Chapter 3 #3
I wish I could say the same. I wish I could act normal around him, but every time my eyes flick to him, all I can think about is his hands on my body, his mouth on mine, the way he made me feel alive in a way that no one else ever has.
But now… now it's like he's a stranger again. All those moments we had, none of them seem to matter anymore. Because here we are, back to square one: Jake Morrison, my brother's best friend, and me, the girl I know he can't stop thinking about.
I mean, can this get any worse? I keep thinking it can't, but at the same time, I also feel like it will and I don't know how I can stop it.
I sigh internally, pushing my half-eaten cereal away. I'm not hungry anymore, not for food anyway. My stomach is a mess of nerves and butterflies, and it feels like there's a constant lump in my throat that won't go away.
Jake seems to be doing his best to ignore me, too.
He's been quiet since he came downstairs, his focus entirely on his phone.
I want to say something—anything—to break this awkward silence, but every time I open my mouth to speak, the words die on my tongue.
What is there even left to say at this point?
Sorry for kissing you like that? Sorry for wanting more? Sorry for leaving and being an asshole?
I don't think either of those things would go over very well.
Instead, I'm left sitting here, stuck in my head and drowning in memories of our past. Like the time we were all camping together—Ryan, Jake, and me—and Jake taught me how to fish.
We'd spent hours down by the lake, with Ryan sleeping off a hangover from the night before, while Jake patiently showed me how to cast my line and bait my hook.
I think it was in that moment I fell in love with him, if I already wasn't.
And what about that time when I was eight and fell out of the treehouse Ryan had built for us?
Jake just happened to be over for dinner that night, and he rushed outside as soon as he heard me scream.
He'd scooped me up in his arms, cradling me against his chest like a small child, even though I must have weighed more than half of what he did back then.
And let's not forget the countless sleepovers we had when we were younger—Ryan and Jake crashing on the pull-out couch while I claimed my bedroom upstairs.
They'd stay up all night talking about God knows what, leaving me to wonder if they'd ever grow tired of being best friends. Those were the days.
But even as these memories flash through my mind, there's one that stands out above them all: the day I turned eighteen and Ryan threw me a surprise party.
Jake had been there, too, of course. He was always there for every important moment in our lives, but this time it felt different.
This time, I noticed him noticing me, and that was when everything changed between us.
We'd ended up dancing together in the kitchen while the rest of our friends danced around us, oblivious to the tension between us.
It had been a slow song, something soft and sweet with lyrics that made my heart flutter in my chest. Jake had held me close, his hands resting on my hips as we swayed together in time to the music.
I can't help but wonder if, even back then, he already thought the way he does now about me.
That time, with the night growing darker, I could swear there was a different look in his eyes whenever he looked at me, and it was something heated and intense that I'd never seen before.
And when the party finally ended and everyone else had gone home, Ryan included, Jake lingered by the front door for just a moment too long.
"Do you need help cleaning up?" he'd asked, his voice as though it was something physical and he was caressing me with it.
"No," I said, shaking my head. "I can handle it."
And then, without any warning, he gently tilted my chin up with his fingers. His touch was soft but deliberate, and the way his eyes held mine sent a shiver down my spine, making it hard to breathe.
"Okay," he murmured, his eyes locked with mine for just a second too long before he turned and walked out the door. Walking away at the wrong moment has always been something he's good at.
I'd been left standing there, staring at the empty space where he'd been, feeling like I'd missed something important, like maybe if I'd said yes, things between us would be different now. But then again, maybe that moment had passed, and we were destined to remain just friends forever.
Or so I thought until yesterday.
The shrill ring of my phone pulls me out of my thoughts, and I jump slightly in my seat, reaching for it on the table next to my cereal bowl. Who's calling me now? I ask myself.
My heart sinks as I see my best friend's name flashing across the screen—Emma, one of the few people from college who still keeps in touch with me. She's different.
"Hey, Em," I say, putting the phone to my ear and trying to sound more cheerful than I feel right now. "What's up?"
There's a pause on the other end before Emma speaks. "Hey, Mia! Long time no talk! Listen, I was wondering if you were still in town—"
I cut her off with a sigh. "Yeah, I'm here," I say, rolling my eyes at myself for being so unenthusiastic. But honestly, what's the point? My life feels like it's in shambles right now. I wish I weren't here. Being in close proximity to my crush is destroying me.
"Oh good!" Emma exclaims, oblivious to my less-than-stellar mood. She's always been overly self-absorbed. "Because guess who just got invited to a wedding this weekend?"
I raise an eyebrow, surprised by her sudden excitement. Meanwhile, I'm aware that Jake is right there and listening to everything I'm saying. It bothers me, but there isn't anything I can do about it. It's not like I can just make him leave.
"Who?" I ask. It's strange, I think immediately. Is it really that important? Do we really have to talk about that right now? Because, in that moment, I only want to think about what to do with what's going on between Jake and me.
Emma laughs, and I can almost see her rolling her eyes at me. "Me," she says, as if it should be obvious. "And I really want you to come with me."
What?
I blink in surprise, taken aback by the invitation. Emma and I have been friends for a very long time, but we haven't seen each other in person since graduation—a whopping four months ago.
"Me?" I ask, stupidly parroting her words back at her. "Why?"
I really can't believe it. It's just so unexpected.
Emma laughs again, and this time I can hear the nervous edge to it. There's something about the wedding, something she hasn't told me yet. I can't help but wonder what it is.
"Because... well, because the wedding is for a guy I used to date sort of casually, and I really don't want to go alone."
I feel my eyebrows shoot up in surprise at that admission. Emma and I have always been pretty open with each other about our dating lives, or lack thereof, but she's never mentioned this guy before. It makes me wonder what else she might be keeping from me.
"Whoa," I say, leaning back in my chair as the pieces start to fall into place. I can almost forget that Jake is still sitting right in front of me. "Okay, so... what exactly is going on here?"
Emma sighs heavily, and I can picture her running a hand through her short blonde hair.
"It's complicated," she says. "He was this guy I knew from back home.
We hooked up a few times in college, but it never really went anywhere.
And then last year, out of nowhere, he messages me saying he's getting married.
It was totally unexpected." I can imagine that, I think.
I'm silent for a moment, letting that sink in. It sounds like Emma is still into this guy, despite their complicated history and despite the fact that he's about to get married. She's treading on dangerous territory, no denying it.
"And you want to go to his wedding?" I ask, unable to keep the incredulity from my voice. "Why?"
Emma pauses again before answering. "Because... because I don't know," she says honestly. "I guess I just want to see him one more time. You know, say goodbye properly or something. And maybe... maybe convince him not to go through with it."
The last part comes out in a rush, and my heart goes out to her. It's clear that Emma still has feelings for this guy, even if she's too stubborn to admit it. She's being silly about it. She shouldn't go to his wedding at all. It will only make her feel worse about herself.
"Okay," I say slowly, considering the request. On one hand, I'm not exactly eager to spend hours playing therapist to my best friend while she pines after some guy who is clearly moving on with his life. But on the other hand... Well, let's face it: I could use a distraction right about now.
Anything not to be in close proximity to Jake is a good thing for me.
And with some luck, going to this wedding will help me forget about everything that happened between Jake and me yesterday and all the complicated feelings I still have for him. But, I'm not hopeful.
"Fine," I say, making my decision. "I'll go with you."
Emma's face probably lights up at the other end of the line, and I can practically hear her squeal of excitement from here.
"Oh my God, thank you, Mia!" she gushes.
"You don't know how much this means to me.
I promise we're going to have a blast. Well, as 'blast' as you can have at a wedding where the groom is your ex. "
I laugh despite myself, feeling a little bit better than before the phone call. Maybe Emma's right. Maybe this is just what I need to take my mind off everything that's happening here. It's worth a shot.
"So," I say, changing the subject as I stand up from the table and start clearing my bowl. "When do we leave?"
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