Chapter 6 #3
I immediately regret my choice. Juice, at this hour of the day, is likely to give me a sugar rush that I’ll crash down from later.
Which, given I’m already feeling sleep-deprived and more than a little unhinged, is a terrible idea.
But when I turn to ask for something else, he’s pulled his disappearing act again.
That man would have an excellent career as a spy.
I don’t have time to think about my poor choices, though, because as soon as I step through the door to Hair, someone takes my hand and leads me to a chair.
I hardly have time to say hello or settle into my seat before they get to work, pulling and blow-drying, and teasing and gently coiffing my hair into submission.
And when I look up, my breath hitches.
I like myself fine, but I’ve never thought of myself as beautiful.
Alison was always the person people gravitated towards at school.
The easy smile, the long blonde hair – she and Sienna could be related, honestly.
I, on the other hand, have a face I’d hope most directors would describe as a blank slate – a feature that can be an asset, in the right setting.
And when I stare in the mirror, I see it.
My dark hair has been curled into soft ringlets, most of it secured into an up-do with a jewelled pin, and some tendrils left down to frame my face, a few curls hanging down at the back.
I saw all of this yesterday, when they were doing the tests.
But somehow today the effect, combined with the make-up, is stunning.
I still look like myself, but enhanced. I look like Amelia, I think.
In that second, the nerves start to fall away – because I’m here for a reason.
And I’m determined to do that reason justice.
I want to bring Amelia to life. And now, for the first time since the costume fitting, I can visualise myself as her.
See my edges melting away, completely, into the role.
When the hairdressers are done, David – who has magically appeared outside the door, like the stealth wizard I am learning he is – leads me quickly across the set to my trailer.
‘Lara at her trailer,’ he says to nobody. Then, to me, ‘I’ll come and get you for blocking in a few minutes.’
‘Thanks,’ I say, but he doesn’t wait around, just rushes off again.
I look up at the door and find myself frozen in place. I’ve never had my own trailer before.
I feel like an idiot, standing here staring at it. But every moment so far this morning has felt like a dream. And I keep thinking I’m going to blink and it’ll all disappear. But my name is there, in small black letters printed on a white laminated sheet. Lara Francis.
‘Everything okay?’ a runner asks from behind me, and I nod.
Get it together, I remind myself. But then I ascend the steps and open the door. What I see inside makes me stop in my tracks.
The whole table is covered in flowers. Great bouquets of them: lilies, roses. And I think I see some yellow, too: sunflowers. My favourite. I walk over to the table and see something next to them that almost sends me over the edge.
An old, tattered teddy bear from Build-A-Bear Workshop, wearing sunglasses.
Freddie Mercury Junior. Mine and Alison’s shared bear.
My parents could only afford to buy us one at the time, and we begged them to go to the Build-A-Bear Workshop for so long they couldn’t stave us off any more.
We fought over what to call him and my dad is a big fan of Queen.
Alison has custody of him at the moment; we switch every Christmas.
And I have no idea how she got him in here, but I snatch him up and hold him close.
Something of home. Something that tells me that – maybe, just maybe – Alison is more understanding of my nerves than she’s shown me.
As I’m holding him I take in the rest of the room, my eyes snagging on my costume for today, hung up in the corner in what looks like a dry-cleaning bag.
I set Freddie down gently and unzip it, taking in the silk.
The intricate corset. It’s the same red dress I was wearing when Avi interrupted my fitting.
But before I can examine it further, David appears outside my trailer, ready to take me to set for our blocking of the scene.
Before finishing getting ready, they want us there to determine camera angles and lighting, and make sure they can follow mine and Avi’s movements across the set.
Then, while I’m getting into costume, the crew will have a short rehearsal to ensure everything is in place before shooting.
‘Hey,’ Avi says, when I reach set. He’s wearing sideburns and is fully made-up for screen, but is also in jeans and a T-shirt. I must look ridiculous too, and I can’t stifle the laugh that rises in me.
‘Hi,’ I reply. I feel slightly less nervous seeing him than I thought I would. But there’s a strange thrill that runs over my skin at the sight of him. A thrill I steadfastly ignore.
‘Amelia mia,’ Alessandro says, his tone warm and affectionate. ‘How wonderful it is to see you.’ And I light up at the sound of his voice.
We run through a few different iterations of the scene for this morning, Alessandro moving us accordingly. Making sure we’re in the right position for the crew, memorising our marks. It feels… nice. Relaxed. Almost normal. And I start to wonder if I’ve been stupid, for being so nervous.
David comes to collect us once we’ve finished, and walks Avi and I back to our trailers along with a few other runners.
Avi looks at me like he might be about to say something, but, before he can, David is giving us both a run-through of the schedule for later and ordering us into our trailers.
Still, I catch his eye and he flashes me a smile.
Once I’m safely back in my trailer, I start to take the red dress out of its cover, then realise I’m going to need help doing it up.
I move to the door of the trailer, ready to open it and find a runner. Before I can, I hear someone talking just outside.
‘Did you see Sienna Marsh is here?’ they say, speaking in hushed tones. I peek out of the window to see a couple of people dressed in costume. Maybe they’re extras or people lower down in the call sheet. I don’t recognise either of them.
‘I did,’ another voice responds. ‘What do you think she’s doing here?’
‘Well,’ the other says. ‘It’s only a rumour, but…’
There’s a pause, as they look around to see if there’s anyone nearby. I duck down so I’m not visible through the window.
‘It’s Lara Francis’s first film – she’s a complete unknown.
And apparently, some of the production team thought they might be taking too much of a risk.
Alessandro was desperate to cast her, but he had a hard time persuading them because they were worried she might not be able to handle the pressure of such a compressed shoot.
So, just in case, Alessandro agreed to bring Sienna in as an understudy.
Someone he’s worked with before, someone he can trust. So that filming won’t be halted for too long if Lara’s not up to the job. ’
If she’s not up to the job. A chill runs through my blood, turning it cold.
‘It’s only a rumour,’ I whisper to myself as they walk away. But it doesn’t do anything to quell the spike of worry that shivers through me, making me nauseous.
I take a breath, wondering what the fuck to do with this new information.
Alessandro vouched for me, at least – according to what they just said.
But the nerves I thought had dissipated since the blocking return now in full force.
I thought I was starting to maybe find some footing, but this – even if it isn’t true – has made that footing shakier than ever.
Even to have people speculating about my position here hurts.
They have taken a big risk by hiring me, I think, insecurity starting to creep in through the cracks.
Sienna’s beautiful face, her perfect, polished smile flashing into my mind.
But I push the thought away as quickly as it comes.
Because I have to focus. It will not serve my performance today.
I’ll just have to treat it as a rumour and leave it at the door when the time comes to perform.
Alison has a saying: as within, so without.
What you fear, if you worry about it for long enough, comes true.
It’s why she’s always trying to nudge me towards positive thinking.
Convinced that my tendency to worry creates more problems than it solves.
Maybe it’s finally time I took a leaf out of her book.
And in any case, I don’t have time to worry about it – I have to get into costume.
My first task is to be ready for my call time.
I open the door to find a runner with blue hair approaching, hand to their earpiece.
As she gets closer, I see she has piercings all across one eyebrow.
She might be small, but there’s a buzzing energy about her that tells me she’s ready to go at any moment.
Like, if David is the commander of the army, she could definitely be his deputy.
‘Hi,’ I say, trying to keep my voice steady. ‘Would – would you be able to get someone from Costumes to help me put this on? It’s just, it’s a corset and—’
Before I can say anything else, a panicked look crosses her face and she’s speaking into her earpiece. A few seconds later, David appears suddenly from the right, making me jump.
‘For God’s sake,’ he says, marching over at speed.
He starts barking into his microphone. ‘How did NO ONE realise that Lara was going to need a costume assistant? Hmm? Are you all STUPID?’ I flinch a little at his tone, which is made all the more harsh for this hour of the morning.
It’s almost 6 a.m., so still not a normal time to be awake.
I’ve really picked the wrong career for agreeable start times, considering I struggled most days to even be ready by 9 a.m. for my day job at the paper company.