40. Carlisle
40
Carlisle
W hen we arrive at Ben’s house, he sweeps me off my feet and carries me over the threshold from his garage into his kitchen. Laughing, I swat his back and yelp, “Put me down. Let me go, Ben!”
“I’m never letting you go again, Carlisle.” The seriousness of his tone halts my laughter.
Proceeding quickly through the house, Ben takes the stairs two at a time. Instead of further fighting his sweet gesture, I relax into his arms, snuggling my face into his neck. Running the tip of my nose slowly up his neck to his jawline, I breathe in the familiar scent of his sandalwood shaving cream. It's an aroma I wasn’t sure I’d ever smell again.
“I missed you so much. Your smell, your…” I murmur, unsure if he can even hear me.
“I’m not saying that I didn’t miss your smell, but there’s a whole slew of other things I missed more about you,” he grins, waggling his eyebrows at me. As he playfully deposits me in the center of his bed with a bounce, he adds, “I’m thinking of one thing in particular.”
As I lean back on my elbows, I cock my head to one side, bite my lower lip and tap my finger against my temple. “Gee, I wonder what that could be. ”
“Take off your clothes and you can find out.”
Lust fills my voice, as I whisper, “I’d rather watch you undress first.”
Never breaking eye contact, Ben toes off his boots before beginning to unbutton his shirt. He drops it on the floor, granting me a first-row seat to his muscular pecs, which give way to his clearly defined six-pack and v-indentions of his lower abs. I gulp. I can’t wait to run my hands up and down his chest, to reverently touch his body again. He stalks towards me as he unzips his jeans and kicks them off. As he pushes down his boxer briefs, his thick erection springs free.
Crawling up the bed on his hands and knees, he takes my face in his hands and kisses me breathless. Ben’s kiss is dominant and demanding, and I willingly submit to him.
Then Ben slips the strap of my top down my shoulder and reaches into the cup of my bra to knead my breast and pinch and pull my nipple just how I like. The slight twinge of pain feels so good, and I whimper. Pushing the other strap of my shirt down, he unclasps my bra and throws it on the bed. Ben pushes me back against the pillows and feasts upon my breasts, lapping at them with his tongue and gently biting them. My nipples pebble with desire, sending goosebumps down my arms.
Sitting up, he commands, “Arms up,” and I comply. Quickly discarding my shirt, he moves onto my jeans. Lifting my hips, he slides them off. With only the thin fabric of my black thongs between us now, he fingers the lace.
“You wore these sexy fuckers on a date with another guy?” Ripping them off me, he brings them to his nose and inhales deeply. “I’m keeping these, by the way.”
I nod mutely, heady arousal coursing through my body. My mouth is dry and there is a needy throbbing between my legs. Ben’s fingers press into my inner thighs, spreading my legs open as he lowers his head and peppers the sensitive skin around the top of my legs with kisses. The scruff of his five o’clock shadow sends shockwaves through my system as I beg him to touch me, to kiss me where I need it most. Ben licks my folds, swirling his tongue along my clit, causing me to writhe. I fist the sheets as the powerful feelings build inside me.
“Mine. This is mine. Only mine.” He raises his head and stares directly at me as he says those words.
I nod eagerly, ready to agree to anything if he’ll just finish me off. “Yours,” I agree. “Please Ben, don’t stop. I need to feel you inside me.” My body is pleading to feel more of him than just his mouth.
And when he fills me, he fills me body and soul.
Panting and exhausted, we lie together until he finally pulls out of me, but he continues holding me close. I nestle my head against him as he gathers me in his arms tightly. Slowly as I come down from the euphoric high caused by several orgasms, I comment, “It was hot when you went all alpha male on me, claiming my body as belonging to you.”
His hand that is tracing a lazy line up and down my bare back stills. Looking into my eyes, he replies, “I assumed that it went both ways. You’re mine just as I am yours. If you want me, of course.”
“Oh, I want you.” With my head on his chest, I listen to the cadence of his heart, steady and strong.
When he pulls away and leans over to open his nightstand, I sit up to see what he’s doing and then I spy a flash of something shiny in his hand.
“You still have it?” I gasp as he latches the charm bracelet on my wrist before he drops his forehead to mine and takes a deep breath, like he’s finally able to relax.
“I still have everything of yours.” He chuckles, almost embarrassed. “I even kept a receipt I found in the kitchen from a bagel place because it had your name on the order. I couldn’t part with any piece of you that I had left.”
My heart lodges in my throat at the sadness and longing in his voice, mostly because I understand those feelings so well. I reach up to stroke his face and whisper, “I love you.”
“I love you too, babe.”
I lift my head from the bed and kiss him, reassuring him through my actions that I’m not going anywhere. I snuggle into his side as he lazily runs his fingers through my hair, and I revel in his touch. Being with him again just feels so right.
“I know we have a lot to talk about. Catch me up on what you’ve been doing since we last spoke.”
Ben clears his throat uneasily. “This feels all kinds of wrong to discuss this when we’re naked, but I’m assuming you heard that Willa and I ended our publicity arrangement.”
“I may have heard something about that.”
“Our friendship was never the same between us since everything went down in Tokyo. After that night, I pulled away from her completely. I've only spoken to her once since the promo tours wrapped.”
Interrupting him, I blurt out, “But I thought you two went to the Bahamas together over Christmas?” So much for playing it cool. I add, “Not that I was keeping up with you or anything.”
Ben’s mouth twitches as a smile briefly hits his face at my half-assed denial. “No, I ended up taking Trevor and Jordan. I needed to escape after everything went down between us.”
“Were the photos AI generated or something?” I ask, scrunching my nose. “Harper said that she saw photos of you and Willa on a beach.”
“They were old. Those photos were from a trip that a group of us took almost two years ago to Turks and Caicos. Becky posted those photos to social media because I refused to see Willa after the promo tours were finished, but our publicity team wanted to continue the charade that Willa and I were still together.”
His explanation makes me feel better. To know that he didn’t take Willa on the Christmas vacation that we planned alleviates so much hurt and jealousy.
“Tell me about Tokyo.” I push myself up so that I’m leaning on my elbow. “What happened after we got off the phone? You said you were going to the hotel to sleep.”
“I did, but Willa called me drunk and high from the club a few hours later. She, Thad, and Evan had gone out. They’d been drinking heavily and taking some pills, and she was freaking out because they’d ditched her and gone to a different club.” He sighs. “When she called, she wasn’t coherent, and I was worried about her. Worried for her safety, but also worried about her reputation if the press saw her in that state. I’d been fast asleep when she called me, but I went to pick her up. When I got to the club, she was inside, dancing on tables, and making out with some random guy. She was a mess, and I was so pissed at her for losing control like that. She was lucky she was at a private club that doesn’t allow photos or videos to be taken inside. I found out that Thad had given her ecstasy, which makes you hypersexual. She kept trying to kiss me and anyone else she could get her hands on. I had to drag her out of there, and when we were leaving…”
“Yeah, I saw the video.”
“She kissed me and since I was holding her and fighting my way through the crowd, my reaction time was slowed. I couldn’t escape her lips.” He shakes his head, as though he’s disappointed in himself. “I was mad at Willa, and then I took my anger out on the paparazzo. Not that he didn’t have it coming, but I should’ve kept my cool. ”
I place my hand on his chest to reassure him. “You were protecting your friend, Ben.”
“I was,” Ben agrees. His fingertips are lightly running up and down my back, helping to relax me as we rehash the past. “Turns out you were correct. Willa does have feelings for me. She came clean to me right before her publicist confirmed our breakup. Willa hoped that by pretending we were together, I might develop romantic feelings towards her. But I didn’t. I couldn’t, not when I was falling in love with you, Carlisle.”
“Where do you guys stand now?”
“Willa is taking time off to travel. I’d like to remain friends, but only if that is something you’re comfortable with, and I understand completely, if it’s not. You’re my priority, not Willa.”
It isn't until Ben utters those words, you're my priority , that I fully realize how much that sentiment means. “Thank you for saying that.”
Truthfully, I’m not sure what to think about Willa or Ben’s friendship with her. It would be easy to blame her for everything that transpired, but it wouldn’t be accurate. He needs to take responsibility for his part of it too.
Then, as if he can read my mind, he says, “As all this stuff was happening, I realized something important. If I’m ever going to make a relationship work, I can’t make big decisions alone. I never should have agreed to the showmance without discussing it with you first.” His hand stills, resting on my hip, pulling me closer into his body. “Whatever choices I make in my professional life will impact our personal lives. Moving forward, I want to make these decisions jointly so that you'll never be blindsided again.”
His words provide a sense of security that I was missing previously. “That means a lot. Thank you.” I whisper, tears pricking my eyelids.
“Oh, and I landed the role in Losing Love . ”
“Congratulations.”
“Thanks. I think that’s about all that’s new with me.” His fingers resume their lazy pathway up and down my spine. “Your turn. What’s been happening with you? Find a new job yet?”
“Sort of,” I hedge, embarrassed for some reason to tell Ben about my social media influencing aspirations. “When I was in college, I started a cooking blog and a few social media accounts that I use to share my recipes. I’ve thrown myself back into it since I quit my job, and it’s paying off. My followers have doubled, and my posts are being more widely circulated. One recipe even went viral on TikTok a couple weeks ago. I’m hoping that with continued consistency, I can become a full-time culinary content creator.”
“That’s great, babe. I’m proud of you for forging your own path. Can I follow you?”
I nod as Ben reaches over to his bedside table and grabs his phone. When he opens his Instagram account, he pauses, narrowing his eyes. “Before we met in person, I tried to look you up on socials, but I couldn’t find you.”
“I don’t have it linked to my name. I use my blog name.”
“Well, you now have one new follower,” he smirks and places his phone down. “So, you can pretty much work from anywhere, right?”
“Yeah, I guess so, as long as I have access to a kitchen and a grocery store.”
“Music to my ears, babe. Feel like coming with me when I leave to shoot Losing Love in a couple months?”
I sit up abruptly. “What? We only just got back together. I can’t come with you." I pause. "Can I?”
“You abso-fucking-lutely can. We don’t do well being apart, Carlisle.” I can’t argue with that logic. “The studio has rented a house for me in Vancouver, which is where most of the movie will be filmed.” Pulling me back down to lie with him in bed again, he continues, “I don’t want to be away from you again. Please come. I was serious earlier. Now that I’ve got you back, I’m not letting you go again.”
“I’d love to, Ben. I don’t want to be separated from you again either.” I crane my head and drop a kiss on his lips. “Thanks for the check, by the way. It gave me the freedom to pursue this recipe development gig full-time,” I admit, sheepishly. “I wasn’t going to cash it out of pride, but then I realized I really did need the money. So, thanks?” I squint and cringe at the same time.
“What check?” His eyebrows crease in confusion.
“You didn’t know?” I draw back, astonished. “When Becky told me that you wanted to pause things between us, she gave me a check in exchange for me signing a nondisclosure agreement and walking away quietly.”
Ben throws up his hand, exasperated and pissed. “Seriously? No wonder you assumed that she was telling the truth. What the hell?” He lowers his voice and looks at me apologetically. “I’m not mad about the money. At all. But that had to seem like I was paying you off, for fuck’s sake!”
Yep, that's exactly what it seemed like at the time.