Chapter 16 #2
I was hoping I’d have time to go via his trailer, but I’m pretty much rushed straight to set from Hair and Make-up.
When I arrive, neither Avi nor Alessandro are there yet, so I stop at the food table while David is on the phone and try to choke down some toast, to settle my nerves.
But instead I find Roman. Spearing some melon with a fork.
‘Hello, Amelia,’ he says, his voice impassive.
‘Don’t even try it, Roman,’ I say. ‘I don’t want to fucking talk to you right now.’
‘What do you mean?’ he says, fake-clutching his chest.
I lean in, incredulous that even now – even after what he’s done – he still thinks this is all a game. ‘I know it was you,’ I say.
He frowns. ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about.’
I pull out my phone and open my browser. Turning the screen towards him. He looks at it and blinks a few times, surprise and shock passing across his face – coming out of character for the first time since we met.
‘Shit,’ he says. ‘Honestly, that wasn’t me.’ And his facial expression seems so genuine, so earnest that something falters in me for a second. But there’s no way it was anyone else. And this man can slip in and out of character so easily – he’s made it very clear to me that I can’t trust him.
‘Right,’ I say. ‘Because you’ve given me so many reasons to trust you. Why would I ever believe you? And besides, who else would it have been?’
‘Seriously, Lara,’ he says and I baulk – because that’s the first time he has ever called me by my name. Because I can see genuine concern on his face and it’s throwing me for a loop. ‘I didn’t do this.’
But in this moment, I have bigger things to worry about.
Like Avi, who has just shown up, flanked by Sienna.
Her blonde hair perfectly coiffed. What is she doing here?
I think. Surely it will only make things worse – for her as well as Avi and me.
And I can already see it: the crew members looking from me to her with great interest, as if waiting to see what’s about to unfold.
But there’s no time to even process this because then Alessandro arrives too.
An expression on his face that sends a boulder into my stomach.
Shit.
I swallow the lump in my throat and cross the set.
Trying, for the moment, to ignore the fact that I feel like I’m living in a parallel universe, and to do as Nat suggested and offer a grovelling apology to Alessandro for what happened.
But he is in deep discussion with the first AD.
And, after a few minutes, Avi and Sienna separate and he makes his way to his mark.
She moves off to one side, positioning herself among the runners.
Sitting in a chair and opening a magazine as if none of this is of any concern to her.
‘Hi,’ he replies. His tone off – cold, almost.
‘Where were you this morning?’ I ask. ‘And what’s Sienna doing here?’ Trying not to sound too needy, too hurt. But the sudden shift in his demeanour – and the fact that he arrived here with Sienna – is really freaking me out.
‘Damage control,’ he says. Shifting on his feet a little. Not giving me any more information than that.
‘Okay,’ I say, the worry starting to rise. ‘Is everything okay?’ A stupid question – because I know it isn’t. But I’m not just talking about the article. He shakes his head, slowly, and my heart drops.
‘I have a plan, though. Let’s just get through filming first, okay?’
I nod, my heart hammering. And I’m about to say that I want to know more.
Because he’s more important to me, in this moment, than anything else.
But then Alessandro clicks his fingers and shouts at us to get on our marks, and my voice dies in my throat.
I look over at him and see the thunder in his expression – and realise that right now I have to find that commitment.
Everything I’ve been relying on, up until now, which feels incredibly faint in this moment.
Because Amelia needs me still. Because what Nat said was right.
My responsibility is to Alessandro and this film, even if my heart is somewhere else.
Even if hurt and worry might be spilling through every part of me right now.
We still have work to do. I have to draw on her strength – have to find a way to get through the next few hours – to do justice to the reason why I’m here, even if Alessandro is going to hate me either way. Until we can talk.
I look up and meet Avi’s eye. He nods, his expression placid, then moves to his mark. I follow suit.
‘Right!’ Alessandro shouts. ‘Let us rehearse.’
I breathe in, and out, trying desperately to get back into my body. Waiting for his cue – flinching as it comes.
It’s time.
A few run-throughs later, we’re ready to shoot.
I’m still feeling shaky on my feet between takes, and it’s honestly incredibly hard not to focus on the fact that Sienna is sitting only a few metres away and there are clearly runners whispering about us.
But by some miracle, some of Amelia’s presence is filtering into me when the cameras are on – I’m finding her.
Relying on her more than I ever have. Her steadiness.
Her strength, to carry me through. Even as I feel like I might be about to completely fall apart.
We’ve managed to go in chronological order just as Alessandro wanted to, so this is the final scene of the film. And it’s a fitting finale, a farewell between Amelia and Jackson as he travels back to America.
‘So,’ Avi says, once the cameras are rolling. ‘I suppose this is goodbye, Amelia Blackthorn.’
‘I suppose it is,’ I say, finding myself all of a sudden holding back tears.
Because in this moment – even though Avi and I haven’t spoken yet, even though it might be irrational – I can already feel him pulling away. I can feel the meaning underneath that goodbye. It’s not just Jackson saying it.
And I have a horrible feeling that everything is about to go wrong, all over again.