42. Lauren
42
Lauren
“Can you keep a secret?”
From her seat around the desk in Gabriel’s home office, Lauren twists to regard me with a smile. “If it involves a body hidden somewhere, then no. Anything else, heck yeah.”
I move from where I’ve been leaning against the door frame for the last five minutes, silently watching her work. She’s been straddling her new job as property manager for Rosemead Developments while doing admin tasks for her mother’s restaurant, plus raising a toddler. I don’t know how she keeps up with doing so much.
Her pretty face curls into a soft frown as I draw closer. “Are you okay?”
“No,” I reply at once. “I’m not okay.”
For the last five minutes, I’ve been pondering this weight on my chest, whether I should off load it on the woman who, although we’ve grown close over the last two years, is still my brother’s wife. A part me hesitates to put her in the middle, but there’s no one else I’d rather talk to.
“Lauren.” Zyon stands cautiously. “You’re making me worry.”
Taking a deep breath, I plunge on. “I slept with Marcus.”
Zyon’s mouth flies open.
“More than once.”
Her eyes widen.
“And I’m falling for him.”
Silence. She’s now staring at me like I’ve sprouted a second head. “I don’t need one liners, Lauren. Give me the entire story.”
Dropping my ass on the futon, I tell her everything, starting with my crush on Marcus and ending with the cold shoulder he’s been giving me for the last two days. Zyon shakes her head intermittently throughout, her expression clearly stating how she feels.
When I’m done, she sighs, rubbing the back of her head. “This is crazy.”
“I don’t know what to do, Zyon. How do I walk away from something that makes me feel so good?”
Zyon cocks a brow at me. “It makes you feel good, but for how long? An hour, two tops. What happens next, huh? This.” Her index finger circles my face. “The anxiety, the insecurity, the constant worry if he’ll ever love you back.”
A loud, shuddering breath emerges from my lips.
“Look, I understand more than anyone. I’ve been there, remember?” she says.
“Of course, I remember the shit you endured with Gabriel. You didn’t give up on him, though. You fought for his love.”
“Oh, sweetie…” An expression of pity softens her eyes. “There’s a difference between Gabriel and Marcus. You know that.”
“Yes, I know,” I reply impatiently. “Marcus is a man whore; Gabriel only dated one woman at a time.”
Zyon shakes her head. “That’s not what I’m talking about. Gabriel was also damaged, but the difference is, his resistance to me had nothing to do with another woman. Marcus is damaged because a woman ripped his heart to shreds.”
Harper. Anger and jealousy swirl in my stomach. I know it’s useless to resent someone who’s not even a factor in his life anymore, but I do. Harper ruined him for every other woman while she’s out there living her best life. It’s totally messed up.
I sit up in the seat, regarding Zyon earnestly. “He’s not damaged beyond repair, right? I could fix him. I could be the one to mend his broken heart.”
She’s shaking her head even before I’m finished. “Don’t do that.”
The compassion in her voice makes my eyes sting. I blink back the tears. “I love him, Zyon.”
“There’s no doubt in my mind that you do, but you’re falling for a guy who will never claim you. You’re a good girl, deserving of someone just as good, maybe even better, someone who’s not afraid to love you. Marcus is not that someone. From what I’ve observed, I’m not sure he’ll ever be capable of loving anyone. You’re wasting time, sharing yourself with the wrong man.”
My insides twist from a sensation so painful, it triggers a body-jerking sob.
“I’m sorry,” Zyon whispers, reaching over to take my hands. “You know me, Lauren. I’m going to give it you to straight every time.”
“Yeah, I know.” I pull one hand free to wipe the tear running down my cheek. It’s one of the reasons why I came to her. Zyon will never sugarcoat what she has to say.
“I’m not going to question how valid your feelings are. Marcus might not be capable of love, but he’s quite loveable. He has had your back for a long time, and I understand how you’d get attached to him, but Lauren, you need to let it go.”
“How?” I sob. “How do I walk away from the person my soul wants? ”
She captures my other hand again, staring right into my face. “By reminding yourself that his soul doesn’t want you.”
Ouch.
Zyon sees the hurt on my face and goes on, “It has nothing to do with you. He’s damaged, and hurt people hurt people. Marcus won’t intend to break your heart, but he will.”
I swipe the tear rolling down my cheek. “It’s not that easy to walk away.”
“You’re right, it won’t be easy, but start with baby steps. Get dolled up. Date yourself. Find yourself . Eventually, you’ll find someone on the same wavelength, someone who wants marriage and babies, someone who will openly cherish you for the queen you are.”
“What if you’re wrong, though?” I shift on the seat, staring at Zyon earnestly. “What if he’s not beyond repair? What if I can fix him?”
Zyon snorts. “And they say I’m the stubborn one. He’s not a construction project, Lauren, and even if he was, would you really want to take that on?”
I gently pull my hands from hers and stand. “There’s a difference between Gabriel and Marcus, but you and I are alike. Remember when Gabriel started dating Janie? You fought like hell for him. Now, here you are, happily married with a beautiful son. A miracle. Who knows? Marcus and I might get one too.”
Zyon sighs. “If you keep messing around with Marcus, it won’t end well for either of you.”
“We’ll see about that,” I reply, reaching for the cell phone in my pocket. I send Andrew a text message. Pick-up at Gabriel’s, please.
“Honestly, I hope like hell that I’m wrong and you get your happy ending with Marcus,” Zyon says, standing. “Good luck.”
She pulls me into an embrace, one I return wholeheartedly. There are no hard feelings. I will always appreciate how frank she can be. She’s wrong, though, and I can’t wait to prove it. Marcus is quite capable of change; he only needs the right woman to inspire him.
As I read Andrew’s incoming message and bid Zyon goodbye, I cross my fingers, hoping I’m that right woman.