Chapter Twenty-One #2
‘Finally!’ Shawny exclaims, dipping into her hat and selecting a slip of paper.
‘We dare you to…’ Her eyes skim the words. ‘Read out in front of the group the last message on your phone from a guy.’
I raise my brows in my best poker face. ‘Oh,’ I say.
‘Girlie, go get your phone!’ Angel hollers at me.
I get to my feet. I can feel the muscles in my legs tremble, because I know exactly who the last message in my phone was from and what it said.
‘She can’t do it, somebody else has to read it!’ Leona argues.
‘I’ll go!’ Jewel volunteers.
I walk out into the corridor. I glance back at Jewel and panic. All our phones are lined up beside the front door. I swiftly locate mine, wondering if I have time to delete Brody’s message to me last night. Except Jewel bounds up behind me and grabs my cell.
‘Unlock it, unlock it!’ she commands.
‘Come on, this is dumb…’ I murmur.
Jewel holds out her hand. ‘Unlock it and hand it over.’
My mind goes into a spin. What if she reads Brody’s message out loud in front of everybody? And how in hell do I explain it? I think about pleading with Jewel then and there.
Limply, I unlock it, and hand it over.
Back in the living area, Solana is saying, ‘Ren seems like too sweet a girl to have any skeletons in her closet, you know.’
I look at Jewel, who is navigating to my messages. My heart goes into overdrive, yet I manage to maintain my fixed smile. All of my squad mates’ attention goes to my fellow rookie.
I look at her face. It’s hard to decipher what she’s reading. I’m too scared to say a word.
‘Come on, Jewel,’ Shawny chastises her. ‘Read it out loud.’
Jewel laughs, but it comes off as awkward. ‘It’s from her dad, I think, it says hey honey, can you pick up some of that microwave popcorn I like on your way home?’
My lips twist. I exhale, but it’s shaky.
‘See?’ Solana hollers. ‘I told you. Too much of a cutie. And I applaud you, Ren, for taking such good care of your daddy.’
There are murmurings of approval.
‘But what we really want is to read Hud’s messages to Harmony,’ Angel pipes up, winking in the direction of our captain. ‘Now those DMs gon be filthy.’
‘Number one, he doesn’t have my number,’ Harmony clips, ‘and number two, since when do I have to do a dare? I had my turn already.’
‘Just messin’ with you, Cap,’ Angel says with a wink.
‘Here’s your phone,’ Jewel says to me so no one else can hear.
I raise my eyes to hers and suddenly it feels as though the air has shifted.
I know by the look on her face that she’s read at least part, or the entirety of, Brody’s message to me last night.
I look away quickly, and turning on my heel, go to put my phone back, unlocking it in the corridor.
Sure enough, Dad’s message from yesterday about the popcorn is there, staring back at me on the screen.
I clutch my cell to my chest. Tears sting the corners of my eyes. Do I pretend like everything is normal? Like nothing untoward just took place.
I hear arguments next door about whether, as ringmasters, Angel or Shawny will be doing their own truth or dare.
I place my phone back beside the door with all the others. When I re-enter the room, Jewel is back on the carpet, hugging her knees.
‘I think what we all wanna know is…’ Solana says as she looks playfully between Angel and Shawny, ‘if you two have ever…’
I witness Shawny’s blush of embarrassment. Angel, on the other hand, is unflustered. ‘That question is so last season,’ she sighs. ‘Can we just move on? Who’s next?’
I reclaim my seat on the floor. I try to catch Jewel’s attention. It’s quickly clear to me that she doesn’t plan on looking my way.
When Truth or Dare comes to an end, conversations flow more freely, and the atmosphere relaxes a little. I keep one eye on Jewel, because she hasn’t said a word to me since she looked at my phone. I’d almost prefer not to speak to her, because talking only leads to me telling a bunch more lies.
In the end, I catch her alone in the kitchen. When I go stand next to her, neither of us speaks, until we both speak at the same time.
‘You first,’ she says.
I take a breath. ‘I know you saw something… on my phone,’ I say.
She looks down, to a plate on the counter piled high with potato chips that have remained untouched. ‘I didn’t wanna embarrass you,’ she responds after a moment.
‘I appreciate that.’
‘Was it from a guy you’re seeing, or something?’
She wouldn’t have known it was from Brody because I never added him as a contact in my phone, yet it forces another lie out of my mouth.
I shake my head. ‘It’s some weird Mutineers fan, I think, who got hold of my number from somewhere and he’s harassing me.’
‘Ren! Why didn’t you block him?’
It’s a valid question. ‘I did. The first time.’ I shrug. ‘Then he just changed numbers.’
‘You need to tell Kathleen about that shit. Immediately. We don’t have nearly as much security as the players. Imagine that douchebag decides to follow you, what then?’
I tear up, mostly because I hate lying to her every time I open my mouth, and I’m fit to burst. ‘Jewel, I’m in some real hot water. I may have to quit the squad.’
My voice breaks as I say it. Her eyes go wide. ‘No!’ she blurts at full volume, and both of us look to the door. The other girls are all still in the living area. She grabs on to both my hands and squeezes my fingers. ‘No,’ she whispers again. ‘What do you mean, quit the squad?’
‘I wish I could tell you everything, but I can’t. Not right now.’
‘I wouldn’t tell a soul.’
‘Jewel, I… I can’t.’
She looks at me for a moment, as though thinking about something. ‘It’s okay.’ She puts her arms around me. ‘Whatever it is, you cannot quit. Do you remember how hard you worked just to get here? How brilliant everyone thinks you are?’
I pull back and wipe my face. ‘I don’t wanna quit. But I may not have a choice.’
‘Does Harmony know? That you’re even thinking about it?’
‘Nobody knows. Except you now.’
Her gaze turns steely. She squeezes my biceps with her hands. ‘As your fellow rookie, I won’t let you quit. Everybody loves you, Ren. If you’re in a jam, then people will understand. Is it really so bad?’
I want to tell her that the guy she likes is the guy I like too, only I don’t think he likes me anymore.
I want to tell her that most days when I get home, I shed tears because it feels like I’m falling apart at the seams, and I don’t have anyone else I can talk to about it.
I want to tell her that most days I skip lunch because I don’t feel like eating, but now it’s become a thing.
I want to tell her that I don’t feel worthy of this cheer squad, because I’m a liar, and one day everything is gonna come crashing down around my ears.
Except I force a bright smile. ‘I’ll be alright,’ I say, because I don’t even know where to start.
‘Atta girl,’ Jewel says with a grin as she wraps me in a bear hug, practically lifting me off the ground. ‘Now quit talking about quitting and tell Kathleen some creep is messaging you.’