Chapter Eleven #2
When we get to the lake, I find myself craning my neck, remembering how it used to be.
The access road is the same dirt track that we used to go down when I was a kid, but years of abandonment have caused the ground to become overgrown.
Tree branches scrape against the pickup’s windows.
The same, too, can be said for the lake.
While there used to be a large clearing with sun loungers lined up in neat rows, and a food truck for refreshments, now there’s just long grass, ragweed and old tire tracks.
Jake stops the car, leans over to the glove and opens it. He pulls out a small compass and checks it, before returning it and reversing the pickup into a small patch of rocky ground. When he kills the engine, the inside of the cab falls silent.
‘Okay, this place looked a whole lot different in my mind’s eye,’ Jake declares after a moment.
I press my lips together and try not to laugh. I can just about hear the lapping of water at the lakeside.
‘Are we safe here, do you think?’ he continues.
‘Maybe ’til the sun goes down. Then we prolly shouldn’t stick around.’
‘Okay, uh… are you hungry?’
‘Sure, I could eat.’
‘Then wait here for a minute.’
He scrambles out the vehicle. I hear the back of the truck being opened, and the sound of shoes on metal. There are some scuffling sounds, and minutes later, he comes and opens my side door for me.
‘Okay, I’m all set,’ he announces. ‘You can come out now.’
I step down from the pickup and follow him as he walks backward to the rear of the vehicle. At the back, in the cargo bed, he’s laid blankets and placed a couple of bottles of Budweiser beer in a bucket. There are snacks too: corn chips and guac, popcorn and dipped pretzels.
‘I know it’s not the height of sophistication,’ he stutters, his hand once more running to the back of his neck. ‘But given our situation… I can’t take you to a restaurant and, well… well, the truth is, I can’t cook for shit.’
‘It’s perfect,’ I say as I climb up into the back and take a seat to one side.
He follows. ‘Keep one eye out for prowlers. And hungry gators.’
I laugh. ‘I’m pretty sure you could take ’em.’
‘The prowlers or the gators? A guy comes rushing at me with no helmet or a player’s jersey on, I’d prolly run the other way.’
‘I don’t know about that.’
He passes me a bottle of beer, once he’s twisted off the cap, and does the same for himself. The sky is a pretty shade of coral pink, the clouds stretching out like fish scales.
‘Can I ask you something? How come you… how come you don’t have a boyfriend? I mean, a girl like you…’ He pulls a face.
‘A girl like me, what?’
For a moment, he looks awkward. ‘A girl like you should have guys lining up around the corner just to date you.’
I shrug. ‘Maybe they ask me, but I don’t want to date them,’ I tell him. Because the kind of guys who ask me are not the kind of guys I wanna go out with. ‘I could say the same about you. Young, good-looking, NFL player…’
‘You think I’m good-looking?’
‘I was speaking in general terms.’
He laughs at that. ‘That’s cool. I know my place.’
‘I’m serious. You could have any girl you wanted right now. You could take her out to a fancy restaurant—’
‘And not bring her to a polluted lake…’
I love that he gets this twinkle in his eye when he laughs.
‘I’m serious, Jake. If they found out about this, I figure you’d just get a rap on the knuckles. Me, I’d potentially lose my job.’
He sobers up. ‘I’m not gonna let that happen. I promise you that. But it’s not gonna stop me from asking you to go out with me.’
I feel like whatever invisible barriers I’ve built up, he just knocked another one down. I sip my beer. My shoulders tense involuntarily.
‘Are you cold?’ he says. ‘Do you need another jacket?’
Before I can answer, he’s hopped over the side of the truck. I can’t help but admire his lithe movements, his well-built frame. I hear a door to the cab open, and he comes back with a jacket. He climbs back up to the cargo bed.
‘Here, put this on.’
I put down my beer. I take it, hold it up for a moment. It’s a varsity jacket from Penn State.
I thank him and slide my arms inside. The jacket’s too big for me. ‘I never dated a guy who went to college before.’
‘You didn’t? What kind of guys did you date? Am I allowed to ask?’
‘My high school boyfriend fixed up cars. That was my most serious relationship. I did internet dating for a while when I was younger, but I never met anybody who stuck around. Did you have a girlfriend in college?’
‘Uh. Two serious relationships. That’s about it.’ He blushes. ‘So, I guess now you know my body count.’
‘We’re talking body counts on a first date?’
His cheeks grow redder. ‘I didn’t plan on that coming out. I mean… you don’t have to tell me yours.’
I bite my lip and wrap his coat tighter around me. I feel at ease with him, but I’ve slept with more people than he has, and I didn’t come out here to damage his ego.
‘One day I will,’ I say.
I draw my knees up to my chest. Long shadows stretch over the lake, the sky now a shade of burnt orange.
‘Can I make a confession?’ he then says.
‘Sure.’
‘Just between you and me. It’s kind of a weird situation, but I don’t wanna keep it from you, because it’s kinda awkward.’
I search his face. ‘What is it?’
He blows out his cheeks. Looks into the sunset. ‘Samantha Conway asked me to take her daughter out on a date.’
I blink at him. ‘She what?’
‘You know Lemon Conway?’
‘I know of her.’
‘At that wedding. Sam Conway asked me if I could ask Lemon out. And I didn’t do it, so yesterday, before the game, she hauls me into her office and asks me again.’
My brow crawls up my forehead. ‘Did you wanna ask Lemon out on a date?’
He straightens. ‘You think I’d be here with you if I did?
I mean, nobody’s said so, but it kind of feels like I’m being pressured into it.
Somebody said that Lemon’s down bad for me.
But… what if that’s the reason I’m here.
That the reason the Mutineers drafted me is because Lemon persuaded her grandfather to go for me. ’
‘That’s crazy. You’re one of the most talented players out there. Everybody says so. That’s why you got picked.’
‘Then why do I get the feeling that if I don’t take Lemon out, I might get benched?’
‘No way. Did somebody tell you that?’
He sighs wearily. ‘Maybe it’s my mind playing tricks on me.’
We’re silent for a moment.
‘So, do what you’ve been asked,’ I tell him. ‘Take Lemon out on one date, show her a nice time, then let her down gently.’
It sounds ironic, because in my mind, until this moment, that’s exactly what I planned to do to Jake. Except hearing him talk, he does things to my insides. He has me imagining all kinds of things I shouldn’t be picturing right now.
‘You think that’s what I should do?’
‘You keep everybody happy. I mean, don’t show her a really good time or anything.’
The corner of his mouth curves upwards. ‘I’m thinking fancy restaurant. No trips to the lake.’
I stifle a giggle. He watches me. He has my stomach doing somersaults.
‘You haven’t eaten anything,’ he says after a moment, changing the subject.
I pick up a chip and nibble on it. ‘I’m not real hungry.’
‘River told me the rules about your shorts.’
I meet his stare. ‘She did?’
‘She watched some documentary. She was outraged.’
He’s referring to the fact that the CMC are only issued with one size of made-to-measure hotpants for our uniform. We’re not allowed to go up or down a size. It’s part of the contract. Gain any weight and you’re out.
‘I like the sound of River.’
‘I’d love for you to meet her one day.’
He’s still watching me. My breath hitches in my throat. When I raise my eyes to his, an electric current shoots through me, then I panic and look away, back toward the sunset. He’s been so truthful with me. Where do I even start to show him the same level of honesty he’s shown me?
‘You got any brothers or sisters?’ he asks.
‘Just me.’
We lapse into silence.
‘Is there something wrong?’ he asks quietly.
I push my hair behind my ears and put my bottle of beer back down.
Swallow the lump in my throat. When I glance back at him, light from the sun illuminates his skin.
He really is a golden boy: handsome, considerate, sweet-natured.
My stomach churns. I can tell by the look in his eyes that he wants me.
And it’s not just my contract. If he knew who I really was, and what I do most nights of the week, would he still wanna date me?
‘Jake, I can’t do this,’ I say, and there’s a quiver in my tone. ‘It’s in my contract. I’m not supposed to be here. I’m not supposed to be near you.’
He looks down, his fingers peeling the label on his bottle of Bud.
‘And… I can’t be near you,’ I add.
There’s a muscle in his jaw that pulses.
He keeps his eyes down, then wipes his hand over his head to remove his cap.
‘In my head, I had this all figured out,’ he says.
‘I hoped you wouldn’t be able to resist me, and we’d come up with some kind of…
I don’t know. There’d be some way we could see each other in secret.
But, hey, guess I gotta accept that I’m not that irresistible. ’
He’s smiling, but it’s a sad smile. Guilt washes over me.
‘I hope you know I’d never try to get you into trouble. I know what being in the CMC means to you.’
‘I know. And I’m grateful. If I wasn’t a CMC, I’d say yes in a heartbeat.’
Except he wouldn’t know the truth.
‘You would?’ He smiles and suddenly my cheeks feel warm. ‘How ’bout I quit the NFL? What then?’
I laugh because the idea is too crazy. Now our situation just feels impossible.
‘Maybe Lemon’ll turn out to be a real nice girl,’ I say.
He looks miserable. ‘Lemon isn’t who I want.’
The sun has dipped on the horizon. It’s getting dark and the breeze rustles in the long grass.
‘Take me back to the diner?’ I ask lightly.
He nods. ‘Sure.’