Chapter Eighteen
Kade
My heart tap dances in my chest as I make my way to my front door.
I’m not expecting someone to stand up and ambush me on my porch, and when Stella approaches me, I say a silent prayer that whatever she’s here for, it’ll be easy to convince her to leave. I’m not in the mood for whatever drama she’s about to unleash on me.
She focuses on me, her expression soft. The flutter of her blue eyes and the sprinkle of freckles across her nose don”t stir anything in me like they used to. She’s a closed chapter in my life that I don’t miss or wish to reopen.
“Why are you here?” My voice comes out sharper than I intend. She stiffens as if I’ve struck her, and I take a deep breath, clinging to the buzz from my time with Emma that still hums under my skin. Her arms wind around herself and she speaks in a low voice.
“Can we talk?” She sounds almost... hopeful as she stands, dusting off her jeans and reminding me of our teenage years when she’d climb trees or ride horses, then would pat the dust, dirt, and grit of her time spent being playful from her clothing with a rueful grin.
“About what?” My voice is cool, detached. There”s nothing left to say that could change things between us.
“Us.” She smiles a flirty grin and tilts her head as if she can charm me into changing my mind. Not going to happen. “Is there any chance we could try again? Start over?”
The question hangs in the air between us as I consider how to respond, even though there’s only one answer. “No, Stella, there isn”t.” I walk past her to my front door, shutting her down.
But she’s not done. “Is there someone else?”
I glance over my shoulder at her and notice the curiosity brightening her features. But her eagerness feels oddly out of place.
“Maybe.” I shrug, thoughts of Emma making my heart beat a rhythm that’s only for her now. “But it”s not your concern.”
“Who is she?” Stella moves to my side, searching my face for clues.
I shake my head, a small smirk playing on my lips, despite the situation. “You don”t get to know everything, Stella. We’re not close like that anymore.”
Stella”s shoulders drop just a fraction, the hint of defeat clouding her pretty eyes. But she nods, accepting my boundary with a grace I hadn”t expected.
“Okay,” she whispers, stepping back. “I had to ask.”
“Goodbye, Stella.” I slide my key into the lock of my door, dismissing the memories of high school love and romance, and the woman I once thought would be the center of my life.
I flick the light switch, illuminating the kitchen and make my way to my coffee pot, craving caffeine.The metallic hiss of the coffee maker fills the silence as I scoop the dark grounds into the filter—the start of my daily ritual to ground me back to reality. The mouthwatering scent fills my lungs, a perfume that I can’t resist.
“Is there anything I can do to change your mind?” Stella”s voice pulls me from my thoughts.
Squeezing my eyes closed, I ask the universe for strength. I glance over my shoulder and see her standing in the doorway as if frozen in place. Something in her eyes tugs at some forgotten corner of my heart. But it”s just that—a memory, a shadow of what used to be.
“Stella, we had our time. It”s gone now.” My voice is firm, but gentle. I don”t want to hurt her, but I also don’t want to offer even a shred of false hope.
“Kade...” She steps closer, her perfume invading my space as she comes into my house as if she belongs. “I just...”
My need to shut things down wins out over my need to be kind for a moment. “Listen,” I say, turning away to pour the steaming coffee into a mug, hoping the action will steel my resolve. “I cared for you. Deeply. That will always be part of who I was... who I am. But you”re a stranger to me now.”
She flinches, the hurt flashing in her blue eyes before she masks it with a wobbly smile. “I understand,” she whispers, wrapping her arms around herself as if holding the pieces of her broken heart together. I don’t understand how she can still be so attached after all these years. I’m a stranger to her now, too; why can’t she see or accept that?
“I’m sorry,” I say, hating the feeling of guilt welling up in me. This isn’t my burden to carry.
She nods, her lips pressed into a thin line. “It”s okay, Kade. I had to try, right?”
No, she didn’t.
“Sure.” I take a sip of coffee, scalding my tongue into a tasteless oblivion. I don”t owe her explanations or comfort, but still, her sorrow leaves a bitter taste in my mouth.
“Take care of yourself, Stella.” I keep my eyes on the black liquid, avoiding the pull of her gaze. Maybe this time she’ll take the hint and actually leave.
“I always do,” she replies, bringing back memories of her when she was younger. But her smile is dimmer now, as if life has beaten the joy out of her. I feel for her, but not enough to risk everything I hold dear.
But she’s still there, as if searching for the magical words that’ll turn the tides in her favor.
I glance at her, and her eyes search mine for something I can”t give. Some part of me wonders if she remembers what she did so long ago. How she left me high and dry to be with someone else. To marry another man. She chose another path, one that didn”t include me. And that’s fine, but it’s not fair of her to show up and act as if I’m cruel for refusing to try again.
“I”m sorry things didn”t work out,” I say, unsure what else to tell her.
“Can I just...” She trails off and opens her arms wide, silently asking me for comfort, to hold her. The sight tugs at something deep within me, probably pity.
It”s just a hug. What’s the harm in giving her a hug? I step forward and she winds her arms around me as I awkwardly pat her shoulder. Her body trembles against mine.
“Hey, it”s going to be okay,” I whisper, my voice steady and calming. “You”ll find someone who”s right for you.”
“You really think so?” Her voice is muffled, hopeful and broken down all at once.
“Yes, I do.” I can”t predict her future any more than I can rewrite our past, but I do think there’s someone for everyone. And right now, she needs to believe that.
She nods against my chest, taking deep breaths as if pulling herself together. When she steps back, her blue eyes are red-rimmed, and shimmer with tears, but her face is dry. “Thank you, Kade.”
“Of course.” This is the last comfort I can offer her.
She turns, to leave, but hesitates in the doorway and turns back to me. “I just wanted you to know, you were always...” She doesn”t finish, leaving the sentence and the history between us hanging in the air.
But still, she continues to hesitate, her fingers brushing a loose strand of hair behind her ear. “I”ll be in town for a while... another week or two. In case you change your mind,” she says, “I”m at the Grand, room 306.”
“I won’t,” I say, not even bothering to mask my disinterest.
But something flashes in her eyes, an expression of I”m not so sure about that that makes me uneasy.
“Take care, okay?” I say, not wishing anything other than good things on her. We both deserve a clean break.
She nods, her throat flexing as she swallows hard. “You, too.”She gives a small smile, then slips out the door, closing it softly behind her.
The silence after she leaves is relaxing and I lean against the counter, lost in thought as I bring my coffee to my lips again.
But Stella isn’t on my mind - Emma is. Her sweet smile, the taste of her, how her body responded to me... she’s etched into my mind in a way that I can’t escape, not that I’d want to.
She somehow balanced fire and innocence, boldness and desire, and I want her again just remembering our encounter.My heart does a little dance behind my ribs as my mind replays the way her eyes looked into mine, full of trust and something deeper.
I exhale, giving my head a slow shake as I think about how incredibly amazing she is, and how much I want to relive that experience with her... if she’s willing. “Damn,” I whisper to the empty room. The steam rising from my mug vanishes with my breath, then begins to curl up in little tendrils once more.
Emma is the kind of trouble I don”t mind chasing.
The vibration of my phone pulls me from the haze of memories of Emma. I reach into my pocket and pull out the device, my heart kicking with a wild hope it”s her name lighting up the screen. It”s not—it”s just a calendar alert, glaring at me—a meeting reminder, plain and impersonal.
“Focus,” I say to myself, thumb swiping the reminder away.
Reality is waiting, with all its prickly edges and unpleasant implications. The whole day and the upcoming meeting have an uncomfortable edge to them, like a shirt with stitching made of wire. I don’t want to be in the middle of this situation with Emma and Alex. A situation Emma doesn”t even know about because Alex demanded I keep this secret from her.
He just wants to protect her. But I remember how well that worked out last time with the security system. The more I learn about her, the more I wonder if he knows her at all. Because he somehow manages to make everything more difficult with her.
I’m grateful Alex trusts me with his club, but sometimes I think he forgets this is his sister’s club, too. The decisions aren’t all his to make - she should be part of the decisions, even the unsavory ones.
The secrets piling up between us feel heavier by the second. The club isn”t just her brother”s world, it”s hers, too. And the deeper I fall into whatever this thing with Emma is, the harder it gets to keep the truth from her. I exhale, glancing up at the ceiling as if the answers are written there. Of course, they’re not.
I’ll have to ask for her forgiveness later. Because there’s nothing else I can do. I scan my empty kitchen, thinking about how different my life is than it was even a week ago.
A shower seems like a good idea—maybe I can wash off the guilt.
I set my coffee on the counter and head for the bathroom, thinking about how Emma’s skin felt as I rubbed suds across every inch of her. Steam clouds around me, water drums against tile, against my skin, but it does nothing to wash away the thoughts buzzing in my mind.
Dressing takes longer than usual. The navy-blue button-down feels right, sharp and clean. It”s something that says I”ve got my act together—even if the truth is that my insides are a tangled mess of nerves and excitement.
How is she going to look at me now? After last night, after everything we shared, everything I took and gave. We’re going to cross paths at the club; there’s no possibility we won’t.
I run my fingers through my hair, making the dark locks look smart. Tucking my shirt into my slacks, I glance at my reflection. I look ready to face the day, even though I can”t stop my heart from doing somersaults.
“Let”s do this,” I say, grabbing my keys and heading out, ready to step into the ring of whatever today throws my way.