Chapter Three
Bellamy
B ile climbed up my throat, magic digging into me like desperate claws seeking purchase. I ran my fingers over Asher’s necklace atop the desk briefly and fought off the pain. My head was throbbing as the knife that was Asher’s magic stabbed into my temples—punishing me. Still, I pressed on, my hand shaking as I gripped the pencil and attempted to write upon the page—the graphite staining my pale fingers.
Please, just one sentence.
A gong seemed to ring in my mind, the tremor of pain caused by its echoing tenor finally pushing me over the edge. I heaved, vomiting mostly blood into the bin I now kept at the side of my desk.
Another failed attempt.
My entire body convulsed, Asher’s voice whispering into my mind. You will not come looking for me. You will not save me.
Tears spilled from my eyes at the memory. That was all it was—all she was—now. A mere ripple in the sea of my past. A blip of time that was not nearly enough. The blood had poured from beneath the small log of wood, her body shaking and her eyes half closed. When she had fallen to her knees, I nearly exploded from the rage and magic within me. Of all the times for Asher to realize just how strong she was, that had been the worst. And now she was gone.
No, I would not let that be our ending. I could fight this. I attempted to sit back up, but my body protested, seizing and leaving me no choice but to fall to the floor in a heap of desperation and failure.
While I laid there upon the cool rock, crying unabashedly, I thought back to the letter Nicola had sent us. The instructions she had given.
First, you must not plot to get Asher. Not directly. Your best chance at saving her and Alemthian is by doing exactly as I say.
Second, in one week’s time, you will portal a ship bearing the demon sigil to the coordinates I have written on the back of this missive. Wait until midday, when the sun is highest in the sky and its rays light the black waters.
Third, a stranger will come upon you, and you will trust them. This is vital. Carry two standard pouches of gold and pay for their trust in turn.
Fourth, train those mortals and focus on rebuilding alliances. Your light-haired mortal king will be uneasy, but a queen will come to your aid. You must not lose any of the mortals to the fae. Asher was right in her desire to craft alliances. Without five of the six kingdoms on your side, you will lose this war, and we will all die.
Finally, stop fucking trying to write strategies to save the princess, Elemental. You will only embarrass yourself. Asher’s magic has awoken, and it will not be defeated in this.
My fingers went slack, the pencil rolling away from me. Tomorrow we would sail, and I had yet to follow her final rule. Every day for the last week I had attempted to plot rescue missions. And every day, just as Nicola Salvatore said, I embarrassed myself.
Sighing, I closed my eyes and called to my fire. The red and blue flames flickered beyond my eyelids, the heat scorching as it licked up my hands. I welcomed the burn, the pain of my flesh melting away. Ranbir would be upset, but if Asher was being harmed, then we would feel that hurt together.
***
“Faster!” I screamed, breathing in through my nose and out through my mouth as I leapt over a group of fallen branches, the sight of the large pieces of wood raining down unwelcome memories upon me. My hands balled into fists, the itch of newly healed skin making my teeth grind. Ranbir had yelled at me as his power seeped into my body, his tone furious and filled with disappointment. But I did not care. Getting to feel that blazing pain momentarily distracted my mind from the excruciating loss.
“Bell, I cannot keep up when you—” I heard her fall, the snapping of twigs and the smack of her body on the grass loud, before her curses filled the sweltering air. “Fuck! I swear to the gods and Eternity above that I will beat your ass!”
I sighed, slowing before coming to a halt. Within my chest, my shattered heart beat a ferocious rhythm as I spun to face Lian. Her blue hair had dirt in it, her yellow-toned skin red from the exertion and her fury. Scowling up at me, she squinted her almond eyes, the upwards tilt of them making her anger all the more prominent. Oh yes, I had done it this time.
Offering her help up, I awaited my second scolding of the day. She took my outstretched hand, but instead of using it to get back to her feet, she yanked me downwards. Unprepared for her vengeance, I careened forward, landing hard on the forest floor. A stinging in my forearm alerted me to the rock, but I did not care as my blood spilled upon the dirt and stone. Instead, I laid down, staring up at the scorching sun and sapphire sky beyond the greenery of the trees.
“I have loved and lost too, Bellamy,” Lian whispered between clenched teeth, her tone bordering on murderous. But I knew it was not simply frustration that led her to speak of Yuza when she so often did not. It was concern. My eyes drifted to her face, which was slowly relaxing. Clearing her throat, she reached up to dust off her training leathers as she continued. “Yuza was fiery and determined, like Asher. In the twenty-four years we had been together, she never once wavered in her desire to change the future—in her wish for us to be free to love and live. It was I who was scared and selfish, who wished for nothing more than to be by her side, even if in secret. Like you, all I dreamed of was her. Like Ash, Yuza would not settle.”
A gasp slipped from my lips, the surprise startling in its raw form. I knew some of this story, but to hear it relayed to me in direct comparison to my own tale? Well, there were few things that still hurt these days, but relating the tragedy of Yuza and Lian to Asher and I absolutely stung.
“I did not know at first that she had contacted the rebel group stirring within Betovere. Even when I had become aware, and begged for her to stop, I was still ignorant to what it all meant. Honestly, I did not know how deeply she had woven herself within their ranks until she was dead at my feet.” She scoffed then, a sound of both pain and disbelief. “But Yuza, she thought it the only option. Overthrow the Mounbetton’s and we would be free. We did not know then that we were being watched, nor did we see that it was not the demons attacking our homes, but our own fae.”
I sighed, facing the sky once more as the knowledge of how deeply woven I was within the pain of all who I cared about. It was my family that had been the cause of Lian’s pain. Of Ranbir’s. My parents that had killed Winona and Luca and Pino—that had destroyed Haven, demolished cities in Eoforhild, and attacked Behman. My blood that held Asher hostage.
Like Asher, I understood how heavy the world was.
“Beings like Yuza and Ash are rare. But even more rare is the group who gets to love them—to be in love with them. We are special, you and I, because we were awarded their hearts.” I felt her small fingers grip my face, the tips digging into my cheeks as she forced me to face her. Those knowing eyes bore into me and threatened to bring me to tears. Lian, more than anyone, knew what it was to lose your love because they were determined to save the world. “I will do everything in my power to make sure you do not lose Asher in the way I lost Yuza. We will bring her home. Alive.”
With that, Lian released my face and braced her hands on the dirt beside me. I watched with surprise as the Air cuddled up next to me—in the dirt no less. When she was tucked closely to my side and facing the blowing tree limbs above like I was, I finally found my words. “Thank you, Lian.”
Her sharp chuckles filled the air, both of her hands folding over her shaking sternum. “There are many things you owe me thanks for, Bell, but this is not one of them. Asher is as much mine as she is yours. One day she will be my queen, regardless of which realm she presides over. I will follow her, just as Cyprus, Ranbir, and Noe will. Just as you will. She is…well, she is made for a throne.”
A smile lifted my cheeks at her words, but—just as each rare moment of joy that occurred in the days since Ash was taken from me—it did not settle the storm of despair that clouded my heart and rained down horrifying thoughts upon my mind.
“Remember that time you painted Yuza for me?” She whispered the question as she lifted her hand, five fingers twirling through the air. I watched as the trees bent to the coming wind, green leaves breaking free to dance within Lian’s power. Lian had always been stronger than most fae. She was once the third strongest Air to live, and she would have been named Warden of her lands eighty years ago if she had only found love within her faction.
But love did not care what was easy. Star-crossed souls, that was what Yuza and Lian were—what Asher and I are.
“Yes, I do. Faintly. It was not very good,” I finally said in response. Lian did not acknowledge my aloofness at her question, nor did she accuse me of not listening. We had been together for over eight decades. Too long to not know better.
“It is beautiful, actually. Yuza still rests above my desk in Haven, just as her ashes still lie beneath the grass. Noe has taken me there seventeen times since the fae queen attacked. I always reach up as if to take the portrait, but instead I find myself sliding my finger across her long black hair. My skin traces the bold blue of her irises, the color gone from my memory now, and then down her jaw. Before she died, I would do that in the mornings—touch the skin from her ear to her chin. Her left side was fuller than her right, making her face asymmetrical in the most alluring way. Now, I cannot recall what she felt like. Cannot remember the sound of her enchanting laugh. As if she never existed.” Though Lian did not cry, there was a shaky quality to her voice, the tone ebbing as she spoke. Not allowing myself to second guess the choice, I quickly gripped her free hand, interlacing our fingers. The Air smiled softly, turning her head to face me as I did her. “I wonder sometimes if it is better to have loved and lost, or if it might be a greater mercy to never love at all.”