Chapter Eighteen
Asher
B ellamy quickly covered Henry’s eyes to hide my body, his annoyed huff somehow sounding menacing.
“Oh, please, like we have not had a naked female between us before.” Henry’s words earned him a smack to the back of the head, and then I was covered in shadows, the inky blackness turning heavy before my silver cloak met my skin. “Besides, I am sure I will have you both in my bed at some point in our lives. I am way too attractive to resist.”
This time it was me who reached up and slapped the back of the Sun’s head, causing him to lean forward with a grunt. He muttered something along the lines of “assholes” before standing up.
“Well, I am off to grovel at the feet of a bitchy mortal. When you dream of me naked tonight, little brat, remember that my cock is proportionate to my exceptionally large body.”
I burst into laughter at Henry’s words, which earned an angry growl from Bellamy—a muscle in his jaw ticking.
“Seeing as I am privy to how you look in skin-tight leather, I think it is safe to say there is nothing there that is of particular interest to me,” I teased, watching as his hand met his chest with his mouth agape in false horror. Bellamy was all too eager to chime in, speaking before Henry could respond.
“As Henry said, we are both intimately aware of what the other’s body looks like, and I can confirm that his size is just as unimpressive as his technique. The females had loads of complaints at the end.” With that, Henry rolled his eyes and stormed out, Bellamy and I laughing as he did.
We remained wrapped up in each other for a few moments before Bellamy forced me up to clean off. He led us to a bathing chamber, the yellow door matching the walls so perfectly that I had not noticed it before. The greens and yellows were nauseating, so I closed my eyes and let Bellamy take over—giggled when he tickled my feet after removing my shoes. As he washed me off, the two of us soaking in water he had conjured and heated, I drifted off into a rest far more peaceful than I deserved.
***
“I feel as though it should be considered taboo to only open your mind to me after you fuck that abomination.”
I felt the scream tear free of me before I heard it, the ear-splitting sound not so much as reverberating off of the nothingness.
I whipped my head back and forth, trying to gain my bearings. Truly, there is only so much a fae can take before they lose their mind, and I feared I was on the cusp as I frantically tried to understand where I was.
After a moment, my mind focused, and I realized that I was once more in that strange space I had dreamed of before. Which meant that the voice had been…
“Hello, Padon.”
A content sigh escaped him, as if there were no place more blissful than here.
I turned, facing the direction his voice had come from. He stood nearby in the endless space, which was once more both light and dark—nothing and everything. His outfit this time was more intricate, regal even. He wore all black, the long-sleeve shirt held together by gold buttons. The swirls of gold and silver that crawled up the tight-fitting trousers and shirt formed some sort of strange image I could not decipher. Atop his head, that purple hair still chopped messily, was the same sharp and jagged crown from last time.
“My name on your lips is even more delicious than I imagined.”
Ignoring the creature, I looked down, trying to assess what I was wearing. The same black slip, its silk shining in a light that was both there and not. “You could at least dress me in something less scandalous,” I said nonchalantly, my shoulders lifting into a shrug.
Padon chuckled, an eerie sound that seemed to dig into my bones. When his feet began moving, the space between us quickly closing, I realized just how menacing his presence truly was. Padon stopped in front of me, his height forcing me to tilt my head back. A smile lifted the corners of his mouth, chilling in its perfection. Watching as he reached a hand out to me, I noted the blue blush spreading quickly across his nearly translucent skin. His fingers were ice cold against my cheek, the drag of them across my face and over my ear so strangely familiar.
“I’m sorry this was done to you. You deserved better.” As he spoke, Padon seemed to trace the shape of a fae ear, fixing what was ruined.
I flinched away from the contact, needing space from him. Why did he bring me here? What did he want with me?
“You know what I want, Asher. Deep down, you know.” I wanted to rip my hair out at his insinuation—at the thought of one more creature trying to use me.
A toy, that was what I was. A thing to pass around and be played with until I no longer pleased my owner. How fitting, to be disposable in such a way when I could not seem to get rid of myself. Maybe I would get lucky and Padon would do it for me. Prevent the world from ending by simply ending me.
If only it were that easy.
“That’s quite the bleak turn your thoughts took. Is there a reason you’re so upset?” he inquired, one of his purple brows raising. His eyes were still a bright white as they assessed me, practically glowing. I began walking away from him, heading in no particular direction seeing as the never-ending space appeared to act as a sort of prison.
“Do you not already know? It seems like you have more access to the mind than I do.” At that, I froze, even my breathing halting momentarily. The mind. Padon had manipulation powers—magic—whatever it was, he had it too. “You are like me.”
That terrifying and infuriating laugh came again, the sound like a beacon, trying to grab me and pull me into him. I wanted to hate this creature, if only for the things he said about Bellamy.
“Unfortunately, I don’t have the same magic you do. What you possess is something else entirely. I can wait for you to open yourself to me, for your magic to call to me and then answer. The reason I know what you’re thinking is because you’re practically speaking those thoughts into my mind. You are in control here. Mostly.”
I shook my head, as if I could empty it of those words. I had not called to him. There was no way I could seek out what I did not know or understand.
“Perhaps if you spent less time stalking females who want nothing to do with you, then you would be able to come up with a more convincing lie.” It was an immature thing to say, like a youngling stomping their foot and insulting someone to get a rise from them. Even worse was that it only seemed to encourage the creature.
“You have such an addictive presence, has anyone ever told you that? I feel as if I could spend an eternity with you and it would still never be enough.” His cool breath hit my ear as he spoke, the feeling causing goosebumps to rise on my skin. “I fear that no food or water will ever satisfy me again now that I have tasted the air which you breathe.”
Scoffing at his obsessive behavior, I stepped away from his body, resisting the gravity of it that attempted to force me to him. He had far more control than he was willing to admit, and we both knew it.
“What do you want me for? A slave? A whore? Is that why you hate Bellamy so much?” My questions were pointed, full of building rage and dread that threatened to swallow me whole. Not that I would balk from living in a chasm of misery when my own mind seemed to be just as horrifying.
“You are no one’s whore. Don’t ever say that again.” The threat in his voice was obvious, a source of tension I had not realized was there before. Did he care about me? “Of course I do, you foolish female. I care more than any other living being, including your prince who you seem so set on loving. I can sense your apprehension with him, the lies you know he tells and the secrets you know he keeps. Despite that, you don’t even attempt to find answers. It’s a pity and a waste of your potential.”
Red-hot fury filled me, and suddenly, I was facing him, my fist swinging. But he dodged my blow easily, moving just out of reach before grabbing onto my hand. Without thinking about the consequences, I dove into his mind, seeking a foothold as I ripped my fingers out of his grasp. The walls there were strong, like gray bricks stacked on top of one another to prevent entry.
Only more aggravated now, I shoved him with both of my hands and stormed away. Stubbornness ate at my mind, leaving my breaths heavy and my vision swimming. Instead of continuing forward, I spun, quickly facing back towards Padon. His answering smile was playful, his eyes alight and hands in the pockets of his trousers.
“You know nothing about me or him. And what do you expect me to do?” I asked, readying for a fight. I did not even know who this male really was, and still, I was fearless as I closed the distance that I had been so desperate for before. We were toe-to-toe, neither of us so much as flinching at the contact.
“I expect you to use all of that magic you have been gifted. I expect you to take what you want rather than waiting for it to be given.”
For a moment, his eyes flicked down to my lips, but just as quickly, they were up once more, boring into mine. I wanted to gouge them from the sockets. I wanted to show him how powerful I could be.
“He has mental walls as strong as yours!”
“Then break them.” A shrug and an eye roll, then he was still again. As if it were that easy.
“I cannot do that to him—I will not do that to him. I love him.” Why was I telling him this? Why was I entertaining him?
My words, or maybe my thoughts, finally ruffled him. He bristled, white eyes a burning inferno. The fear that I had not felt before engulfed me. I backed up, but Padon followed, matching each of my steps. Reaching out, he grabbed either side of my face, his hands so large they seemed to cradle my entire head.
“Then break him.” I froze, not ready to accept that this creature, whatever he was, meant every threat he wished upon Bellamy. Upon the love of my life. “Loving a mortal is pointless. All it will bring you is heartache.”
None of his words made sense, now more than ever. My mind felt like a cyclone of emotions—all of the feelings I tried so hard to hold back fighting their way to the surface. My head shook of its own accord, denying the male’s words.
“He is not mortal. We are not.”
“Slow aging isn’t the same as undying, my love. They are a watered-down version of what a true immortal is. You, I can make more . I can give you strength beyond your wildest imagination. With my help you will never die, never fall. That thing tells you that he will burn the world for you? Well I will end it with a mere flick of my wrist. For you, I will destroy all of those beings who hated, judged, and belittled you. Any place full of creatures who see you as a monster rather than the salvation you are deserves the doom I will wreak upon it.”
“Gods! Why do all of you think I need the world to be ended for me? Why do you think that I want that? There is no reality in which I wish doom upon a world full of innocents. All you both want is to spare me, but I cannot be spared! I am a monster. The only ones who need sparing are those I endanger. How do you not see that?”
“You are not. All who have made you believe so shall find themselves suffering slow and painful deaths.” Again, a shrug. Whatever he was offering, the delusional male thought he could make good on it.
“Oh, so you will just murder all of my enemies?” I asked sarcastically, the burning cold of his fingers stinging as I attempted to break free of his grasp.
“Do you want me to?” His face drew closer, his desire for not only me but death as well, apparent. It radiated off of him in waves, pressing into my skin and igniting that bloodlust I so desperately tried to hide.
There was a hidden meaning to his question, and I knew that, if I told him yes, he would go farther than just my enemies. Without a shadow of a doubt, I knew Bellamy’s body would lay at my feet if I allowed this creature any free rein.
“No. I do not believe you would stop at two fae royals.” A smile lifted his cheeks, not quite meeting his eyes. Both thumbs slid back and forth across my skin, the casual touch seeming absentminded.
One day I would cut those thumbs off and shove them up his ass.
“Good girl.” With that, he leaned in and placed a gentle kiss to my lips. Faster than before, I attacked, this time opting to lift my knee into his groin and hoping it hurt him just as badly as it had hurt Sterling. Though touching him felt odd in this place—far away and distant.
Satisfaction filled my chest when he released me with a grunt of pain, bending over at the waist. I knelt, bringing my mouth to his ear. “I am no mere girl. Mortal girls are weaker and quick to die. If I were so small, the world that rests upon my shoulders would have crushed me long ago.”
When I stood, so did Padon, his throaty chuckles filling the space—his mind, apparently. “That is a good thing, Asher.”
“One might think so, but the mortals live a different way.” How could I explain what I had learned in such a brief time within the Mortal Realm? “They love harder and move faster, desperately seeking success. Their time is limited in ways I cannot fathom, so they are braver and kinder. Forgetting and forgiving is practically second nature to them because they cannot waste what little life they have. I envy them that. But if I wish to save Alemthian, then I must be more .”
And maybe, when I become more, I will be able to dig out the self-hatred that had been buried inside of me. Perhaps when I save Alemthian, I will finally feel as if I deserve to walk upon its soil. If I am lucky, that future will exist and I will live.
“It’s far easier to destroy than it is to mend. Take my hand, Asher, and we can start over. Together we can rebuild that world into something far more fit for you.” With that, he reached out said hand, which I promptly ignored in favor of a scowl.
“What world are you from, if not this one? Will you tell me that?” I watched as his hand fell, stretching out at his side before closing into a fist. A glare that would likely bring anyone not as stupid as me to tears was leveled my way.
“No. Figure that out on your own. If you want answers, then find them. Stop waiting for someone to give what you can take.” Padon crossed his arms, the muscles beneath straining against the black and gold sleeves.
Showoff.
“Does keeping things from me not make you just like the male you so often criticize?” Circling him, I smiled, knowing that he would have to follow my movements if he wanted to maintain his oh-so-threatening gaze. He wanted to play games? Then I would set the rules. Padon began to spin right along with me, as though he was ready to follow them.
“Trusting that you are strong enough to get what you want isn’t the same as lying to you in hopes you never discover the truth.”
Fair enough.
“Will you at least tell me what you are? Or do I have to figure that out by myself as well?”
Padon came to me with a speed too fast to track, cutting off my path and snatching my hand. “Let me show you.”
With that, the area around us changed, morphing into something real and tangible. We stood in a throne room of sorts. The marble floors below our feet shone back a morphed reflection of us, the matching gray walls and vaulted ceilings making the room seem endless. Crystal chandeliers hung from the ceiling, each boasting multiple tiers and burning candles. Through the wall of towering windows to my left, a bright blue-green hue tinted the sky. Violent and ground-shaking screeches sounded from somewhere beyond, mixing with what could only be described as beating wings.
My eyes flicked over to the imposing gray throne on the far wall. It was atop a storm-colored dais, the stairs leading up to it the same shining marble as the floors. Padon appeared then, materializing on the throne with all the comfort of a long-standing ruler.
“I am an emperor, a conqueror of worlds. Just as you will be.” With a snap of his fingers, a second, identical throne popped into existence beside his. I gasped as I felt a strange tingle across my skin. Looking down, I watched the black slip morph into something new.
Dark branches and leaves snaked up my body, the design so impossibly similar to a tree that my jaw went slack. Sections remained missing, exposing my light brown flesh below in far too many places. Sheer black sleeves suddenly began to cover my arms, the wispy and flowing fabric adorned with diamonds in a similar way to how my red dress had been.
“That’s why others seek you out. They sense that greatness within you. Despite the way they fear it, they also desire it. As you can see, I have all the magic I need, so I don’t covet you for the same reasons they do. All I want is you . No one else will ever do that, not even your precious prince. If not me, then you risk a life of loneliness and mediocrity.”
A single blink, and then I was beside him, sitting on that matching throne. He reached up, grabbing onto his crown and pulling it off. As he placed the symbol of his reign atop my head, he whispered something that made my teeth grind.
“There is no limit to what I can give you, Asher. All I ask is that you love me.”
He would not manipulate me. There was no longer time for me to wallow and let others use that as a weapon. I would turn that sadness and fear and self-hatred into anger. I would let my fury burn as hot as the sun, allowing it to consume and scorch and scar me.
Shooting up from my seat, I whirled on him, hoping that every ounce of the wicked thing within me was finding its way to the forefront—ready to bear its teeth and flash its claws.
“I will not be your anything . I am no one’s but my own, and I will not be used ever again. If they think me evil, then let them.”
When I lifted my hands, quickly slashing them out in a downward strike, the image around us crumbled. Padon had only a moment to shout my name before the dream was over, and suddenly, I was letting out a piercing scream of terror and fury, the yellow and green room in Jore back once more.
Bellamy sat beside me, his eyes full of emotions I could not read after giving so much of my power to the dream. Magic—that was what Padon had called it. And he was not the only one.
The prince’s hand was hovering in the air, as if he were unsure whether or not he could touch me. Scooting away from him, I breathed deeply and tried to focus my mind.
My whole body shook, the weight of my dream and Padon’s determination and the universe itself bearing down on my chest. The endless burden of it tried to crush my heart, my spirit, my soul . I felt it there, but I was stronger than I knew, and perhaps I could fight.
Magic or not, it was time to stop holding back. Soon everyone would know what it was like to witness the wrath of a desperate and angry princess.
I was coming for any who stood in my way, and no amount of preparation would save them now.