5. Chapter 5
NATALIE
T he one place I was sure Alex would not find me quickly was Emilys apartment. And there I was, sitting cross on her bed, fretting my fingers, my heart pounding in recollection of last night.
It was hard to speak of him without recalling his face and voice. On second thought, I should not have gone there, emptying my soul to this girl who would tease me afterward, but I had no other option.
I needed to spit this out, or it would consume me. So I did. I watched her leisurely sip coffee while confessing my deeds.
What did you do? I cant believe this, Nat.
I know, I know, it was foolish, but I didnt mean for it to happen
No, cut that bullshit; you are long overdue on getting that seal off. But why with him?
Is it because I told you to let loose, spread your legs? she laughed. You know I didnt mean that fast?
I threw a pillow at her and buried my head in her sheets, the sweet smell of lavender hitting me.
Did you at least enjoy it? By now, she was on the bed with me, prying my hair to get a view of my face. Was he any good? Well, you may not even know what is good and what is not.
She started laughing, but this time, she stopped abruptly when I admitted, Yes, it was. So good I took a nude photo of him.
You did not? she said, her eyes wide and bright with surprise.
I didnt mean to. I guess I panicked and needed something to hold on to. But I wont lie, he looked so hot.
Can I see it? she cooed.
Of course not.
What do you plan to do with it then?
I raised my eyebrows and gave her a knowing smile.
No, you are not going to paint it, are you?
I nodded, but I tried not to meet her eyes. I need to get him out of my mind. Its the only way I can think of.
Would you listen to yourself? "She pulled towards me and grabbed my shoulder. You cannot do that. I understand you lost your virginity, and you feel conflicted, but this is not the way to go about things.
Its how he looked when I last saw him- vulnerable, unaware, fragile. It was raw.
Emily shook her head and sighed." You are an artist; you take inspiration from things like this, but we are talking about Alex Carter here, not some random man. Billionaire, doctor, well-connected, high status and standards.
And? I bit my lips and considered her words.
He could find you, sue you, or worse.
Emily was not wrong, but the courage to capture the picture on canvas was tremendous. So, he gets to add me to his checklist, and I get nothing?
Yes, Nat. Such is the world we live in.
No, he wont find out, I whispered. You wont tell him, will you?
Of course not. But he knows where you work and your address by now. He will hunt you down. Because thats what men like him do.
I shook my head, hoping I would shake her words and doubts away. He doesnt even know I took it. Besides, its my art; this is not me being rebellious. Its just that I have to.
Yeah, right. I will not join you in jail for violation of privacy.
I laughed. I have a spare canvas in your guest room. Ill use that.
Oh, Natalie. You have gone crazy. She got up and pecked me lightly on the cheek before pulling me into a hug. Youre playing with fire, girl. But I get that you need this to heal.
I nodded and whispered in her ear, I think I need to heal down there, too. I feel sore.
There was another round of laughter. You need a warm bath and pills.
Thanks, Em. I smiled and stripped naked to bathe and change into some borrowed clothes. Then I paused, realizing I had been selfish.
How is work going?
Cool. I have to meet my media team today. Ive got an event to attend.
Will Richard be there?
Nope. Its purely work on this one. But you could come if you need to get some air.
Nah, I declined.
A few minutes later, I popped my head out of the room and yelled down the hallway. Can I stay here a few more days? He may be looking for me at my place or not.
Girl, he doesnt even know your face anymore. How about work?
Ill call in sick. Carla wont mind. She just got half a million dollars.
I sniffed loudly, hoping to catch a whiff of breakfast to calm the rumbling in my stomach. Whats for breakfast?
Avocado toast. You can have Greek yogurt, too.
Awesome.
After breakfast, our conversation shifted to lighter topics, but my mind still raced with different thoughts. I was drowning. So, as soon as Emily stepped out, I buried myself in the idea of painting my best portrait yet.
The thrill of anticipation poured through me as I picked up the canvas and ran my hand along the fabric. I set myself up to paint, only to realize I needed an easel and maybe more than the primary colors I had at Emilys.
So, I left her apartment and took a cab back to the studio to pick up everything I needed. As I stepped inside, the familiar scent of paint and turpentine hit my nose, and I re-considered my decision to pack things up to bring to Emilys.
The empty studio convinced me to paint there. So I walked to a free easel and set up the canvas and my phone beside it. An hour later, I stared proudly at Alexs free form, sketched in rough strokes. Without the details, no one would realize it was him.
But did I want it that way? No. I picked up my brush again. I needed to see his face and expression on the canvas when I snuck out. There was no going back after this.
As I dipped the brush into the paint, my phone rang. I reached out to check the caller, and my Caller ID services popped up with the name Alex Carter. He was calling. My stomach flipped, and I stared at it, frozen.
What did he want from me? Was this a follow-up before I got on the checklist? Should I pick it up? What would I say? These thoughts flooded my mind, and my hands trembled as I rejected the call.
I could not talk to himnot before I finished the painting, and maybe not after. I was not ready. I dropped the phone, and it buzzed again. I rejected it for the successive three rings.
When it buzzed again, I threw a sheet over the painting. I needed to return to Emilys apartment before he found me here. What if he already had?
I picked up the call and murmured, Hello.
He sighed in relief and rushed through his words, Natalie? Where are you? Why did you leave? Whats with the note? Did I do something wrong?
Deep down, I was pleased he called to check up on me, but I was not about to tell him, Why did you call Dr. Carter?
Dr. Carter? Natalie, we need to talk. About last night.
My eyes narrowed, and I was slightly afraid to show any emotions. There is nothing to talk about.
His voice became gentle but firm. Are you at the studio?
Yes. I blurted out before catching myself. No, no, Im not.
Ill be there in a few minutes. Dont move. He ended the call. I weighed my options.
Thirty minutes later, we were in his car, parked next to the edge of the street. I looked at the old building that housed the studio, and for the first time, I agreed with Carla that we needed financial help more than recognition.
How have you been? he began.
Pretty good, I lied, then scratched at a drop of paint on my smock.
You do look good, though.
It was hard not to blush, but I told myself to stay stern. What did you want to talk about?
Yesterday was intense, and I just wanted to ask if you felt the same way.
His face was the type no one would ever tire of seeing: black eyes that bore holes into ones soul, dark hair casting a mysterious shade on his olive complexion, and soft and warm lips.
I tucked my hair behind my ears and looked him in the eyes as I lied again, No, I do not. Can I go now?
He ran his hand through his hair, a gesture of frustration. Then we just have to try again.
Before I could react, he covered the distance between us and pushed his lips onto mine.