Chapter 41 Ruby
RUBY
Ciaran
Seraphina needed to sleep for a long time.
It had been days since either of us had truly rested—the events since the masquerade robbing us both of any chance for sleep.
I hadn’t depleted my magic in the same way, though.
She was at the point where if she didn’t lie down to rest, she would have passed out where she stood.
So, once she was clean, wrapped in the grey flannel sheets in my bed, in that tiny apartment we had both called home for the past months, I left. I had to go fulfill my duties to the City Beneath Lutesse, as much as it broke my heart to leave her side.
These were my people, and they had been brutally attacked.
They needed me to appear strong and unafraid, even though I was a broken mess inside.
So I spoke to as many people as I could, reassuring them that we were safe—that the intruders were dead.
That no one would be persecuting them any time soon.
I was trying to convince myself as much as I was convincing any of them.
The viscount’s attack had rocked me to my core.
It was more than our bloody, violent history or the intrusion on our city; it was the possibility that someone with our abilities could turn on their own people.
That there could be someone out there who hated themselves so much that they were willing to hurt others in the name of something “righteous.” It made me sick.
My history with the viscount wasn’t something I ever talked about.
I was reminded of the indelible mark he’d left on my life every time I looked in the mirror.
That night in Montmartre, when I had seen Seraphina at his table.
.. I wanted to storm up to them and tear her away.
To tell her to stay away from that man and anyone who had anything to do with him.
Instead, I had ended up on the rooftop trying to settle my nerves.
How ironic, that fate had brought us together that night…
I was no saint, and I had done so many questionable things. I had done things that I wish I could take back. But I could never do something so hateful as what the viscount did. And when I saw Seraphina trapped in his thrall? I nearly lost control of everything.
I should have murdered them all on the spot before I let him take one more step.
The fact that I hadn’t would haunt me for a very long time.
I had made so many mistakes. Done so many fucking stupid things.
All I could do was pray to the Goddess that Seraphina forgave me for them.
I would spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to her.
Because until that first moment I had spotted her in Montmartre, I didn’t believe in fate.
There was no invisible force that brought me to any one place at any specific time.
I didn’t believe in much at all. But then I saw her.
The way she twisted her hair around a graceful finger.
The way her lips tilted into a coy, playful smile, her other hand gripping a delicate crystal coupe.
The rush that hit me in the chest. Her dark, sensuous grin—a knowing grin.
None of it directed at me… In that club, that night, that city…
I was invisible. A phantom. She was a song.
A song I didn’t even know I needed to hear. Until that moment.
I first noticed her weeks before she showed up in the club with Seff.
Before she burst onto that rooftop and into my marrow.
She was there with La Carlotta. And while everyone was busy fawning over Carlotta, I was mesmerized by her.
Her beauty was not saccharine—not flowers and ruffles and tulle.
Instead, she conjured images of still water on a moonless night—reflecting the world back to me in ways I wasn’t sure I was ready to see.
She was a storm blowing in over a roiling sea.
A tempest. Though she appeared so calm, I could see something brewing beneath—from the way her knuckles turned white around that coupe, the way she laughed lifelessly at a joke told by some pompous ass who had the nerve to speak to this divine creature.
I watched her for too long. Far too long.
This dark angel, who held me in a chokehold as surely as she gripped that glass.
Watched as her lips closed around the rim in a way that made it almost impossible for me to stand, head tipped back, consuming the effervescent liquid as surely as she would consume my every waking thought from that moment on…
And then she was gone—off twirling in the sea of glittering jewels on the dance floor—leaving me burning.
Imagine my surprise when she barged out onto the rooftop of the club, just a few weeks later.
I had thought of almost nothing but her since then.
Done almost nothing but watch her from the shadowy rafters in the opera house.
She could not have known that, though. Imagine my surprise when she opened up her lungs and sang to the heavens, cracking me open so thoroughly that my soul leaked out of me like ichor from a wound.
In the days that followed I had became unhinged, sneaking into the opera house—watching. Unable to stop myself from intervening. I did questionable, stupid, unforgivable things to orchestrate my dark angel’s descent into my kingdom.
In truth, I had wanted her to choose to come to me freely.
To perhaps spend some time thinking about her magic after we talked so openly.
To willingly come back to me—to learn about her gift.
I could not have foreseen what happened with the chandelier.
With the viscount. I could not have foreseen that initial intrigue and dark fixation would lead to love of all things.
Nor that I had broken her trust before even knowing her.
And that now, I wasn’t sure if I could ever get it back.
“You’re so busy helping all these folks; anybody check on you, sweetheart?
” Carol Ruby’s steady voice sounded behind me as I wandered through the city, assisting where I could, and I almost lost the carefully crafted control that I maintained.
Carol was dressed in men’s clothes: Carl today.
But his spirit was so fluid, he could easily slide into the Carol Ruby persona without any of the makeup or trappings of drag.
Carl’s presence was welcome at that moment.
“If I told you I was doing alright, would you believe me?” I gave Carl a wry smile as I turned to face him.
“Not a chance.” Carl was tall—not as tall as his Carol Ruby persona with the heels and the hair, but still, he stood eye to eye with me, well over six feet.
He was bald, the smooth shiny brown skin on his head glinting in the flickering féerie lights.
And his eyes could pierce through anyone’s armour.
One could not hide anything from Mama Ruby.
“These last few days have been… I don’t know.
I’m still trying to process what happened with this attack.
What it will mean moving forward. Who I will have to be for the people here.
I fear I did some things that have ruined any trust I had built with Seraphina.
I fear that I may have lost her forever.
And I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to say to my friends.
So, I’m just trying to put one foot in front of the other and keep moving so that I don’t break.
” Damnit. This magnanimous drag queen had a way of stripping me bare and leaving all my vulnerabilities out in the open.
“Oh, sweetheart.” Carl pulled me in for a tight hug. When I lost my mother and then was forced to leave Rory’s and Fionn’s mother behind in Erinn, I was rudderless. The three of us had only each other. But Carol Ruby saw us all and took us under her wing.
“Well, I know there isn’t much I can say to make you feel better. But I’m here for you whenever you need anything. As for that girl, Ciaran, she is so smitten with you. She’d be crazy not to hear you out. I think you’ll be surprised. And that gorgeous face of yours doesn’t hurt either.”
Carol Ruby had never once made me feel ugly or other because of my scars.
Carol and Seraphina had that in common. Seraphina always looked at my scars with reverence.
Like they were beautiful. I didn’t know how to react to that—to me, my scars were just a constant reminder of the horrors that I had endured. But I appreciated it, nonetheless.
“Thank you.” I bowed my head to this person who defied all the norms, broke all the boxes and refused to be anything but kind and vulnerable and wholly herself. “You always know how to cheer me up.”
“Hang in there, beautiful.” Carol Ruby winked.