party didn’t approve of it.
“Very well. Let’s now focus on our failed Chosen One,” Blanket Blob said.
All eyes were set on her again.
Why am I nervous? Em shifted in her chair, knotting her fingers together in her lap. She sank a little deeper into her seat, her stomach faltering with a thousand butterflies.
“From what your records say, you have quite a unique history, Ms. Smith,” Blanket Blob said. “Usurping a Love Triangle, attempting to foil the results of an Heir Trials, trying to undo a Prophetic Mentor Death, hiring inadequate replacement Secondary Characters…”
The wards’ gazes widened with each sin the Blanket Blob revealed about her.
Except, the irony of it all almost made her grin.
She’d been a mess. A glorious chaotic plot twist.
Damn, fucking wonderfully original.
If sending her to rehab was her story’s attempt to undo all her rebellious actions against her prophecy, Em would indulge it.
“Care to explain your reasoning for these drastic actions, Ms. Smith?” Blanket Blob asked, pulling her back into reality. “Maybe explain to our fellow wards what led you to make these extreme decisions?”
Em hummed, chewing on her lip. “Not really.”
“It would seem you have developed sociopathic tendencies that have switched your development as a Main Character towards an unforgivable antagonistic arc,” Blanket Blob went on.
“But as a Chosen One, you cannot break your prophecy, or it will seek out to kill you, which would leave your plotline incomplete.”
Em just shrugged. If her story wanted to kill her, she didn’t care anymore. She’d fought too long and hard to achieve her dreams.
“Very well. Is there something this group session can do to help reset your mindset and open your eyes to realigning with your destiny?” Blanket Blob asked.
“I need my pen,” Em said.
“All personal belongings are not to be…”
She cut the Blanket Blob off. “Gerald’s got his sandwich lover.”
“As a Rehabilitation Center, Revision cannot deny any character access to needed treatment,” Blanket Blob said smoothly as if it were reciting a code of conduct. “According to the laws of his plot, the sandwich called Hammy is considered a proper character.”
“And Inky is a character,” Em interjected. Then she spun a lie so deep that no one could deny her. “And the pen contains my soul.”
Silence hung over the room, as if everyone were holding their breath.
“Your soul?” Blanket Blob wavered for half a second; the first sign that the formless figure was even alive. “There was no record of this in your data.”
“Well, it’s a secret.” Em shrugged, fighting to appear casual, hoping no one in the room could hear how hard her heart hammered inside her chest. “Wouldn’t want to give away my exposed weaknesses to the dark overlord in the tower now, would I?
We Chosen Ones need to make sure we try our best to stay alive, so the prophecy isn’t broken after all. ”
“Wonderful,” Blanket Blob’s tone lightened. “It would seem acknowledging your potential weakness of binding your soul to a pen has helped you recognize the importance of preserving your prophecy.”
“If you say so,” Em said.
“If I retrieve this Inky-pen for you, would you be willing to use it as a part of our group session so we can all discuss further ways to acknowledge and overcome the mental fear of possessing weaknesses?” Blanket Blob asked.
“Oh, absolutely.” Em didn’t bother to hide her smirk.
A curious, buzzing murmur rose amongst the other wards.
“Very well,” Blanket Blob said. With a fizzle and a glittery hot snap, the soft plumage of Inky lay in Em’s grasp. “You may use this as an opportunity to verbally process what this soul-bearing pen means to you.”
“You appear to be in some sort of institution,” Inky sang out to Em from her hands. I’m not sure how we were brought to here…”
“I need some paper!” Em exclaimed, earning more confused stares. Her cheeks warmed. “Please,” she added. “It will help me… um, access my soul better.”
“Very well,” Blanket Blob said.
Another fizzle and hot snap, a sheet of fresh, crisp paper appeared in Em’s lap.
Finally. Em pulled the paper as tight across her knee as possible, trying to create a flat space to write. Without a second thought, she wrote out the exact words needed to blow up the Revision Rehabilitation Center.