Chapter Twenty-Four
Asher
H ot. It was so incredibly hot on Isle Healer.
The isle itself was a stunning testament to the circle of life. We had seen so many farms as we passed through the Healer Lands. Their warden, Sandres, had told us that their crop season was mostly over, only those few that could withstand high temperatures still thriving as summer bore down on us.
Sipho had spoken of his home—our home, he would call it—often enough that I felt as if I knew it already. Even all these years later, I could still hear the faint echo of his voice as he described his father’s farm and his favorite lake. He had truly loved his home, and I found myself loving it too.
Bellamy would like it here. He would have listened as I spoke of Sipho and helped me craft new dreams that he would help me bring to life.
“The male you know in your mind is not real, Strange One.”
“Why do you have to come along and steal my joy? You never used to do that,” I noted, crossing my arms as I glanced down at where Wrath sat upon the dying grass, licking a paw.
I had escaped the dinner, which was going rather well in comparison to the hostility at the table that resided in the Single Lands. Still, I hated this game. I was no longer the docile pet that Mia and Xavier had trained me to be. I could not sit, stay, and speak when directed. I was more than that.
“You are exactly as you have always been. Just as I am only what you wish me to be. I do what you say, what your mind deems important.” If he did not shut up I was going to lose it.
“How do you explain the way I fought on Isle Shifter? That was my training. I would not have known how to defend myself like that if I had not been trained by Bellamy and his Trusted.”
Wrath huffed, standing and moving towards me like a predator seeking prey. He had never really scared me before. But now, as he taunted and tortured me, I thought I might be afraid of him most of all.
“You dreamt for months on end of being taught to fight. You internalized all you learned from those council meetings and overhearing Xavier. That is how you are explaining it away in your mind. Not me, Strange One. You .”
I was losing my mind and I did not know how to stop it all. How to shut up the voices in my head that screamed that Wrath was right. Mia’s voice. Xavier’s voice. Theon’s voice. Even worse, at night I dreamed of Bellamy rescuing me, only to wake up still in my golden nightdress and surrounded by fae guards. It made me wonder if Wrath was right. If I had been desperate for something better and made all of it up.
“Leave me alone!” I shouted at Wrath. At the voices. At myself.
“Woah there, I am sorry. I did not mean to upset you.” Sterling’s deep and heavy voice met my ears, pacifying my wretched mind momentarily. Wrath was gone, the space near my feet empty once more.
Looking up, I watched as Sterling walked towards me. His hands were in his pockets, the barest hint of a smirk playing on his lips. He wore all gold, as did I. I found that each day that passed left me loathing the color a little less. It was stifling, exhausting, and born of such horrible memories. But it was also the color of the sun, of Sterling’s curls, of Bellamy’s rings.
Bellamy had once said that the color could not control me. I was trying to prove him right.
“It was real,” I whispered, reaching over to trace a line up my forearm where my jagged scar had once been. Sterling eyed the movement but said nothing. He was growing used to my insanity. I feared he thought it normal for me.
“Asher, do you need anything?” he asked, stopping a few feet from me. He looked so sincere, so genuine. Why did that hurt worse?
“No, I am fine. Honestly, I just needed some air.” He glared as I waved him off, as if he could see the madness that clung to me like a shadow.
Before either of us could say anything else, the sound of something shattering nearby caught our attention. Both of our heads whipped towards the sound, our eyes wide. Neither of us moved, just staring towards the small alley between the rows of cottages that existed near the warden’s manor.
Homes were close by here, so much of the larger spaces used for farming. It was an extraordinarily communal place. But that made sense, as the Healer faction was the largest, and the only one that did not have subfactions. They were a community. And as I stared on at the darkness that lurked between their homes, I thought of nothing I would hate more than the sight of that community being torn apart by violence.
So, I crept forward, my heeled slippers silent upon the dirt path. My magic seeped out from my body, slithering like a snake upon the ground as it hunted. There, only two homes down the path, were five fae. Their thoughts were a cacophony of fury. Of pain and loathing. One of them maintained watch—the closest to me at that moment—while the others spoke in hushed voices as they screamed some of the loudest thoughts I had ever heard.
Most of them were about… me. How they might catch me, kill me, parade me around as a bloody and lifeless trophy. They all agreed that anyone they killed along the way was justified. Slaughtering innocents was nothing when getting to me was everything. It was sickening.
Even worse was listening to their reasons. Hearing how much they lost. Family, friends, lovers, younglings. A mountain of death that I stood at the top of, smiling.
They hated me because it was I who shattered the minds of those they loved, and I deserved that hatred. So I listened silently as I stalked towards them, knowing what was about to happen and how little a chance there was that I would walk away feeling anything but regret.
Sterling, I need you to go back into the manor and make sure no one else comes looking for me.
The prince jumped at the sound of my voice within his head. I had no time to explain or to reassure him, so when he meant to refuse me, I turned and looked him in the eye.
Go inside and make sure no one else comes out here.
He straightened his back, spun around, and returned to the safety of the warden’s home—The Manipulator’s voice echoing in his mind. A sigh of relief escaped me before I could silence it, and alarm bells rang in my head as all five rebels locked into the sound.
With no other option, I made my move. I reached around the corner, grabbing the closest male by his shirt and dragging him towards me. His scream of surprise was cut off as his neck was snapped, my hands moving quicker than I remember them capable of. Another male dashed out of the alleyway, his head whipping towards me. Grabbing the now dead male’s knife, I prepared for the fight.
My opponent swung out, swiping at my stomach with a knife of his own. Stepping out of the way just in time, I countered his move. Unfortunately, he was just as quick as I was and we were forced to face off, breathing heavily and both slightly panicked.
“Dane!” a female shouted as she reached out for the dead fae at my feet. Another female wrapped her arms around her, holding her sobbing comrade back. “You bitch!”
“It is her,” the last male said as he walked out of the shadows, his hands stained gold and red. None of them wore the cloth with their symbol, but I knew from their minds that they were rebels. The female stifled her sobs, covering her mouth and staring at me wide-eyed.
“You are supposed to be in the warden’s manor, dining and unsuspecting,” the male I had fought said, his voice calmer than I had expected.
For some reason, I wanted to explain to them that I was going insane. That I was terrified my mind was not right. But more than that, I desperately wanted to feel their blood on my skin. To kill them and then hate myself for it. To free The Manipulator that raged within me. To feel more than despair and terror, even if only for a fleeting moment.
Instead of speaking, I hurled the knife into the face of the female holding the one whose cheeks were still wet with tears. It sliced through her, cutting into the bridge of her nose and sinking into her flesh. She collapsed to the ground just as the silence was shattered by the sound of the three remaining fae’s screams of fury.
They converged on me, mercilessly attacking all at once. I was forced to spend my time on defense, leaning back to avoid the strike of a knife as I simultaneously caught a leg with my hand before it connected with my hip. My mind was racing, magic tasting their intentions and only barely circumventing their attacks.
It was a race to see who could slice open the other, and I lost. The female who had once been sobbing turned ruthless as she aimed again and again for my chest. For every good swipe that I got at her, my dress and shoes slowed me just enough for her to get one in as well. Our blood and sweat tainted the stifling air, but we remained nearly silent, not a single fae awaking.
I fought with every ounce of rage I had ever possessed. I screamed with the voice of the youngling who had been caged for days on end. I sobbed from the eyes of a female robbed of joy.
And as I towered over the final fae as she healed herself just enough to stand back up, I inhaled from the broken lungs of someone who had gasped for air for so long that they no longer knew what it was to breathe deeply.
“Why do you not just shatter my mind? Why not get it over with?” she asked as she limped towards me.
“Because I want to feel this,” I answered just as I dove forward. She was not prepared for my direct attack, but her instincts were strong. The moment my knife sank into her chest, hers dug into my side, slicing through my ribs.
I let out a barely audible cry, gripping the hilt of the blade and shoving her body away from me. She hit the ground with the same lifeless thud they all had, but for some reason, it hurt more to see her staring off into the distance.
All they had wanted was something different, something better. But they had chosen to hurt innocents in their fight to end the Mounbetton rule.
Nicola’s words echoed in my head.
“Remember who you are while away. Remember who you have vowed to save.”
“Asher?” Mia’s voice stripped me bare of any thought or feeling but one: defeat.
“Let me guess, you had to check in to make sure your guard dog did its job?” I asked, never taking my eyes from the female on the ground. I was truly everything she always wanted me to be.
Mia’s footsteps stopped, the scorching air silent but for the bugs that swirled around my sweaty head and the dead bodies before me. My blood-soaked hand still held the blade firmly, trying not to move.
“I wish I knew what you meant by that.” Then she approached, gasping as she took in the carnage. “Eternity above. Asher, what happened?”
“I did what I do best. I killed them all.”
“But who are they? Were you attacked?” she asked in a voice that dripped panic.
“Rebels,” was all I offered, not so much as looking her way.
After a handful of excruciating moments, she whispered, “They do not wear the mark.”
“You never told me about them.”
“I did not want you to know. I feared it would put even more on your shoulders. You have already lived with far more burdens than any Mounbetton Queen before you.” Her hand moved to my shoulder, and I quickly shook it off. Her motherly touch no longer soothed, it burned.
“Do not pretend you care. Not when you spent two hundred years torturing, belittling, and brainwashing me.”
For a few minutes, we remained in silence, neither of us willing to speak or move first. My eyes roamed over the destruction I had caused, and I found myself thrown off by how utterly bizarre this was. I meant to speak, to give in, but then Mia let out a heavy sigh.
“I know I have been hard on you, my flower. Your life has not been easy or fun or fair. I know you loved that Healer and that you likely never forgave us, even though you said you did.”
I let out a hiss of pain from my body tensing as Mia brought up Sipho. I had spoken of him more in the last year than I had in my lifetime. Or, no, maybe not the last year. Wrath was getting to my head. The world was.
“Growing up, I was taught the importance of the Mounbetton line. Of the females that ruled and conquered. My father showed me no love. When I lost control of my Earth power and demolished part of the palace, I was beaten for days. My mother was different. She offered me a calculated sort of love. I was precious, like a gemstone. Something that could be buffed and cut and displayed. Every day was a test, every move watched. That was all I knew. In my head it made sense to do the same to you. To covet you.”
She cleared her throat, the sound of her dress swishing as she shuffled, a clear sign she was either uncomfortable or on edge. Wrath appeared at my feet, twirling through my legs before making his way to the dead fae on the ground. His laughs rang in my ears like a warning.
“I have loved you in the way I know how, Asher. Yes, it can be hard. Sometimes I wish I were different. But this way will make you the strongest. And one day when you have younglings, you will understand it. You will be just like me, even if you say you will not. I am the closest thing you have to a mother, and I am doing my best. I am doing what I was taught.”
I wished I knew how to make sense of that information and decide if the story was an excuse or an explanation. But I had neither the time nor the patience for that.
“We should probably clean up these dead bodies before someone realizes your toy has a brain of its own. Would not want the masses to fear me too much and turn on you.” Then, my eyes darted to the spot on the wall not too far away, where the fae had painted the bleeding crown with the words death to the royals below it. “Just so we are clear, I do not care that the rebels want you dead. I did this for the innocent fae they would have killed along the way.”
Mia remained silent as I turned and walked away, passing her without so much as a fleeting glance. Wrath followed, still chuckling at the carnage.
“Congratulations, Strange One, you are officially the monster in the night.”
As I entered the warden’s manor and the first screams met my ears, I realized that was exactly what I had become.
***
The next morning we awoke to find our ship burning in the water.
Mia had never been particularly obvious when it came to her cunning nature, but every carefully crafted mirage she had shown in the desert that was the barren and lifeless nature of royalty seemed to shed in that moment.
Screams erupted as Mia let loose some of that ungodly amount of power within her. The water shook as she demanded the seafloor beneath to shutter and bend, her fists balled so tightly that her pale skin turned fiery red.
“This cannot stand,” she hissed beneath her breath, her words traveling only to Xavier and I. Sterling remained oblivious to the conversation. His hands were pressed into his hips and his mouth hung agape, as if nothing had ever surprised him quite this much.
How had they taken his memories? If everything truly had happened, then what did they do to him that would lead to him magically forgetting everything?
“Every time I think you are moving forward, you begin descending back into that madness of yours once more,” Wrath said at my feet.
“We must find a new ship rather than remain here like sitting ducks,” Xavier whispered, practically twitching from his place between us. I felt the moment his arm wrapped protectively around me, and my eyes caught the motion of him doing the same to Mia.
Once more they appeared the team I had always seen them as. Nothing like they had been in my low level room as they argued over torturing me.
“Perhaps the last year, which fits none of the narrative you were raised on, is what should be seen as odd. Reality is not a fairytale from one of your books, Strange One.” My foot swiped out, kicking through Wrath despite the fact that I had genuinely felt him sometimes.
He was right, and it terrified me.
“We have to hope a merchant vessel miraculously comes,” Mia responded, rolling her eyes and storming from the docks. I wanted to remain still, staring at the ship as it burned. There was something euphoric about it. As if the torment within me sunk to the depths along with it.
“In the meantime, we must find the culprits. This cannot stand.” Xavier’s fury charged the air as he chased after his wife, the emotion heavy on my tongue. He would slaughter more than deserved it if we did not find safe passage soon. Not that I had much room to judge when I knew in my heart I had killed without merit last night.
“Well, we could always sail a tiny boat out and roast marshmallows over the demise of our oh so fun adventure,” Sterling said. Warmth replaced the cold chill upon my shoulders from where Xavier’s arm fell away, Sterling’s grip on me pulling me from my thoughts.
“Pity, I imagine we were bound to have endless fun upon a ship surrounded by idiots and liars.”
“You do not look like a conspiracy theorist,” he said, tugging me away from the water. I allowed him to lead, my mind straying to the easy way Bellamy’s smiles seemed to light me up from within. How life seemed lighter in his arms, despite how heavy it truly was.
It was real.
I needed to kill the queen and get the fuck out of here.
“—or what if we find a tavern and drink them dry on order of the future queen?” Sterling asked, the beginning of his train of thought lost to me.
“While I imagine watching you vomit through your nose would be hilarious, I think I will pass. I am tired. How about you go in there and demand a drink as the future king consort?”
That had him beaming down at me, his finger coming to flick my nose.
“Such pretty words,” he hummed. “Dare I say they hide something nefarious?”
“Depends,” I countered, a smile ghosting across my mouth. “Will you let me get away with heinous acts in the spirit of camaraderie?”
“Only if I can watch with a drink in my hand.”
“Deal. Meet me back here.”
“Oh perfect, wine or mead?” Before I could respond Sterling waved a hand through the air and added, “Who am I kidding? Crime requires rum.”
With that, he practically skipped towards the awaiting town.
For a few seconds, I remained still. Wrath appeared at my feet, but I ignored him in favor of plotting. My berries were gone, which meant my plan to slip them into her food was null. Not that it was a very good strategy anyways. I needed something better. Smoother.
Corner her in a dark room and choke her to death? No, she would fight back and likely lock me up somewhere.
Drown her in the sea? Possibly, though I wagered there would be a Water in the next crew. Our last one had barely made it off the ship in time, I doubted they wanted to risk their lives again. A new crew would have no idea just how dangerous it was to travel with us.
I could save them the trouble and danger if I ended her now.
Maybe poison was not such a bad idea. It was simpler than the other plans, less obvious.
“Okay, feisty little wife, here is your rum,” Sterling said from behind me. I jumped, not having heard him. I was losing track of time. Dangerously oblivious to the world around me more often than not. I had to focus.
“What you should be doing is learning about your realm and preparing for war, yet you remain in your fantasies and allow yourself to be at risk,” Wrath whispered as I took the bottle from Sterling. Of course he would buy the entire thing. “If you kill the queen, the Fae Realm might just fall. You would risk the lives of every fae here just to—what? Prove a point? Get revenge on a female who is practically your mother?”
“She is not my mother!” I growled out. From the corner of my eye, I saw Sterling staring at me in nervous bewilderment. Sighing, I straightened my spine, shaking my head slightly. My hair, styled in silky waves, fell around my face and momentarily protected me from his scrutiny. “I need a poison that has no taste, color, or smell. Something untraceable.”
Sterling deserved credit for his composure. He did not so much as flinch at my question. “Arsenic.”
“Excellent, where can I get that?” I inquired, ready to finally take the action needed to stop this war in its tracks.
“There’s an apothecary near the tavern.” With a finger, Sterling pointed towards a small brown building with a bright red sign that read Apothecary: Healing and More.
“Is the more what we need?” I asked, looking up at him. He smirked, taking a swig from the bottle he snatched from my hand. Then, he nodded, waving a hand for me to lead the way. “Fantastic. I love bloodthirsty Healers.”
We walked silently, trading the bottle back and forth like two miscreants on a mission to cause chaos. In fact, that was exactly what we were—crowns aside. A bell rang as we opened the door, a musky and thick smell wafting our way. A female with long auburn hair and deep brown skin smiled at us from behind the counter, but any view of her was quickly blocked when two other females cut into our path.
One of them had curls that swirled around her like a tornado, the color that of coffee before cream. She was round everywhere but her eyes, which were the shape and color of almonds. Beside her was a female that looked like she crawled up from the Underworld. Her eyes were dark as night, her smile feral. She had dirty blonde hair that clashed with her pale skin. She was terrifying.
“Apologies, Princess Asher. We were just grabbing supplies for our voyage and simply had to say hello.” Shallow bows were offered so quickly they might have been figments of my imagination. As it seemed many things were these days.
“It is nice to meet you both. Unfortunately, we do not have time to talk, as our ship has been turned into firewood and we must find new passage. But I wish you both the best.” I tried side-stepping them, but the dark-haired one got in my way. She lifted her arms, making motions and gestures with her hands and fingers that seemed intentional.
The blonde nodded, chuckling softly before turning my way again. “You are in luck, we have room.”