15. Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Fifteen
M alakai usually made sure Shiori slept in the middle when the three of them had a chance to sleep together, but last night he’d curled up behind Brave. His man had become a heavy sleeper whenever he was with them both. Shiori usually woke if he or Brave pulled away from her, but when Malakai rose and eased off the mattress, she didn’t budge.
Slipping out of the back of the van, he closed the door softly and peered out at the sun rising in the distance. He’d planned to wake up earlier, but Brave was stressed about the tour and Shiori was stressed about fixing her friendship with Annette, leading to a restless night with him trying to comfort them both.
No way would he leave when they were hovering close to sleep, worrying about everything. And he’d needed some rest himself. But this morning there was only one thing on his mind.
He inhaled the damp air, tainted with the heavy scent of diesel and tires, rubbing his arms as he made his way across the lot. This section was fairly closed off, past dozens of trucks that had settled here for the night. The bus was parked between two that had rolled in at some point, and at first he didn’t see anyone standing guard, which had been a condition of continuing the tour at all.
After Alder getting stabbed on stage and Shiori’s abusive step-father showing up at a concert, the threats Annette was dealing with were taken very seriously by both bands. There’d been zero resistance to adjusting accommodations to keep her safe.
His clenched his jaw, only relaxing when he passed one truck and saw Skull leaning against the door of the bus, smoking a cigarette and glancing over at the big roadie who was pacing the length of the bus, looking around as though he expected a sniper to appear out of nowhere.
Having ex-military working for the crew had definitely paid off.
Skull smiled when he spotted Malakai. “You’re up early.”
“Wanted to get some exercise in before everyone’s up. You know how it is.” A pretty standard thing for him to do in the morning, so Malakai hoped Skull wouldn’t question him. Even though it was only 6:00AM and he usually didn’t crawl out of bed until just before eight. “I’m just gonna slip in to get my track pants. I forgot to stuff them in my overnight bag.”
One brow raised, Skull nodded slowly. “Considering you don’t tend to ‘forget’ things, how about you tell me why you’re really here.”
Well fuck. Should have figured he knew me too well to let that slide. Malakai rolled his shoulders. “Fine. I’m checking on Tate.”
That brought a deep frown to Skull’s lips. “He’s still sleeping.”
“I won’t wake him up. I just want to—”
“Malakai…” Skull pushed away from the bus, his brow furrowing. “Our boy’s hiding something. We all know it. But you need to give him time to come to you.”
“I will. I have .”
“Then continue doing so. It’s been one day, son.”
Lowering his gaze, Malakai did his best not to react to the ‘son’ comment. He knew Skull cared about him, but that word had never meant anything good. And it seemed like Skull was trying to keep him away.
But why?
“I won’t be long.” Without waiting for a reply, Malakai pushed the door to the bus open, grateful it had little give since they’d fixed it so someone could get on easily as long as the door wasn’t locked. He glanced over at Skull, who had a resigned look on his face.
A few steps and Malakai understood why. Slipping quietly into the front lounge, he ground his teeth as he looked over Tate, fast asleep with his head on North’s chest. Patchy, aqua colored hair was spread over North’s pale skin, and even in sleep, Tate had a tight grip on the hand North had rested on his blanket covered side. There was a familiarity to the way they were tangled together. He wasn’t sure he’d ever seen Tate this relaxed.
Which was a problem, because Malakai knew what kind of man North was. And whatever was going on between the two, the last thing Tate needed was to become North’s new toy.
Dragging his gaze up, he met North’s eyes. The man stared back at him, wide awake. And he wrapped a protective arm around Tate before speaking softly. “Wait for me outside. I’m not arguing with you here. He’ll sleep through me getting up if I’m careful. And he needs it.”
Jaw ticking, Malakai inclined his head and turned around, striding off the bus and past Skull without a word. He continued to the other side of the closest truck. Paced back. Shoved his hands into his pockets and slumped onto the wide bumper.
From busting heads to help a sixteen-year-old kid who was being bullied, his grandma taking you in for sticking up for him, to this. You’re doing an awesome job, Noble.
Staring at the pavement, Malakai listened to the steady steps of North approaching. And promised he’d hear the man out before he punched him. Tate wasn’t that boy anymore. He was a young man.
Who still needed protecting, but Malakai would wait and see how badly North had fucked up first.
“I don’t care if you hate me.” North inhaled roughly, stopping in front of Malakai, wearing nothing put a pair of black flannel pajama pants and sneakers he’d shoved his bare feet into. His tone was hard, but low, like he didn’t want anyone else to hear. “I love him. I shouldn’t, he doesn’t want me… or—hell, I don’t even know. He says he doesn’t, but when I hold him—”
Malakai let out a rough sound. He didn’t need fucking details.
“Oh relax. It’s not like that. At Annette’s wedding he told me I’d been fun, but he was moving on. We’d never even fucked, so don’t worry that I tarnished the sweet image you have of him.”
All right, this is better…
“I sucked his dick a few times. Doesn’t even count.”
The man needs to shut his mouth. “Why were you with him tonight?” Malakai lifted his head and held North’s level gaze. “Are you together or not?”
He frowned when North looked down. “I don’t know what we are. He was upset—I can’t just stop caring about him. And I don’t think he cut me out because he wanted to… He’s scared of something.”
“You?” There wasn’t as much fire to the word as Malakai had intended. Something about how North talked about Tate, the raw pain in his eyes, made it impossible to lay the blame for Tate’s distance at his feet. He and North were on the same page.
North’s lips thinned. “No, he’s not afraid of me. And I can see you know that.”
Rubbing a hand over his face, Malakai nodded slowly. “I do. But where do we go from here? He won’t talk to me. You say he’s pushed you away. Does last night change anything?”
“I don’t think so. Whatever he’s dealing with kept him away for months. But he didn’t have to see me at all, and probably only saw you when you guy were practicing or recording, right?” North’s brow furrowed when Malakai nodded again. “I’m guessing you didn’t just let him disappear?”
Closing his eyes and leaning heavily against the truck, Malakai sighed. “No, but I should’ve pushed harder. Being with Shiori, spending time with her and Brave’s nephew…fuck, life was good. And the rare times Tate answered calls, he seemed focused on healing. I wanted to be there for his surgery, check on him during physical therapy, but he’d get irritated and end the call quickly when I brought it up. So I stopped.”
“That was the best thing you could do. But he’s with us 24/7 now. Whatever he’s dealing with won’t be so easy to hide.”
“True. But…” Malakai rubbed his hands over his lips. “The way he’s acting is a lot like when me and his grandmother were helping him kick some pretty bad addictions. I probably shouldn’t be telling you this, but after what I just saw, I’m fucking worried you could add to the problem. I’ve seen the shit you take.” Maybe that was why Tate was so comfortable with North. There wouldn’t be more tests for at least another month. What if North had become an easy source for whatever drug Tate was hooked on now? “If I ever find out you—”
North lurched forward and grabbed a fistful of Malakai’s shirt, not seeming to care that Malakai was twice his size. His voice was controlled, with a sharp edge. “I like you, man, but don’t fucking go there. I wouldn’t do that to him. I got him cookies because that seems to help. Or used to… He doesn’t know, so don’t make it a thing.”
Malakai’s lip quirked. “I’d be pissed at you getting in my face, but it’s kinda hard when you’re growling about cookies.”
Blinking, North gaped at him for a moment. Then released his shirt. “Sorry. I just…I know you think I’m no good for him. But I wouldn’t give him drugs, Malakai. Not now that I got an idea of how bad shit was for him because of them.”
“I believe you.” Malakai let out a slow breath and patted North’s shoulder. The man made an easy target, but he’d be a much better ally. “And you’re growing on me, kid.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. If you being there for Tate will make a difference, I won’t get in your way.” This was a leap from being ready to punch the man, but Malakai was out of ideas. He couldn’t get the image of Tate in North’s arms out of his head, and it didn’t bother him as much as it should.
Tate deserved that kind of love. So long as North was ready to give it.
“This won’t be easy. And if you’re not willing to fight for him, back off.” Malakai held North’s gaze for a moment. Felt some hope at the stubbornness he saw there. “That’s all I ask.”
“I’m not going anywhere.” North shoved his hands in the pockets of his pajama pants, shivering as though he’d finally noticed the chill in the air. “But he’s closer to you than anyone. You’re his family and I don’t want to fight you—any of you—to be near him.” North’s gaze shifted as someone approached, tensing as though braced for an attack.
Brave strode around the side of the truck and came to stand at Malakai’s side. “You won’t have to. Not saying you and me will always be cool, but after what I just heard, maybe I’ve got you all wrong.”
North’s eyes widened and he took a step back when Brave shifted, as though Brave just being there put him on edge. The corner of Brave’s lips quirked and Malakai frowned at him. This wasn’t the time for him to get cocky that the younger vocalist was thrown off-balance by his presence.
Despite North’s habit of butting heads with Brave at every opportunity, Malakai had a feeling the singer admired Brave. And was a bit intimidated by him. Which led to a lot of snark and attitude, but if the two could work together? They’d be a force to be reckoned with.
But they weren’t there quite yet.
Folding his arms over his chest, North eyed Brave warily. “You assume I give a fuck what you think about me?”
Brave chuckled. “Ah, there he is. I was wondering what happened to the tough guy.”
“He’s still right fucking here, asshole.”
“Good.” Brave shifted out of reach before Malakai could latch on to him and stepped up to North. “You care about Tate? You better be damn sure you’re ready for what comes next. Because he’ll give you every reason to walk away. He’ll expect you to, because it’s easier. And he doesn’t think he deserves the kind of love that keeps fighting.” Brave’s tone had changed, breaking a little, and Malakai reached out and took his hand, sensing his man saw himself in Tate’s efforts to self-destruct. “He’s not alone, so don’t do this if you don’t mean what you said. If you make things harder for him, if you… Wait, you know what, I’m not gonna go there. Because I believe you too.”
Lips parted, North made a rough sound, then cleared his throat. “You do?”
“You could’ve refused to have this conversation, North. Figured you don’t need Malakai. Or me. And maybe you don’t.” Brave hesitated. “But you’re still here.”
Inclining his head, North wet his lips uncertainly. “I…I know things might change. He was with me last night and he might tell me to fuck off today. And I’ll deal with that. I don’t know what comes next, but he needs his friends. So…I feel better knowing you’ll be there for him when I can’t be.”
“We will. But how about we make sure that doesn’t happen. We’ll all be working together for the next two months. We’re on the same bus now.” Brave cocked his head and tapped his chin, a slanted smile on his lips. “Why bother getting your bus back at all? Think of the gas money you’ll be saving. Since you’ve been given this opportunity, why not put it toward more merch? Maybe a joint effort. I’m sure we could come up with something.”
Brow furrowed, North scratched his chin. “So rather than get the bus back in a week or two, we continue the tour like this?”
“Exactly. We make sure Tate spends as much time with you as possible. If he doesn’t want to, he’ll say so. And we’ll all respect that.” Brave waited for North’s nod, which was the only thing that kept Malakai from objecting to his crazy plan. Then he continued. “But if we make being with you easy, if we remove that one obstacle? Maybe he’ll finally tell us all what he’s so afraid of. Or at least tell you. And we can get our boy back.” Brave’s tone broke again and he hugged himself, like the powerless feeling of knowing Tate was hurting, and not being able to fix it, was too much. “Making you the bad guy was so fucking easy. But there’s more going on. And I’m fucking terrified we’re going to lose him.”
That explained it. Malakai wrapped his arm around Brave’s waist, speaking softly. “He’s not Valor, Brave. We’ve got him. We’ll figure this out.”
Leaning against him, Brave nodded, still holding North’s gaze, relaxing a little when North’s eyes filled with understanding. The other man knew Brave had lost his older brother to drugs. Neither of their egos could stand up to that kind of fear. Not when it came to someone they both cared about so much.
Malakai wasn’t sure he could trust North, but what choice did he have? Brave was right. If they forced Tate to hide who he loved, who he needed, while fighting his addictions and whatever else was going on…
Tate needed to know they were here for him. All of them. Together.
He needed one less reason to be afraid.
And maybe North was the key. Maybe the man who’d held Tate, expecting nothing in return, could get through to him. Which only Malakai had been able to do once, but he’d lost the power to fix everything for someone he still considered a brother.
Or…maybe he’d never had that power. Maybe the reason things had gotten so bad was because he’d convinced himself he did. His fucking arrogance had left Tate feeling completely alone.
“Hey.” North rubbed Malakai’s arm, lips slanting when Brave tensed. But he held Malakai’s gaze. “This isn’t your fault. Tate’s a big boy. Bigger than I thought, if I’m gonna be—”
“All right, that’s enough.” Brave gave North a little shove, more playful than anything. “We’ve got a solid plan. Get ye gone, thot .”
Inclining his head with a laugh, North backed away. His whole demeanor had changed. Rather than the fuck-it-all attitude that usually sharpened his eyes and leant a careless swagger to his walk, he was standing taller, with a determined expression that gave Malakai more hope than anything any of them had said.
Tate hadn’t changed North. North was changing himself. Trying to become a better man, the kind of man who could stand by Tate’s side, support him as he found his own strength again.
“He’s got this, Malakai.” Brave curved his hand around the back of Malakai’s neck, lightly massaging the tense muscles. “Everyone seems to think that boy’s like me. But he’s not.”
Malakai closed his eyes as Brave’s fingers dug into the muscles, tempted to go back to the van and ditch his morning routine. “Oh?”
“He’s like you. Not enough for a trade-in, but under that fake-ass ego, he cares so much it fucks him up.”
Arching a brow, Malakai glanced at Brave over his shoulder. “I’m flattered. Really.”
“You’re missing the point.” Brave loosened his grip, stroking the side of Malakai’s neck with his fingertips. “You need to feel needed. Now that you do, you’re more relaxed. You don’t have all those walls up.”
“Tate doesn’t want to need him. Or anyone.”
“True.”
“Which means North will get hurt.”
“Yes, he will.” Brave’s lips thinned. “You were.”
Shaking his head, Malakai pulled away, turning to face Brave. “The situations are completely different and you know it. If Tate loves North as much as North seems to love him, he’ll hate himself for hurting him. We can’t—”
“Do a damn thing. And it’s killing you.” Brave inhaled slowly. “I hate that you’re dealing with this, but all I can do is be here for you. Tell you I love you.”
“I love you too.” Malakai cupped Brave’s cheek, searching his eyes, not sure what he was looking for. The strength of the man before him, the knowledge of all they’d fought to get to this moment, steadied him. A smile stole across his lips. “With how fucked up we were, the two of them make a lot of sense.”
“Do they?” Brave cocked his head. “I can’t compare Tate to me. He’s more…trusting. More giving.”
“Not anymore. They aren’t us though. They don’t have the history we did.” A history that had them despising one another before they’d fallen in love. “But I saw North holding him, saw Tate sleeping better than he ever did before.” Malakai brushed his thumb over Brave’s bottom lip. “Only someone you feel safe with can get you to let go like that, no matter how bad shit is.”
Brave’s tongue touched Malakai’s thumb. His eyes heated. “Do I?”
“Yes. You and Shiori give me that place. And I fucking need it now.”
“Then come back to bed. Let us bring you there for a bit. The rest can wait.”
Malakai knew Brave was right, but he hesitated. Glanced toward the bus. “The rest is out of my hands.”
“Don’t think of it that way, you’ll stress yourself out.” Brave hooked his arm around Malakai’s waist and laid a soft kiss on the curve of his jaw. “You’ve done exactly what you needed to do. Give it some time.”
He needed to give more than time. North and Tate needed space.
And as much as it hurt…
He turned away from the bus. And gave it to them.