Chapter 4
When I get home that evening, Alison FaceTimes me from an Uber on her way to meet some friends for drinks.
She’s made up, wearing her signature hoop earrings.
Looking, as always, absolutely stunning.
Her blonde hair framing her face perfectly on the screen.
I remember as I answer that I’m wearing her cardigan and shrug it slightly off my shoulders – I stole it from her wardrobe a few years ago and have successfully hidden it until now.
I wore it today as a good-luck charm; even though she’s been less than supportive of my career, something in me wanted to have a piece of her with me today. To channel some of her confidence.
‘Hey, bitch,’ she says, clearly already a few drinks in. ‘Just calling to see how your audition went today.’
I bite my lip, not sure how much to tell her. Not sure, really, if I know how well it went to begin with – I’m still a little shell-shocked by the whole thing.
‘I think it was okay,’ I say. ‘Hard to tell, really.’
‘I’m sure you did great,’ she says. ‘You are great.’ And my heart warms. Such praise from Alison is rare.
‘Of course,’ she continues. ‘All those years shut away in your room have to count for something, right?’
There it is, I think. I bite the inside of my lip as she says it. She squints, as if she’s looking at the screen. ‘Is that my cardigan?’ she asks.
‘No,’ I say, shrugging it further down my shoulders. She looks more closely and I struggle to shove the last bit of yellow fabric off screen.
‘Lara!’ she snaps. ‘I’ve been looking for that for ages.’
‘I promise it’s mine,’ I lie.
‘Liar.’ She laughs, seeing through me straight away. ‘It looks better on you anyway. But it had better be back in my wardrobe at Mum and Dad’s next time I’m there or I’ll hunt you down. Why don’t you come for drinks with me and my friends tonight? We could celebrate your audition.’
‘I’m okay, thanks, Al,’ I say. Her offer is nice, but I’m not sure I have anything to celebrate right now – I don’t want to get ahead of myself. ‘You have a good time.’
‘Boringggg,’ she drawls. ‘And I will.’ She blows me a kiss. ‘Love you. Tell me as soon as you hear, okay?’
‘I will,’ I reply, blowing her a kiss back.
Nat calls me the next morning and asks me to come in. As I climb the stairs to her office, I can feel my throat dry up. I lied to my boss about a doctor’s appointment for probably the millionth time since starting my job at the paper company, and felt awful for how easily he bought it.
I have no idea if Nat’s going to have feedback for me.
I have no clue what I’m walking into. And I’ve been turning the audition over in my mind ever since I left the studio.
The conversation with Alessandro went well, I thought.
And the scene we ran. But I still don’t know how I compared to Sienna, who seems to be the obvious choice.
Besides, it would be insane to have heard back by now.
Maybe Nat just wants to check in and make sure I’m not going to pull out because of my worries about Avi.
Which I know I’m not. I’m determined to see this through as far as I can.
‘So,’ she says. ‘My prodigal client. How was your screen test yesterday?’
‘It went…’ I pause, trying to assess exactly how it went. Because, to be honest, I don’t know. The whole thing is still a huge blur.
‘I’m not sure how it went. Look, Nat—’ I’m caught again by a sudden impulse to tell her the full story.
‘I am sure how it went,’ she says, looking at me strangely. My heart thuds. ‘Because Alessandro called me this morning.’
‘What?’ I feel my chest tightening. ‘He did?’
‘He did,’ she says.
‘What did he say?’ I ask, trying to prompt her. Anxiety vibrates through me now. But all she does is flick through some papers on her desk.
I wait, watching. A million emotions running through me until she looks up. There’s a glint in her eye that makes me hope more than I’ve dared to until this moment.
‘Now,’ she says, clasping her hands together. ‘I’ve just had one of the greatest directors of our generation telling me he’ll agree to any of your contractual demands, as long as you agree to do this film. You were up against Sienna fucking Marsh – and he chose you. You, Lara.’
I find myself struggling to understand exactly what she’s saying in this moment, the words flowing over me like they’re in a different language. My entire body suddenly numb.
‘Now,’ she continues. ‘From what I’ve heard, Sienna’s still very willing to take the part if you don’t want it.
So you had better really think about whether the concerns about your relationship with your potential co-star are important enough for us to even discuss right now.
Because I swear to God, Lara, these opportunities only come around once in a blue moon… ’
Oh, my God, I think, some feeling coming back to my limbs. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
I’m waiting for any sort of concern to surface – for my past with Avi to come rushing in.
But that’s not what comes to my mind.
Instead, it’s just pure, soaring joy.
‘He loved how you spoke about the role, Lara,’ she says. ‘He thought you were really aligned with his vision for Amelia. He wants to bring your Amelia to life. So,’ she says, sitting back. ‘Is there anything we need to discuss before you accept?’
And I find myself thinking instead about everything I’ve done to get here.
All of it rushing in: the late nights, reading scripts.
The constant uncertainty. The crashing disappointment, every time I got a no.
The determination to pick myself up. To keep going.
Everything I’ve given up, leading to this.
And I feel it too. I remember my hand scribbling those goals on the page.
Putting them in the Amelia book. As a bookmark or a prayer, I don’t know.
Maybe as a hope that things would work out.
And here I am, watching them work out. Like a dream. Except, this time, I’m not imagining it. It’s real.
A smile lights up Nat’s face as she waits for my response.
I find myself shaking my head. Because while the feelings about Avi are still present, there’s a voice inside me that’s far louder.
And it’s telling me Nat’s right – the past doesn’t matter right now.
It can’t. This is my future and I have to grab it with both hands. A smile spreads across my face – one that matches hers. Because, finally, we’ve done it.
‘Nothing to discuss. I’ll take it.’