Chapter 19
The next morning I call Alessandro to apologise, again – phase one of the new plan.
And he’s more open to speaking to me than I expected.
Still clearly angry. But he tells me about an idea he’s had, for some damage control: an early press obligation for the film – an interview with Avi and I that he has secured with a friend in the business, who has promised no questions about our relationship.
A chance to pull the focus back towards what we’re really here for, to establish a narrative.
Get ahead of the negative press, rather than reacting to it.
I say yes, even though every inch of me feels nauseous about doing it.
With Alison’s help and support, I’m in the process of hiring a publicist and reactivating my socials, ready to take this job seriously, but I’m still incredibly nervous to see Avi.
Because even though the media storm is calming – we’re down to one or two articles every couple of days now – I still haven’t seen anything approaching the statement we discussed him making.
It feels like a grenade I’m expecting to go off at any moment, shattering my heart into a thousand pieces.
And I haven’t spoken to him since the last day of filming, ignoring his calls and messages.
On the day of the interview, I arrive at the shiny Teen Vogue offices five minutes early. The receptionist asks me to wait and so I take a seat in a large turquoise chair by the window.
Then I hear the door open, hear someone come in. I look up and meet his eye.
‘Hi,’ he says.
‘Hi,’ I manage to get out.
But before I can say anything else, the receptionist comes over.
‘They’re ready for you,’ she says. And so I swallow, my throat dry – and without looking back, follow her into the building.
We’re taken down the corridor into a room where the interviewer is waiting – three microphones set up to record us and then put it in print.
Avi’s publicist is present, standing in the corner of the room, looking pretty fierce.
I have hired someone too, but she can’t start until next week.
So for today, I’m on my own. A fact which has me feeling more than a little unwell, especially when I look at the interviewer and have a flash of recognition.
It’s the same one from the red carpet, at the Olivier Awards.
A colourful claw clip pulling her hair back from her face.
Her eyelashes perfectly curled. This can’t be Alessandro’s friend in the industry, can it?
I think, confused. Because of all the interviewers I spoke to that night, she was by far the most terrifying.
‘I understand you were scheduled to meet my colleague Veronica today,’ she says, before the recording has begun.
‘I am afraid she has food poisoning, so I’ll be conducting the interview instead.
But not to worry – I’ll still be respecting the, uh, boundaries that were agreed to beforehand.
’ She raises her eyebrows a little as she says it, as if she disagrees with them, and Avi’s publicist clears her throat.
‘But before I start the interview, off the record – are you guys seeing each other?’
I falter, my throat seeming to close up.
And Avi’s publicist frowns, looking like she’s about to step in.
But before she can, Avi starts talking. ‘If you have a listen to the Behind the Scenes podcast interview that should be dropping…’ – he looks at his watch – ‘about now, you should get the information you’re looking for. ’
What the fuck? I think. Behind The Scenes is a famous podcast, aimed at lifting the curtain on what happens on-set in Hollywood.
I feel sick at the thought that he and Sienna might have gone on there to confirm their story, to make the statement we discussed – for some reason, that’s so much worse than the idea of reading it in print.
‘Interesting,’ she says, and I can see her restraining herself from picking up her phone and searching for it right this second – an impulse I’m fighting right now too. ‘I’ll have to check it out.’
‘You should,’ Avi says, smiling with the same look on his face he had at the awards ceremony – glossed over. A half-glance in my direction betraying his slight vulnerability right now. But I can’t do anything except stare at the white wall across from me and wish I was literally anywhere else.
Avi’s publicist clears her throat again, a sound I believe to be aimed this time at Avi too, and the interviewer reaches over to hit record on the sound set-up.
‘So,’ she says. ‘Why don’t you both tell me what being in this film means to you?’
I get through most of the interview in a fugue state – doing my best to stay on track, to keep my promise to Alessandro.
To speak about our hard work, our commitment to the role.
Steering away from any answers that paint my relationship with Avi as anything other than strictly professional.
For anything that gets too personal, Avi’s publicist steps in and deflects.
Keeping the conversation on track – about acting, about our craft, about working with Alessandro.
The interviewer asks me about my relationship with Amelia and the book, and I answer candidly.
Opening up about how much I used to love her as a child.
About how much I wanted to do her justice in this film.
And as I do, I catch Avi looking at me. His eyes softening in a way that makes me want to look away.
When we get out of the interview, Avi’s publicist, Sam, introduces herself and shakes my hand, giving me her card. But all I can think about is the podcast interview. I need desperately to know what they both said.
‘Lara…’ Avi says. But I don’t want to hear it, not until I know.
‘I have to go,’ I reply. And I practically run out of the building.
As soon as I’m out, I see a text from Alison that came through during the interview.
Because of course she’s on top of this – she might be at work, but she’s my number-one spy for Avi content.
Sifting through it, giving me the highlights.
You need to see this, it reads. A link underneath.
I find a park bench to sit on and click on the link. It’s a video on YouTube.
The title jumps out at me straight away: Living a lie: the damage the Hollywood machine can do to you. I read it a few times. He can’t have, I think. Surely he can’t have blown it all up like that.
But then I start listening, playing it out loud in the park.
Unaware of the people milling around me, my focus sharpened to a point.
Sienna starts. Describing her career in Hollywood as a child.
Attending parties where drugs were present.
Being exposed to grown-up issues, long before she should’ve been.
Being followed down the street by paparazzi.
Having to hide out inside her house for days at a time.
The psychological damage it did to her. How it made her feel like her life wasn’t her own.
Then Avi starts talking and I zoom in to the screen – watching his facial expression. Serious. Determined.
‘When I moved to Hollywood,’ he says. ‘I kind of lost my mind.’
The interviewer laughs. ‘It’ll do that to you.’
‘Yeah,’ Avi, says, fidgeting. His hands twisting in his lap.
‘It hit me hard, actually. Being in a new world. Away from friends, from family. The hours on-set were demanding, the directors sometimes abusive. And I was expected to put up with it. Because I was lucky to be here. Because I was a role model. Because my mental well-being came second to everything else. And, eventually, I started putting myself second too.’
And a stone lands in my stomach – because he’s said things that have hinted at this.
But I didn’t realise how deep it went. He continues, talking about how he became depressed.
How he isolated himself from people he cared about, because he didn’t want to complain.
Because he didn’t think they’d understand.
How lonely he felt, being followed around by press every second of every day.
My heart twists as I hear about it. Because even though I’m still hurt by our last interaction, I feel awful for him.
The glimpses I saw over the last few months suddenly thrown into stark relief – he hasn’t just been struggling a little, trapped between the life he wants and the life that’s been created for him.
He’s been dealing with much more than that.
I think about the postcards he sent me back then – the glittering image he presented.
An image that he’s completely shattering now.
‘All of this is important context,’ he says. ‘But it’s not the full story. The reason we came on this podcast is to get something straight.’ He takes a deep breath, looking at Sienna, and she nods. Reaching for his hand and giving it a reassuring squeeze. ‘Sienna and I have never been together.’
Oh, my God.
‘That’s quite a revelation,’ the interviewer says, struggling to hide his shock. ‘Can you elaborate?’
Avi nods, swallowing. My heart thuds in my chest. He continues, explaining what I already know.
That when people started spreading rumours about him and Sienna, they decided to lean into them.
Because two successful actors dating each other was a better headline than him being cast for diversity reasons rather than for his talent.
Because it gave Sienna a break from being torn apart for going out drinking with her friends and being a ‘party girl’.
‘So it was all a lie?’ the interviewer says.
Avi nods. ‘It was. Lara Francis and I did have a romance on-set, but it was entirely outside of my relationship with Sienna. She and I have only ever been friends.’
‘Wow,’ the interviewer says. ‘And what would you have to say to fans who might feel betrayed by the revelation of this information?’
Avi looks over to Sienna and she nods.