epilogue #2
“I don’t think I was cut out for the cloth,” the father says, picking up his glasses from where he set them when they got too steamy from all our sweaty bodies being heaped onto the two twin beds.
“You have given me the greatest gift, the gift to be a god to someone as pure and holy as you are. That’s all I want now. ”
He finished out the semester after we returned, but he says his heart isn’t in the right place anymore. I get a little thrill knowing that’s because it belongs to me now, not God.
“Well, you saved one lost lamb,” I say, smiling at him and rubbing my foot against his. “Or four.”
“Thank you,” he says, smiling back.
“And you’re okay with this?” I ask Angel, stroking my fingers over his tattoos.
“More than okay,” he says, cuddling me tighter against him. Our legs are all in a tangle, but no one bothers to separate them.
“You don’t mind me being with other guys?” I ask. “Even though I was your girlfriend first?”
“But you’re not my girlfriend now,” he says. “You’re our girlfriend.”
“I love you,” I blurt, my voice full of emotion. “I love all of you.”
“And you don’t mind this?” Heath asks from my other side, where he’s laying with his head on Saint’s shoulder. “That we’re together too?”
“Why would I mind?” I ask. “I know you’ve all loved each other all your lives, just like I’ve loved you all my life.”
“That’s true,” Saint says, running his fingers through Heath’s hair.
“I mean, it seems only fair, if you’re fucking four guys, that I can fuck one,” Heath teases, leaning in to kiss me. Then he turns to the other side and kisses Saint. I lean in and kiss Angel.
“And you?” I turn to Heath when we’re both done with our kiss. “You’re okay with this? With not having all of me?”
“I have all of you,” he says. “Just like you have all of me, and so does Saint. You don’t have to cut yourself into pieces to be loved.”
My throat tightens with joy at his words, how well he understands me. How well he always did.
“Yeah,” Angel says. “You’re not a pie. You having enough love for them doesn’t mean you have less for me.”
“I don’t have less,” I say, my eyes welling with tears. “I have more. More for all of you.”
Heath leans in and plants a gentle kiss on my forehead. “I love all of you, and you love all of me, and all of them. Just like we all do.”
“Saint?” I turn to my brother, my heart pounding. We’ve been living together for a month, and once in a while, he still struggles to share me. “How do you feel about this?”
“I always chose you,” he says. “When we were kids, I always picked you. I always will. Nothing has changed.”
I wipe away a tear and lay back on Angel and Heath’s arms. “I just can’t believe I’m this lucky, that I can have this much love in my life. What did I do to deserve this?”
“You don’t have to do anything to deserve love,” Father Salvatore says. “You were born worthy.”
I nod, trying to accept that. I guess I still have my own struggles too.
But I’ve found a family, one I want to be part of forever, and one who wants me.
We’re moving into our own place, and we’ll be together in every sense of the word.
Not just with Saint, who I’ve lived with most of our lives, but all five of us.
“Love isn’t about restriction, lamb,” Father says. “You can have more than one soul mate. Why break their hearts and just choose one? You’d never hurt your soulmates.”
“Just like I’d never want to hurt you by keeping you to myself,” Angel says. “And I’d never want to hurt them by denying them the girl they love.”
“Thank you,” I say, my heart filled with so much love it’s glowing. “You’re the best family a girl could have.”
“The best any of us could ask for,” Saint agrees.
“You’re our family too,” Angel says firmly. “Brothers, like we’ve always been. If and when you want to tell your parents about this… Whatever the outcome. We’ll be here, no matter what.”
“Exactly,” I say. “They’re your parents, but we’re your family, Saint.”
Heath nods. “Just because it started at a Catholic school, that doesn’t mean it has to be traditional.”
“And, for better or worse, anyone who’s part of my family gets my whole family,” Angel says. “So you just got yourself a big-ass Colombian gang at your back. Anyone fucks with you, we’ll fuck them up.”
“You even have a Father if your dad is a dick,” Heath says. “Daddy Dante.”
“And a sister,” Saint says. “Eternity is a sister to all of us now.”
I’m grateful for his reassurance, especially after what happened with Ronique.
It’s nice to know he only sees Eternity as a friend now, the way I do.
That he was just trying to make me jealous that day on the beach, and it wasn’t about her.
Maybe it makes me a sinner, but I’m secretly glad every time I hear him disparage our parents for me.
For what they did. I don’t need their approval anymore, don’t crave their acceptance.
I have my own family now, one that loves and accepts every member, just as we are.
“I still can’t believe she didn’t come home,” I say wistfully. “She’s the only thing missing. I know it wouldn’t be the same as before, but still…”
“She will,” Heath assures me. “She said she had some business up there to finish first.”
“What business could she have there?” I ask. “You said she’d only been off the island a year.”
“And look at all the funny business we got up to in less than a year,” Angel points out. “A lot can happen in that time.”
“It’s not like we can’t talk to her before then,” Heath says. “You can text her any time, and Mom and Dad flew up to see her with me once already. I even saw them holding hands on the way back to the airport afterwards.”
Angel snorts. “Holding hands? You must have been shaken to the core.”
“Shut up,” Heath says. “It’s a big deal.”
“I hope you weren’t too traumatized,” Angel says, rolling his eyes. “Try growing up in a house where your dad had to buy a new bedframe for your mom every year on their anniversary because they could never find one that could withstand more than a year of their abuse.”
“Ladies and gentlemen, my sister,” Heath says, repeating Saint’s words from earlier with a wry shake of his head.
Sometimes I forget that Ms. Scarlet is his half-sister, since she’s our parents’ age.
“Don’t worry about E,” Angel says, planting a kiss on my head. “We’ll see her all the time when she comes home. She’s just not quite ready yet.”
“But why?” I insist.
“Maybe it’s a mental thing,” Saint says. “Like when you psyche yourself out at a game because the other team is undefeated. You make it this huge deal in your head that you can’t win. She’ll see us all the time, and it will bring back so many memories. Maybe she’s not ready to deal with that yet.”
“Yeah, I think that’s it,” Heath says. “She has to remember who she was before, and deal with all our expectations. Plus, this is where she was taken. The Disciples are still here. What if she sees one and freaks out or something?”
“Yeah, I guess,” I say. “That last day here probably haunts her like it does all of us.”
“That will never change,” Heath says quietly. “We’ll have to deal with a lot of our own shit when she comes back. Seeing her, and how she’s changed, and our own guilt for the part we played…”
I remember how standoffish she was on the beach when I hugged her, how she didn’t want to talk much. How I ran off in a jealous fit because Saint was being all sweet to her. Maybe these few months to get used to the idea of her coming back will be good for all of us.
I have to remind myself that my brother only acted like that to make me mad, though. He doesn’t want her anymore, if he ever did. He always wanted me. That thought settles like a precious seed inside me.
“I have an unrelated question,” I say slowly.
“If you’re going to ask what happened to your clogs, they’re gone forever,” Heath says. “And if you buy a new pair, I’ll burn them.”
I laugh and shake my head. “Not that. Who put an IUD inside me?”
There’s a moment of silence, and then Saint speaks. “I had it put in. It has a tracker in it.”
“You’ve been following me?” I ask. “For how long?”
“For long enough to save you from Diablo’s Disciples,” Angel says. “You’re welcome.”
“You suck. You all suck.”
“I love sucking your pussy,” he says, his cock starting to stir again. I push against it, and he murmurs in her ear, “Mercy Soules. You’re my favorite sin.”
“Not sure how this is a sin,” Heath says, dipping his finger into my well-used entrance and dragging it out. It’s dripping with their cum, and he pops it into his mouth and sucks it off before grinning. “Tastes like the gateway to heaven to me.”
“I think I need a reminder,” Angel says, sliding down the bed. “Ready for round… How many times did we make you cum? I’ve lost track.”
“Eight,” Father Salvatore says.
“We could go for the record,” I say.
A low growl of approval rumbles from Father Salvatore.
“So shameless,” he says in that voice of smoke and velvet that seduced me from the very first day I heard it.
Before we can get started, a knock sounds at the door.
We all look around at each other, wondering who it could be.
Finally Angel untangles himself and jumps up, pulling on his pants as he goes.
The rest of us pull the sheets up over us.
Angel swings open the door, revealing Walker Delacroix on his doorstep.
He shoves a folded paper into Angel’s hand, turns on his heel, and is gone.
“What’s that?” I ask.
Angel unfolds the paper, a frown creasing his brow as he reads. “Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil.”
“What does that mean?”
“It’s a warning.”
“A warning? Of what?”
“We got you back, and we might have saved a bunch of kids on that island, but the Disciples are still here,” he says, closing the door and locking it behind him. “And it sounds like the Sinners are pissed.”
Thank you for reading The Confessions of Mercy Soules.