Of Sinners & Salvation (Fallen Gods of Thorncrown Universit #4)

Chapter 1

one

The Saint

The world comes crashing down around me.

Heath is dying. Mercy is gone. Angel can’t look at me.

I turn to the one person who has been there for me for the past three years and then some, steady as a father, comforting as a mother, helpful as a therapist, forgiving as a god.

He finds me on his porch in the morning, a lost lamb, rejected from the herd, seeking shelter.

“Come in.”

That’s all he says as he holds the door open. I clamber to my feet, my muscles stiff, my bones cracking under the weight of my guilt.

I step inside, cradling Dr. Jekyll and Mercy’s teddy bear in my arms.

“You’re here,” I say in relief.

“Yes,” says Dante, removing his glasses and rubbing the lenses with the hem of his athletic shirt. “Why are you here if you didn’t expect to find me?”

I take it as a good sign that they didn’t call a priest. That means he’s not dying. He’ll be okay. I tell myself that because I have to.

“I thought you might be at the hospital,” I mumble aloud.

He replaces his glasses and fixes that calming gaze on me. “Why would I be there?”

“Heath—” I break off, my throat closing like a fist. But only a pussy can’t get his words out.

I have to be a man. That’s what my father would expect.

A man communicates even when it’s tough, provides for his family, leads by example.

So I force the words through the iron knot clenched painfully around my voice box. “Heath hurt himself. It’s pretty bad.”

“How bad?” he asks, concern etching his brow.

“I don’t know,” I admit. “They didn’t let us see him last night. I went to Mercy’s, and—she’s gone.”

My words choke off again, and Father Salvatore draws me into an embrace. The cat doesn’t like that, and he squirms free and drops to the floor. Dante doesn’t let go. When I’ve gotten myself together, he releases me. “Where’s Mercy?”

I shake my head. “Someone took her.”

He draws a slow, deep breath. “Who would take Mercy?”

“I don’t know,” I say again. “The Skull and Crossbones, I think. She’s been poking around.”

His jaw tightens, but he just nods. “I know.”

“She thought their leader took Eternity.”

He nods. “Stay here today. Make yourself comfortable. You look like you could use some sleep. I’ll see what I can find out.”

When he’s gone, I lay down on the couch. Dr. Jekyll stalks over and meows at me, his tone accusatory and demanding. I throw an arm over my eyes and try to block out the world.

I can’t sleep, though.

Mercy is out there.

Gone like Eternity.

In two weeks or a month, will they draw a headless body from the river, say it’s her, and call it over? Case closed, boys guilty, girl gone.

We should have asked more questions, pushed harder for answers. We should have known it could happen again.

But then, we were sixteen, and we were in juvie, and what could we do?

Dad said the law would prevail, that it would find the truth.

And then he didn’t like the truth it found because it cast a bad light on his son and therefore his family, so he rewrote the rules, and then I was out, and the other two were still in there, and I started to question everything.

But I didn’t question that she was dead.

It was Heath who didn’t believe it. “If she was dead, I would know.”

That’s what he said.

Angel helped him push for answers when they got out, but by then, it was too late. It had been years. She was gone. Her family was broken. And Frederick, the head of the Skull and Crossbones, said the court had it right. She was dead, we were guilty, he had no more answers for us.

I sit up and pick up my phone and call the one person I try never to talk to.

“Son,” he says, sounding mildly surprised. “It must be the middle of the night there. Shouldn’t you be sleeping?”

He knows it’s not. Wherever he is, he knows what time it is back home. He has calls and meetings over video and emails to send.

“Not really,” I say. “It’s morning, Dad.”

There’s a silence, and I wonder why he’s acting so strange, if someone called Mom and he already knows.

But then I hear a faint voice behind him, a woman, and I know it’s only because he thinks I don’t know that even though he travels for business, there’s always pleasure waiting at the international hotels.

He thinks Mom doesn’t know, and that I might tell her, and she might dare to do something that would reflect badly on the Soules name in the church.

Like leave.

Of course she won’t. She believes the same shit he does—that if a man goes to confession and asks forgiveness for his sins, God will grant it; and if God can forgive any transgression, then surely someone as lowly and inconsequential as a woman can do the same.

That’s what a humble, godly woman does. And if for some reason she can’t, that’s a fault in her, not him, and she should look inside and pray for God’s forgiveness for her sin of pride.

“Is everything alright, son?” Dad asks. “You didn’t get in any trouble at school, did you?”

“No,” I say, scowling at the realization that he knows I wouldn’t call unless I needed something.

I know he’d do anything to protect his good name, that he’ll always throw money at a problem to make it go away, and he knows that.

That’s how he shows up for me, shows he’s proud. After all, I’m his only son.

I guess we’re both assholes.

“I need help finding someone,” I say. “It’s Mercy.”

There’s a long silence on the other end of the line. We don’t talk about Mercy, the girl they threw away.

The girl we all threw away.

I don’t get to claim innocence there. I abandoned her every bit as much as they did. Even more so. She may have wanted their approval, but she needed mine. She may have made her choice back then, but I made mine too. I was happy to be rid of her.

I won’t let her go again.

“Mercy’s not a part of this family anymore,” Dad says at last.

I swallow hard. No one stands up to Dad. He is the leader, not by example but by his iron will. Defying him is something that isn’t done in our family. He never hit us. He never had to. We always just followed orders because that was the only option.

But I’m done respecting a man who never earned it, just because his book told me to.

“She’s part of mine,” I say quietly.

“I don’t know what to say, son,” he says, like it’s all inconsequential, like he doesn’t even notice that I argued. He’s so used to being obeyed that it probably hasn’t sunk in yet. “I haven’t heard from her.”

“I know that,” I say. “I’m telling you, she’s missing. Like Eternity.”

“What do you expect me to do about it?” he asks, not angry, just matter of fact. “I’m in Ibiza on business right now, and even if I wasn’t, I don’t know anything about it. I’m sure the police will handle it, if there’s anything to be concerned about.”

“What good are all those important connections you always talk about if they can’t help us when we need it?” I ask. “I know you know people.”

“Wherever she is, she’s probably just run off for attention,” Dad says. “You know how girls are. Give her some time to cool down and come around. I’m sure she’ll turn up when she comes to her senses.”

“Please,” I grit out, hating that I have to beg for him to give a shit about his own fucking daughter.

Then again, he stopped thinking of her that way when he gave her to our aunt.

She wasn’t perfect, and she made us look bad—made me look bad.

And we couldn’t have that. I was his only son, his shining star on the football field, his prized possession.

“Listen, I’ve got to go,” he says. “We’ll have dinner when I get back, catch up. We can discuss it then. I bet you anything, there will be nothing to discuss by then. These things have a way of working themselves out.”

I slam my phone down on the coffee table so hard a jagged spiderweb appears from the impact, the glass surface splintering with cracks. Dr. Jekyll hops onto the arm of the couch and perches there, staring at me with round, startled eyes.

“I’m worried too, buddy,” I say, patting the couch. He slinks down, and I hold him to my chest, petting his head.

Mercy wanted to go to Frederick, but Angel wouldn’t let her.

She must be there now.

I want to pick up the phone and call the police like Dad said. That’s what you do when someone is missing, when something goes wrong.

But Angel told me not to last night, and after what I did, I can’t go against his wishes. She’s my sister, but she’s his girlfriend. And I sent her away in tears, to walk across campus at night, alone and heartbroken. This is my fault.

I have to figure it out.

I set Jekyll down and head out. I go back to the boys dorm and bang on Nate Swift’s door until my fist is sore, but he never answers. He must be in class.

When I leave, though, I remember it’s Saturday.

I crisscross the campus searching for him in all the places I think he might be—the library, the computer lab, the study areas—and then the ones I don’t expect to find him—the gym, the football field and hockey rink, the locker rooms. By evening, I’ve searched every inch of campus, but there’s no more sign of him than there is Mercy.

Maybe this is my punishment. Not just for letting her go last night, but for what we did.

I picture her face, the pain and determination on it as she pulled aside her panties and bared her sloppy cunt, still dripping with our cum, and slid it down over my cock until I was sheathed fully inside her tightness.

The whimpers and moans she let out as I slammed into her raw pussy, even as she refused to speak the words I dared her to say—no, stop, I don’t want this.

Because she did want it. She couldn’t tell me no because she’s always wanted it, for as long as I have.