Chapter Thirty-Four
Asher
A soothing and deep voice was the first thing to meet my ears after what felt like years in peaceful silence.
My mind felt like a jumbled mess, memories and wishes and imagination all colliding. My fingers toyed with the quilt below me, trying to understand what exactly was going on.
I had dreamt of Bellamy. Of what it might be like to be in his arms once again. Wrath had teased me, reminding me of how unbelievably not real it all was. He had reminded me of how often I dreamt of my family, day and night.
Now, as I awoke with no pains or aches, I accepted what Wrath had told me over and over again. Only someone truly insane could dream up an entirely different reality. And that was what I had done.
Was it Wrath speaking to me now? No, his voice had never been soft or calming. A hand touched my forehead, warm and large. Xavier. It had to be Xavier.
“Get off of me!” I shouted, pushing the hand away. I did not want to open my eyes, did not dare let the truth sink in. Perhaps if I stayed ignorant to the gold around me, then I could pretend I was in Bellamy’s arms instead.
“Asher, it is okay, you are safe.” It even sounded like Bellamy. Gods, I wish it were. If only I could figure out how to get rid of Mia, to kill her and let the world fall apart so I might have a moment with the love I had created in my head.
“Please, just leave me alone. Just let me dream,” I begged, swatting the hand away again. This time, I caught the cool bite of metal on them, and I sighed in contentment. At least my brain was bringing me pleasing delusions.
“Bellamy, maybe we should give her space, she seems confused.” Ranbir. That was Ranbir’s voice. Oh, how the mere thought of him hurt. I could not believe how much I had invented, how horrible my mind could be if I let it.
I opened my eyes, curious to see just how far my imagination would take me. The first thing I saw were his lips. Those full, perfect lips that I had kissed thousands of times. Bellamy smiled, his dimples digging into his cheeks just beneath his smattering of freckles.
“Hello, Princess.”
“Hello, demon.”
And though I knew it was fake, I still let him lean down and place a delicate kiss on my lips.
“Waking up will hurt so badly this time,” I whispered against his mouth. He stilled, lips frozen as they now hovered just above mine. So close I could still taste him.
“What do you mean by that, Ash?” His question confused me. It made my head swim and my heart race.
“I just mean that the next time I wake up and you are gone again, it will hurt worse than usual.” If my words made any sense to him, he did not allow his face to convey it. Instead, he backed away, brows pinched together and lips downturned.
“Something is wrong with her, Ranbir,” he spoke, not turning his head away from me. Behind him, a figure stirred. Ranbir, dressed in his favored white clothes, peeked over Bell’s shoulder and inspected me.
“Asher, do you remember what happened?” the Healer asked. Bellamy cocked his head to the side, awaiting my answer.
“Yes, of course,” I muttered, though in truth I did not. Mia had said the demons attacked my wedding, but was it really the demons? Was it actually her? Had everything been fake? “Or, well, I know I was engaged to the prince. That for sure is true.”
“Asher, you are going to have to propose to me first before saying we are engaged,” Bellamy teased, winking at me. Ranbir watched with a sort of perplexed expression, like his mind might be coming to conclusions but his heart was taking longer to see the truth. I shook my head.
“No, not you. The mortal prince, Sterling. I wish I were engaged to you. I wish you were real. I wish I were free.” I was rambling now, the pounding in my head ferocious as it beat me down to nothing.
“I am real. You are not engaged to Sterling. It is me, I am here.” Bellamy’s voice was taking on the barest hint of hysteria, his hands moving to grab my shoulders as he shook me ever so slightly.
“No, you are not. But I want you to be. I held onto you for so long, Bell. I promise. I did not let go. Even now, I am clawing at the image of you.” My voice was just a whisper, but both the males before me heard. “I wonder when Wrath will show up and say he told me so.”
“Ranbir!” Bellamy shouted, finally looking away from me to stare at the Healer. Ranbir looked horrified as he gazed at me. What had I said? Did dreams not know they were dreams?
“I am not sure what is happening to her, Bell. She…she seems to be having a mental break of some sort.”
“That is the problem, Ranbir. My mental has been broken.” I said it like he was the dumb one, but both males gawked at me in obvious distress.
“Asher, you are here with us right now. This is not a dream. We came for you,” Bellamy exclaimed, shaking me a little more violently this time. “You are safe!”
“Stop that. I do not want anymore hope than I already have. I only just now started accepting this, can you please just leave me be instead of tormenting me with the unachievable?” I asked, shoving him back. I must have pushed harder than I thought, because Bellamy fell, his body sliding a few feet away. If only I were that strong in real life.
“Bellamy, we need to give her—”
“No! Princess, please, listen to me.” Bellamy approached me like he was on his deathbed and I was the antidote for whatever sickness was seeking to claim him. This time, his hands grabbed my face, shaking only my head. “We have been through too much for you to leave me now!”
“Bellamy I am serious, you are going to hurt her!” Ranbir shouted from behind him. But it was too late, Bellamy was beyond reason.
“I love you! You are here with me and you will stay with me!” His furious shakes of my skull were beginning to hurt, and I felt the dizziness make way for confusion. For anger. For panic. “Believe me—believe in me! In us!”
“I said stop!” My scream echoed off the rock and wood around us. For the first time, my eyes took in the space. It was Bellamy’s room in Pike. Gods, I was losing my ever-loving mind. “Get away from me! You are making this so much worse. Just leave me alone to wallow. Let me be miserable in my life instead of constantly dragging me back into this abyss of false joy. You. Are. Not. Real!”
“That is it, out!” Ranbir shouted, grabbing Bellamy by the collar of his cotton shirt and lifting him. If I had any doubts that this was a dream, the sight of Ranbir taking control like that rendered them void. “She needs s pace!”
The Healer shoved his prince out of the room, not even letting him turn to say goodbye. That was for the best. I could feel myself sinking into the bone chilling madness, and I did not want to watch as Bellamy disappeared before my eyes. As soon as the door slammed shut, I broke down into tears, pulling my legs against my chest and trying to will myself back into sanity.
Fur tickled my cheek only moments later, and I groaned in defeat. Of course he would appear as I was falling apart.
“Strange One, this is becoming a problem,” Wrath whispered, his eerie voice gentle. I wished he would go away for a little, that all of them would go away and stop giving me faith. Because when I woke up to the sound of Mia’s voice or Xavier’s laugh, it would break me beyond repair. This fantasy, it was too much. “I think we both know that you never went insane. You did not make this all up. Bellamy is real. He came for you.”
Could a heart still beat after it broke? If so, that was what was happening inside of my chest. Wrath, who had been calling me crazy this entire time, was now telling me it was real. I tried to make reason of it all, to understand and be logical despite my mind working against me.
“He cannot be real. If any of that actually happened, then I commanded him not to come find me. So how could he have?” Yes, my heart was like shredded cloth as it pulsed in my chest, ripped apart and irreparable.
“You underestimate the power of love. Why would you not? You were never showed much of it. Your friends were forced to leave you. Your Healer was stolen from you. Your parents taken before you could even love them back. But I will tell you something that, deep inside, you know to be true. Bellamy loves you in a way that could defy fate. He treasures you enough to find a way—to defeat anything that might stand in his path. Love like that is rare, but it exists within him. Within you. Even if you feel unworthy of such a thing.”
“Why are you being so nice to me?” I inquired, so used to his hatred, his unyielding spite.
“Because I am you, and you are finally ready to be kind to yourself too.”
A sob racked through me at his words, my arms still wrapped tightly around my bent legs. Wrath scooted closer, rubbing his silky fur into my side. On instinct, I reached down and scooped him into my arms. He felt so real .
“It is time for us to say goodbye. You have a life to live, a world to save, and a stupid little princeling to love.” For once, Wrath sounded sweet. His voice had lost the haunting, echoing rasp. Now, it was a caress against my ears. A lullaby to send me to sleep—or perhaps to return me to reality.
“I do not want to lose you. I do not want this to be the end,” I cried, begging for a different story. I wished this had not been mine. That I had been given any other tale.
“You have to let me go, Strange One. For them. For him. For you.” Another round of tears dashed down my cheeks as if it were a race. And it felt like it was. A race against time. Against my own sanity. Against death. “It is not fair how strong you have had to be—how much you have suffered. But you cannot give up. Not now, after so long of surviving the unimaginable.”
“I love you, Wrathy.” Offering those four words to the fur on his cheek felt like sentencing myself to a lifetime of sorrow. Yet, Wrath chuckled.
“I love you too, Strange One. Always.”
And then he was gone, and I was alone.
***
For a while, I let the sobs overtake me. Every memory of Wrath seemed to circle my mind and attack my last bit of hope. I thought of Bellamy. Of faith and family and love. Was it truly real? I pinched and slapped my skin, pulled my hair, held my breath. Anything I could think of that would prove that I was really in Pike. That I had gotten out and Bellamy was nearby.
My head snapped up, the closed door calling to me as if something had locked into place.
Before I could so much as second guess myself or this reality, I dried my tears and leapt to my feet. I passed the slightly cracked mirror, realizing I wore a black pair of Bellamy’s cotton trousers and one of his black tunics. Not a pretty sight, but I did not care how much of a mess I looked. Within seconds I was at the door, ripping it open and dashing out into the hall. Trying to think of where Ranbir would have taken Bellamy, I let my thoughts wander and search. Maybe the training yard. A chance for him to work through the anger he was suffering from.
Bounding through the halls and down the stairs, I dodged beings left and right, causing many to begin whispering. Ray caught my eye at the bottom of the final set of stairs, her face in a notebook as she scribbled. I could have cried at the sight of her mousy brown hair, soft russet skin, and fiercely sculpted jaw. She looked so much like her brother that it nearly hurt.
She was real. They were real. It was real.
I knew what was real.
“Ray!” I shouted, causing her to jump back in surprise. When she looked up at me, her eyes went wide. My body connected with hers, wrapping her in a fierce hug.
“Princess Asher? You should not be out of bed. Our schedule does not have Ranbir clearing you for at least another day.” Laughter escaped me in uncontrollable jolts, hysteria the icing upon the cake of my insanity.
“Seeing you is so lovely. I need Bell, though. Where is he?” How long had it been since I saw him? An hour maybe? He would not leave Pike. Not without me.
My grip on Ray’s shoulders left her wincing, and I quickly withdrew my hold to instead stare into her eyes. I could take it from her, that would be faster. But before I could do something rash, his beautiful voice tickled my ears.
“Ash! Are you okay? I heard you were running. Please, I promise not to hurt you, just stay still and I will get Ranbir again.” Bellamy had his hands out, palms facing me and blue eyes crinkled in desperation. He was so extraordinarily beautiful, something I had not let myself notice earlier. His dark waves were a mess atop his head, his freckles like constellations on his cheeks. His full lips were a deep pink, his icy blue eyes bloodshot. Dark circles bruised the skin beneath his eyes and his cheekbones were more prominent than they should have been. Still, he was ethereal. Perfection in living form.
He was mine.
I closed the distance, binding him with my arms and breathing in the smoke and cinnamon scent of him—basking in the sunshine of his mind just as I had on that battlefield.
“I am so sorry for everything. I should have never forced you to stay away. I should have fought harder. I should have loved you the way you deserved.” The words flowed from my mouth like a rushing river. Bellamy gasped, wrapping me up tightly in an embrace. “I love you. I have never stopped loving you. Even when the world was upside down and Eternity seemed on the brink of collapse, I loved you, Bell.”
“My beautiful creature, I always knew that. I never questioned your love for me. There are no words for how much I love you. Please, let me take you upstairs to rest.” His voice shook with the emotions building within him, as if his body could not hold them all. But I would not be deterred.
“No, you need to understand. I am so, so sorry. You are real and you are here and you are everything I could have ever dreamed of. I would give up food and water and air for this—for you. I would let the entire world burn for us. Marry me, Bell. Marry me and be with me forever. Be my king, be my friend, be my husband,” I begged. It was a shitty proposal, but it was all I had.
“Asher,” he breathed my name, a tear hitting my shoulder where his chin rested. “I have loved you since the moment I saw you in Reader River. My heart was made to be yours. Every day before your introductory ball was just a prelude to my life. You are the beginning, the end, and every moment in between.”
He released me slowly, backing his face from mine when my feet touched the ground. Nerves skyrocketed within me, an old fear surfacing: rejection. I shook as he placed either hand on the sides of my face, the fire in his veins heating my cold skin. And then, with soldiers all around us, Bellamy bent down on one knee.
A cry slipped between my lips as his fingers traveled from my cheeks down to my hands, gripping them tightly and then releasing them. I watched with disbelief as he reached into his pocket and pulled out a shining ring. The band was gold, thin where it would sit on the back of my finger but curved into the shape of small petals around tiny black diamonds near the center stone. Three of the flowers sat to the left and right of the center stone, grouped together like a triangle. In the middle was a large moonstone, nearly clear. A star in the night sky. I had never seen anything quite so beautiful.
It was gold, but I thought then that maybe it had to be.
“Asher Daniox, there is nothing in this world that I would not give, sacrifice, or destroy for you. You are the breath in my lungs and the beat of my heart. Be mine. Marry me.” His dimples poked out as he said the word “mine.”
“I am no one’s but yours, demon,” I whispered between what could only be described as a sobbing laugh. With that, I shoved my hand towards his, smiling openly as he slipped the ring onto my finger. Then I oh-so-gracefully tackled him. He let out a bark of laughter as he slammed into the ground, which I silenced with my lips as I straddled him, consuming the beautiful sound.
He was real.
We were real.
Applause echoed across the open entrance of Pike, demons, mortals, and fae all cheering. Bellamy swiped his tongue across my lower lip and then bit down, the tantalizing pain distracting me as his stolen Moon magic portaled us through time and space. To his— our bed.